The night samantha became a criminal
Hello Samantha, I didnt realize you'd turned into an AUTHORITY HATING ALPACA. I'm not even sure that's what this is, but the point still stands that you and this creature have similar mottos. I'm still waiting to hear from the tattoo artist about whether she can get "FUCK DA POLICE" tattooed on her eyelids.
I was super excited to have Samantha finally watching Sherlock (as cited here) and everything was going pretty well for me as I had not only a TSN fic open (LOL) but that Inception crossover fic (that has been devouring my mind/soul/being) open for revision as well! That is, when Samantha texts me of course, demanding I give her episodes 2 and 3. I didnt exactly have them, but Samantha, being Samantha, decided to come over anyway.
So I start downloading her episodes, start closing out of my documents, and rounding up a weeks worth of pants and skirts from their assorted places on my floor.
When Samantha comes over, its in her usual flurry of barely concealed breasts and wild disarrayed hair so I just kind of assumed she was excited for Sherlock- its understandable, I get this way over ALL of my fandoms. But no, instead she hustles into my room and goes "the guard at the front gate might come knocking at your door any minute now."
Cue lots of blinking on my part and an understandably confused, "Why?"
Long story short, Samantha is a thug and doesnt give a fuck about a) having her license with her when she drives, b) the guard at the gate (whose ONLY JOB is to make sure ppl coming in have their ID's), or c) ANYTHING ELSE. So she decided to run the gate and make me an ACCOMPLICE. Which wouldnt be so bad if the guard guy hadnt actually come looking for her. So when this dude knocks on my door, my roommate and I answer the door & he's like "you girls get a guest tonight?"
And we look at each other like Guest? What is Guest?, and say "No, nope, guess not."
And he gives us this look thats like Yeah right I dont fucking believe you, but says, "Well, a girl in a red car just ran the gate and she said she was coming to this apartment. If you see her, you should tell her we're going to tow her car."
So we thank him and close the door and I go back to my room to tell Samantha, who is now locked in my bathroom, that her car is going to be towed if she doesnt get out there. And because Samantha doesnt actually love anything more than she loves her car, she pelts out of my bathroom, grabs her shit, and runs out the door.
The following Twitter conversation happened:
Sam: FUCKING MOTHER FUCKERS
Sam: Cabana = fort knox
Sam: Thank god for camis and short skirts and black men with sympathy
Sam: AND NO SHERLOCK ARGH
Sam: SO MANY TERRIBLE THINGS TO SAY
Kat: samantha. Where are you? What is happening??
Sam: I'm back at home, they didn't do anything, they were gonna tow the wrong red sedan anyway X3
Sam: how pissed that guy woulda been
Kat: SAMANTHA YOU ARE GOING TO GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK. STAY HOME. I WILL GIVE YOU THE EPS TOMORROW.
Sam: I CANT WAIT THAT LONG. WHY ARE YOU FOCUSING ON THE WRONG EMERGENCY HERE
Kat: well fuck, I should've been like "exactly what *kind* of car are we talking about towing here? Be specific now..."
Sam: lol, that's obviously the question. what? no bumper stickers? oh yeah that's her, tow that shit
Sam: Also, if there's WWIII, I'm coming to Cabana. "Terrorists? No ID? Fuck that, turn around."
And then she guilted me, SOMEHOW, USING HER VODO BOOB MAGIC, to get on my scooter at midnight, drive past THE VERY SAME GUARD WHO I LIED TO (/DIESSSS) and hand deliver her Sherlock Episodes two and three.
So... the moral of the story here is. Sherlock is awesome. And plz dont bring police with you when you come to my apartment or I shant let you in.