Does the love, or just friendship still exist? (Chapter 3/6)
Title: Does the love, or just friendship still exist? (Chapter 3/6)
Chapter Title: " Wishing You were Somehow Here Again" (named after the song from The Phantom of the Opera)
Pairing: Xabi Alonso/Steven Gerrard
Summary: What Stevie really wants? He doesn't know it either, this is his first time in life to be that lost.......
Feedback: Would be very much appreciated and welcomed!!!!
Author: stevielovesxabi
Wishing You were Somehow Here Again
Things happening in the world may sometimes be a bit tragical...... although it may also be too unbearable for someone to face.
Before getting to Xabi's flat, you rushed to the city's best bakery for a bag of cookies, the British snacks that Xabi loved so much. As your dear friend arrived at Liverpool years ago, you tried your best to be all nice and kind to the new teammate as the captain, showing the soft lad how the city looked, what the scousers usually did during leisure and the night life for the lads. Despite yourself being an absent-minded captain and didn't really know how to show your care, you was trying very hard to bond the lad with all others, and unexpectedly, finding a tight bond between you and him in the end.
After a match against Chelsea at Stamford Bridge, you brought the Spaniard to the Cliveden House Hotel for his first English afternoon tea since he became a Red. Wanting to welcome the younger with a grand and luxury break in the classy hotel, the hotel at which Alex and you finally got engaged years after. "Xabi, remember to dress up a bit as it's the tradition for such a hotel." Then, it turned out having him dressed in a suit. "Are you serious?" you laughed at him for taking every word of you and at the same time, amazed. Amazed with how gorgeous and stunning the lad looked in suit with his hair laying neatly. The lad was just all shy and nearvous with your teasing before you patted him to comfort. The pastries were served with the tea and he could see his eyes shining with curiousity.
"Are these cookies? No? We don't have these in Spain and they are delicious!" he held the last piece and asked you, then, finished it with a happy smile, the smile you always liked to see. Since the gathering at the hotel, you could always see him holding a bag of cookies as he's relaxing, he even told you about a the best cookies-making bakery in the town! As your memories turned up, a smile just appeared on your face.
In the rain, you didn't even park your car and rushed into the bakery as you saw the store was now closing.
"Lady, please do me a favour, I would really like to buy something right the moment, would ye mind to let me in for just a few minutes?" nearly shouting behind the window of the door.
"I'm sorry but you should know that we close at 7pm." said the lady as she opened the door a bit.
"I know that, I know that, but just I really need the cookies for a very important one at the moment, I really need them! I upset a very best friend of mine and I really wish to send my apology with yer cookies, he really loves yer cookies!" you just repeated and repeated the last sentence.
"Our cookies are sold out." the lady said.
You were so tense and your mind got blank .......
"But I would like to appreciate you with fresh ones if you have the patient to wait poor little guy." smirked the lady, looking at you with all sympathetic and caring eyes.
Thanking her over and over again as you paid, the lady simply replied with her best wishes to your apology. Feeling the warmth from the cookies as well as the blessings from the lady as you waved her a goodbye and ran to the car. The rain was not going to stop, and so you decided to place the cookies inside your sweater to avoid it from being spoiled and immediately jumped into the car, cheers! The cookies were just fine as before! Without hesitation, you drove straight to your friend's apartment. You didn't try ring him up, because at the moment, surprise was what you wanted for the lad with the expectation of his smiling face when he saw the cookies. You kept practising the words so that Xabi could understand how sorry you were and how much you wanted him to stay in Liverpool, to stay besides you, not caring about the rumors anymore and again to be close to him as you always did in the past.
As you arrived, no light was actually showing from the window of Xabi's flat, wondering why he got to bed so early, "Maybe the lad is too upset for what I've done to him." you told yourself and rushed up the flat in the rain. You pressed the doorbell button, but no one answered. Pressing again and again, you decided to give him a call instead. The luck was absent as you tried and tried until the battery died out, all your calls were diverted to the mailbox. You started knocking at the door, hoping that there would be someone inside answered."Xabi, could ye please open the door? I need to tell ye something!" There was no answer again but the echos. After realizing the fact that he's not at home, you decided to wait for his return. Sitting on the floor with your back leaning on the door, you gazed at the bag of cookies in frustration, feeling the heat from it slipping away bit by bit, somehow similar to your chance meeting the lad tonight. You tried to put the bag of cookies inside your sweater, warming them with your body heat so that Xabi could taste the freshness when he came back, however, you were wrong, Xabi didn't come back all night. The sneezings woke ypu and you realized that you had fallen asleep outside his flat, you couldn't hold yourself from feeling defeated and before getting back to your car, you dropped the bag of cookies in front of the door with a broken heart.
