Realistic Dreams, Chapter Six
Paring: Jake/Bella (Twilight)
Rating: M
Chapter Six: Finality and the Stars
All Bella POV:
And so I had found myself standing on what once was the wrong side of the treaty line, looking at the people who were supposed to be my family, forever, and shaking in my fucking boots. Well, sneakers. And the only thing I could think at that moment was please oh please let someone other than me talk first.
Someone up there was smiling on me because my wish was actually granted by Carlisle. "Well, Bella, it appears we have come to an impasse."
I nodded, a little too furiously because of my nerves. "You could call it that."
Esme stepped towards the line. "You know you didn't have to do this Bella, right? We really wouldn't let them hurt you, not as long as we were still here."
"I know Esme. It's a little more than that though. I… I don't expect you to protect me when I'm not a part of your family anymore."
"Bella, you will always be a part of out family. Even if your methods are a little unorthodox…"
Wait, what? "Unorthodox?"
"Alice told us that you got that woman to beat Edward up."
"No I didn't. She did that by herself."
Rosalie shot Alice a glare. "Is it possible for you to go one day without interfering with something?"
Alice gave back inch for inch. "I was only trying to stop Bella from making the stupidest mistake of her life."
"Stupid? She's the only one here who's doing the smart thing - running away from this."
"Don't bite the hand that feeds Rose."
"I didn't ask for this!"
"Neither did I, but we both got a pretty damned good deal out of it."
Rosalie stopped for a moment, before starting again. "That… that's beside the point. She has just as good a deal with them. Better maybe."
"Rosalie, they are werewolves! Are you forgetting about what they did to my arm?!"
"What the fuck about my arm Alice?" Everyone turned to look at me as I suddenly shouted into the parley. I felt my face go red from anger and nerves. Alice looked down at her shoes. "I seem to recall you being so very mad about my lack of concern with your arm, well what about mine?"
"That was an accident, he didn't mean…"
"Does it matter? This isn't about you anymore Alice. It's about what I want! And I still want to be your friend. I wish I could be all your friends. But if you're going to chase me down in cars and then reprimand your sister for defending my choices, I don't know if that can work. If you don't think I dreaded breaking this to you, you're crazy! Why do you think I went sneaking around in the first place? Can't you just accept this and be happy that for the first time in months I'm actually sure of something?"
Alice looked liked she was going to say something and then stopped, swallowing and studying the ground in front of her before she started again. "I- you're right… I'm sorry Bella, I just… I was just so looking forward to being your sister, I kind of got blindsided. It's not fair to ask that of you when you don't want it."
I nodded. "Rose, stop looking so smug. You're right, but that doesn't make it easy."
Rosalie exhaled and nodded. "Sorry."
I took a deep breath. "Right, so my bravery is right about to run out so hugs, both of you, come on." I motioned for them to come forward and hugged both of them, before sticking the edge of my thumb in my mouth and chewing on it again. "So uh, can the rest of you forgive me?"*A/N: Prepare for fluff. Group hug time! Aww!*
Carlisle put a hand on my shoulder and smiled. "Bella, there is nothing to forgive. I'm sorry it had to come to this, but I would regret not letting you choose your own fate."
Esme followed close behind him, and wrapped me into a hug. "You're not allowed to be a stranger Bella. Do you hear me?"
"I hear you Esme." I then sound myself scooped off the ground into a crushing hug. "Air… Emmett, air!"
He set me down grinning. "Can't let the wolves have all the fun."
"You're not allowed to give Jake any tips!"
"Spoil sport."
Edward had finally gotten off the ground and was looking at me, guiltily. "Stop." I said as he tried to say something. I looked into his eyes. They were beautiful as ever, but this time I didn't feel like I was falling into them. I felt like I was falling out of them. "I meant what I said. I will always love you Edward."
He nodded slowly. "I'm so sorry Bella. I didn't mean for any of this to happen."
"Neither of us did. We both made plenty of mistakes along the way."
He rubbed a hand through his bronze hair. "I left you."
"And I jumped off a fucking cliff."
"I'll do anything to keep you safe, I want you to know that. Even if it means working with those… werewolves."
"Could you do something else for me?"
His eyes met mine again. "Anything."
I closed the space between us and took one of his hands. "Move on. You're not allowed to stop living when I do. I'll never be able to live knowing you're not happy."
He laughed a little and said, "I don't know Bella Swan, you're a tough act to follow."
"You'll manage."
