certificate of authenticity
So much has changed in the last six months. Some things changed for the better, some for the worst. At times I am utterly amazed at where things are now, while others times I slow down just enough to feel the weight of the last six months around me.
Moving home has not been that terrible of an idea. It's allowing for me to regroup somewhat and to not have to deal with certain stress-ors any more. I don't really find myself any better financially yet though. But, that will come in time.
I don't think we're getting a security deposit back. The thirty days are quickly dwindling into nothing.
Two family members have died. I know it's been a while and I know that I was not as close to both of them as I should really have been, but the shock is not completely lifted. I've never experienced this much loss in the family so close together and yet it seems to not have ended yet. My father's family is disappearing. I'm so disconnected from them and there is so much history to be known and shared and it's going to be lost. At the same time these deaths have opened my eyes to my disconnect with my mother's family as well. The family I thought I was closer to. My mother's sisters and brothers speak to me and that's about it. I hardly know the younger cousins in that family and the uncles barely speak to me. I know Aunt Gail knows I'm gay and that means Little Aunt Karen knows, but do they all know? Why should it bother me if they do?
I feel closer to my sisters, although not quite close enough. I feel closer to my nephew, the one true blessing in life currently.
I also feel closer to some friends, while I have been a bad friend to others. Despite having left Buffalo, I feel closer to Tracy. Our relationship definitely grew stronger in the last couple of months she was at UB. I've also gotten closer to Summer and Dawn. Hell, I didn't think it would ever be possible, but Kelly and I have gotten closer too. After so many years we are still so close. At the same time I've been not such a good friend to Jenn Barton and Evan. Lindsey and I are barely friends. Mark and I are not friends. I'm not really sure where I stand with Andrea. We don't really talk much any more. I don't know why. I don't know what happened with Kathy either.
There is so much going on that sometimes I don't really realize how much things have changed. It can take a glance across the bar to realize how different things feel. I've been so busy doing too many things that I have forgotten some of the important things. Don't get me wrong, the Reading for Results program I am involved with is extremely important and I love my little munchkins, especially Thalia, but I have been so wrapped up in school, work, moving, and who knows what that I have forgotten some of the important things and people.
Things seem to be changing so quickly lately. I only hope I can keep up and not lose those things or people I need.
Moving home has not been that terrible of an idea. It's allowing for me to regroup somewhat and to not have to deal with certain stress-ors any more. I don't really find myself any better financially yet though. But, that will come in time.
I don't think we're getting a security deposit back. The thirty days are quickly dwindling into nothing.
Two family members have died. I know it's been a while and I know that I was not as close to both of them as I should really have been, but the shock is not completely lifted. I've never experienced this much loss in the family so close together and yet it seems to not have ended yet. My father's family is disappearing. I'm so disconnected from them and there is so much history to be known and shared and it's going to be lost. At the same time these deaths have opened my eyes to my disconnect with my mother's family as well. The family I thought I was closer to. My mother's sisters and brothers speak to me and that's about it. I hardly know the younger cousins in that family and the uncles barely speak to me. I know Aunt Gail knows I'm gay and that means Little Aunt Karen knows, but do they all know? Why should it bother me if they do?
I feel closer to my sisters, although not quite close enough. I feel closer to my nephew, the one true blessing in life currently.
I also feel closer to some friends, while I have been a bad friend to others. Despite having left Buffalo, I feel closer to Tracy. Our relationship definitely grew stronger in the last couple of months she was at UB. I've also gotten closer to Summer and Dawn. Hell, I didn't think it would ever be possible, but Kelly and I have gotten closer too. After so many years we are still so close. At the same time I've been not such a good friend to Jenn Barton and Evan. Lindsey and I are barely friends. Mark and I are not friends. I'm not really sure where I stand with Andrea. We don't really talk much any more. I don't know why. I don't know what happened with Kathy either.
There is so much going on that sometimes I don't really realize how much things have changed. It can take a glance across the bar to realize how different things feel. I've been so busy doing too many things that I have forgotten some of the important things. Don't get me wrong, the Reading for Results program I am involved with is extremely important and I love my little munchkins, especially Thalia, but I have been so wrapped up in school, work, moving, and who knows what that I have forgotten some of the important things and people.
Things seem to be changing so quickly lately. I only hope I can keep up and not lose those things or people I need.