Realistic Dreams, Chapter Three, part two
Paring: Jake/Bella (Twilight)
Rating: M
Here's part two
Soon after everyone under thirty headed down to the beach, and Emily and Leah started up the bonfire. The salty driftwood burned blue and we laughed as Quil tried to shove three whole s'mores in his mouth. Emily had brought down a full stereo system and was currently playing a rotating number of her apparently infamous mixed CDs. The most noticeable thing about them, at least to me, was the heavy bass lines. It kind of made it easier to listen to. I think I'll always associate bass with the pack now. Deep, dark thrumming, like heart beats, music that was clearly alive and primal. Edward's music was all piano, high notes, too beautiful to exist. The difference was striking. Edward could make me want to cry, but Emily's compilations made people sway. As the sun went down, the music got turned up, and other people started showing up. Jared introduced me to Kim, and apparently some other girls from La Push were here, and Paul and Quil were showing off in front of them. I sat next to Emily the whole time, bobbing my head to her stereo and learning La Push gossip - who was going out with whom, and the like. The names didn't always match up with faces, but it was nice to be doing something so normal. A bonfire at the beach, even if most of the people there turned into wolves when they so pleased.
Someone had brought beer and that was beginning to get passed around. Jake came up and offered me one.
"You drink?" I asked, laughing at him.
"Parents don't care so much when you have the physical body of a twenty five year old."
I grabbed the bottle from his hand. "It's not like anyone's going to card you, anyways. Just one though. Renee used to let me have wine at holidays. Apparently I'm a weepy drunk."
Jake laughed. "Just being polite."
"What about Sam?"
"Doesn't care so long as you can keep calm about it, though he prefers we don't get drunk."
"Shouldn't you not be drinking then?"
He smirked at me. "I could probably down 12 of these before I started feeling anything. It's the whole faster metabolism thing. If any of us do get drunk, it means we made a hell of a show trying to. Anyways, come walk with me." He reached out for my hand and I took his. We headed off down the beach, the bonfire still bright behind us.
We stayed silent for a few minutes, just enjoying the light breeze off the waves, before he turned to me. "Good weekend?"
I nodded, sipping from the bottle. "Great weekend."
He smiled at me, becoming my Jacob all over again. "Even with all the self introspection and high speed car chases?"
"Even with all that."
He gently pulled me into a hug and patted my head. "Good. The last thing I want is for you to regret something."
"I regret not doing this sooner."
He looked a little surprised. "Really?"
"Yeah. I wish I hadn't gotten involved with… Edward again. Things would be a lot less complicated now."
He let go of me and we kept walking down the beach. "Sometimes you gotta learn the hard way." I nodded.
I looked up and saw what we were heading for. The dead log, where Jacob told me everything, even though I didn't know it at the time. I paused, remembering my dream.
He felt me stop. "Something wrong?"
I bit my lip, and then shook my head. "No, just this vivid dream I had about the beach last night. Déjà vu, you know?"
"Yeah I guess." We stopped and sat down. Instead of face to face, like last time, he propped his leg up on the natural seat and I found myself being cradled in his lap as we looked at the deep blue-grey sky, with only the hint of pink from the setting sun. He wrapped his arms around me, and even though that too reminded me of the flames, I felt safe. We could still hear the music coming from the bonfire. The night was cooler, but I was only faintly cold without my jacket and more than warm enough now that I was in Jake's arms.
I could fall asleep like this, I realised. Who would have thought that muscles that looked that hard could be this nice to lie against? Well, I have, more than once, much to the glee of the voice in my head.
I was completely relaxed in that moment. Back at the bonfire, the music changed, and a guitar riff started up, accompanied by another thrumming bass line. I hummed along absentmindedly until Jacob leaned toward me and laid a kiss on my temple.
I froze, and he felt it. "Sorry, sorry, just… got caught up in the moment. I know, don't push you." He shifted, as if he were going to get up.
Yes, I had felt the guilt again, like Edward as looking at me, disapprovingly. But, cheered on by the voice, I forced myself not to care. I didn't want him to get up. I wanted him to stay right here.
"No, Jake. You don't have to go anywhere. Stay."
Lay where you're laying
Don't make a sound
I know they're watching
They're watching
He stopped moving. "You sure?" I nodded against him, and he settled back in. I laid there, wishing I could just ignore everything but this moment.
