Incredible
It is incredible how fast-paced life is, even when you look around you and feel like it is moving so slowly some days.
I arrived back in the USA on June 14th, although I nearly missed both connections! I can't believe I've been back almost a month...incredible.
I don't even know what to write, but I had hoped that being on a journal page would get my gears going.
I didn't have culture shock coming home, since Spain isn't Third World or anything. I suppose I did in my own ways...my first trip to the grocery store was super overwhelming (I had no idea how to feed myself). I haven't had any desire to cook anything, which is also a huge deal for me.
The biggest culture "shock" has been emotional. In Spain, I got to gain back a piece of me that I grew up with in Michigan, but in a more awesome way. I - for the first time in my life - was so comfortable with myself. I shed all body image issues and just enjoyed my life and loved every minute of every relationship I made and place I visited. My confidence was through the roof! I felt like such a special, interesting person. I can't explain how it came to be, but a mix of experiences, adapting to an assertive culture, and friendships all kindled this self love.
When I got home here in the States (in Utah), it was definitely noticed and I had many comments. My confidence showed and I don't think I've ever been told I'm beautiful so many times in my life. My cute roommate Marci said that I "walked in the door with my hair flowing behind me, and walk down the street stopping to smell flowers", and that I had this Spanish "air" to me. I didn't feel that way when I left Spain...I didn't feel it was so different...but as I gradually saw friends for the first time, I definitely noticed the difference in me. It almost made me uncomfortable, because I wasn't sure how I'd be received. Somehow, I sank a little back to old feelings as I was worrying about how others may perceive me. After a week or two, that became a true consistency.
The assertiveness though...I really enjoy it and want to keep it. I want to keep the confidence up at the highest level, too. I can feel the pressure just being in the USA, I feel like I'm automatically subjected to media and social views and that I am obligated to feel judged for my body, etc. It's so ridiculous and I do not agree, but it's strange how it just came right on.
Everything has been great, though! I've been getting lots of coverage hours at work, they offered me part-time hours during school again, I'm really in love with my class choices for next semester (Business Spanish, Medical Spanish among others) as I feel they will help me to really use my Spanish between graduation in December and graduate school in the not-too-far-out future (I'd like to stir up an internship for interpreting at the hospital). I've also been really pondering on a path for my Masters and have some great ideas, but have been working on talking to department members to streamline my idea and find a program suited to what I'm pulling for. It's been strange being in a heavily populated LDS area again, but I love feeling back in the swing of it and that comfort again. I'm going home to see my parents this Friday. And last - but not least - Ethan and I started dating again. I think our break for the past few months was really helpful. I can't speak for him at all, but even though I didn't really date steadily while in Spain, I did learn a lot about how I feel and what I enjoy about him, and most importantly, what I want for my future, and where I'm at on the stage of life. Neither of us expected to date right away when I got home...but we went on our first date within 24 hours, and were together again within a week. I have to be careful not to let myself slip into old habits of forgetting hope or faith in a relationship, or losing my assertiveness. We communicate so well together, and I can see a huge difference in how things are now, even though we have to rewind a little and slowly trek forward for the time being. He's out of town for the next five weeks on a rotation for school, and apparently five months was enough for me because I miss him crazily and am ready to see him already.
And thaaaaat's about it.
I arrived back in the USA on June 14th, although I nearly missed both connections! I can't believe I've been back almost a month...incredible.
I don't even know what to write, but I had hoped that being on a journal page would get my gears going.
I didn't have culture shock coming home, since Spain isn't Third World or anything. I suppose I did in my own ways...my first trip to the grocery store was super overwhelming (I had no idea how to feed myself). I haven't had any desire to cook anything, which is also a huge deal for me.
The biggest culture "shock" has been emotional. In Spain, I got to gain back a piece of me that I grew up with in Michigan, but in a more awesome way. I - for the first time in my life - was so comfortable with myself. I shed all body image issues and just enjoyed my life and loved every minute of every relationship I made and place I visited. My confidence was through the roof! I felt like such a special, interesting person. I can't explain how it came to be, but a mix of experiences, adapting to an assertive culture, and friendships all kindled this self love.
When I got home here in the States (in Utah), it was definitely noticed and I had many comments. My confidence showed and I don't think I've ever been told I'm beautiful so many times in my life. My cute roommate Marci said that I "walked in the door with my hair flowing behind me, and walk down the street stopping to smell flowers", and that I had this Spanish "air" to me. I didn't feel that way when I left Spain...I didn't feel it was so different...but as I gradually saw friends for the first time, I definitely noticed the difference in me. It almost made me uncomfortable, because I wasn't sure how I'd be received. Somehow, I sank a little back to old feelings as I was worrying about how others may perceive me. After a week or two, that became a true consistency.
The assertiveness though...I really enjoy it and want to keep it. I want to keep the confidence up at the highest level, too. I can feel the pressure just being in the USA, I feel like I'm automatically subjected to media and social views and that I am obligated to feel judged for my body, etc. It's so ridiculous and I do not agree, but it's strange how it just came right on.
Everything has been great, though! I've been getting lots of coverage hours at work, they offered me part-time hours during school again, I'm really in love with my class choices for next semester (Business Spanish, Medical Spanish among others) as I feel they will help me to really use my Spanish between graduation in December and graduate school in the not-too-far-out future (I'd like to stir up an internship for interpreting at the hospital). I've also been really pondering on a path for my Masters and have some great ideas, but have been working on talking to department members to streamline my idea and find a program suited to what I'm pulling for. It's been strange being in a heavily populated LDS area again, but I love feeling back in the swing of it and that comfort again. I'm going home to see my parents this Friday. And last - but not least - Ethan and I started dating again. I think our break for the past few months was really helpful. I can't speak for him at all, but even though I didn't really date steadily while in Spain, I did learn a lot about how I feel and what I enjoy about him, and most importantly, what I want for my future, and where I'm at on the stage of life. Neither of us expected to date right away when I got home...but we went on our first date within 24 hours, and were together again within a week. I have to be careful not to let myself slip into old habits of forgetting hope or faith in a relationship, or losing my assertiveness. We communicate so well together, and I can see a huge difference in how things are now, even though we have to rewind a little and slowly trek forward for the time being. He's out of town for the next five weeks on a rotation for school, and apparently five months was enough for me because I miss him crazily and am ready to see him already.
And thaaaaat's about it.