Does the love, or just friendship still exist? (Chapter 4/6)
Title: Does the love, or just friendship still exist? (Chapter 4/6)
Chapter Title: " Drowning "
Pairing: Xabi Alonso/Steven Gerrard
Summary: Xabi was lost, things kept coming up to him and he just found it a bit too harsh
Feedback: Your support is my source of energy!!!
Disclaimer: Angst and something more
Drowning
Xabi was so lost. He kept telling himself to calm down but it didn't really help much. Fortunately, he managed to get back home safely in spite of the images of Stevie shouting at him which stirred around his head. He threw himself inside the apartment feeling mindless, like a zombie. He then rushed to the bathroom for a hot shower, hoping the water would drain his sorrow and bring his life back to him. His worries came back as he stood beneath the shower; water mixed with tears washing all over his body, and as usual, the lad didn't make a sound, sobbing in silence as if he were afraid of disturbing someone, even though there was no-one else there.
He was always a caring person.
Feeling much better as he got out from the bathroom, he decided to set those troubles apart for the night and have a good sleep, refreshing his mind and bringing back the wise and calm Xabi. He dried his dripping hair before placing himself comfortably on the sofa, relaxing with some soft music. Suddenly, the phone rang, a hope flew through his mind, and the image of Stevie giving him an apologetic look appeared for a second.
However, unpleasant news came up instead.
Soon, Xabi was in panic, getting to the airport with Rafa waiting for him. He was wanting so much to call the captain, to share his tension and worries, and to gain some support from the important one. Xabi stopped dialing half-way through, however.
Stevie must still be angry with me, no? He gave himself a sad smile and continued his lonely journey.
"Xabi, I hope it is not too harsh for you and I'm sure it will be fine very soon." Rafa patted him, trying to comfort the young Spaniard, who he had never seen so confused and helpless, never even during his long injury before. "It's a big issue, but it will be fine, I know it will be fine!"
Xabi didn't reply; he could actually hardly reply or he would burst into tears. He never wanted this to happen, never, and at this very moment, his support was absent: his dear friend was not there.
"Well, Stevie seems to have turned off the mobile. I'll call Jamie instead and leave him the message." Rafa kept dialling his mobile to reach the captain, but it seemed that Stevie was too angry to pick up any call and had decided to turn the phone off. "Jamie, yes, it's me, listen, Xabi and I are going to Spain right now. I will inform you as soon as there is further news for us, yes. I can't reach Stevie. Please help me to inform him as soon as you can. Thanks."
( Click "Drowning -- Backstreet Boys
" )
" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Cause everytime I breathe
I take you in
And my heart beats again
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love
Everytime I try to rise above
I'm swept away by love
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love
Maybe I'm a drifter
Late at night
Cause I long for the safety
Of flowing freely
In your arms
I don't need another life line
It's not for me
Cause only you can save me
Oh can't you see
I can't imagine life
Without your love
And even forever don't seem
Like long enough
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "
A teardrop fell from his beautiful eyes, the hazel diamonds that usually warmed everyone. Rafa was asleep by his side and surely wouldn't notice. The cabin was dark and most of the passengers were resting with just a few lights on: no one would really care, no one would care. Xabi felt it was not right but just couldn't stop the tears, drop by drop in the silence as he heard the song. He was bewildered and not sure about the thing that was actually bothering him.
His life seemed to be like one long car-crash lately, taking him offguard: the way people talked about his possible transfer and the long injury that kept him away from many good chances to prove himself. So many things he'd had to deal with in a number of hours, or maybe, there was one more - his captain. He longed so much for the Scouser's support, especially at this very moment, so much thirsty for the hug from him, the hug which was strong, encouraging and warm, giving so much courage for Xabi to fight his battles and knowing the support would be there whenever he asked. However, he was wrong, Stevie seemed not to care about him anymore: all his courage had escaped, the fear kept his body shivering, and he had never felt so weak . . . . . . . .
The night before the match against Luton at Kenilworth Stadium, Xabi finally got back to his apartment. He was so exhausted that the only thing in his mind was to drop into the bed. Suddenly, something got into his sight, something just in front of his door.
A bag of cookies.
He picked up the cold and hardened bag of cookies, wondering where the thing laid in front of the door had come from. Suddenly, an idea flashed into his mind, making his nerves boil.
"It must be Stevie! He knows I love this bakery!"
He rushed to the phone and quickly dailed his number without thinking, but then, the Spaniard stopped mid-way. "He should be in bed, and maybe it's from someone else, maybe Carra, or Nando, they are always nice to me." Xabi could help himself falling into another sorrowful moment as he laid on the bed, his mind stirring with these ideas.
He got up early in the morning, after a sleepless night. He brought himself under a hot shower before getting to the meeting point . As he arrived, Carra told him Stevie was not playing due to his calf injury and although he tried to hide his disappointed face, the kind and caring Scouser realized and said:
"Rafa really worried me a lot but I'm so glad to see yer coming back for the match. How did things go?"
"It will not be over so soon I am afraid. Thanks Carra."
"I guess I'm not the only one having concerns. Our captain wasn't very pleased about your absence at trainings." Carra looked at his long face and teased him. "But it will be fine, yer should a sweetheart to all of us, hahaha. Actually Stevie is very worried about yer. He just doesn't want to admit but I know he cares very much for yer, lad."
Xabi flushed and immediately got on the shuttle bus with his bag.
The match was not a nice one. During the first half, the match was dominated by the Reds, although no shots actually got into the net. The first goal came from Crouchie at 74 minutes together with one from Johnny at 79 minutes, though, the latter one was in their own net. With the exhaustion carried over from last night, Xabi's mind flew to his dear captain, and as a result he seriously underperformed. The ball passed to him was lost as he didn't actually see it coming. Luckily, there were no further mistakes and it came to a draw.
Rafa reminded Xabi to pay full attention to the match whenever he was on the pitch before they were dismissed. Carra, however, came with concerns.
"Yer a'right? Yer seemed so exhausted. What's happened to yer?"
"Yea, I'm fine thanks Carra. Maybe I just need to get some rest." Xabi was so sure that wasn't all right at all. His mind was full of guilt: guilty to have played a part in such a horrible match, but mostly, guilty that he had misunderstood the captain, the captain who never knew how to express his care but who cared for him the most! He should not have treated the captain like that! He should know the way he shouted at him didn't really mean anything. It was just that he was too nervous to show his feelings!
Xabi was so destroyed by his mistakes that he decided to go back home directly and think of a way to get things sorted. As the Spaniard arrived at his apartment, however, something was in his sight!
The unexpected!