"You deserve something better than me, Jake. Something less broken and less stuck on people who aren't good for me."
His hand reached up and stroked my hair. "Too bad those people aren't you, huh?"
I laughed softly. "Why do you even bother with me?"
"Because you're worth it and you don't know it yet." He picked me up and gently turned me to face him. "Because you're the most beautiful person I know, and I don't mean just looking at you. Because I can talk to you about things that bore most girls to death, and not only do you listen to them, you try and take an interest in them. How could I not bother with the one person that makes me feel like I'm more by her presence?"
I blushed a deep red. "But I've done so much wrong to you. I completely neglected you for the sake of my own happiness. I don't deserve this devotion."
His hand moved from my hair to sweep across my cheek "What you didn't deserve was to be made to feel like so little by that bastard. That's what you didn't deserve. As for me, I'm pretty sure I don't deserve you."
Oh, Jacob. My Jacob. My personal sun. The one who drove the darkness out and replaced it with light. How could you ever think you don't deserve me?
Dark of the alley
The breaking of day
The head while I'm driving
I'm driving
I was so tired with being broken. I was fed up with Edward, to the point where I was fed up with being fed up with Edward. I put my hand on his chest and stared at it, watching as it moved up and down with his breathing, feeling the thrumming underneath that told me he was alive. I rubbed my thumb, and the thrumming sped up ever so lightly. Was that because of me, or was I just imagining it. I drank from the bottle again and looked up at him.
"You must think I'm frigid or a tease."
He leaned forward, gripping my small hand to his chest with his large one. "No Bella. I could never think that. I don't think you're anything but recovering from being hurt and betrayed. I said I knew you'd come to your senses. I meant that."
I knew he did. I also knew that it might take a lifetime of trying to become the person he deserved before I ever got there.
"More than anything Bella, I just wish I knew how to fix it. I'd do anything to make you happy. Even if that meant leaving you alone."
"I don't want you to leave me." It sounded more panicked than I had intended.
"Then I'll never leave."
I believed him. I utterly believed that he would never leave me so long as that was what I wanted.
"You're so warm," I mused. He chucked beneath my hand, and somewhere in me, I found bravery, as he warmed me. I might take a life time, but I was ready to try. "You make me never want to be cold again."
His chocolate eyes locked with mine as his hand came to rest on my chin, lifting it up. He closed the space between us, and I could feel his hot breath across my lips.
He looked into my eyes once more, searching for something, before he pulled my chin softly towards him and met my lips with his.
Hot as a fever
Rattling bones
I can just taste it
Taste it
He tasted like beer at first, and then ginger or cinnamon. Something spicy I couldn't put words too. More than anything he was warm, gloriously warm and inviting, causing liquid fire to pool in my abdomen and legs. I stayed there tentatively, enjoying the moment until he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer.
Oh yes. I remembered that there was nothing preventing him from being able to enjoy this as much as I did as his fingers twined themselves in my hair and his palms rubbed my back.
Moreover, there was nothing preventing me.
I brought my legs around to straddle him and pulled myself on top of him, running my hands up and down his chest. He moaned from beneath my lips and one of his hands found its way to my lower back, pushing me closer to him. My thumbs made small circles in the muscles of his neck as I bit his bottom lip, inciting a low growl from him. He rubbed his pelvis into mine, allowing me to feel how exited he was, causing me to slip my tongue past teeth I knew had no venom. He didn't push me away, instead pulled me closer, and I gripped his chest for dear life. Our kiss deepened again as his hands cupped my bottom after burning their way down my back.
You
Your sex is on fire
I wanted nothing more to melt into him at that point, and the only thing that was preventing me was the t shirt stretching across his chest. I longed to take it off so I could feel every last muscle with my bare hands, but that would mean I would have to stop kissing him, and I wasn't prepared to do that. I gripped his collar, hating it. Any other day he would be shirtless, but not today, not with Charlie here. I shifted even closer to him, locking our hips together and moaning as his hands stroked back up my back to cradle my head.