You couldn't stop yourself from sneezing around even by the pills you've taken that morning, everyone you met at Melwood just showed his concern on your health, but that was too much for your care, all you wanted was asking Xabi where he has gone the night before. Training started soon, but he was not there.
"Where's that fucking Alonso?! Doesn't he know it's his duty to be punctual?!" you sounded on fire as Carra coming towards the pitch.
"He has flew to Spain last night, together with Rafa, Rafa called last night as he failed to reach ye." patting his palm on your shoulder. "It might be something about the deal with Real Madrid and Rafa didn't really tell me the details about the trip."
Blood draining out of your body as you were too horrified with the news. The image of Xabi wearing the Real Madrid jersey just couldn't let you go. You fought away Carra's caring arm and told yourself to focus on the training. Paying your full gear at the pitch just like a mad cow surprised everyone for too hard you were making yourself into. Carra knew very well the thing in your head and sighed as he saw you going mad. Being too harsh to yourself and with the cold you've just caught, you turned out to have a calf injury just before the section ended. As for your safety, Carra offered you a lift. The trip was all silent until you finally couldn't stand and asked.
"Xabi is going to leave, isn't he? He will not come back, right?"
Carra managed to reply with you a calm tone, hoping it would help out a bit to lessen the tension. "Things may not go in the way ye think, maybe they are just having some chats and all."
"They can simply use the bloody phone! It's me fault! I should have shouted out the fucking words! I never meant in that way, I was just too confused!" you broke out besides Carra, swearing at yourself for being so silly and hurt Xabi so much.
"Yer mate understands ye very well, he's the most caring one among us, he will never blame on ye, so don't blame yerself for such a thing."
"It's me fault, he's not going to come back." murmured repeatedly and repeatedly to yourself.
"Stevie, relax, everything will be fine, just wait for their return, will ye?" Carra patted on your shoulder again as you let your way out of the car and enter your house. Expecting Alex and the girls who can let you forget about your fault, you saw a Post-it from Alex on the refrigerator telling you that they would be staying with her parents for the night. "Why leaving me all alone at this very night?" you were so frustrated to know the fact and decided to take a quick shower and immediately rushed to your bed, trying to forget about the loneliness.
As you laid on your bed, you were barely able to sleep. Your mind kept spinning and spinning, the pictures of Xabi and you in the changing room in the previous day, the way you have been so harsh to the soft lad as he gave you a supportive smile, the way that the spaniard tried to comfort you with apologies even he has done nothing wrong and the way you have asked him to get out of your way...... Your heart was aching and you could no longer stand the dead silence. You decided to get up and turn the music player on.
(Click Here to listen)
"You were once my one companion . . .
you were all that mattered . . .
You were once a friend and father -
then my world was shattered . . .
Wishing you were somehow here again . . .
wishing you were somehow near . . .
Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed,
somehow you would be here . . .
Wishing I could hear your voice again . . .
knowing that I never would . . .
Dreaming of you won't help me to do
all that you dreamed I could . . ."
You found yourself sobbing when the tears dropped on your hands, you loved the song, but it was just coming out with a wrong timing. You were not able to enjoy the song at all for the old days kept spinning around your head, the old days when you two were so close. You remembered the first time you met the lad, he was so bright and talent, making you await the chance playing alongside with him. As he took the position besides you, you were amazed by his skills and the way that he understood you with just a glance, you two have been such a good pair of partners on the pitch, people even called you two the best partners in the midfield. Not only on the pitch, he has also become a very important mate in your life. His care, his understanding, his passions and his kindness were so well-known among the lads and they have been the source of comfort everytime you faced a defeat, everytime you were in trouble, even on the little matters between you and Alex, he never hesitated to show his concern. He was the only one that you wanted to share the joy with as you held up the Champion League Cup in Istanbul, the kiss, was actually from your heart.
"Too many years fighting back tears . . .
Why can't the past just die . . .?
Wishing you were somehow here again . . .
knowing we must say goodbye . . .
Try to forgive . . . teach me to live . . .
give me the strength to try . . .
No more memories,
no more silent tears . . .
No more gazing across
the wasted years . . .
Help me say goodbye . . .
Help me say goodbye . . ."
"Xabi, I don't want to say goodbye, just come back for me, I need ye."
Tears kept running out from your eyes until you're too tired to stand any longer, the song eventually brought you to sleep and suddenly, you mobile rang. Looking at the screen of it, you recognized it was a call from Spain! A call from Spain! It must be Xabi!!! You picked the call immediately and feeling your heart bumping vigorously.
"Xabi! Where are you?!"