i honestly feel like a wreck...
today was nothin special.... i worked then went to school. i talked to my girl booger for a little while when i picked her up and then again for a little later on and thats about it. i hate me. i hate me i hate me. i have no one to talk to right know you wont listen to me. i need ?????.i dont know... i feel like a pile of useless shit. so ill talk to you lj. its been a while. this entry is one of my old ones, but im adding a few things. its funny how so much has changed but then again nothing has changed. i sometimes feel like i should just leave it all and go to the service. but there is only one thing that i look forward to every day, there is only one thing that keeps me going, one thing that i wish i could have 24-7.... you. i know what your going threw right know but im immature and i dont want change. that is my biggest fear.... change. im almost out of debt. if not ill be anohter el paso fuck up and everyones always said "luis you have so much potential and your an truly gifted person... your just lazzy" and its so fucking true. i think i need some pills or something to give me more energy and or enthusium or some. shit right now the only thing i look forward for is to see you baby but it seems like you are in dallas and im in alaska. im sorry for not understanding. im sorry for being selfish. im sorry for appologizing i know you are tiered of hereing me say "im sorry" "i didnt mean that" "it wasnt my fault" youve herd all that shit a million times. you need time. and im a mother fucking gilt trip machine. it will all be over soon. i miss the days when you would say fuck everyone.... its just me and you luis. me befor your friends. i cant controll you and your emotions. and i want you to know that i am here for you. threw the stupid montwood drama. and all... i feel.... im getting "dirt in my eyes"...lol its just latley ive been feeling like i dont belong, like the grounds not mine to walk upon, and ive herd that music eco threw the house..... and i sat watching a flower as it was withering, i was embarresed by its honesty, so i prefer to be remembered as a smiling face, not this fucking wreck thats taking its place..... so please forgive what i have done, but you cant get madd at the seeting sun, because we all get tired i mean eventualy, there is nothing left to do but sleep..... i love you i miss you i need you. , . , .please please please no more drama...
love
ugly
love
ugly