I despised the flimsy cotton, twisting it, keeping my lips pressed to his, his fire reaching the insides of my mouth and beginning to burn me from inside out. Hoping that he didn't particularly like the shirt, and begging that it would work, I wrentched at his collar. Amazingly the cotton gave way with a riiiiiiip and I was treated to an expanse of flesh that I ran my hands over.
He groaned and gripped me to him, his hands leaving my hair. I pushed the remnants of the shirt off and raked my nails down his back, causing him to bite down on my bottom lip and growl. His hands shot up the back of my shirt and found their way to my bra. After a few moments, I felt it come loose and helped him pull it off through one of the arms of my shirt. He growled my name into my mouth, and his hands fell over my breasts, still through my shirt. He kneaded them, his thumbs brushing over my nipples, causing me to break away in a gasp, before pulling his mouth to mine again. His hands seemed to get hotter as they cupped me.
His hands ran down my stomach to my hips, pulling me back to him as close as possible. He kneaded the skin above my jeans for a moment before beginning his hands on an agonisingly slow course rubbing up my sides, taking my shirt with them. I began to shake, not with cold, but with anticipation as he pushed up until his thumbs brushed the undersides of my breasts.
Jacob POV
Embry asked me to help him as everyone left to go down to the beach. I ended up round the side of the house, staring at 5 cases of bottles.
"Beer?" I asked, giving him a look.
"You know, it's celebratory and stuff."
"And stuff." I elbowed him, and grabbed the larger stack of cases. "You know, you could carry this all by yourself."
"Just because I can doesn't mean I should. I enjoy seeing where I'm going."
"Excuses."
"You're lucky I'm carrying this right now."
"No, you're lucky you're carrying that right now. No sense in spilling perfectly good beer to kick your sorry ass."
We headed down to the beach where Emily had already set her stereo up and Quil was trying his damnedest to get as much s'more in his mouth as possible. As I set the cases down, I 'accidently' bumped his head, making him drop the last one.
"Ass," he muttered, scraping melted marshmallow off his shoe.
"Not my fault you're a pig." I grabbed two bottles and headed for Bella.
All the commotion
The kiddie like play
It has people talking
They're talking
"You drink?" she asked with a laugh.
I smirked down at her. "Parents don't care so much when you have the physical body of a twenty five year old."
She took the bottle from me. "It's not like anyone's going to card you, anyways. Just one though. Renee used to let me have wine at holidays. Apparently I'm a weepy drunk."
The thought of her drunk and crying was an amusing one, so long as she wasn't all that sad. "Just being polite."
"What about Sam?"
"Doesn't care so long as you can keep calm about it, though he prefers we don't get drunk."
"Shouldn't you not be drinking then?"
I smirked down at her accusing look. "I could probably down 12 of these before I started feeling anything. It's the whole faster metabolism thing. If any of us do get drunk, it means we made a hell of a show trying too. Anyways, come walk with me." I reached a hand out and pulled her up beside me. I led her down the beach, the dead tree being my intended destination.
"Good weekend?" I asked her, after we has walked for a while.
She nodded. "Great weekend." It was amazing how beautiful she could be, even when doing the simplest of actions. I was hooked on her, but I had already known that.
"Even with all the self introspection and high speed car chases?"
"Even with all that."
It made me happy to know she was happy. I couldn't help it, and pulled her into a hug. "Good. The last thing I want is for you to regret something."
"I regret not doing this sooner."
She regretted staying with the leech instead of me? "Really?"
"Yeah. I wish I hadn't gotten involved with… Edward again. Things would be a lot less complicated now."
I reluctantly let her go and resisted the urge to pump my fist in victory. Instead I turned to her and said, "Sometimes you gotta learn the hard way."
She stopped as we reached the tree. "Something wrong?"
She looked concerned for a moment, then said, "No, just this vivid dream I had about the beach last night. Déjà vu, you know?"
"Yeah I guess." I knew she had nightmares from patrolling around her house at night, and didn't want to ruin the moment by probing any further. Instead I sat down and pulled her into my lap, silently praying that she wouldn't object. I lay back against the tree, twirling an errant strand of her hair through my fingers. She looked so peaceful, like she did during her nap yesterday. I wondered if it was the beach or me that did this to her. I hoped it was me, and couldn't bear the thought of the leech having the same effect on her.
