Something's gone wrong...
...but I don't know what it is. No changes to medication, no overt health problems that weren't already there. But I'm sleeping more, and the hours I'm not sleeping are spent in a dissociative malaise. It would be so easy to chalk this up to depression but, really, it isn't. That's a feeling I'm familiar with.
I've always been able to feel what goes wrong in my body. It saved me from a burst appendix and kidney failure, in the past. Even possible amputation. Now, I can feel that something is wrong, but I can't pinpoint what. Not enough to accomplish anything with it.
My skin feels cold, and hot, and a little bit brittle. My sleep has gone from 14 hours a day to 16+. One day, I slept 20. I've gained weight, something I haven't done since sophomore year of college, even though I'm eating less and less. I just can't finish the food. I went from two double cheeseburgers and a large fry to one, and then to half - now I've started eating baked potatoes from Wendy's. One per day. That's all I can eat. Any more than that and I feel full, sick.
And then there's the stuff that I can't define, the feeling of Wrong that is useless diagnostically - except that when I feel Wrong, I'm always right about it. Do I make an appointment? Further expose myself to the danger of being labeled a hypochondriac weirdo? Or do I take the risk that maybe finally I'm experiencing life like everybody else - cluelessly?
I really envy my car sometimes. What I wouldn't give for a "Check Engine" light.
I've always been able to feel what goes wrong in my body. It saved me from a burst appendix and kidney failure, in the past. Even possible amputation. Now, I can feel that something is wrong, but I can't pinpoint what. Not enough to accomplish anything with it.
My skin feels cold, and hot, and a little bit brittle. My sleep has gone from 14 hours a day to 16+. One day, I slept 20. I've gained weight, something I haven't done since sophomore year of college, even though I'm eating less and less. I just can't finish the food. I went from two double cheeseburgers and a large fry to one, and then to half - now I've started eating baked potatoes from Wendy's. One per day. That's all I can eat. Any more than that and I feel full, sick.
And then there's the stuff that I can't define, the feeling of Wrong that is useless diagnostically - except that when I feel Wrong, I'm always right about it. Do I make an appointment? Further expose myself to the danger of being labeled a hypochondriac weirdo? Or do I take the risk that maybe finally I'm experiencing life like everybody else - cluelessly?
I really envy my car sometimes. What I wouldn't give for a "Check Engine" light.