Some funny wedding books
Since the moment I said, "Yes!" to Jason (well, first I said, "Are you SURE!?" and then I said, "Yes!'), I've been moderately wedding-obsessed. Not as much as the first time I was engaged in 2003 (when I also had a job with nothing to do for the first month, and was explicitly told by my boss, "I guess you can just mess around online and plan your wedding, since we haven't got anything for you to do here; knock yourself out!"), but leaps and bounds more than when I was engaged the 2nd time (I sound like Elizabeth Taylor), to the other Jason, when it took a book about weddings to finally get me in the mood to plan something. This time, though, I've really hit the ground running (and knowing, at least somewhat, what I want to do with the details).
The absurdity of some of it -- such as, the cumulative hours that amount to roughly 3 weeks that I'm positive I've spent on the internet looking for wedding dresses, not including the time actually spent posing in front of mirrors in not less than 4 bridal shops since October; and the amount of time I've spent researching hand-made place-cards and the proper format for addressing envelopes -- has at least made me take a step back and approach the entire process with a little more of a level head and a big sense of humor. Honestly, this time, I'm also just so glad to be marrying Mr. Right that I don't care if a few little details (read: as long as the Church and reception site don't burn down, and as long as nobody comes to the wedding bearing automtaic weaponry) go Completely Wrong. (And those of you who know me well enough to understand my OCD tendencies -- I will measure the angle of standing picture frames in the house with a protractor from time to time, just to be certain they're angled properly -- know that's a tall order for someone as, shall we say, uptight as myself? You probably also know that I'll be a raging basketcase if so much as one flower is out of place on The Big Day, but for now, it seems perfectly probable that I'll just be calm enough to shrug it off.... or eat the flower.)
Anyway, this time, I've also taken to reading a LOT of books about weddings. I bought myself the cardinal reference tool, Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette, 5th [or is it 6th?] Ed. I've also bought a few others, including, Your Catholic Wedding (which is as dull as it sounds); 1001 Ways to Save Money on Your Wedding, wherein #1 should be, "Don't buy this book"; among others.
Some of my favorites, though, have been the funniest:
Not funny but really eye-opening has been, One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding: http://www.amazon.com/One-Perfect-Day-Selling-American/dp/1594200882 It goes into all sorts of things, from the factories in China where pretty much all dresses are made (regardless of who designs them), to the awards banquets held by wedding planners each year, wherein they act-out absurd scenes and dish about how hellish it is to work with snotty and demanding brides for a living (um, quit, bitch!). ;) But seriously -- it was a great book, very enlightening and keeps me on my toes when I suspect I'm being sucked-up to halfheartedly by a vendor. Which is often.
VERY funny, just finished reading it (a quick read, maybe 3 hours max): Bad Bridesmaid: Bachelorette Brawls and Taffeta Tantrums: Tales From the Front Lines: www.badbridesmaid.com, which was really comical. If I EVER become snooty enough to boot out a bridesmaid because she's PREGNANT, feel free to drop-kick me through the stained-glass window of a Church, thankyou.
Cute and interesting: Altared: Bridezillas, Bewilderment, Big Love, Breakups, and What Women Really Think About Contemporary Weddings: http://www.amazon.com/Altared-Bridezillas-Bewilderment-Breakups-Contemporary/dp/0307277631 This one's a collection of essays from mostly professional writers (all female) about their wedding experiences.
A silly little memoir: The Toaster Broke, So We're Getting Married: http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&id=O6uq0wWJBD4C&dq=the+toaster+broke+so+%22we+re%22+getting+married&printsec=frontcover&source=web&ots=DqE5p_Cf_p&sig=QRue_g3d98bX3Lcq5DZghwbdOLI A non-traditional wedding, cute.
A tongue-in-cheek look at Southern/The Last Great Delta Wedidng[s]: Somebody is Going to DIE if Lily Beth Doesn't Catch That Bouquet: The Official Southern Ladies' Guide to Hosting the Perfect Wedding: http://www.amazon.com/SOMEBODY-GOING-LILLY-DOESNT-BOUQUET/dp/1401302955 This one's hilarious and has a lot of recipes for traditional southern foods here, to be served at weddings, bridesmaids' teas, bridal showers, etc., etc., but mostly it's just a frikkin' riot.
I think that's it... so far.
But all pretty entertaining, and some DESPERATELY funny (esp. the Somebody Is Going to DIE.... and the Bad Bridesmaids books. And I HIGHLY recommend One Perfect Day, as it was an eye-opener. Be on the lookout, fellow brides-to-be....!).
Enjoy a little humor, even if you're not planning a wedding yet or are already married. At the very least, we can all enjoy a good laugh at the absurdity of puffy sleeves and champagne fountains!
And OBTW, if I'm EVER anywhere NEAR that out of line that I throw a tantrum in a bridal shop and start ripping dresses and smearing makeup, have a stun-gun on-hand. You have my advance permission to use it.
