(no subject)
everyone seems to be breaking down lately.
i guess i've joined the club.
it's just too much. there's so much going on and i keep taking on even more and i feel like i'm suffacating and there's no one around to help me. i feel like theres no use in trying anymore. its not all ever going to get done by the time it needs to get done, so whats the point? i can't i just take the easy route. why am i pushing so hard for things that are so unlikey. yah, there's a chance. but a greater one of it not happening. ughh i hate myself for my unwillingness to settle. nothing is ever good enough. i always want better. and it drives me insane. i need to realize i can't juggle everything. i dont have time to be all the things i want. and whats even worse, is all those things ive already committed myself to, im alone doing them with no one to help me out. asb, wasc, school, teen bhef, adl, ayso coaching, sats, acts, apps, and a social life. it's impossible to fit all of that into one weekend. it just can't happen. i cant do it all. i need to stop trying. im killing myself. going to bed late, waking up early, and still getting no where. i go aroudn all day feeling sick and with an uneasy tummy. the stress isn't healthy. its horrible and depressing. and its not even that i dont get any help- i dont even get any support. whatever im doing, im only getting negative feedback. in the last few days alone, ive had to fight back tears brought on by critisism. and i'm ok with criticism, just not when i feel like what im doing already is slowly kiling me that i have to add on the effort to make what ive already done better. ive been told my event is going to suck, that im not going to get into any school, and that my essay is shit. its just too much...
and to top it all off, im unable to make up my mind about so many things. and my usc app got accidentally sent in already. and they wont let me make corrections. fuck.
i screwd myself and i guess now im paying for it. and i know a lot of people are going through this, but honestly. i feel like ive had to go through so much already that its just unfair. why does god have it out for me?
i think ill just go to bed and hope that its april when i wake up. no, maybe june. i dont want to read those rejection letter..
i guess i've joined the club.
it's just too much. there's so much going on and i keep taking on even more and i feel like i'm suffacating and there's no one around to help me. i feel like theres no use in trying anymore. its not all ever going to get done by the time it needs to get done, so whats the point? i can't i just take the easy route. why am i pushing so hard for things that are so unlikey. yah, there's a chance. but a greater one of it not happening. ughh i hate myself for my unwillingness to settle. nothing is ever good enough. i always want better. and it drives me insane. i need to realize i can't juggle everything. i dont have time to be all the things i want. and whats even worse, is all those things ive already committed myself to, im alone doing them with no one to help me out. asb, wasc, school, teen bhef, adl, ayso coaching, sats, acts, apps, and a social life. it's impossible to fit all of that into one weekend. it just can't happen. i cant do it all. i need to stop trying. im killing myself. going to bed late, waking up early, and still getting no where. i go aroudn all day feeling sick and with an uneasy tummy. the stress isn't healthy. its horrible and depressing. and its not even that i dont get any help- i dont even get any support. whatever im doing, im only getting negative feedback. in the last few days alone, ive had to fight back tears brought on by critisism. and i'm ok with criticism, just not when i feel like what im doing already is slowly kiling me that i have to add on the effort to make what ive already done better. ive been told my event is going to suck, that im not going to get into any school, and that my essay is shit. its just too much...
and to top it all off, im unable to make up my mind about so many things. and my usc app got accidentally sent in already. and they wont let me make corrections. fuck.
i screwd myself and i guess now im paying for it. and i know a lot of people are going through this, but honestly. i feel like ive had to go through so much already that its just unfair. why does god have it out for me?
i think ill just go to bed and hope that its april when i wake up. no, maybe june. i dont want to read those rejection letter..