Tully Makker
I haven't updated in over a month, and this doesn't really matter. in fact, don't you think i should just quit this lj anyway? it's not like i have a lj posse like the rest of you do. it's not like i have grand opinions on anything else apart from my own existence. it's not like i ever get more than 2 comments ever!
last week on the OC johnny died, and i cannot put into words how this has affected me so. because for the past couple of months, he has been, well, such a fixture in my life. i loved his hoodie. i loved his skateboard and his backpack and his hair and how passively emotional he was. i loved him! i wanted marissa to figure out that she loved him too! and now she has but it's too late. not in a really long time have i felt such a connection between 2 characters on tv. i was really worried that this week they would all be 'like sad for 2min and then totally fine' and so on tuesday i was glad to see marissa in super emo mode. and i'm glad she's fighting with ryan. and i'm glad she chose johnny's necklace. but why the hell is johnny's long-time-no-see idiot cousin and RYAN packing up johnny's room? it's like the day after he died. you don't think his mum might want to go in there sometime, smell his clothes, sit on his bed? i mean jesus christ. the guy has been dead 1 day!
the only other thing i can think to comment on is the splendour sell-out. presumably the new ticketing system still hasn't stopped a very large amount of scenesters and festival druggies with lots of money buying out the festival. like do you even know what band you're watching?!?! dude we're like at splendour and we're so fucking trashed and it's so grrrreeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaatttt!!! let's go sit on the grass!!!
so no. i'm not jealous that i'm not going. because i just can't handle it anymore. and apologies to anyone genuine heading there this year. even if you are getting high. or wearing tight jeans. i'm sorry. maybe if i'd taken something else at ryan other than valium i'd understand your experience better.
something very strange is happening to me but i'm afraid to jinx it so i'm going to keep quiet apart from saying that i'm feeling very calm about everything. almost too calm. i re-read tully. i think it's why i'm feeling this way. i first read that book when i was about 16 i think. but i'm telling you, it has had a huge effect on me this time round.
i've just come out of a ryan-free month also. broke myself back in with an infatuation with sweet illusions, all the lyrics pointing directly at me and someone else, listening to it over and over in my room, quoting words, that kind of thing. and how do you keep love alive. actually basically just a big cold roses thing at the moment. it's weird how you can come and go with things. and songs:ohia, my savior. i can't believe i actually saw him in 2001. it's crazy.
merry anne. i've stopped messaging you because it was fruitless. but i'd love to see you. i'm starting to worry that i've missed out on knowing people really well.
daj. write to me before you go.