[mix] Frozen Solid a Wintergirls fanmix for waywardmixes
Fandom: Wintergirls
Subject: Lia Overbrook
Title: Frozen Solid
Warnings/Notes: This is a mix about someone with a history of disordered eating and self-injury. There ARE graphic descriptions in the quotes that could be triggering. Please proceed with caution.
fandom: wintergirls
subject: lia overbrook
warnings: graphic description of self injury and eating disorder behavior in the quotes, language.
For those unfamilar with the novel Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson:
Lia Overbrook and Cassie Parrish have been best friends since the third grade, but as they grow up, both develop destructive obsessions with body image, dragging each other down because each is afraid of dealing with her demons alone. Lia is anorexic, while Cassie is a victim of bulimia, and when the going gets too tough in the months before their senior year in high school, Cassie breaks off the friendship, leaving Lia devastated. Six months later, after not having communicated with her ex-friend in ages, Lia receives thirty-three phone calls from Cassie in one evening, but she refuses to answer. When she discovers the next day that Cassie has died a grisly death brought on by her own excesses alone in an isolated motel room, Lia realizes that Cassie had been calling for help, and she is wracked by guilt. Lia's parents, divorced and absorbed in their own careers, are unaware of the severity of their daughter's torment, and Lia keeps them, along with her father's new wife, at a distance, adeptly concealing her inner turmoil and maintaining an appearance of normalcy. Lia's fragile hold on health and reality is tenuous at best; haunted by Cassie's ghost, she finds herself losing control of her life, sinking into an abyss of cutting and self-imposed starvation that can only end in her own destruction.
This mix focuses on Lia and the aftermath of Cassie's death on her life and her eating disorder. This IS a mix that contains several quotes that may be triggering. Proceed with caution.
"I’m sorry about Cassie, honey."
The glass around me crackles. Cassie called me before she died. She called and called and called and waited for me to pick up.
1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10.11.12.13.14.15.16.17.18.19.20.21.22.23.24.25.26.27.28.29.30.31.32.33.
…I didn’t answer.
Instrumental
001. Honor Society--Find You in the Dark
I point to the empty bowl on the counter, next to the huddle of pill bottles and the Bluberridazzlepops box.
"I’m having cereal."
Her eyes dart to the cabinet where she had taped up my meal plan. It came with the discharge papers when I moved in six months ago. I took it down three months later, on my eighteenth birthday.
"That’s too small to be a full serving," she says carefully.
I could eat the entire box I probably won’t even fill the bowl.
I'm sure you've lost that weight again,
I'm sure the pills keeping pouring in,
like smoke that falls, it's caving into you.
002. Augustana--Coffee and Cigarettes
The smell of ginger and cloves and burnt sugar drifts over my bed, the smell of her body wash and shampoo and perfume. She’s coming. Any minute now.
I breathe out and it begins.
Thorn-covered vines creep across the floor, crackling like a bonfire. Black roses bloom in the moonlight, born dead and brittle. The web on my face holds my eyes open, forcing me to watch as Cassie steps out of the shadows, briars twining up her legs and around her body, reaching up through her hair. One minute she’s by the door, the next, she stands over me. The temperature in the room has dropped twenty degrees. Her voice is in my head.
"Lia," she says.
I can’t make a sound. Spiders crawl on my face and leap across to her arms. They fly back and forth, knitting us together.
"Come with me," she says. "Please."
The web locks us into place, staring at each other as the moon slithers across the sky and the stars fall asleep.
I could hear her breathing
no one believed me
I could hear those voices
so deceiving.
I know your secret.
I can feel you calling.
I know that you're there.
Tell me all of your memories,
I'll keep them alive.
003. Ashlee Simpson--Eyes Wide Open
The music from my bedroom shrieks so loud against the mirror it’s making my ears ring. I stare at the ghostgirl on the other side, her corset bones waiting to be laced even tighter so she can fold in on herself over and over until she disappears past zero.
I cut.
The first incision runs from my neck to just below my heart, deep enough so that I can finally feel something, not deep enough to flay me open. The pain flows like lava and takes my breath away. The knife carves a path in the flesh between two ribs, then, between the two ribs below that. Fat drops of blood splash on the counter, ripe red seeds. I am so very, very strong, so iron-boned and magic that the knife draws a third line between two ribs, straight and true. Blood pools in the bowls of my hips and drips to the tile floor. Black holes open in front of my eyes and the wild bird trapped in my heart beats her wings frantically. I’m sweating, finally warm.