"I guess this is… it. Thank you for being honest with me, even when I… over reacted."
"It's ok. It's just a bruise. It'll heal. They always do. Just don't you it again." I laughed, feeling awkward.
He put his hand to my face and rubbed a thumb over my cheek. I was relieved because it didn't feel like the last time I was going to see him. But, at the same time, there was a sharp pain in my stomach, because it felt like it was the last time he was ever going to do this again. To look into my eyes with the adoration I had come to need and to hold me like we belonged together. It was mournful, but like Emily had said, it wasn't wrong, just… unfortunate. He swallowed and licked his lips before speaking again. "I know this might not be the best thing in the world to do, but I feel like I have to. Just once more." With that he leaned down and put his lips to mine. I agreed with him - this wasn't the best thing to do, but I didn't have the heart or the desire to push him away, because this was the last time. This was the last. I kissed him back, not hard, but with a sense of purpose. I needed to remember this kiss, remember him this way, in order to feel not regret. To my surprise his tongue darted out to meet mine. This is how he would have kissed me if we were together, and we didn't have a fear of venom or vampire strength in the way. The way it would have been. And it was the only kiss I would ever have of that, so I needed this. He didn't push me away, but I could tell we were tempting fate so with one last lick of his bottom lip I pulled back. I ignored the growling coming from behind me as I looked into his eyes, the last time as his beloved, and he rubbed my check once more, before looking up to Carlisle. "I'll see you back at the house, I'm sure you can fill me in on the rest." Carlisle nodded. Edward clasped my chin and smiled, telling me that he'd be ok even through the sadness, and then turned and walked towards the tree line. He kept to a normal speed until he reached it, and then turned back to look at me. It wasn't final, I knew it, but in other ways it was. The sun had just gone beyond the sky and his face lit up with the pink glow. It wasn't final, not for us, but it was the last time he'd dazzle me. I watched him until he turned, and then he was gone, running through the trees.
And I felt the spell break. But somehow, I didn't miss it.
I walked over to Jasper who had hung back until then. "You know I have to hug you too right?" I said, with a slight sob. I didn't realise I was crying until just then. He smiled back at me and obliged. "So what was all that Benito stuff?" I asked, trying to get my mind off of what had just happened.
"Things are… different in the south. Vampires are more territorial." He rolled up his sleeve to tell show me his arm. A dozen and a half silver half moons littered his forearm with more leading up past his shirt.
"God, Jasper, what the hell happened to you?"
He explained to me his life as a Civil War veteran, how he became a vampire, the three women his first coven was with, and Benito, the vampire who had first gathered a group of newborns together and made an army out of them. It was shocking and scary, how different his life was to the Cullens and how vicious vampires could be. I suppose that they were meant to be vicious, but my experience has come from a rather biased sample.
"So that's what Victoria is doing?"
Jasper nodded. "It's unusual though. No one since Benito has anyone really been able to command a lot of newborns on their own. We always had three or four handlers. She isn't going to be able to build up a large army. Probably fifteen to twenty. Thirty, maybe, if she can get some help. But I don't know if she's ever done this before, she might only get up to ten. I think there eight reported disappearances from Seattle, but that doesn't mean anything. If she's targeting transients, which she probably is, they aren't going to get reported. And even if it is all her, that doesn't mean that they'll survive to be useful."
I shuddered, tears still sliding down my cheeks. Even ten newborns were more than I wanted my friends to deal with. "How can you care for all the constant newborns?"
Jasper looked at his feet before answering. "You don't. You… dispose of them when they aren't strong anymore."
I gasped and it turned into a sob. I blinked back the tears but they wouldn't stop. "Just like that?"
He nodded.
"How did you ever survive?"
"It's like I said. I was good at it. Newborns are difficult to control. Half the time they end up killing each other and save you the trouble anyways. I could control them, which meant we could build up the biggest army. They put me in charge of taking care of them… and destroying them. It was easier to cull them when they were calm." He hung his head in shame.
"Jasper, I'm sorry-"
"No," he stopped me. "It's ok. I'm just glad that I'll be able to put my more… vulgar skills to an actual good use."
Alice rubbed his shoulder. "Are we still on for Friday Bella?"
I wiped my face, having been unable to stop crying through Jasper's entire story. "I am so not in my mood to be angry with you right now, so of course we are."
Alice grinned and I heard someone clearing they're throat behind me.
"Bella, it's getting dark." I turned to see Ve, and this time got a completely different impression of her. Her eyes were soft and she held her hands in front of her. She didn't look like a warrior in buckskin just then, she looked like… a mother.