I stared at the sky, absorbed in this moment. She'll have to go back to school tomorrow and face the parasites, so the very least she deserved was a good night tonight. I didn't even realise what I was doing until I kissed her temple and she stiffened.
Dammit. Keep your goddamned lips to yourself Jake, is that too much for her to ask? Not wanting to bother her, I made my excuses and started to get up. "Sorry, sorry, just… got caught up in the moment. I know, don't push you."
Her eyes looked hurt for a moment, and then they cleared up with new defiance. "No, Jake. You don't have to go anywhere. Stay."
I froze. "You sure?" I felt her head nod against my chest and settled back in. Stars began peaking through the faint clouds.
After a beat, she spoke again. "You deserve something better than me, Jake. Something less broken and less stuck on people who aren't good for me."
I smiled into her hair cynically. "Too bad those people aren't you, huh?"
Her laugher sounded like soft bells. "Why do you even bother with me?"
How could she not realise? I wanted to twist the leech's head off for making her so unsure of herself. "Because you're worth it and you don't know it yet." I picked her up and gently turned her to face me. "Because you're the most beautiful person I know, and I don't mean just looking at you. Because I can talk to you about things that bore most girls to death, and not only do you listen to them, you try and take an interest in them. How could I not bother with the one person that makes me feel like I'm more by her presence?"
Her face reddened. "But I've done so much wrong to you. I completely neglected you for the sake of my own happiness. I don't deserve this devotion."
That bastard. That utter shit. How dare he make her think she didn't deserve to be happy? I calmed myself by rubbing my thumb across her cheek. "What you didn't deserve was to be made to feel like so little by that bastard. That's what you didn't deserve. As for me, I'm pretty sure I don't deserve you."
My breath stopped as she reached out and put a hand against my chest. She didn't push me away, she just rested her hand against me, rubbing with her thumb. She toyed with her beer bottle with her other hand before taking a drink.
"You must think I'm frigid or a tease."
My heart broke as I heard her say that. I gripped her hand and squeezed as gently as I could. "No Bella. I could never think that. I don't think you're anything but recovering from being hurt and betrayed. I said I knew you'd come to your senses. I meant that."
I sighed. "More than anything Bella, I just wish I knew how to fix it. I'd do anything to make you happy. Even if that meant leaving you alone."
"I don't want you to leave me." She sounded frightened.
"Then I'll never leave."
She calmed down and I was pleased with myself immensely, having made her feel better with a few short words.
"You're so warm," she murmured. I laughed. I thought we had been over that point, but then she looked up at me. "You make me never want to be cold again."
She was so beautiful in that moment, as I pulled her chin up to be level with me. Her eyes were vulnerable, yet determined, and I thought maybe, just maybe she was telling me she was ready. Well if that was the case, I would do my damnedest to comply.
Soft lips are open
knuckles are pale
Feels like you're dying
You're dying
I leaned forward and brushed my lips against hers. She smelled like strawberries and tasted light, like vanilla. I stayed there, waiting for her to push me away. When she didn't, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close to me.
She was cool, far cooler than me, but she seemed to warm up as I continued to kiss her. I was in heaven. In that moment, I was sure it couldn't get any better than this. I was proven wrong when she swung her leg around my waist and pulled herself onto my lap. My heart beat doubled as I moaned and pulled her closer to me and my voice caught in my throat as she ran her hands up and down my chest, escaping only as a growl. I wound my fingers through her hair and kissed her with new ferocity. She bit my lip and I was hard in an instant, and ground my hips into hers, moving my hands lower and lower. Sinking into her lips, this was truly the best moment of my life, finally connecting with this wonderful girl who I've come to love more than myself.
If it's not forever
If it's just tonight
Oh it's still the greatest
The greatest
I continued focusing on her lips as she began to grip my shirt, twisting it in her hands. Damn, why did I have to wear a shirt today? I wasn't about to stop kissing her for fear that she might lose her nerve. I pulled her closer to me, stroking her back, when I heard a ripping noise, and suddenly her cool hands were on my bare chest.
