(no subject)
Title: staying up till midnight, breathing in, breathing out
Rating: PG13
Pairing: Jared/Christian
Notes: Not the epic Chris/Jared I'm writing for insaneboingo.
--
He crossed to the door a little wobbly and just stood there when it opened.
"Hey."
"What're you doing here?" He didn't know he had it in him, sounding this normal. His voice seemed to have lost that shot, ragged feeling for a while anyway.
"I.. I just wanted to see you."
He just leaned against the door jamb. He looked at his feet idly because he might miss him, but damned if he'd say it first.
"Christian."
"Uh-uh." He said. Just don't.
"I don't know what you want from me?"
"You don't-" He broke off with a harsh laugh. "That's rich. Fuckin' rich, man. Standing there all tall and stupid-lookin', talking about seeing me, and like this is my fault. I get it. No, I really do. So you just go back to wherever you came from there, boy. I'm going back to bed."
He hadn't meant to say all that. Hell, he never meant half the shit he said anyway, but Jared couldn't show up and say his name like that and look like that and just expect him to be normal.
Chris didn't even slam the door before he walked back to the couch.
"I'm sorry. Is that all you need? Because I have that. I'm stupid, Christian. I mean, I just am. You know this about me. Would you stop being so fucking stubborn for two minutes and talk to me?"
He didn't look up. If he looked up, he'd be there all over again and that wouldn't solve nothing. Instead, he made a face and flicked off the Patty Duke reruns.
"You say what you gotta say here, Jay, but I already got it down. I get left. It's a fact I have come to accept." Chris didn't know when he had got so old, but sitting here watching Jared try to dig a hole to Asia through his ugly carpet, he was feeling it bad.
"Will you say it again? Let me. Let me give you the right answer this time."
Jared sounded too hopeful. It was breaking Christian's heart, really, but isn't that why he was in this fine mess in the first place?
"No. I said all I had to say already. I ain't got a lot to give. I gave it all I had, and you didn't want it." He still wasn't looking up.
"Christian. Christian, baby, please? Just look at me. I'm here, man. I'm here, aren't I? I came here because, hell, I don't even know. I mean, I know that I was just lost, I guess. People don't say it to me often. Well, I'm sure they do, but it don't mean very much coming from them, so I went into that same mode with you, and I realize. I realize I'm wrong. Just let me try it again. Let me stay."
He shook his head a little. Jared was dangerous. He'd already tried to kick Ackles' ass for this, but it wasn't really his fault.
He still didn't look up, but found himself whispering, "For how long?"
Jared was kneeling in front of him then, hands hovering like he wasn't sure if he had permission to touch him.
"Until you tell me to go. Christian, please." His voice sounded like Chris felt.
"You know I can't tell you to go. I don't have that kinda strength." He felt his spine melting as Jared covered his hands with his own giant ones.
"Let me. Just let me."
He didn't know what he was meant to let Jared do, but he finally looked up at him. Almost had to close his eyes again at what he saw there.
Barely had time to think about how weak he really was when confronted with Jared's fucking face before he was nodding.
"Christian. God. Chris."
Then he swayed slightly and felt Jared cover his mouth with his own. He closed his eyes again, ran fingers through the hair at the back of Jared's head, and just let Jared eat at him like he was fucking Thanksgiving dinner.
He pulled away minutes later, breathing erratically and unable to stop touching Jared. He wasn't too concerned with that bit just yet.
But he had to tell Jay, "If you do this to me again, I will run you over with my fuckin' truck, send you home to Ackles in pieces. You understand me here, son? I don't want to have to do that."
"I understand, Christian, and trust me, I won't be going anywhere until you bodily haul me outta here. Now what d'you say we actually go to bed?"
"Only if you tell me you brought some of them Twizzlers with you. I'm real hungry."
Christian crossed to the bedroom door a little shakily, and he just stood there.
"Well you comin' or what?"
Rating: PG13
Pairing: Jared/Christian
Notes: Not the epic Chris/Jared I'm writing for insaneboingo.
--
He crossed to the door a little wobbly and just stood there when it opened.
"Hey."
"What're you doing here?" He didn't know he had it in him, sounding this normal. His voice seemed to have lost that shot, ragged feeling for a while anyway.
"I.. I just wanted to see you."
He just leaned against the door jamb. He looked at his feet idly because he might miss him, but damned if he'd say it first.
"Christian."
"Uh-uh." He said. Just don't.
"I don't know what you want from me?"
"You don't-" He broke off with a harsh laugh. "That's rich. Fuckin' rich, man. Standing there all tall and stupid-lookin', talking about seeing me, and like this is my fault. I get it. No, I really do. So you just go back to wherever you came from there, boy. I'm going back to bed."
He hadn't meant to say all that. Hell, he never meant half the shit he said anyway, but Jared couldn't show up and say his name like that and look like that and just expect him to be normal.
Chris didn't even slam the door before he walked back to the couch.
"I'm sorry. Is that all you need? Because I have that. I'm stupid, Christian. I mean, I just am. You know this about me. Would you stop being so fucking stubborn for two minutes and talk to me?"
He didn't look up. If he looked up, he'd be there all over again and that wouldn't solve nothing. Instead, he made a face and flicked off the Patty Duke reruns.
"You say what you gotta say here, Jay, but I already got it down. I get left. It's a fact I have come to accept." Chris didn't know when he had got so old, but sitting here watching Jared try to dig a hole to Asia through his ugly carpet, he was feeling it bad.
"Will you say it again? Let me. Let me give you the right answer this time."
Jared sounded too hopeful. It was breaking Christian's heart, really, but isn't that why he was in this fine mess in the first place?
"No. I said all I had to say already. I ain't got a lot to give. I gave it all I had, and you didn't want it." He still wasn't looking up.
"Christian. Christian, baby, please? Just look at me. I'm here, man. I'm here, aren't I? I came here because, hell, I don't even know. I mean, I know that I was just lost, I guess. People don't say it to me often. Well, I'm sure they do, but it don't mean very much coming from them, so I went into that same mode with you, and I realize. I realize I'm wrong. Just let me try it again. Let me stay."
He shook his head a little. Jared was dangerous. He'd already tried to kick Ackles' ass for this, but it wasn't really his fault.
He still didn't look up, but found himself whispering, "For how long?"
Jared was kneeling in front of him then, hands hovering like he wasn't sure if he had permission to touch him.
"Until you tell me to go. Christian, please." His voice sounded like Chris felt.
"You know I can't tell you to go. I don't have that kinda strength." He felt his spine melting as Jared covered his hands with his own giant ones.
"Let me. Just let me."
He didn't know what he was meant to let Jared do, but he finally looked up at him. Almost had to close his eyes again at what he saw there.
Barely had time to think about how weak he really was when confronted with Jared's fucking face before he was nodding.
"Christian. God. Chris."
Then he swayed slightly and felt Jared cover his mouth with his own. He closed his eyes again, ran fingers through the hair at the back of Jared's head, and just let Jared eat at him like he was fucking Thanksgiving dinner.
He pulled away minutes later, breathing erratically and unable to stop touching Jared. He wasn't too concerned with that bit just yet.
But he had to tell Jay, "If you do this to me again, I will run you over with my fuckin' truck, send you home to Ackles in pieces. You understand me here, son? I don't want to have to do that."
"I understand, Christian, and trust me, I won't be going anywhere until you bodily haul me outta here. Now what d'you say we actually go to bed?"
"Only if you tell me you brought some of them Twizzlers with you. I'm real hungry."
Christian crossed to the bedroom door a little shakily, and he just stood there.
"Well you comin' or what?"