I nodded to her and wiped my eyes again. "I know, I'm done."
Ve turned to Carlisle. "We will meet tomorrow night for training. I wish to get as much done before I have to leave."
"Leave?" I asked, shocked.
"Only for a short while. I need to report back to the Council. I'll just be in Seattle. Still, it is unwise to expect me to be here if and when she attacks, I have a lot of things to go over with them. I'll see what I can find out about the newborns, but if they do attack while I'm gone, I want you to be prepared. I must leave on Sunday and will be back sometime later in the week. Untill then, I need to get as much training in as possible. Is this acceptable Doctor?"
"Yes, Ve, it is. We'll be there. Thank you."
"Come on Bella, I think you've had enough excitement for one night."
I nodded and walked back with her. It looked like we were headed back to the pack, however she led me past them, her arm around my shoulder. "Aren't we going back with them?"
"Do you want to talk to them right now?"
I gave another light sob. "No… I don't really want to talk to anyone right now"
"I thought not. Can you drive?"
"I… I think so."
"Come on, let's get you to your truck."
She led me back through the trees for a few dozen feet, until I had given up when I couldn't walk anymore as sobs started wracking my body, and slipped into a ditch. She picked me up. "You are not driving like this," she said as I cried into her shoulder. After what seemed like minutes later, she placed me in the passenger's seat and ran inside Emily's quickly. When she came back out again she was out of her buckskin and in her boots, jeans, and t-shirt again. I managed to get my seat belt on by the time she got into the driver's seat.
I was breaking down, and this time it wasn't into nothingness. It was more like every feeling I'd felt in the past year and a half hit me all at once. "I'm… sorry, I knew it would be… hard, I just didn't think that… it would be like this." Sobs interrupted my speech as tried to talk.
"It's ok Bella, loss is hard. You do not need to excuse yourself."
"But I… wanted… to do it."
"I know. Deciding is one thing. Living with it is another."
I wavered in the front seat as she drove and continued to sob. I had no idea how long it took for her to get me home or how fast she drove because the next thing I remember was Ve picking me up out of the cab and walking me around to the back of my house.
"You aren't going to like this."
I was about to ask her why, but I received the answer when I jolted around in her arms as she ran up the wall to my window and hopped in without using her hands. She placed me down on the floor, and headed back towards the window. "Why is it like this?" I asked as I sunk down to the ground.
She turned back. I looked up to see an almost horrified expression on her face. She gulped before walking back to me and laying a hand on my shoulder. "When they… when they handed my son to me after we found him… he was still alive. We… the Council has members that can bring a person back from the brink of death, but none of them were there. And, sadly, there are ways to damage a shape shifter that prevent them from healing. My son was still alive and though he was fighting with his all, there was no way we could get him to a place where we could help him in sensible amount of time. So I held him in my arms and I told him that I loved him, but if he had to… he could go, and nobody, not me nor his father nor any of his siblings would resent him for… letting peace come to him when he was in so much agony." I felt tears that were not my own fall on my knees and looked up into Ve's strange sliding eyes to see sadness that was incomparable. She held my eyes for a moment and then looked away. "He smiled and murmured something to me, and then he was gone. I spread his ashes next to the spot I pushed my father's funeral barge out to sea. Loss of a person is the hardest thing to cope with, even when you have to let them go. I have torn thousands of vampires apart since they brought my son's body to me in that marsh, including the one who did it. Every single one I kill in his honour, but not one of them has made up for it."
I wiped my eyes. "Ve, I'm so sorry, nothing I'm going through is like that it's like I'm crying over something so insignificant."
She shook her head. "I would say I love all my children differently, though equally, but Ragni was the first. You never get your first again. All of my other children kicked in my belly, cried through an entire night, crawled, stood on their own and grew in front of me, but nothing was like watching it all happen the first time. Three others have followed my first born son into the afterlife. But their loss, while just as painful and just as remorseful, can never be said to be like the first time I had to watch one of my children die. Of course our pains are different. But they are the first ones of their kind, and they are similar in that any pain like it that follows will never be the same."
I nodded, wiping my eyes again. "Thank you Ve."
She turned and walked towards the window. As she was about to go out it, she spoke again. "No thank you. My son's death has always been difficult to discuss. Especially now." She turned to look back over her shoulder. "Your Jacob, he… he reminds me of him. Hmm." With that she leapt out and disappeared. I pulled myself into bed and fell in a fitful sleep, hearing the Jacob-conscience whisper Everything that means something is supposed to hurt, just as I drifted off.
