mierke
in
still_grrr
163 fic: Bad girl
Title: Bad girl
Author: Mierke
Fandom & Disclaimer: Buffy’s not mine, it’s Joss Whedon’s. I’m just borrowing his world and very thankful for the chance.
Pairing/Characters: Willow
Prompt: 163: Bad girl for still_grrr and 3: A park bench for story_lottery
Words: 1013
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers/Timeline: Set during and after Dopplegängland (3.16)
Summary: Willow is tired of being the good girl
A/N As before, I’ve never seen Bad girl, I just used the title as inspiration
“I’m so tired of people thinking that I’m all innocence and fuzzy furry feelings. That I’m just someone to be used when they’re too lazy or too stupid to do stuff themselves.
Old Reliable.
As if that’s my only characteristic. As if that’s all I am.”
Willow kept on muttering, kicking the park bench and ignoring the urge to jump around in pain before she sat down on it.
“I am my own person.”
A passing couple looked at her strangely.
“I am!” Willow screamed at them. They hurried away and she sighed.
“Right?” she asked the pigeons who were walking nearby. Immediately they flew away.
“Great. Not even the pigeons want to talk to me.”
Bored Willow took a pencil out of her bag, and kept it floating before her eyes. Magic was the only thing that made her different these days, that gave her the feeling that maybe she was someone to be reckoned with.
“Maybe I should go to Faith. Get some lessons in being bad. I’m so tired of being good.”
With concentrated rage she sent the pencil flying into one of the nearby trees. When it had happened earlier that day it had felt strange and stupid, but now it felt relaxing. It didn’t take long for the rest of her pencils to follow the first one. She was channelling her anger into magic and she was doing said magic in broad daylight. It actually felt kind of good.
“See!” Willow said to herself and to the rest of the world, just in case anybody was listening. “I can be bad. Everyone can see me do magic and I’m still doing it. Ha!”
The pigeons who had just landed back next to her, flew away again.
Willow stood up and took her pencils out of the tree, one by one, and wondered what she would do next. Maybe she could start a fire near the pond. Although that would probably hurt the little ducks, and they hadn’t done anything to hurt her, had they?
Willow took a deep breath and reminded herself that bad girls didn’t take little ducks in account. That bad girls didn’t care whether some animal got hurt. But she couldn’t convince herself. She couldn’t find the courage to do something like that. Not yet, she said to herself. She had to start small.
“I just have to think of something else.”
Suddenly the images of the spell with Anya popped up in her head. That spell had been dark, really dark, and it had scared her to death. She couldn’t really remember any of the images, but she remembered the feeling they gave her. She pushed them away immediately. No need to think of that now. No need to think of the consequences. She was gonna be bad, damn the consequences!
But how could she be bad? Pondering that, she decided to go to her friends first. Maybe then inspiration would strike. She would show her friends the new, bad, Willow… as soon as she figured out something to do that didn’t involve hurting ducklings.
“I can be bad,” she whispered to herself. “I am my own person. I. Am.”
She kept repeating it over and over again. She wasn’t gonna back down this time. But she couldn’t tell her friends immediately what was going on. They wouldn’t believe her. She was gonna have to do this nice and slow. She could only let them know that she meant to be bad when she had thought of something to do. And she would think of something, she was sure of that.
That’s how she walked in on her friends, pretending to be casual.
“What’s going on?”
When everyone ran to her to hug her, for a minute she felt guilty for all of her feelings of anger and resentment.
--
Later that night, when Willow was walking back from the Bronze, she took a detour via the park. She knew it wasn’t exactly the smart thing to do in Sunnydale, but she had to do something before she could go to sleep. She walked up to the tree that she had impaled earlier that day. Looking around her, making sure no one was around, she hesitantly touched the tree.
“Sorry,” she whispered to the tree and gave it an awkward hug. There were nine pencil holes in the tree and Willow touched them ruefully. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
She sat on the park bench and stared in the distance. She could hear the ducklings quacking behind her.
“I don’t think being bad is everything it’s made out to be.”
Willow shuddered, thinking back on the events of that day. She didn’t really want to be a bad girl anymore, vampire-Willow had made sure of that. Thinking back to that moment were she was practically assaulted by her other self made her skin tingle, and not in a good way.
She wondered if she could ever be as bad as her vampire self had been. Was it genetic? Was it somewhere in her blood? Somehow she just couldn’t believe that all it took for her to change into… evil, skanky, gay her, was to be turned into a vampire. There had to be something of vampire-Willow in her, right now.
According to Anya, who had been really helpful in telling her all about vampire-her, Vampire-her had said that “In my world there are people in chains, and we can ride them like ponies.”
That didn’t really sound like a world where Willow would want to live. Because, after all, hadn’t the whole idea of her turning bad started because she felt used by everyone around her, like a slave?
But Vampire-Willow hadn’t been on the slave-side of that world, had she? She had been the one to call the shots, the one in control. And wasn’t that what Willow had tried to achieve? To become her own person, to become someone who people were impressed by? Wasn’t the easiest way to impress people to make them fear you?
Willow shuddered again. Maybe she wasn’t all that different from vampire-Willow after all.
