Dear Friends
You probably don't want to read this. So don't if you have better things to do.
This post seems a little out of character but whatev. Everything either seems to be going to shit or going really well. Money has been lost, new possessions have been gained, feelings are in turmoil perhaps about to be put to death forever, but real people have been given clean bills of health and new leases on life. The things that should be celebrated are so tangled with the things that need to be dealt with that I don't think I can properly enjoy them. I think too much, Peter and everyone else has pointed out, our whole group does. And yet I don't think enough--I just push things away. And lately I feel like I don't belong to the group of people I call my friends. What do we really have in common? I'm not free to be myself with them, instead I downplay parts of myself so they can, in a sense, have the spotlight. Perhaps I just feel this way because I've found out more about myself with my other friends, we've shared such intimate details about our lives with each other that nothing needs to hidden and our faults are understood. And now I realize that I'm missing that in other relationships. And things I wanted for such a long time..I still want them in a sense..but something has changed and I think it's being replaced with something new. I can't say I just don't know anymore because I never knew to begin with, but it sure seems a lot more frustrating right now.
I get so sad at night.
This post seems a little out of character but whatev. Everything either seems to be going to shit or going really well. Money has been lost, new possessions have been gained, feelings are in turmoil perhaps about to be put to death forever, but real people have been given clean bills of health and new leases on life. The things that should be celebrated are so tangled with the things that need to be dealt with that I don't think I can properly enjoy them. I think too much, Peter and everyone else has pointed out, our whole group does. And yet I don't think enough--I just push things away. And lately I feel like I don't belong to the group of people I call my friends. What do we really have in common? I'm not free to be myself with them, instead I downplay parts of myself so they can, in a sense, have the spotlight. Perhaps I just feel this way because I've found out more about myself with my other friends, we've shared such intimate details about our lives with each other that nothing needs to hidden and our faults are understood. And now I realize that I'm missing that in other relationships. And things I wanted for such a long time..I still want them in a sense..but something has changed and I think it's being replaced with something new. I can't say I just don't know anymore because I never knew to begin with, but it sure seems a lot more frustrating right now.
I get so sad at night.