Dreams clouded my sleep again. I dreamt I was leaping from the cliff again and this time Edward caught my hand and tried to pull me up. I struggled to get back over the ledge, but my fingers slid out of his grasp and I fell, forever and forever until forever stopped and I landed in warm arms and looked into warm eyes. My clothes became the white dress and I looked into Jacob's eyes as were we set on fire and burned eternally. Until I woke up.
I shuddered as I woke up. My dreams had been becoming steadily more intense ever since Saturday. It was beginning to get hard to cope with. I tried to ignore the unsettling feeling in my stomach as I dressed and got ready for school.
The day went by slowly. With formally breaking up with Edward behind me, school turned into school again. Each class was reviewing the entire year to prepare us for our finals next week and there was nothing more boring than going over stuff you've already learned. I was thankful when the bell finally rang in Gym and I was free. I met with Angela at my locker. She had gotten a ride with Ben today, so we got to ride back to her house together.
"So what do you want to start on?" I asked, pulling out of the school parking lot.
"I don't know. I'm actually kind of fine in everything except maybe Calc. I thought you would want to talk more than anything."
I gave a great sigh. "Thank god, I need to tell someone not involved."
Angela rolled her eyes and laughed. "Go on."
I shook my head. "Homework first, or we'll never get to it."
For the rest of the ride we chatted about Ben. When we got to her house, we barrelled into our Calculus homework, getting through it as quickly as possible before Angela slammed her book shut.
"Right. Spill."
I was sitting on her floor while she laid face down on her bed, propping herself up with one elbow. "Well it all started with… well Edward was going to be moving after graduation."
"I'm pretty sure we all are Bella."
Not me. Well, not anymore. "Yeah, but I mean far away. So far that I wouldn't be able to come and see Charlie or Renee even on vacations. And he wanted me to come with him."
"And you were going to?"
I nodded. "I was originally. It's funny, he didn't even want me to come. It's why he left in the first place. He didn't want to take me away from my parents. But I was ready and willing when he came back. But now… Now I don't want to go. And he has to."
Angie nodded. "That sucks Bella, I'm sorry."
"No, it's ok. That's not the whole reason why I broke up with him. He was getting kind of possessive."
She looked at me seriously. "You sound like it was more than 'kind of.'"
"Ok," I said, admitting it. "It was a little more than kind of. He… he messed up my truck so I couldn't go see Jake, and then had Alice watch me to make sure."
"Wait, why didn't he want you to see Jake?"
"He thinks Jake is dangerous."
"Well, I'll admit he looks scary, but he never sounded dangerous."
"He isn't!" I said, shaking my head. "He's an absolute teddy bear!" Or, you know, puppy dog. Whatever. "Jake wouldn't hurt a fly." Well, it wasn't a lie. He wouldn't. It's vampires that have to worry. And sometimes Paul.
Angela laughed. "Someone chose a side."
I wrinkled my nose. "Don't put it that way."
"Why?"
"Because that's pretty much the way it is."
"Jake doesn't like Edward."
"He's a Cullen. People on the reserve don't like them. And…"
"And?"
"Um, you know I went missing, right? Right after Edward left?" It was surprising how thinking about it didn't hurt at all anymore.
Angela nodded. "I had heard."
"Well, Sam, another guy from the reserve, is the one who found me. And I was pretty… I was in pretty rough shape."
Angela reached out and put a hand on my shoulder. "You could have talked to me at any time."
"It was more something I had to figure out myself. Well, Jake helped. But, you went to the same school, and school just reminded me of him. I'm sorry Angela."
She shook her head. "It's no problem. We all have our moments."
"Anyways, Sam found me wandering around in the woods, and he told Jake was happened to me. So Jake pretty much loathes Edward."
"Can't say I don't agree with him at times."
"So yeah, the lines were pretty drawn. And then I snuck out and saw Jake. You know, the barbecue I mentioned."
"Oh, that's why Alice was in such a sour mood."
"Yep."
"And they convinced you to break up with Edward."
"No, I convinced myself. First thing I did when I went there was ask them to forgive me for just dropping them when my boyfriend came back. I felt horrible about it."
"And now?"
I grinned. "Now their like family."
"Jake doesn't sound like brother material, the way you talk about it." My smile fell and I turned red. Angie grinned back. "I knew it!"
"Shut up, it's not like I planned it."
