explanation...
The more sleep I get, the less I feel like I am getting. Did I mention I am tired of this? Just a note about my last entry if anyone besides remini_scent read it, that was not a suicide thing at all. A few years ago I began popping pills as an escape from being tired of being sick and sick of being tired. As time went on I stopped reacting to pills and took more and more. Pretty soon I was addicted to a drug that did nothing at all. I would go to dollar stores and buy $20-40 worth of pills and go back a couple days later to restock. I was taking hundreds each day and not once did I even throw up. Eventually I was caught after ODing at school on something (apparently illegal in the US) and almost killed myself. I went to the hospital, got my stomach pumped and they ran tests on my body. I had serious damage to my liver, went into counciling and took 6 prescriptions each day to fight multiple psychological disorders I was apparently diagnosed with. This made my addiction grow and I began ODing again on the prescriptions. I was sent to the hospital again, this time for mutliple days. After that I made a conscious choice never to take another pill. Right after that I had to have surgery and ODed once again on painkillers (Vikodin and Codeine). I promised myself once again and for the next 2 1/2 years I have fought the urges to OD on all the pills that surround me every day of my life. Until recently.
I read recently in a book that addictions become attached to other addictions. For example an addiction to sex will become to an addiction to alcohol. To make a long story short a month before I began ODing I became...how do you say...attached...to someone. I was in a verbally and mentally abusive relationship and as a therapist once told me, I was addicted to him. Still am and I will never deny that as much as I would love too. This addiction brought me to another, pills. To this day, my need for pills becomes stronger if someone mentions his name, I see his picture or a song reminds me of him. I have cut off as many ties to him as possible. Including changing my email and number, nickname and getting new friends.
A couple days ago, he emailed me.
I read recently in a book that addictions become attached to other addictions. For example an addiction to sex will become to an addiction to alcohol. To make a long story short a month before I began ODing I became...how do you say...attached...to someone. I was in a verbally and mentally abusive relationship and as a therapist once told me, I was addicted to him. Still am and I will never deny that as much as I would love too. This addiction brought me to another, pills. To this day, my need for pills becomes stronger if someone mentions his name, I see his picture or a song reminds me of him. I have cut off as many ties to him as possible. Including changing my email and number, nickname and getting new friends.
A couple days ago, he emailed me.