The music sto-
My blood is singing with your voice, I want to pour it out
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound
I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallowed ground
004. Florence + The Machine--Howl
"Look both ways before you cross."
"But I don’t want to."
She speaks slowly. "Your kidneys failed a couple hours ago. Starvation plus dehydration plus exhaustion topped off with an almost-overdose? Nice job, Lia-Lia. Nice job,indeed. Your lungs are filling. Just a few more minutes. Relax."
She leans forward and exhales a wreath of mist that falls over me like bonfire smoke. My heart flops once. I try to breathe. My lungs don’t expand. For a moment, one glass-coffin moment, I want to give in. Freeze. Bleed out. Surrender would be easy to swallow. I could sleep forever after.
My stupid heart flops again in the mud, not ready to hibernate yet. One more time, and then a third beat, faster. It kindles a tiny fire in my blood.
Come with me forever my love,
under the darkening sky…
her hair is damp her skin has turned cold
there's hardly a sound as she breathes
005. Peter Bradley Adams--Darkening Sky
It's too cold outside for angels to fly,
for angels to die.
006. Birdy--The A Team
I am spinning the silk threads of my story, weaving the fabric of my world...I spun out of control. Eating was hard. Breathing was hard. Living was hardest.
I wanted to swallow the bitter seeds of forgetfulness...Somehow, I dragged myself out of the dark and asked for help.
I spin and weave and knit my words and visions until a life starts to take shape.
There is no magic cure, no making it all go away forever. There are only small steps upward; an easier day, an unexpected laugh, a mirror that doesn't matter anymore.
I am thawing."
Soothing like a lullaby
I don't wanna fight this fight
You feel the weight of the world on your mind
Well leave it all behind
Look at who's right beside you
When you're alone barely holding on
You leave your worries behind you
You're not alone in the dark
007. Alexz Johnson--Look at Those Eyes
Instrumental
008. Honor Society--Speak Easy
DOWNLOAD HERE
Subject: Lia Overbrook
Title: Frozen Solid
Warnings/Notes: This is a mix about someone with a history of disordered eating and self-injury. There ARE graphic descriptions in the quotes that could be triggering. Please proceed with caution.
fandom: wintergirls
subject: lia overbrook
warnings: graphic description of self injury and eating disorder behavior in the quotes, language.
For those unfamilar with the novel Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson:
Lia Overbrook and Cassie Parrish have been best friends since the third grade, but as they grow up, both develop destructive obsessions with body image, dragging each other down because each is afraid of dealing with her demons alone. Lia is anorexic, while Cassie is a victim of bulimia, and when the going gets too tough in the months before their senior year in high school, Cassie breaks off the friendship, leaving Lia devastated. Six months later, after not having communicated with her ex-friend in ages, Lia receives thirty-three phone calls from Cassie in one evening, but she refuses to answer. When she discovers the next day that Cassie has died a grisly death brought on by her own excesses alone in an isolated motel room, Lia realizes that Cassie had been calling for help, and she is wracked by guilt. Lia's parents, divorced and absorbed in their own careers, are unaware of the severity of their daughter's torment, and Lia keeps them, along with her father's new wife, at a distance, adeptly concealing her inner turmoil and maintaining an appearance of normalcy. Lia's fragile hold on health and reality is tenuous at best; haunted by Cassie's ghost, she finds herself losing control of her life, sinking into an abyss of cutting and self-imposed starvation that can only end in her own destruction.
This mix focuses on Lia and the aftermath of Cassie's death on her life and her eating disorder. This IS a mix that contains several quotes that may be triggering. Proceed with caution.
"I’m sorry about Cassie, honey."
The glass around me crackles. Cassie called me before she died. She called and called and called and waited for me to pick up.
1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10.11.12.13.14.15.16.17.18.19.20.21.22.23.24.25.26.27.28.29.30.31.32.33.
…I didn’t answer.
Instrumental
001. Honor Society--Find You in the Dark
I point to the empty bowl on the counter, next to the huddle of pill bottles and the Bluberridazzlepops box.