"So what happened?"
"Well, at the barbecue, we… kissed."
"You kissed? That's it? Bella, people don't blush for just kissing. This isn't the fifties."
I put my hands to my cheeks. "It was just kissing, but it was so much more. Edward is so reserved, so refined, so… close-mouthed. Jake was exactly the opposite."
"And?"
"And it was like the flood gates opened."
"And?" Angela was on the point of hysterical laughter.
"And I ripped his shirt in half." I got up and started walking around her room.
"And?" She motioned her hands for more.
"And… and a couple of Jake's friend's showed up and I grabbed my bra and got the hell out of there."
Her face fell. "Aww, leave it to the friends to mess it up.... Wait, your bra?" Her eyebrows wiggled.
I scoffed. "He took off through one of my shirt sleeves. Nobody saw anything."
"Pity."
I sat down beside her and gave her a slight shove. "Way to be a total perv."
"I'm not usually big on gossip, no, but you looked like you were about to burst, so I knew it had to be good."
"Good, I thought you were turning into Jessica on me."
"I could bat my eyes and sigh dreamily if that helps?"
I made a face. "Please don't."
"Don't worry. It is romance that I'm a sucker for though, not gossip. My mother used to read me the more touching, less sexual parts of her trash novels to me when I was little and we had the day baking cookies or something. All about how the Duke of Lorraine took the young maiden into his arms and proclaimed his undying love for her under that old oak tree."
I rolled my eyes. "I bet your dad loved that."
"He's a Lutheran minister. It drove him up a wall. I spent my childhood stuck in a cliché, and my life goal was to be saved from some evil guy trying to marry me for my inheritance."
"And to think, I used to wonder about why you were so quiet."
"Yep, it's because I have nothing interesting to say." She laughed.
"So, any sage advice?"
"Advice? It sounds like you've got things pretty settled from where I stand."
"Are you kidding? I have no idea how do deal with Jake!"
Angela looked at me funny. "You don't want to go out with him."
"It's not that. It's the chronic problem I have of being unable to control myself around him. I kind of had that with Edward too. He was the one holding back. Now no one is, and I don't know what to do."
"Well, I'm not going tell you not to do whatever you feel comfortable with. There are worse people out there. I may not like gossip, but when you hang out with Jessica, you often have to hear it."
"Angie, have you and Ben… you know…"
She quirked an eyebrow at me. "We haven't done anything… hugely gossip worthy. I mean, we've done some stuff. Actually, Jessica would probably find it immensely gossip worthy. But, it's my dad that's the minister. Not me."
I laughed. "You mean like the stuff Jake and I did?"
"Yeah, pretty much down that alley."
"Well at least we don't have to deign to use a baseball metaphor."
"Well at least there's that. Seriously though, I'm probably not the best person to ask about this. You wouldn't have anyone else, would you?"
I grimaced. "Yeah. I do. But they both happen to have my ex as a sibling."
"Harsh. How fast… are things progressing?"
"Vacillating between nothing and the whole shebang."
"Oh wow."
"Wait till you hear what happened yesterday."
"What happened?"
"We were hanging out again and when I got here he was sleeping. So I tried to wake him up." Angela whistled. "Totally innocent!"
"Suuuure it was."
"Hey, it's not my fault he was naked."
Her eyebrows shot up. "Well then."
"No, it's not like that. He was covered. But he sleeps like the dead, and when I tried to shake him awake he grabbed me and pinned me, still asleep."
"An awkward situation if I've ever heard one."
"You have no idea. It's extremely safe to say Jake likes me."
"Hmm?" She looked at me inquisitively for a moment before her eyes widened. "Oh! What did you do?"
"Splutter."
"Well now I'm relieved, because you definitely aren't Jessica either."
Angela talked until well after dinner, and it was a relief. It felt so good to have girl time that didn't involve dancing vampires, even if I missed Alice a little. I drove home humming to myself again and finished a couple of pages of Bio before I went to bed.
The dream happened again, this time Edwardless. I wandered around my hot beach until warm arms wrapped around me and we ignited. I had always had nightmares, but I never used to remember the whole thing start to finish afterwards. The mind is a strange thing. I just wish I know what I was trying to tell myself.
I was getting ready when Alice called. She asked to come and pick me so that we could get right to our girl's night out after school. I agreed, my eyes nearly rolling out of my head.
When she came to get me she looked rather uncomfortable. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she said, rotating your shoulder. "That friend of yours is just a drill sergeant. She worked us like dogs last night and the night before. Were I human, I'd be in traction."
