Ode to a Flow
If you can't tell by the icon or the title, then you're probably a boy-man who doesn't want to read the following. Don't worry, I'll give you time to scoot.
So all of you Ladies and Gentleladies who are left here is one of the 8 wonderfully weird things that I'm required to espouse for that HOMEWRECKER WHO TAKES BATHS WITH OTHER GIRLS BUT CAN'T ANSWER THE PHONE SO WHEN YOU CALL YOU HEAR 4 BARS OF SEXUAL EFFING HEALING AND THEN SEXY SHANNON MESSAGE VOICE BEING ALL "HELLO MY NUBIAN GODDESS, I AM UNABLE TO BRUSH THE ROYAL TEETH TODAY BECAUSE I AM ON THE OTHER LINE TAKING BATHS WITH OTHER GIRLS!!!!!! Shannon!
Thanks for tagging me Shannon! (PHONE TEASE!!)
Ahem.
So anyhow, every month whilst surfing the crimson wave if you will (and you should) I get the unnnerving urge to write really bad menstrual musings and share them with you, my loyal readers. I even made a comm for it, but by the time I get around to designing the thing and then promoting it my period is done and I'm feelin' fine, BUT NOT SO THIS TIME! I'm in the midst and I have a half hour to kill so be prepared for verse about bloat, cramps, and those weird things that make you feel like your passing an eel that no one EVER TELLS YOU ABOUT IN SCHOOL aside from "slight discharge of lining" which, SLIGHT DISCHARGE MY EMPTY UTERUS! How about SLUG LIKE DROPPINGS THAT MAKE IT SO YOU CAN'T WALK RIGHT!!
Yes, I recognized I stepped out on a very weak AMIRITE OR AMIRITE?! limb just there in assuming that anyone else besides me has that issue and maybe I'm actually losing like, eggs, or jellified kidney stones, BUT TODAY IS THE DAY OF ME NOT CARING!
So anyhoo, first, a Haiku
Cascade:
Drip drop Drip drop Drip
Everything on the inside
Meets the world.
Sea Salt
I think that I shall never feel
a sensation so odd or quite surreal
as slimy, bloody, little clots
Bypass my tampon and head towards my socks
Cotton
OH ME!
OH MY!
I got a BLOT On
My COTT On
Pants.
No, not panties, as they say in Christenglandland, but instead my Pant (EEEEEEE!)s.
Wings have always (c) protected my draws
And yet the crotch of my pants suffers.
Selah.
Cramps
Wal-dol, Midol, Pam-per-in
I cling to you as you fight,
the battle with in.
My body it churns and it wrings itself out
acetaphetamin will come to my rescue
of this I have no doubt.
OUCH! That was a doozy!
OUCH! I feel like such a floozy!
OOH! I can't zip my pants!
GRR! I've got a mean case of the rants!
But Midol, My Wal-dol, My Pam-per-in
Even if it's purely psychological
You keep my sanity within..
Reach.
Maybe more soon. Hopefully not...
So all of you Ladies and Gentleladies who are left here is one of the 8 wonderfully weird things that I'm required to espouse for that HOMEWRECKER WHO TAKES BATHS WITH OTHER GIRLS BUT CAN'T ANSWER THE PHONE SO WHEN YOU CALL YOU HEAR 4 BARS OF SEXUAL EFFING HEALING AND THEN SEXY SHANNON MESSAGE VOICE BEING ALL "HELLO MY NUBIAN GODDESS, I AM UNABLE TO BRUSH THE ROYAL TEETH TODAY BECAUSE I AM ON THE OTHER LINE TAKING BATHS WITH OTHER GIRLS!!!!!! Shannon!
Thanks for tagging me Shannon! (PHONE TEASE!!)
Ahem.
So anyhow, every month whilst surfing the crimson wave if you will (and you should) I get the unnnerving urge to write really bad menstrual musings and share them with you, my loyal readers. I even made a comm for it, but by the time I get around to designing the thing and then promoting it my period is done and I'm feelin' fine, BUT NOT SO THIS TIME! I'm in the midst and I have a half hour to kill so be prepared for verse about bloat, cramps, and those weird things that make you feel like your passing an eel that no one EVER TELLS YOU ABOUT IN SCHOOL aside from "slight discharge of lining" which, SLIGHT DISCHARGE MY EMPTY UTERUS! How about SLUG LIKE DROPPINGS THAT MAKE IT SO YOU CAN'T WALK RIGHT!!
Yes, I recognized I stepped out on a very weak AMIRITE OR AMIRITE?! limb just there in assuming that anyone else besides me has that issue and maybe I'm actually losing like, eggs, or jellified kidney stones, BUT TODAY IS THE DAY OF ME NOT CARING!
So anyhoo, first, a Haiku
Cascade:
Drip drop Drip drop Drip
Everything on the inside
Meets the world.
Sea Salt
I think that I shall never feel
a sensation so odd or quite surreal
as slimy, bloody, little clots
Bypass my tampon and head towards my socks
Cotton
OH ME!
OH MY!
I got a BLOT On
My COTT On
Pants.
No, not panties, as they say in Christenglandland, but instead my Pant (EEEEEEE!)s.
Wings have always (c) protected my draws
And yet the crotch of my pants suffers.
Selah.
Cramps
Wal-dol, Midol, Pam-per-in
I cling to you as you fight,
the battle with in.
My body it churns and it wrings itself out
acetaphetamin will come to my rescue
of this I have no doubt.
OUCH! That was a doozy!
OUCH! I feel like such a floozy!
OOH! I can't zip my pants!
GRR! I've got a mean case of the rants!
But Midol, My Wal-dol, My Pam-per-in
Even if it's purely psychological
You keep my sanity within..
Reach.
Maybe more soon. Hopefully not...