I lost it. Grabbing her shoulders, I pulled her flush with me. She got bolder, pushing my shirt off and running her nails down my back. "Bella," I growled into her mouth, as I bit her bottom lip. I thrust my hands up the back of her shirt, fiddling with her bra. Thankfully, Sam wasn't perfect at keeping 'personal time' personal, so it only took me a moment to unclasp it. She took over, somehow pulling it off without taking her shirt off. My hands fell on her soft breasts and rubbed them through her shirt, savouring the feeling. She gasped pulling away for me, and I took the moment to look into her dreamy eyes before she pulled my mouth back down on her.
Consumed,
With what's to transpire
I moved my hands to her waist and began to lift her shirt, brushing my fingers against her bare skin, feeling her turn to goose flesh beneath me. As I reached the bottom of her breasts, I rubbed my thumbs across the point where they met her body and she quivered. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and my hands itched to continue further.
"Woops…"
We were both startled when he heard another voice, and turned to see Quil and Embry standing there, from behind the bench, having come from the fire.
"We, uhhhh, didn't see you there. Honest."
It was dark enough over here, and we didn't have a light, but all the same I saw Bella's eyes go wide. She leapt off me, grabbing for her bra.
"Bella, wait!" She stumbled as she evaded my hand, picked up her undergarment and took off down the beach, faster than I had ever seen her run.
I contemplated going after her, but I think I may have overstepped my welcome for the night.
"Way to go, Jake" Quil said with a goofy grin.
The sound of Bella's beer shattering on his forehead combined with his cry of "What the fuck was that for?!" was only minutely settling to my anger, so I got up and stomped towards the woods.
Bella POV
I clutched my bra to my chest and ran, praying that no one would see what I was holding. I barely caught Emily calling after me as I ran for my truck. I couldn't see Charlie's cruiser in the drive way, so I hoped that he had already gone home, but I didn't make a point in checking. Thankfully, I hadn't left my stuff at Emily's. I stuffed the offending garment in the bag on the seat, started the truck and tore out of there. Well, as fast as the Chevy could tear, which was a little faster now that Jake had fixed it.
My face was hot and I'm sure it was red. As I drove down the rode I wished I could crawl into my glove box and die. I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed in my life.
My head spun. I was angry and near tears at the same time. But surprisingly, no guilt, and that's what shocked me.
Was I actually over Edward?
What happened with Jake felt… good. It felt so good, much better than any of the aborted attempts with Edward, and my thighs were still tingling from it. Taking a moment to catch my breath as I turned a corner, I came to the realisation that, more than anything, I was mad at Quil and Embry for interrupting us. But what does that mean? How much farther did I want that to go?
I added confusion to the list of emotions I was currently dealing with.
It seemed like it took hours to get home, but I finally made it. I parked and turned the engine off, but found myself staring at my hands gripping the wheel.
"Fuck, shit, damn, piss, ass, fuck, crap, fuck, FUCK! Why can't this just be EASY?!" I shouted at the heavens, but they didn't seem to answer. Reluctantly, I got out of the car and walked through the front door. Whatever Charlie was doing, he wasn't home yet. I trudged up stairs, dropped my bag and promptly started pacing my room.
I tried to follow through and work out this problem like I was doing all my others. I tried to be sensible. But I had a very slight problem.
Whenever I tried to use my brain, the only image that came to mind was Jake's naked chest and his lips against me. The heat in my thighs wasn't cooling down. I stomped to the bathroom, stepped into the shower and turned it on cold and just stood under it, shoes on and everything, for a few minutes.
Bella, this is stupid.
I had to agree. I got out and stripped my wet clothes off, carrying them with me to be left in a pile by my door. I tried to make myself busy by digging through my closet for my own amusement before getting dressed for bed.
My mistake there. I found it in the back of my closet, a long white cotton dress, cap sleeves, white embroidery over the front. Renee had bought it for me at craft show. I must have been going crazy, because I took off my towel and pulled it over my head. It fell over my body in an almost sheer cloud, with an empire waistline and gathered bust.
I opened my window and stuck my head out of it. The cool air did about as good a job as the shower did. So I tried to take my mind off Jake by staring at the trees, where they parted for the road that went off into the rest of Forks, my mind going through the town and then off in the direct of the Cullens.
Edward. I had thought again that I would feel guilty, but I didn't. I did however stop and realise something. Edward comes in through my window. Frequently. And I really didn't want that tonight. I shut the window and, for good measure, pushed my dresser in front of it. Sure, it was childish, but I hoped that, if he came, he would get the point.