Author: Mierke
Fandom & Disclaimer: Buffy’s not mine, it’s Joss Whedon’s. I’m just borrowing his world and very thankful for the chance.
Pairing/Characters: Willow
Prompt: 163: Bad girl for still_grrr and 3: A park bench for story_lottery
Words: 1013
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers/Timeline: Set during and after Dopplegängland (3.16)
Summary: Willow is tired of being the good girl
A/N As before, I’ve never seen Bad girl, I just used the title as inspiration
“I’m so tired of people thinking that I’m all innocence and fuzzy furry feelings. That I’m just someone to be used when they’re too lazy or too stupid to do stuff themselves.
Old Reliable.
As if that’s my only characteristic. As if that’s all I am.”
Willow kept on muttering, kicking the park bench and ignoring the urge to jump around in pain before she sat down on it.
“I am my own person.”
A passing couple looked at her strangely.
“I am!” Willow screamed at them. They hurried away and she sighed.
“Right?” she asked the pigeons who were walking nearby. Immediately they flew away.
“Great. Not even the pigeons want to talk to me.”
Bored Willow took a pencil out of her bag, and kept it floating before her eyes. Magic was the only thing that made her different these days, that gave her the feeling that maybe she was someone to be reckoned with.
“Maybe I should go to Faith. Get some lessons in being bad. I’m so tired of being good.”
With concentrated rage she sent the pencil flying into one of the nearby trees. When it had happened earlier that day it had felt strange and stupid, but now it felt relaxing. It didn’t take long for the rest of her pencils to follow the first one. She was channelling her anger into magic and she was doing said magic in broad daylight. It actually felt kind of good.
“See!” Willow said to herself and to the rest of the world, just in case anybody was listening. “I can be bad. Everyone can see me do magic and I’m still doing it. Ha!”
The pigeons who had just landed back next to her, flew away again.
Willow stood up and took her pencils out of the tree, one by one, and wondered what she would do next. Maybe she could start a fire near the pond. Although that would probably hurt the little ducks, and they hadn’t done anything to hurt her, had they?
Willow took a deep breath and reminded herself that bad girls didn’t take little ducks in account. That bad girls didn’t care whether some animal got hurt. But she couldn’t convince herself. She couldn’t find the courage to do something like that. Not yet, she said to herself. She had to start small.
“I just have to think of something else.”
Suddenly the images of the spell with Anya popped up in her head. That spell had been dark, really dark, and it had scared her to death. She couldn’t really remember any of the images, but she remembered the feeling they gave her. She pushed them away immediately. No need to think of that now. No need to think of the consequences. She was gonna be bad, damn the consequences!
But how could she be bad? Pondering that, she decided to go to her friends first. Maybe then inspiration would strike. She would show her friends the new, bad, Willow… as soon as she figured out something to do that didn’t involve hurting ducklings.
“I can be bad,” she whispered to herself. “I am my own person. I. Am.”
She kept repeating it over and over again. She wasn’t gonna back down this time. But she couldn’t tell her friends immediately what was going on. They wouldn’t believe her. She was gonna have to do this nice and slow. She could only let them know that she meant to be bad when she had thought of something to do. And she would think of something, she was sure of that.
That’s how she walked in on her friends, pretending to be casual.
“What’s going on?”
When everyone ran to her to hug her, for a minute she felt guilty for all of her feelings of anger and resentment.
--
Later that night, when Willow was walking back from the Bronze, she took a detour via the park. She knew it wasn’t exactly the smart thing to do in Sunnydale, but she had to do something before she could go to sleep. She walked up to the tree that she had impaled earlier that day. Looking around her, making sure no one was around, she hesitantly touched the tree.
“Sorry,” she whispered to the tree and gave it an awkward hug. There were nine pencil holes in the tree and Willow touched them ruefully. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
She sat on the park bench and stared in the distance. She could hear the ducklings quacking behind her.
“I don’t think being bad is everything it’s made out to be.”
Willow shuddered, thinking back on the events of that day. She didn’t really want to be a bad girl anymore, vampire-Willow had made sure of that. Thinking back to that moment were she was practically assaulted by her other self made her skin tingle, and not in a good way.
She wondered if she could ever be as bad as her vampire self had been. Was it genetic? Was it somewhere in her blood? Somehow she just couldn’t believe that all it took for her to change into… evil, skanky, gay her, was to be turned into a vampire. There had to be something of vampire-Willow in her, right now.
According to Anya, who had been really helpful in telling her all about vampire-her, Vampire-her had said that “In my world there are people in chains, and we can ride them like ponies.”
That didn’t really sound like a world where Willow would want to live. Because, after all, hadn’t the whole idea of her turning bad started because she felt used by everyone around her, like a slave?
But Vampire-Willow hadn’t been on the slave-side of that world, had she? She had been the one to call the shots, the one in control. And wasn’t that what Willow had tried to achieve? To become her own person, to become someone who people were impressed by? Wasn’t the easiest way to impress people to make them fear you?
Willow shuddered again. Maybe she wasn’t all that different from vampire-Willow after all.