let's have some fun, this beat is sick; I wanna take a ride on your disco stick.
I can't sleep because I have, alternatingly, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry and Britney circling through my head, singing their catchy tunes. Oh and the fact that my body thinks it's still 8 pm and it shouldn't be sleeping any more, even though I was sleeping very nicely two hours ago. Fail.
This persistent circadian desynchronosis is only to be expected after crossing 8 time zones, and with the frequency with which I do that you'd think I'd be used to it. I guess not.
Anyway, my wakefulness has prompted a lot of thinking, cos my damn brain won't shut up, and I thought I'd post about it cos banjocatbanjo demanded that I update my lj more often than once every two years. So if you're interested in my mental psychosis you can read under the
I've been going back and forth about moving back to california. A couple of weeks ago I had decided that I wanted to, and then I started making a list of reasons for and against such a change and realized that the idea of leaving London made me feel a little ill, and that I didn't want to actually leave. I have been very unhappy for quite a while and need to change something, and it seems like the rational and sensible path would be to go home where I'd be a little higher up on the food chain and around my family, whom I miss dreadfully, and nearer my friends. And then I thought, well, if there are lots of reasons to go home that's great, but feeling like I don't want to is pretty significant too. I thought that perhaps I should go home, and I've never been one of those people who takes to heart what one should do... So I decided that I wanted to stay and I'd give it some more time and maybe even stick it out until next year when my visa expires, cos living in Europe is awesome and fun and since I have the chance and I'm not broke I should take advantage of it. (There's that should again.)
I have grown up and changed a lot in the last three years, and have done a lot of thinking about who I am and what I want. I have no answers really, but I don't think anyone ever does know an answer to those things, you just make them up as you go along. But I feel like the world suddenly shifted and the way I'm looking at things is a little different, and I don't know if I can trust my judgment any more. On the plane I kept thinking about how I didn't want to do this any more, and I'm still thinking that. I used to love it here, but now it seems like I don't fit. The idea of not wanting to be here is so different from my thinking in the last five or six years that I'm confused, and I don't know if I'm unhappy here or just plain unhappy, and would be unhappy anywhere. So how do people make decisions like this? Each choice feels equally wrong to me as a whole, though in my logical mind I think I know what I have to do. Is this the classic, cliched struggle of head versus heart?
On the season finale of Grey's, Izzie kept asking people what decision she should make. She felt paralyzed by making the choice herself. George said to her, "You know what to do. You've made this decision. The back and forth is just fear." Is he right?
This persistent circadian desynchronosis is only to be expected after crossing 8 time zones, and with the frequency with which I do that you'd think I'd be used to it. I guess not.
Anyway, my wakefulness has prompted a lot of thinking, cos my damn brain won't shut up, and I thought I'd post about it cos banjocatbanjo demanded that I update my lj more often than once every two years. So if you're interested in my mental psychosis you can read under the
I've been going back and forth about moving back to california. A couple of weeks ago I had decided that I wanted to, and then I started making a list of reasons for and against such a change and realized that the idea of leaving London made me feel a little ill, and that I didn't want to actually leave. I have been very unhappy for quite a while and need to change something, and it seems like the rational and sensible path would be to go home where I'd be a little higher up on the food chain and around my family, whom I miss dreadfully, and nearer my friends. And then I thought, well, if there are lots of reasons to go home that's great, but feeling like I don't want to is pretty significant too. I thought that perhaps I should go home, and I've never been one of those people who takes to heart what one should do... So I decided that I wanted to stay and I'd give it some more time and maybe even stick it out until next year when my visa expires, cos living in Europe is awesome and fun and since I have the chance and I'm not broke I should take advantage of it. (There's that should again.)
I have grown up and changed a lot in the last three years, and have done a lot of thinking about who I am and what I want. I have no answers really, but I don't think anyone ever does know an answer to those things, you just make them up as you go along. But I feel like the world suddenly shifted and the way I'm looking at things is a little different, and I don't know if I can trust my judgment any more. On the plane I kept thinking about how I didn't want to do this any more, and I'm still thinking that. I used to love it here, but now it seems like I don't fit. The idea of not wanting to be here is so different from my thinking in the last five or six years that I'm confused, and I don't know if I'm unhappy here or just plain unhappy, and would be unhappy anywhere. So how do people make decisions like this? Each choice feels equally wrong to me as a whole, though in my logical mind I think I know what I have to do. Is this the classic, cliched struggle of head versus heart?
On the season finale of Grey's, Izzie kept asking people what decision she should make. She felt paralyzed by making the choice herself. George said to her, "You know what to do. You've made this decision. The back and forth is just fear." Is he right?