wow
I don't know what to say about this week
5 days ago I was going to post how happy I was. Dan was making changes and while home was hell everything else felt like it was going alright.
3 days ago I was going to post something Nikki said that I really felt
"As much as you say you hate them and that you'll walk away, when it comes down to it, you can't"
I've tried to walk away from friendships before. It doesn't work. The people I have in my life now I will probably always have unless they move away. Im not going anywhere
It's almost funny that posting that right when I wanted to say it might have saved me half a fight, great idea to leave it until today.
2 days ago I would have said that Im overworked, but everything is going to be fine, only to find out a few hours later that everything is going to shit. It would have been nice to know id be spending the rest of my time feeling like shit and nearly breaking down every hour. I've built myself up to be stronger than that, and I hate being so weak. Luckily, I don't have the time or patience for a breakdown.
I haven't been able to eat. For the past few days I've probably had less than 500 calories a day, maybe 700. I have to force myself to eat. For those who don't understand, 500-700 calories is about the equivalent of 2-3 candy bars. I've also not slept more than 4 hours a day all, everyday being kept up by work or drama.
Over the course of this week I feel like I've lost everything. My friends, family, sanity.
I love that I get trashed for being "not being honest", when I tried multiple times to be, and was either ignored or talked over. The funny thing is that I was never dishonest, just keeping information until the time was right. Apparently I'm supposed to read minds on when I'm supposed to talk. Don't worry, im too weak and care too much to just walk away. I can't help but to laugh at how perfectly things were going. I'm sick of fighting.
Half the people I work with feel the same. We've been under so much stress and it's taking a toll on us. Most of the time we sit in the closet and letting out minds wander onto why everything isn't going right. We can't eat because stress has taken over our stomachs and said "fuck no, you can have food when your problems are done with, maybe you can have a little just to keep you alive"
I can't wait to call someone out. Its going to be fun. So much for trust.
There aren't too many people I trust as of right now.
In other news, last night I finally started to cheer up a bit, talks about sexaway and my birthday are keeping me going.
I may or may not going to the show on sunday, its going to depend on my mood. Thanks to everyone who's been talking to me and keeping me entertained. It really helps me get my mind off everything.
Beware the ides of March. There must be something to that. I got into a car accident that day, which is the only car I'm allowed to drive now. Maybe I should have taken that as a sign for the shitty month to come.
Hopefully I'm not jumping to conclusions, but I think that today is going to be a good day. If I can get my psych paper done, then I will only have 2 big projects left for the semester. One more draft and I will be finished with English 102.
Cheers
5 days ago I was going to post how happy I was. Dan was making changes and while home was hell everything else felt like it was going alright.
3 days ago I was going to post something Nikki said that I really felt
"As much as you say you hate them and that you'll walk away, when it comes down to it, you can't"
I've tried to walk away from friendships before. It doesn't work. The people I have in my life now I will probably always have unless they move away. Im not going anywhere
It's almost funny that posting that right when I wanted to say it might have saved me half a fight, great idea to leave it until today.
2 days ago I would have said that Im overworked, but everything is going to be fine, only to find out a few hours later that everything is going to shit. It would have been nice to know id be spending the rest of my time feeling like shit and nearly breaking down every hour. I've built myself up to be stronger than that, and I hate being so weak. Luckily, I don't have the time or patience for a breakdown.
I haven't been able to eat. For the past few days I've probably had less than 500 calories a day, maybe 700. I have to force myself to eat. For those who don't understand, 500-700 calories is about the equivalent of 2-3 candy bars. I've also not slept more than 4 hours a day all, everyday being kept up by work or drama.
Over the course of this week I feel like I've lost everything. My friends, family, sanity.
I love that I get trashed for being "not being honest", when I tried multiple times to be, and was either ignored or talked over. The funny thing is that I was never dishonest, just keeping information until the time was right. Apparently I'm supposed to read minds on when I'm supposed to talk. Don't worry, im too weak and care too much to just walk away. I can't help but to laugh at how perfectly things were going. I'm sick of fighting.
Half the people I work with feel the same. We've been under so much stress and it's taking a toll on us. Most of the time we sit in the closet and letting out minds wander onto why everything isn't going right. We can't eat because stress has taken over our stomachs and said "fuck no, you can have food when your problems are done with, maybe you can have a little just to keep you alive"
I can't wait to call someone out. Its going to be fun. So much for trust.
There aren't too many people I trust as of right now.
In other news, last night I finally started to cheer up a bit, talks about sexaway and my birthday are keeping me going.
I may or may not going to the show on sunday, its going to depend on my mood. Thanks to everyone who's been talking to me and keeping me entertained. It really helps me get my mind off everything.
Beware the ides of March. There must be something to that. I got into a car accident that day, which is the only car I'm allowed to drive now. Maybe I should have taken that as a sign for the shitty month to come.
Hopefully I'm not jumping to conclusions, but I think that today is going to be a good day. If I can get my psych paper done, then I will only have 2 big projects left for the semester. One more draft and I will be finished with English 102.
Cheers