In the last few months...in the last 48 hours...
1. Started my last semester of my undergrad
2. Started a new job at a brand new clinic
3. Ethan's dad got diagnosed with cancer...emotions were high and we toppled a little, but made it.
4. I went to Connecticut/New York to see my best friend, Liz (Celery), and do Hurricane Sandy clean up with Mormon Helping Hands
5. While I was there, on November 18, Ethan's dad passed away. I flew home, rented a car, and stayed down with his family to help out and be a strength.
6. Ethan and my relationship got so much stronger. Communication flows freely, we are a lot more connected.
7. On Saturday (technically Sunday) at 1am, Ethan and I almost got in a huge accident and fishtailed, spun on the freeway, and the laws of physics most likely state that I really should have died. The entire passenger side should have slammed into the concrete barrier at 40-50mph. I was screaming "NO!" and irrationally trying to climb out of my seat, though seat-belted in. We didn't hit it, so I was certain his trunk should have come off and sardine canned. We didn't hit at all. Ethan thought I was going to die from getting hit by a car behind us, but magically after we started spinning all the cars disappeared and no one was around to hit us. We came to a stop facing the proper direction, centered in a lane. I was shaking, he was calm and thankful we were delivered. New perspective on life.
8. Yesterday was our ward Christmas program. I'm choir director, so that was a feat accomplished. We were loving and wonderful and everything was perfect.
9. During church, my former high school college English teacher sent me an e-mail about a job opportunity for a bilingual representative at the paper mill in my hometown in Michigan. They can't fill it...no one speaks a foreign language in the U.P., and no one wants to relocate to the U.P. It would start at a very generous pay, I could live rent free. There is nothing for me there except my parents, but I have been worried about paying on my student loans. I happen to be graduating with a degree in Spanish this week.
10. I asked Ethan what he thought about it (not planning on taking it). Through my chain of questions and over-asking, we got into a deep discussion. We are in love and are best friends and everything is perfect, except he doesn't feel the fire to get down and propose anytime soon, and doesn't feel it will change. I argue that we didn't think we'd date again when I got home from Spain, and we did. We also didn't think we'd progress and things would get better, and the past two months we both feel our relationship has grown 1000x better. So, why would it be accurate to assume he will never feel like proposing? (But could date me forever because he loves me and it's fun.) Anyway...because of this deep analysis, we broke up last night. ("It's not final", "It's not completely over", "We'll still go out", etc.) Meh.
Wish I'd keep a better journal with the timing of things. I also wish I were in the mood to write more about this. I got a call about the job this morning, I may fly out to interview though I feel sick about taking it at the moment, but should interview. Expensive interview. I talked to my dad this morning and got out some painful things and I know it could be beneficial if I go home. I haven't really, really had a good talk with my dad since March when Ethan broke up with me ("see other people and take it slow when you get home", even though there was no expectation...and he saw me when I got home from Spain and knew he was in love with me, says he). It was nice to talk to him and I don't want to forget it.
I also talked with my friend Sarah (Ethan's sister-in-law), who feels as I do, that it's not a problem with our relationship, but that he doesn't know how to move along and progress.
I personally feel we possess all the beautiful qualities necessary for a marriage, and with a little work, can polish them together. Butterflies aren't always constant, but I think that's real and shouldn't be a factor. There is strong attraction and love still.
I'm too exhausted to write anymore. It's finals week and I feel like throwing up constantly. That is all.
Best friends for three years, sweethearts for 17 months (minus 3.5 months during Spain).
2. Started a new job at a brand new clinic
3. Ethan's dad got diagnosed with cancer...emotions were high and we toppled a little, but made it.
4. I went to Connecticut/New York to see my best friend, Liz (Celery), and do Hurricane Sandy clean up with Mormon Helping Hands
5. While I was there, on November 18, Ethan's dad passed away. I flew home, rented a car, and stayed down with his family to help out and be a strength.
6. Ethan and my relationship got so much stronger. Communication flows freely, we are a lot more connected.
7. On Saturday (technically Sunday) at 1am, Ethan and I almost got in a huge accident and fishtailed, spun on the freeway, and the laws of physics most likely state that I really should have died. The entire passenger side should have slammed into the concrete barrier at 40-50mph. I was screaming "NO!" and irrationally trying to climb out of my seat, though seat-belted in. We didn't hit it, so I was certain his trunk should have come off and sardine canned. We didn't hit at all. Ethan thought I was going to die from getting hit by a car behind us, but magically after we started spinning all the cars disappeared and no one was around to hit us. We came to a stop facing the proper direction, centered in a lane. I was shaking, he was calm and thankful we were delivered. New perspective on life.
8. Yesterday was our ward Christmas program. I'm choir director, so that was a feat accomplished. We were loving and wonderful and everything was perfect.
9. During church, my former high school college English teacher sent me an e-mail about a job opportunity for a bilingual representative at the paper mill in my hometown in Michigan. They can't fill it...no one speaks a foreign language in the U.P., and no one wants to relocate to the U.P. It would start at a very generous pay, I could live rent free. There is nothing for me there except my parents, but I have been worried about paying on my student loans. I happen to be graduating with a degree in Spanish this week.
10. I asked Ethan what he thought about it (not planning on taking it). Through my chain of questions and over-asking, we got into a deep discussion. We are in love and are best friends and everything is perfect, except he doesn't feel the fire to get down and propose anytime soon, and doesn't feel it will change. I argue that we didn't think we'd date again when I got home from Spain, and we did. We also didn't think we'd progress and things would get better, and the past two months we both feel our relationship has grown 1000x better. So, why would it be accurate to assume he will never feel like proposing? (But could date me forever because he loves me and it's fun.) Anyway...because of this deep analysis, we broke up last night. ("It's not final", "It's not completely over", "We'll still go out", etc.) Meh.
Wish I'd keep a better journal with the timing of things. I also wish I were in the mood to write more about this. I got a call about the job this morning, I may fly out to interview though I feel sick about taking it at the moment, but should interview. Expensive interview. I talked to my dad this morning and got out some painful things and I know it could be beneficial if I go home. I haven't really, really had a good talk with my dad since March when Ethan broke up with me ("see other people and take it slow when you get home", even though there was no expectation...and he saw me when I got home from Spain and knew he was in love with me, says he). It was nice to talk to him and I don't want to forget it.
I also talked with my friend Sarah (Ethan's sister-in-law), who feels as I do, that it's not a problem with our relationship, but that he doesn't know how to move along and progress.
I personally feel we possess all the beautiful qualities necessary for a marriage, and with a little work, can polish them together. Butterflies aren't always constant, but I think that's real and shouldn't be a factor. There is strong attraction and love still.
I'm too exhausted to write anymore. It's finals week and I feel like throwing up constantly. That is all.
Best friends for three years, sweethearts for 17 months (minus 3.5 months during Spain).