Comments | still_grrr: Promt 12

mawthekiller in still_grrr

Promt 12

May 09, 2007 17:36

Ok the reasoning behind this crossover is the actress who played Darla, Julie Benz, performs the role of Rita Bennett on the show Dexter. So I wonder, what would happen if Dexter met Darla. I started writing from around the time of the first episode but before anything happens. So no spoilers for Dexter fans. I hope you like it. I don't have a beta ( Read more... )

x-over, ficlet, ats, pg13, 011-020, darla

Comments 10

wereleopard58 May 10 2007, 14:25:48 UTC

Yep, in a way you are a lot like me. Beta needed *g*. But the basics the story etc you have got. Just takes practice for the rest, a few spelling mistakes and a few repeats on words. I know I do this all the time, I am trying to stop that it is one of things I try to look out for and fail.

If you can't find a better beta, i'll do it. I am a lot better with other peoples than my own.

I really hope you write again because all the important things you have here. Well done it is a lot better than my first attempt ever at a fanfic and no, i am not showing anyone LOL.

mawthekiller May 10 2007, 20:01:27 UTC

Thank you, but this is my second Fan Fic. This one taught me work with what you know best. I know the charater and Angel best so thoes two I'll stick with when it comes to writing fan fic. Still I'm going to try to do the Xander and Tick crossover. It seems like dark and comical are what I'm best at so I'll work on it. I just wish for the Tick crossover I could come up with a plot or a storyline of somewhat. This one had the idea, Dexter loves Rita. That was the whole idea of the story but it allowed for the limit on words. Which after revisions(meaning a whole lot of small cuts like rewording some small words into one big one i couldn't spell. Still thanks for the love, and man if you need help on the Icons, I'm always willing to help.

wereleopard58 May 10 2007, 21:18:06 UTC

Thanks I may take you up on the icon offer and can't wait to read the other fiction you come up with.

I never had a problem with ideas, I am not great at the comical maybe one day I will try.

mawthekiller May 10 2007, 21:53:00 UTC

Well work with what suits you. Everyone has different hands, so only the glove that suits you will work the best for you. For comical just have one line on purpose that is comical and work towards it. Then leading up to it write normally and you'll have smething comical. The trick for writing something funny is ussing what comes natural just is will work out. Plus when it comes to improve the audience laughs when you screw up and when you do something funny. They don't see a screw up, just don't tell them it was and they will think it is funny.

xlivvielockex May 11 2007, 00:26:30 UTC

I think you have a good idea here, a nice idea for a crossover fic. But the biggest issue is all the spelling and grammar errors. It makes it really hard to get through so I think you won't have many readers until it gets cleaned up ( ... )

mawthekiller May 11 2007, 03:43:13 UTC

Well I do have Windows Works which I used spell cheek. I know I probably don't even have a chance at winning in this week's challenge. I posted it up here trying to learn by simply trying. I know I will suck like a vampire, when it came to my plays they sucked even worse. "Idiots from Outerspace" From the title you can tell how bad that. Still my plays have gotten better. "For the Crazy and The Insane" isn't that great I figured I would try and learn threw trail and error. Wereleopard58 pointed out that I was repeating words which is something I didn't even notice untill he had said so. Now If you want to poke wholes in this Fan Fic. I know I suck at grammar. I always have and I always will. This is simply because I learn things in grammar without ever learning the basics. Grammar is something I don't really get. My last English teacher for my college course told me I wrote in fragment a lot. Never knew I did until she told me. So I try to make sure every fragment is done for a point. I still suck at doing it, but I'm learning. ( ... )

xlivvielockex May 11 2007, 04:35:51 UTC

Well, I only said something about the spell check because in the first sentence, I saw two spelling errors and then some throughout the rest of the fic.

My suggestion for you is to read your stories outloud. It was the best tip my creative writing professor ever gave me. That way, you can hear when a word is the wrong tense. And when you pause in speaking, add a comma or a period. When you take a longer pause, that is a new paragraph.

Those are the kind of things that are invalueable. You can also pick up a copy of the Little Brown Handbook, which can be a lifesaver. And get as many betas as possible. That always makes a HUGE different.

boy_named_susie May 14 2007, 04:44:40 UTC

Okay, you have posted several times that you need and were hoping to find a beta. I have done a pretty thorough job of betaing this fic. It took me quite a lot of time and effort to do this, and I won’t have the time to do this for you in the future. I hope this helps you figure out some of your writing problems and makes you see the difference a beta will make for your writing.

I have marked in bold where I have made corrections and/or changes. Obviously, some corrections are more obvious than others, since sentences and errors that I have deleted are not bolded but simply erased.

Your work has a lot of grammar and spelling errors. There are far too many fragments, which should only be used very, very, very sparingly and when you know what you’re doing with them. I found there were sections of this story that just did not make sense to me, and I have done my best to edit it to make it make sense, but I still feel that I did not completely succeed in some parts because I was not sure of what exactly you were trying to ( ... )

boy_named_susie May 14 2007, 04:45:22 UTC

"How much?" Dexter asked with a devilish smile on his face.

"$150 before, $150 after," she replied, and then she walked around the car and got in.

Dexter drove through the city of Miami slowly, savoring the precious time they had together. Many times Dexter had taken the trash out, but none were as enjoyable as this. Dexter drove silently into the night. Darla turned on the radio. She began to kiss Dexter softly on the lips. Dexter put his arm around his prey. Darla moaned happily as she wrapped her arm around his. Dexter pulled out an injector filled with meprobamate, as Darla kissed her way to Dexter’s neck. Darla extended her teeth, and Dexter thrust the syringe. As Darla's teeth broke the skin, Dexter's needle injected Darla with the meprobamate. Darla began to drink some of Dexter's blood, before passing out with a joyous smile, helpless in Dexter's arms.

Darla awoke on a table stripped of all her clothing and wrapped in plastic. "Beauty of the night has awoken," Dexter said with a sinister grin. He looked down at Darla and ( ... )

mawthekiller May 14 2007, 09:01:54 UTC

Thanks Mr. Susie. I get what you meant by the fragments but when I'm speaking a lot of times I do it. Grammar is one of those few things I missed out on the basics of. So what I know is a bit fragmented because of that. Thank you so much for your opinions and help. If you ever need help with icons I'm always willing to help.