Everything has fallen to Pieces
so ya my last journal got some people pissed off at me. ok everyone got pissed off at me. i don't blame anyone i was pretty harsh to people. the person i should have looked at is myself. i critize everyone for not being perfect. but i think ryan and rachel said it i'm not perfect eaither. a HUGE SORRY TO EVERYONE THAT THE JOURNAL EFFECTED. i deleted it in hopes of getting some kind of forgiveness. but what i relize is that none will come. the things i said and the way i acted was totally uncalled for. and i know forgiveness isn't something that we do in our group. we just stop talking to that person and then exily him or her from the group. i yelled at people for all the wrong reasons. i think ryan and shannon said it best where i stick my nose into other peoples business. i just want people to get along and i know some of you are thinking well we were till you got involved. man now i know what jeff feels like. i just feel so bad the way i treated all of you when you all have treated me so great. there is really no way for me to express how sorry i am. i know most if not all will probley never forgive me and that is ok. if no one wants to then fine i can deal. i just feel so bad about what i said. i had no right to critize others. the only person i can critize is myself. so here i go. i want to be noticed who doesn't. i take things to where they don't need to go. the way i do it is sometimes ok but sometimes not. in the case of the last journal enty it was bad. i am just a 3.0 student if that. i don't get half the grades i want. i think i am "hot shit" but when i am really nothing. i should be greatful for the friends i have and if they need to be given space or something then i should do that. thats it for now. there is so much shit that i hide i am always wearing a mask. i'm so afraid of how people will view me if they really knew me. so sorry to bill, rachel, ryan, shannon, chaz, jeff, and anyone else.
if polorieds and memories can fade away so can i. this is the end.
if polorieds and memories can fade away so can i. this is the end.