All That I Need [Standalone]
Title: All That I Need
Author:
stfu_pwentzz
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon
Rating: NC-17
Summary: No one could argue with him. This was when Ryan was at his best; this state of reckless abandon that he got in.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction as far as I know.
Author Notes: This was written at 2:17 in the morning. I have no idea where this came from but here it is.
No one could argue with him. This was when Ryan was at his best; this state of reckless abandon that he got in.
Ryan wasn’t there, at all, but no one could tell Brendon differently. His expression was closed off and his eyes held no secret messages but they held everything. When Ryan got like this he didn’t caress and he didn’t care. He just needed and wanted. And tonight it happened to be Brendon, whimpering and pleading as he was pushed further and further down into the mattress.
When Brendon imagined all the times that he would have sex with Ryan his imagination never went to this. There was always the feeling of trust, or some likeness when they fucked. Except when he got like this.
Ryan would be quiet all day, just keeping to himself. Talking to everyone with the exception of Brendon, never even glancing at him. Brendon had gotten used to it, but it didn’t mean that it still didn’t hurt him. It didn’t hurt him when he acted like Brendon wasn’t even a part of the band; that Eric was more a part of their group than Brendon himself.
It hurt him when Ryan would go out of his way to ignore Brendon, like he was just a piece of dust on him that he couldn’t be bothered with. Like Brendon wasn’t human.
And he knew why Ryan did it. He knew that later that night Ryan would say everything to him. He would be louder than he was all day, and only Brendon could hear him, hear all of the bent up frustration that he hid from everyone else.
It was a dirty job but someone had to do it.
By the pounding of Ryan’s hips Brendon couldn’t tell what was wrong this time, but he went with it. He played the submissive role so well when Ryan was like this. He knew that Ryan wanted to use him for his own means, and Brendon let him.
He wished that the occasional groans he was making were on cue, but they weren’t. As much as he loved when Ryan would get rough and wild with him, sometimes when Ryan spaced out he forgot that it was Brendon under him.
Most nights Brendon didn’t care. He almost never cared, but tonight was different. Tonight Brendon didn’t to take the submissive role, because as the last bump on his head caused by the headboard, Ryan needed something more.
It was a similar feeling as trying to walk to the back of a regular bus as it was speeding down the road, trying to get Ryan to slow down, or for Brendon to wrap his legs back around Ryan’s waist. He eventually did it, and without tripping like he would on the bus.
He wrapped his legs tight around Ryan’s waist and that woke Ryan out of his trance, he slowed down his thrusts and Brendon took the opportunity to flip them. He was sitting on top of Ryan, and he could see the eagerness in Ryan’s eyes.
The same eagerness disappeared as soon as Brendon pulled off of him. There was an underlying amount of confusion and anger in Ryan’s hazel eyes. He didn’t know what Brendon was doing, but he should trust Brendon. Brendon knew what he was doing.
He reached over and put a gracious amount of lube over his erection. They’ve done this a few times, but when Ryan gets like this, he likes to be in control. Brendon knew that he just needed the control to be taken away from him.
He reaches down to get Ryan ready for it, but only after a few sharp movements from his fingers, Ryan bats them away and Brendon takes that as a sign that he’s on board with Brendon’s plan.
He lines up and pushes in without a second thought. Ryan lifts his hands up only to set them back down on the mattress. Brendon knows that he doesn’t know what to do with them, and the thought of Ryan not knowing what to do makes him smile.
He enjoys taking the reigns away from Ryan, and he knows this will help him. Brendon doesn’t think; he doesn’t care what he’s doing. He wants to show Ryan the same power that Ryan holds over him.
He’s frantic in his thrusts, moving his hips so hard that Ryan’s head bangs into the headboard a few times before Brendon even registers it. Ryan lifts his right hand again, but he just settles it on his legs, holding them up so they’re not in Brendon’s way.
This power over Ryan, Brendon doesn’t think he’ll ever give it back. He’s pushing Ryan hard into the mattress and Ryan isn’t showing any resistance. Brendon is using Ryan for once and the feeling that comes with it Brendon can’t even explain.
He wasn’t aware that Ryan was close until he was muttering nonsense, even more than when he was the one in control. Brendon wasn’t making sense of anything he said, until the very last Brendon as he started to come loose. Little spurts hitting Ryan’s stomach, and Brendon’s own.
Brendon didn’t slow down even after Ryan was done, he just started thrusting harder and faster. Ryan was clenching down on him, even after his own orgasm, and it was admirable. He watched as Ryan was unraveling underneath him; making no move to stop him or tell him enough. He was silently encouraging Brendon and with one final thump against the headboard Brendon broke off in a grunt. He was coming inside Ryan, not letting up on his thrusts.
Brendon was just leaning over Ryan, not touching him and not pulling out. They were both breathing hard and fast in each other’s space. And Ryan did something that surprised Brendon.
For once Ryan brought his hand up to the back of Brendon’s neck, finally knowing what to do with his hands since Brendon’s taken over, and brought Brendon’s mouth closer to his. He gave him a slightly desperate kiss.
If Brendon didn’t know better he would have thought Ryan was ready for another go but it was giving Brendon something else. Ryan gave up his control, his power, and now his post-coital make out sessions.
Brendon pulled out and fell on top of Ryan in the least gracious way. He felt Ryan push his head down farther and that was all the thanks Ryan could have given him. He could practically feel the tension leave Ryan’s body as the kisses got fiercer.
Ryan stopped abruptly and Brendon leaned off of him a little bit just to see what he was going to do. They just stared at each other for the longest time. This was the part where they usually parted and went to their quarters. This time Brendon’s quarters were Ryan’s couch.
Ryan’s eyes seemed to soften as he bore holes in Brendon’s. He gave Brendon a small smile and he wasn’t really sure what to make of it. “Stay.” He whispered. He wasn’t sure what kind of shift had just happened but it was different than when he woke up this morning.
Brendon knew where Ryan stood with him but he wasn’t sure where he stood with Ryan. But Ryan wanted Brendon to stay and even though Brendon might hold some of the power, he can’t lie to himself and say he holds all of it even now, Ryan’s offering him a little more.
“Do you want me to?”
And there it was. The simplest or the most complicated question that Brendon could ask. He threw the ball back in Ryan’s court and he had all the power. The power to make Brendon’s heart sore or just break.
Ryan bit his lip and hesitated. That slight hesitation meant more than the whisper of “Yeah,” that Ryan hushed out.
It was all up to him, it was all up to Brendon if he stayed with Ryan. This was what Ryan wanted. It was always about what Ryan wanted.
Brendon had a backbone, most of the time he didn’t show it when it came to Ryan, but he had one. He couldn’t do this to himself, not tonight at least. He shook his head and got up.
Ryan didn’t complain or try to tell him to stay. He just let Brendon walk away and that was answer enough for Brendon. Brendon didn’t know what he was thinking, that Ryan actually wanted him to stay.
Ryan never wanted him to stay. No matter how badly Brendon wanted to stay, the answer was always up to Ryan. And the answer was clearly no. It used to be maybe, or not tonight, but there was the possibility. But now when the answer was up to Ryan, he couldn’t even say anything.
He couldn’t say maybe, or not tonight. He could say the words and Brendon couldn’t find the strength to stay.
As Brendon padded off towards Ryan’s couch he wondered if Ryan regretted it. Ryan wouldn’t tell him if he wished he told him to stay. Those words would never come out of Ryan Ross’ mouth.
Brendon turned on his side and tried to forget how badly he wanted to stay. His vision blurred as he fell to sleep, and that night he dreamt that Ryan actually meant it when he said stay.
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