i screwed up
here i am.. wasting time! i have two tests tomorrow, but i can't concentrate at all and i just needed to vent a little.. what else is this good for anyway?
i'm so confused right now and i feel so emotionally retarded.. this past weekend i made a complete fool of myself and i don't even know why.. i definitely have some bottled up anger and emotions that i didn't know i still had.. i've never been so angry in my life..
and all thanks to alcohol for screwing me up.. this was definitely the drunkest i've ever been because i puked for the first time from drinking and i have no recollection of what happened.. and i was an emotional wreck.. i even think i was bipolar.. it's hard to say how i feel because i don't remember half of my night.. i don't even remember being in a completely different building before i went back to my room..
i seriously cannot go out with my cell phone anymore though.. it's become so ridiculous of how psycho i am with it! and i always call one person.. and i even have goals in the beginning of the night to not call him but everytime i get plastered.. it's inevitable.. and i say the same shit everytime too.. just when i thought things were getting better too.. i swore it was! thursday and friday i was pretty drunk yet i didn't make one phone call to him.. i barely thought of him..
but noooo saturday.. i had to call him repeatedly and beg him to come over and talk to me.. and when he finally did, all i did was push him away, yell at him and fight with him.. literally.. and you would think that i would be open arms, happy and chill because i got what i wanted.. i didn't even know that i still want him so badly.. i don't know what it is and it's so depressing because now i'm back to square one and have made no progress at all and now things are so awkward and i have no clue on how he feels..
and i hate to admit it but i've turned into the psycho ex.. another one to add to his list which is not what i want to be on.. i hate regretting things and saturday night is one night i wish i could take it back and acted differently.. what have i turned into? at least spring break will be good because i will be grounded and i can hopefully come back normal.. if it's even possible..
but i am so grateful for having such great friends.. even though a couple pitched me off but i can't imagine trying to take care of me.. i love my roommate!!
i'm so confused right now and i feel so emotionally retarded.. this past weekend i made a complete fool of myself and i don't even know why.. i definitely have some bottled up anger and emotions that i didn't know i still had.. i've never been so angry in my life..
and all thanks to alcohol for screwing me up.. this was definitely the drunkest i've ever been because i puked for the first time from drinking and i have no recollection of what happened.. and i was an emotional wreck.. i even think i was bipolar.. it's hard to say how i feel because i don't remember half of my night.. i don't even remember being in a completely different building before i went back to my room..
i seriously cannot go out with my cell phone anymore though.. it's become so ridiculous of how psycho i am with it! and i always call one person.. and i even have goals in the beginning of the night to not call him but everytime i get plastered.. it's inevitable.. and i say the same shit everytime too.. just when i thought things were getting better too.. i swore it was! thursday and friday i was pretty drunk yet i didn't make one phone call to him.. i barely thought of him..
but noooo saturday.. i had to call him repeatedly and beg him to come over and talk to me.. and when he finally did, all i did was push him away, yell at him and fight with him.. literally.. and you would think that i would be open arms, happy and chill because i got what i wanted.. i didn't even know that i still want him so badly.. i don't know what it is and it's so depressing because now i'm back to square one and have made no progress at all and now things are so awkward and i have no clue on how he feels..
and i hate to admit it but i've turned into the psycho ex.. another one to add to his list which is not what i want to be on.. i hate regretting things and saturday night is one night i wish i could take it back and acted differently.. what have i turned into? at least spring break will be good because i will be grounded and i can hopefully come back normal.. if it's even possible..
but i am so grateful for having such great friends.. even though a couple pitched me off but i can't imagine trying to take care of me.. i love my roommate!!