I know, I know, this is too many damn posts to keep track of...
Poll Making up with the MisfitsBut this has been bugging me all night. (And I want to test out the "Create a Poll" feature.)
So I'm weeding through my "Friends" list, trying to see who I recognize among the blue arrows. And, since I'm a glutton for punishment, I read through the journals of
ellie_l, kaellynn, andterasa, who never got around to de-friending me (even though I de-friended them) after this mess:
http://stickplus1.livejournal.com/45966.html
http://stickplus1.livejournal.com/46299.html
http://stickplus1.livejournal.com/46436.html
Now, of course, I can see that it was just my damned issues sabotaging things. In less than three months, I would collapse completely. And I never did recover. Why didn't I see this coming? The heavy drinking, the obsessing about women, the job-related stress... Why didn't anybody else see this coming?
For a long time, I've wished that I hadn't said the things I did to those three. But I've never made up with any of them, because I've always been afraid that either they wouldn't accept my apology, or that things would just implode again within a month or two. But I don't know...they all seem to be pretty happy people now. Terasa's getting married; Ellie's ramping up her nuclear-powered awesome; Karen...is still Karen. It makes me want to cry, and that doesn't bode well. They might have changed, and they might be willing to forgive me...but I'm still just the same as I've always been, and I know I'll resent their happy lives and the way they forgot all about me while they were building them.
As veteran readers will know, I never forgot them.
So what's the best option here? I can suck it up and just barge into Step Eight of the Twelve-Step Program now. Or I can wait until I, too, am a well-adjusted person with a promising future (i.e., "forever"). Or I can suck it up and write them off like an ex-girlfriend. If you have an opinion, hit the appropriate button. (There is also a Sergeant Schultz option, for the undecided and indifferent.)