I settled into bed, kicking the covers off immediately. The dress was far too nice to sleep in, but it would serve. I probably wouldn't be sleeping, anyhow.
I tossed and turned for a few minutes, then tried to read something. I stopped that when I read the same sentence ten times and all I could think about were Jake's arms. I sighed, turned the light off and lay in bed, staring at the ceiling.
The more I tried not to think about it, the more I did. Jake's hands, arms, shoulders, chest, face, lips. I pressed my thighs together at the memory. I realised I had one hand moving absent mindedly across my collar bone, and let it come to rest on my chest. Who was I trying to kid?
It wasn't as if I hadn't masturbated before. I was, what I considered to be at least, a normal person. I had turned to it during my relationship with Edward, since we could barely touch sometimes. I had stopped completely during my zombie phase, because I didn't even want to think about happiness, nevermind experience it. After we had gotten back together, I had thought about it, but hoped that I would just be changed soon enough. Now here I was, only this time I was shaking worse than ever and hot beyond belief. It came down to a choice. Do, and go to sleep, or don't and stay up all night. I already knew which one I was choosing.
What shocked me was how easy it was. How it took nothing to allow my hand to begin stroking my breast through the cotton. How easily the dress slid past my thighs. How simple it was to pretend that my hands were his hands, my fingers, his fingers. How real his voice was as I imagined it whispering my name. I couldn't believe how good it felt, how fast it happened, and how natural it was to gasp his name as I climaxed. After it was all over I turned to my side, and pulled the covers up. I stifled a giggle as my eyes started to drift shut. How foolish was it of me to even try to cool down when I knew he was going to be setting me on fire in my dreams?
I was floating. My dress splayed out from me and the water bubbled around me, lapping at me with warm gentle waves. Above me a pale blue sky covered me, keeping the warmth in. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to drift in this heated bliss.
Eventually I washed ashore, sitting up as I felt baking wet sand beneath me. Wind blew off the water and filled the air with salt. I got up, my hair dripping but not cold, and walked towards it. There it was, the dead tree, sitting in a spot that could only belong to it. I sat down and lay on it, content to dry there.
He came out from behind the log, sitting beside me. He was so beautiful, too beautiful, his topaz eyes shining, his shirtless skin not quite glinting in the overcast, but I was confused as to what he was doing here.
"Edward?" I asked, looking at him quizzically.
He chuckled and leaned over on top of me, covering me with his frame. His breath was cold as he lowered his lips and kissed me. I responded immediately, but his mouth stayed closed, pushing against me until I thought I was bruising. Icy hands shot out to grab my wrists and pin them above my head.
He was freezing cold and he made me shiver. I felt the water in my hair and on my dress turn to ice and stick coldly to my body. I moaned through my bruising mouth and tried in vain to free my hands. He pulled back and as I panted, I could see my breath. His eyes went from topaz to black to red, and I tried to scream but it stuck in my throat.
He grinned and, clenching his teeth, pressed them to my throat. I could feel them, cold as ice, and horror chilled me to the bone.
"This is what you wanted, isn't it?" He spat the last two words at me.
I shook my head. "No Edward, please no, not anymore, please…." His grip tightened on my wrists, but I couldn't feel the pain. His ice had penetrated me, and all I could feel was numb. Horrible numbness.
He laughed blackly and reared his head back, waiting to strike, when all of a sudden, I saw four copper fingers grip his shoulders and yank. He was flung away from me, and landed like a prowling cat, a black burn mark smoking where the hand had been.
Jake hauled me up next to him and cradled my head to his chest, growling at Edward. I leaned into him, so glad to be warm again, as the ice melted out of my hair.
It was then that I noticed the flames and they danced off his hair and on their way onto mine. My eyes grew wide and I looked up into his deep brown eyes. "Does it have to be like this?"
He smiled gently and nodded, fire licking down his arms onto me. "You know it does, Bella. Everything that means something has to hurt."
I nodded back, remembering the terrifying numbness, the nothing that flowed out of Edward. I whimpered and shook and he pulled me to his chest. My dress dried, followed my hair, and I closed my eyes as the fire consumed us.
We ignited and incinerated, rising off the ground. Edward was left snarling on the beach, our heat pushing his cold back into himself.