Now who's the dog? The voice in my head smirked louder than ever.
Stop it. I turned my attention back to Alice as we went to school.
School dragged on normally. More review and nothing mentionable going on, except the occasional dirty look from Lauren. Wednesday's incident had finally gotten all the way around school and a certain someone seemed to think I should be the one suspended for setting my friends on the perfectly unsuspecting. As if. I was happy when three o'clock rolled around even if it meant going shopping. I headed out of school after gym and saw Alice waiting out front… next to Rosalie in her BMW?
"Get in," said Alice, smiling. She sounded horribly chipper.
"What happened to your car?"
"Emmett's taking it home. Get in." The strange ring to her voice didn't leave.
I threw my bag in the trunk and got in the back. "Uh, hi Rosalie."
"Don't mind her," said Alice. "She insisted on coming."
"Well someone has to make sure you follow the rules."
I quirked an eyebrow. "Rules?"
"It's nothing," said Alice.
"It's so she doesn't try to guilt you into changing your mind," said Rosalie.
"Alice...." I chided.
"What? I certainly wasn't going to do anything. This was Carlisle's idea entirely."
"Well, I also like shopping."
"It's the only reason why I let you tag along." Rosalie scoffed at that.
"Come on guys, no fighting."
"Alright alright, let's talk about something else," said Alice.
"Where are we going anyways?" I asked.
"Port Angeles. It's too dangerous to go anywhere else. Not without more people."
"And Emmett didn't want to watch us try on 'frou frou dresses.' As if I'd let Alice dress you in anything frou frou."
"I wouldn't do that Rose, pink pales her colour."
"Good point. I saw a nice blue number last time I was in that little boutique…"
"Guys, it's a barbecue. Not the prom." My interjection mostly ignored and they discussed fashion for the time it took to get to Port Angeles. I headed sullenly towards the store I knew they were talking about when Rosalie grabbed me.
"Not that boutique. This one." She led me in front of a small store up the street. The storefront was wooden, with red and pink impatiens in the flower boxes on the windows and a pale purple sign declaring the stores name to be The Language of Flowers and underneath the name there was a bouquet of flowers. It looked… quaint. I followed Rose and Alice inside and got a shock.
Inside the floor smelled lovely. The racks of clothes were spread around intermittent with great flower arrangements and the store, while not wide, was very long, and went far back leading to what looked like refrigerators full of flowers.
"It's part clothes store, part florist. You'll love it."
A friendly looking young woman came out from the back carrying a flower arrangement. "Oh, hi Rosalie, so good to see you again! And your sister Alice. And who might that be?"
"This is our friend Bella." Rosalie pushed me foreward.
"Bella, hmm? What a lovely name. I'm Miranda Jones."
She held out her hand and I shook it. "Interesting shop you have here."
She smiled brightly. "Thanks. It's a combination of my two passions: fashion and Victorian flower meanings."
"Flower meanings?" I asked, crinkling my nose.
She nodded. "Flower meanings. In the Victorian ages you could send entire messages with a bouquet. We still used some of it, like how red roses mean love. I took it a step further." She pointed to the racks of clothes. "Everything here is coloured according to flowers. Why just give your messages when you can wear them I say."
"Wait, so you dye everything to look like your flowers?"
"Yep. So what can I do for you? Another bouquet Rosalie."
Rosalie shook her head. "Nope, clothes shopping for Bella."
Miranda's eyes lit up. "Well, I'll let you look around and you can just shout for me if you need anything."
"Will do," said Alice shuffling me towards a rack of clothes.
The style of the store was surprisingly nice. It was mostly casual to somewhat dressy, if a little girly, and a store I could get into, that is, if I got into stores. Alice and Rosalie went to work right away pulling me along and having me try on everything in the store.
"I kind of like this one," I said about a white sundress.
Rosalie shook her head. "It's white carnation. You don't want to be wearing disdain."
Alice concurred. "Plus it's just asking to get barbecue sauce on it."
I sighed. "Poor Emily."
"Who's Emily?" Asked Alice.
I gulped. My circles of friends were so split that it sometimes felt awkward talking about them to each other. "Emily is Sam's fiancée. Last week I helped her cook, so she's doing it all alone today."
"Well it can't be that hard," said Rose.
"You haven't seen them eat. Last week we filled my entire truck. And those were just the side dishes."
