in spite of what you're thinking
my computer went utterly haywire yesterday morning but, for no reason at all, it's back to normal right now. before, it was typing spades instead of a's. i had a lot of fun with it.
my final schedule is comprised of philosophy, math (i almost made it two years), and the other three. my math class is in the clendenin building, which i had never seen or been to before. while walking there, i went past the gym/tennis courts area and i realized i was seeing an angle of it that i hadn't seen since childhood. i used to take swimming lessons at ksu as a child and when i was a little bit older, around 8 or 9 or so, my dad and i would play tennis at the courts.
i've never been to a school that's held any childhood memories with it, but that area definitely did. it hasn't changed much and i was surprised at how much of it seemed familiar. even the parking lot looked the way i remember it. i don't think i liked ksu much when i was younger, though, but this was also back when it was a small commuter college that academically successful people did not attend. i don't know, it was weird. the building was really nice though and not quite as musty and old as the rest of ksu.
even math itself was kind of okay, because it comes with a type of classroom atmosphere that is very familiar to me, unlike english/science/whatever else classes whose atmosphere changed drastically once i entered college.
anyway, my heart is still causing me mass discomfort in multiple ways on a daily basis. it's gotten to the point where i'm wondering if part of this is even psychological, just because i worry about it so much. i do have a lot of panic disorder symptoms but these things happen to me all the time, regardless of my anxiety level. plus, it's not unheard of for people my age to cause themselves major heart problems; even heart attacks in some cases can happen as early as 15. so i do worry, and it's irritating.
i was reading a message board about it earlier, and while it was mostly middle-aged women posting, many of them said it started in their teenage years. they all describe mainly what i do: palpitations (even while completely relaxed), sometimes pain, and whatever else - for no noticeable reason. no one said anything about breathing (lately i haven't been able to get enough air in to feel comfortable for about 50% of my day), but they did all say that they've had the tests i've had run, and everyone's doctor said they were fine. which is exactly the boat i am in.
it's still depressing, though, and i mean.. doctors make mistakes. i can only go there so many times before i start questioning myself, though. i just constantly feel like i'm bracing myself for something terrible to happen to my body, and i don't think that should be happening, especially at my age.
http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/060109/480/nyet27501091906
...
my final schedule is comprised of philosophy, math (i almost made it two years), and the other three. my math class is in the clendenin building, which i had never seen or been to before. while walking there, i went past the gym/tennis courts area and i realized i was seeing an angle of it that i hadn't seen since childhood. i used to take swimming lessons at ksu as a child and when i was a little bit older, around 8 or 9 or so, my dad and i would play tennis at the courts.
i've never been to a school that's held any childhood memories with it, but that area definitely did. it hasn't changed much and i was surprised at how much of it seemed familiar. even the parking lot looked the way i remember it. i don't think i liked ksu much when i was younger, though, but this was also back when it was a small commuter college that academically successful people did not attend. i don't know, it was weird. the building was really nice though and not quite as musty and old as the rest of ksu.
even math itself was kind of okay, because it comes with a type of classroom atmosphere that is very familiar to me, unlike english/science/whatever else classes whose atmosphere changed drastically once i entered college.
anyway, my heart is still causing me mass discomfort in multiple ways on a daily basis. it's gotten to the point where i'm wondering if part of this is even psychological, just because i worry about it so much. i do have a lot of panic disorder symptoms but these things happen to me all the time, regardless of my anxiety level. plus, it's not unheard of for people my age to cause themselves major heart problems; even heart attacks in some cases can happen as early as 15. so i do worry, and it's irritating.
i was reading a message board about it earlier, and while it was mostly middle-aged women posting, many of them said it started in their teenage years. they all describe mainly what i do: palpitations (even while completely relaxed), sometimes pain, and whatever else - for no noticeable reason. no one said anything about breathing (lately i haven't been able to get enough air in to feel comfortable for about 50% of my day), but they did all say that they've had the tests i've had run, and everyone's doctor said they were fine. which is exactly the boat i am in.
it's still depressing, though, and i mean.. doctors make mistakes. i can only go there so many times before i start questioning myself, though. i just constantly feel like i'm bracing myself for something terrible to happen to my body, and i don't think that should be happening, especially at my age.
http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/060109/480/nyet27501091906
...