"I’m having cereal."
Her eyes dart to the cabinet where she had taped up my meal plan. It came with the discharge papers when I moved in six months ago. I took it down three months later, on my eighteenth birthday.
"That’s too small to be a full serving," she says carefully.
I could eat the entire box I probably won’t even fill the bowl.
I'm sure you've lost that weight again,
I'm sure the pills keeping pouring in,
like smoke that falls, it's caving into you.
002. Augustana--Coffee and Cigarettes
The smell of ginger and cloves and burnt sugar drifts over my bed, the smell of her body wash and shampoo and perfume. She’s coming. Any minute now.
I breathe out and it begins.
Thorn-covered vines creep across the floor, crackling like a bonfire. Black roses bloom in the moonlight, born dead and brittle. The web on my face holds my eyes open, forcing me to watch as Cassie steps out of the shadows, briars twining up her legs and around her body, reaching up through her hair. One minute she’s by the door, the next, she stands over me. The temperature in the room has dropped twenty degrees. Her voice is in my head.
"Lia," she says.
I can’t make a sound. Spiders crawl on my face and leap across to her arms. They fly back and forth, knitting us together.
"Come with me," she says. "Please."
The web locks us into place, staring at each other as the moon slithers across the sky and the stars fall asleep.
I could hear her breathing
no one believed me
I could hear those voices
so deceiving.
I know your secret.
I can feel you calling.
I know that you're there.
Tell me all of your memories,
I'll keep them alive.
003. Ashlee Simpson--Eyes Wide Open
The music from my bedroom shrieks so loud against the mirror it’s making my ears ring. I stare at the ghostgirl on the other side, her corset bones waiting to be laced even tighter so she can fold in on herself over and over until she disappears past zero.
I cut.
The first incision runs from my neck to just below my heart, deep enough so that I can finally feel something, not deep enough to flay me open. The pain flows like lava and takes my breath away. The knife carves a path in the flesh between two ribs, then, between the two ribs below that. Fat drops of blood splash on the counter, ripe red seeds. I am so very, very strong, so iron-boned and magic that the knife draws a third line between two ribs, straight and true. Blood pools in the bowls of my hips and drips to the tile floor. Black holes open in front of my eyes and the wild bird trapped in my heart beats her wings frantically. I’m sweating, finally warm.
The music sto-
My blood is singing with your voice, I want to pour it out
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound
I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallowed ground
004. Florence + The Machine--Howl
"Look both ways before you cross."
"But I don’t want to."
She speaks slowly. "Your kidneys failed a couple hours ago. Starvation plus dehydration plus exhaustion topped off with an almost-overdose? Nice job, Lia-Lia. Nice job,indeed. Your lungs are filling. Just a few more minutes. Relax."
She leans forward and exhales a wreath of mist that falls over me like bonfire smoke. My heart flops once. I try to breathe. My lungs don’t expand. For a moment, one glass-coffin moment, I want to give in. Freeze. Bleed out. Surrender would be easy to swallow. I could sleep forever after.
My stupid heart flops again in the mud, not ready to hibernate yet. One more time, and then a third beat, faster. It kindles a tiny fire in my blood.
Come with me forever my love,
under the darkening sky…
her hair is damp her skin has turned cold
there's hardly a sound as she breathes
005. Peter Bradley Adams--Darkening Sky
It's too cold outside for angels to fly,
for angels to die.
006. Birdy--The A Team
I am spinning the silk threads of my story, weaving the fabric of my world...I spun out of control. Eating was hard. Breathing was hard. Living was hardest.
I wanted to swallow the bitter seeds of forgetfulness...Somehow, I dragged myself out of the dark and asked for help.
I spin and weave and knit my words and visions until a life starts to take shape.
There is no magic cure, no making it all go away forever. There are only small steps upward; an easier day, an unexpected laugh, a mirror that doesn't matter anymore.
I am thawing."
Soothing like a lullaby
I don't wanna fight this fight
You feel the weight of the world on your mind
Well leave it all behind
Look at who's right beside you
When you're alone barely holding on
You leave your worries behind you
You're not alone in the dark
007. Alexz Johnson--Look at Those Eyes
Instrumental
008. Honor Society--Speak Easy
DOWNLOAD HERE