"So what do you do at these… soirees anyways?" Rosalie asked waving a hand. "I mean besides watch a bunch of dogs eat like… a bunch of dogs."
I rolled my eyes and ignored the growling in my head. "I don't know, hang out I guess."
"Well, what did you do at the last one?" asked Alice.
I thought back to last weekend and felt my face go red as the memory of Jake's hands and lips flooded my brain. I tripped over my own shoes and I struggled to get back into the changing room giving them a hurried. "Nothing much." I heard Alice gasp from inside the small booth.
"Bella Swan!"
Rosalie chuckled. "You couldn't tell she liked the dog? Why do you think I'm not having her wear clothes coloured after a white carnation. She needs to make an impression on him."
"No she doesn't!"
"I agree Alice, she seems to already have made an impression on him, from the look on her face."
I hurriedly put another dress on and opened the door. "It's not like I planned it, ok Alice? It just…." I shrugged, my arms waving. "Happened."
Alice looked at me gaped mouthed.
"Alice, put your tongue back in, even if the thought of her copulating with that-"
"Now hold it right there!" I said cutting Rosalie off. "That didn't happen! It did" They both raised their eyebrows at me. "I mean liking him," I said, exasperated.
"Don't you think it's a little soon?" said Alice.
"You don't have to tell me that, believe me, it's extremely soon. And mind boggling. And…."
Rosalie's laughter cut off my train of thought. "Don't be so quick to agree with her Bella. You forget she becomes friends with people before she even meets them. Sometimes all it takes is a look. Like me and Emmett." She got up and surveyed me. "Speaking of which, this is the dress. Alice?"
Alice stopped looking like a fish and resumed flitting about me. "It's… it's really nice actually. And purple at that."
I looked down. The dress I had on was thigh length and in some light flowy material. It was a light purple with trimming on it that was a slightly different shade of purple. Cap sleeves empire waist (Just like the cotton dress, I allowed myself to think) and long and flowy, the trimming mostly taking the form of embroidered flowers all over the skirt of the dress. Alice always thought blue to be my colour but this dress was just fantastic. Light enough to highlight how fair I was but not pale so I didn't look like a ghost.
"And these," said Rosalie, placing a purple pair of ballet flats that matched the trim on the dress in front of me. "They'll be comfortable, I promise. I have a pair in green."
I looked at the tags. "Lilac and lavender rose. What do those flowers mean?"
Rose started to talk before she stopped herself with a smile. "They mean… actually I think we should make that one a surprise. So don't open the tags up. And no googling it."
I sighed. "Can't you just tell me?"
"Don't worry Bells, I'm not making you wear anything bad, like revenge or sickness. It's just… more fun this way."
I sniffed. "Fine…. But only because I like the dress."
Alice clapped her hands and turned to Rosalie. "She likes it!"
Rosalie elbowed her. "You didn't pick it out."
"No, but this is a joyous occasion. A successful shopping trip with Bella. We'll convert her yet."
I rolled my eyes and Alice pushed me to the counter to pay for the dress and shoes. "Find everything alright?" asked Miranda. I nodded. "Good good. Let's see what we have here. Lilac and lavender rose, hmm? Going on a date?"
What had Rosalie gotten me into? "Uh, not really."
"Rose said to tape the tags together. Whatever it means is supposed to be a surprise."
"Ah," said Miranda with a knowing smile. "Well then, I won't spoil it."
I let Alice handle paying and turned around to see Rosalie brushing her hand across one of the racks. She picked up a skirt, looked at it almost sadly and put it back.
I walked over to her. "Is something wrong Rose?"
She looked up at me and smiled slightly, drawn out of the trance she was in. "Oh… it's nothing, really. Violet," she said, pointing to the skirt. "My eyes used to be that colour. Faithfulness. How ironic."
"Why is it ironic?" I asked, confused.
"That's right, I never told you."
"Told me what?"
At that moment, Alice came back with the bag. "Come on Bella, let's go," said Rosalie, leading us out of the store. When we got outside she turned to me. "You hungry?"
"Yeah, a little actually."
"Alice, could you get her some takeout or something. I need to talk to her."
Alice looked like she was about to protest until her eyes when slightly hazy. "Oh… yeah sure, I'll get something." She gave Rosalie a squeeze on the arm and headed off towards McDonalds.
"Let's walk," said Rosalie, already headed for the walkway by the water. I followed her and we walked in silence for a while, before she spoke again. "I never told you why I voted against turning you."
"Sure you have," I said. "You said it wasn't your choice to become a vampire."