"Don't tase me, bro!"
(Oh, and, for the record: I tried 5 times to make little LJ links in here using the exact format on the FAQ page, but I'm clearly too stupid to make it happen... hence the long links. Can anyone help me figure this stuff out? PLeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease???)
The absurdity of some of it -- such as, the cumulative hours that amount to roughly 3 weeks that I'm positive I've spent on the internet looking for wedding dresses, not including the time actually spent posing in front of mirrors in not less than 4 bridal shops since October; and the amount of time I've spent researching hand-made place-cards and the proper format for addressing envelopes -- has at least made me take a step back and approach the entire process with a little more of a level head and a big sense of humor. Honestly, this time, I'm also just so glad to be marrying Mr. Right that I don't care if a few little details (read: as long as the Church and reception site don't burn down, and as long as nobody comes to the wedding bearing automtaic weaponry) go Completely Wrong. (And those of you who know me well enough to understand my OCD tendencies -- I will measure the angle of standing picture frames in the house with a protractor from time to time, just to be certain they're angled properly -- know that's a tall order for someone as, shall we say, uptight as myself? You probably also know that I'll be a raging basketcase if so much as one flower is out of place on The Big Day, but for now, it seems perfectly probable that I'll just be calm enough to shrug it off.... or eat the flower.)
Anyway, this time, I've also taken to reading a LOT of books about weddings. I bought myself the cardinal reference tool, Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette, 5th [or is it 6th?] Ed. I've also bought a few others, including, Your Catholic Wedding (which is as dull as it sounds); 1001 Ways to Save Money on Your Wedding, wherein #1 should be, "Don't buy this book"; among others.
Some of my favorites, though, have been the funniest:
Not funny but really eye-opening has been, One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding: http://www.amazon.com/One-Perfect-Day-Selling-American/dp/1594200882 It goes into all sorts of things, from the factories in China where pretty much all dresses are made (regardless of who designs them), to the awards banquets held by wedding planners each year, wherein they act-out absurd scenes and dish about how hellish it is to work with snotty and demanding brides for a living (um, quit, bitch!). ;) But seriously -- it was a great book, very enlightening and keeps me on my toes when I suspect I'm being sucked-up to halfheartedly by a vendor. Which is often.
VERY funny, just finished reading it (a quick read, maybe 3 hours max): Bad Bridesmaid: Bachelorette Brawls and Taffeta Tantrums: Tales From the Front Lines: www.badbridesmaid.com, which was really comical. If I EVER become snooty enough to boot out a bridesmaid because she's PREGNANT, feel free to drop-kick me through the stained-glass window of a Church, thankyou.
Cute and interesting: Altared: Bridezillas, Bewilderment, Big Love, Breakups, and What Women Really Think About Contemporary Weddings: http://www.amazon.com/Altared-Bridezillas-Bewilderment-Breakups-Contemporary/dp/0307277631 This one's a collection of essays from mostly professional writers (all female) about their wedding experiences.
A silly little memoir: The Toaster Broke, So We're Getting Married: http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&id=O6uq0wWJBD4C&dq=the+toaster+broke+so+%22we+re%22+getting+married&printsec=frontcover&source=web&ots=DqE5p_Cf_p&sig=QRue_g3d98bX3Lcq5DZghwbdOLI A non-traditional wedding, cute.
A tongue-in-cheek look at Southern/The Last Great Delta Wedidng[s]: Somebody is Going to DIE if Lily Beth Doesn't Catch That Bouquet: The Official Southern Ladies' Guide to Hosting the Perfect Wedding: http://www.amazon.com/SOMEBODY-GOING-LILLY-DOESNT-BOUQUET/dp/1401302955 This one's hilarious and has a lot of recipes for traditional southern foods here, to be served at weddings, bridesmaids' teas, bridal showers, etc., etc., but mostly it's just a frikkin' riot.
I think that's it... so far.
But all pretty entertaining, and some DESPERATELY funny (esp. the Somebody Is Going to DIE.... and the Bad Bridesmaids books. And I HIGHLY recommend One Perfect Day, as it was an eye-opener. Be on the lookout, fellow brides-to-be....!).
Enjoy a little humor, even if you're not planning a wedding yet or are already married. At the very least, we can all enjoy a good laugh at the absurdity of puffy sleeves and champagne fountains!
And OBTW, if I'm EVER anywhere NEAR that out of line that I throw a tantrum in a bridal shop and start ripping dresses and smearing makeup, have a stun-gun on-hand. You have my advance permission to use it.
"Don't tase me, bro!"
(Oh, and, for the record: I tried 5 times to make little LJ links in here using the exact format on the FAQ page, but I'm clearly too stupid to make it happen... hence the long links. Can anyone help me figure this stuff out? PLeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease???)