"But I never said why." She started her story. It began with Rosalie Hale, beautiful socialite and light of her parent's eyes, and then ended, to my utter shock, in a back alley in the mud.
"Did they…?" I could get the word 'rape to go past my lips as she looked back at me sadly.
She slowly nodded. "When Royce was… done, he got up and said, 'I guess I'll have to find a new wife now.' They left me there and I waited to die. I didn't want to live after that shame. But Carlisle found me and here I am." She walked on in silence, before saying, "Sometimes I still resent him for it. Even with Emmett and all the good things I have. My life is incomplete. I wanted a child more than anything. I guess you could say I'm living vicariously through you, and your ability to be alive. I hate women sometimes. We go to places and I hear girls your age talk about pregnancy like it's a curse and a death sentence. Others never appreciate what they have and have 'mistake children.' Meanwhile I'd give anything for chance to be able to make that mistake."
I put an arm around Rose' shoulder. "I'm so sorry Rosalie."
She blinked back tears that would never come and smiled tightly. "Don't be sorry for me. I did better than most. Better than Esme and much better than Edward. Almost as good as Carlisle." She turned to me and whispered. "I never tasted human blood." She backed up a little. "But I did kill humans. Five of them. Royce and his friends. And his guards, so make that seven. It was all very dramatic, I stalked them and when it came to Royce I killed him in a wedding gown. Very careful not to break the skin though. I didn't want to lose control." I shivered as Rosalie became suddenly more cold than usual. "I'm sorry if I'm disturbing you Bella, it's just… I can't stand to see you throw all that life away. And now you're not. And I don't care if you buddy up with wolf-boy junior, so long as you live."
"It's ok Rosalie. I've seen more disturbing things. I was in Volterra remember?"
She laughed lightly. "I guess so. I'm sure Alice is done by now."
We headed back and I ate on a bench while talking to them both. After hearing Rosalie's story and spending and entire day in a store I was incredibly worn out. I got them to drive me home and even though it was only quarter to nine I went to bed to make sure I was fully rested for tomorrow.
I opened my eyes to a hazy beach. But something had changed. I wasn't in the water or on my log. I was already surrounded by hot bronze arms. Looking around lavender rose petals were strewn across the beach intermingled with sprigs of lilac. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sweet scent and the warmth.
Jacob twirled a lilac sprig about in his fingers. "Hmmm." His breath was warm and spicy and his voice reverberated through his chest and into my back. I pressed closer to him, never wanting it to end.
"You aren't afraid anymore, are you?"
I shook my head. I knew what was coming. I didn't like it, but it always came. That made it sure. No worry or stress, I would already be burning. I didn't even have to think.
"Good," he said, tossing the flower down. "Because it's time for it to end."
"End?" I asked, becoming concerned.
He nodded. "We had to come to this point sometime. It's time."
"It's time." I looked to my left to see that Ve had materialised beside us. She put a hand on Jake's shoulder and smiled at me.
"Yes. It's time." Another person was on the other side of us. He was native, but I'd never seen him before. His steel grey eyes bore into me and filled me, with what I didn't know. I had the sneaking feeling he belonged with Ve. Or with Jake. Maybe both of them.
Jake rolled me off of him and stood up, bringing me with him. We were alone again, and he wrapped his arms around me, turning me to face away from him. He swayed and hummed in time with his own primal music, rocking me with him, and brushed the air out of my eyes.
"Are you ready?" He opened his right hand to reveal a perfect lavender coloured rose blossom. I took it from him and cradled it in my hands as he cradled me.
"I'm ready."
He gripped me tight and we ignited. The first burned brighter and hotter than ever before. We lifted right away, and I screamed, screamed even though my throat burned away and my lungs turned to husks. I screamed and kicked even though I didn't have legs or a mouth… and yet I did. I had a whole body and it was unharmed and on fire.
We rose higher and higher and faster and faster, and I looked down, with and without eyes, to see the beach flying away from us as we went past the clouds and the world went black.
The fire roared in my ears and I began to feel compacted as everything I had ever been and would ever be pushed in on me and Jake until we fused and then it, our lives, his and mine, pushed harder until we were nothing but a tiny speck.
And then we exploded.
The heavens moved. Celestial bodies shifted and flew around us. Gravities changed and reaffixed. We were will burning, but we were one, inseparable and enormous. I opened my eyes in awe and watched Jupiter and its moons fly by.
The sun. Jake was the sun. And now so was I.