Fagger Fic
Title: Life is a soap opera (Part 1/?)
Genre: Flangst
Rating: PG
Pairings: Daniel Agger/Steve Finnan, Daniel Agger/Fernando Torres, Fernando Torres/Steven Gerrard
Summary: Daniel finds out that Fernando is cheating on him and Steve wants to comfort him.
Disclaimer: All lies.
A/N: Written in Daniel’s POV. (Oh my... The title is crap... I'm going to change it, if I can think of a better one. you can help me if you want XD)
I’m walking happily towards our dressing room, my leather jacket wrapped tightly around my body. It’s cold outside but right now I don’t really care. We have won and my Fernando has scored. I’m so proud of him, I always am, whenever my Spaniard scores and fortunately, he does that a lot. And so I have lots of reasons to be proud of him and, what is even better, to reward him for every single goal he scores. I smirk to myself and lick my lips at the thought of what I’m going to do to him... God, I can’t wait to finally see him.
Suddenly, I hear noises. Strange noises. I can’t help but grin after I have figured out that the noises come from a storeroom to my left. Someone seems to enjoy a little after-match-fun of the kind Nando and I will have too in a few minutes. I wonder who it is. I’m on my way to our dressing room, so it’s very likely that I’m listening to two of my team mates right now.
Alvaro, I’m quite sure that it’s him. If you here such noises somewhere near us boys from Liverpool, it’s either me and Fernando or Alvaro and... well, whoever has gotten his attention at this day. And since I’m quite sure that I’m not in a small storeroom with Fernando, it must be Alvaro.
I stop in front of the door and frown. I have to admit, I’m quite curious of whom our little team slut is fucking now. I think it’s already some time ago since he last fucked Fabio. And as far as I know, he never had Lucas. But I don’t even know if Lucas is here tonight, so...
I just could look of course, I bet the door isn’t locked, but do I really really want to see a naked Alvaro Arbeloa thrusting his cock into someone else’s arse? I shudder. No, definitely not. Eeew... Now I can’t get this image out of my head... Oh God... It’s time to think of something else. Something nice. Fernando. Yes... That’s definitely a nice thought. His freckles... His tattoos... His eyes... I need to find him. Quick. With some luck Alvaro has finished with what I don’t want to think about by the time I’ve found my hot, sexy, beautiful, adorable... by the time I’ve found Fernando and we can have the storeroom. I don’t think I can wait till we’re at home anymore. Not when I start raving over him like that. Jesus, I sound like one of these brainless, pubescent girls... Fernando really isn’t good for me. He turns me into a freaking fangirl!
I shake my head and decide to finally go to the dressing room, congratulate the boys, grab Fernando and search for a quiet place to reward him for his goal.
And then, I hear it. A moan. Not that the fact that I hear a moan when I know that someone’s making out with someone else behing the door I’m standing in front of shocks me that much but what is moaned makes my blood run cold. Stevie...
And I know this voice, I know it by heart. I’ve hear it moan my name all over again countless times. But I refuse to believe it. It can’t be. I’m sure, I’ve just imagined it. It’s far too... ridiculous to be true. Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres, my Fernando Torres... Never. Stevie hasn’t got enough freckles and tattoos for that. He isn’t Nando’s type. I am Fernando’s type but not this... this... this... Scouser!
So why the hell am I even thinking about that? I must’ve gone completely crazy. As if Nando would ever cheat on me. I just thought of him and heard his voice as a result of this. Why his voice was moaning Stevie’s name and not mine, if I was imagining it... I don’t know but who cares? I just imagined it. Stupid, stupid me.
But then there it is again. Nando’s voice behind that door moaning Stevie’s name again. There’s no reason to deny it anymore.
I suddenly can’t really breath anymore and have the feeling that I’m going to faint. I think I must be as pale as dead and my fingernails dig deep into the palms of my hands. This is just a bad dream. It can’t be anything else. Fernando would never ever in his life cheat on me. He loves me, he promised me to never hurt me, we are meant for each other!
I stare at the door like it isn’t from this world. Behind this door... I don’t want to think about what I’d find behind that door and I can still hear the moans but they sound different to me now. It’s not Alvaro, it’s my Fernando fucking with the captain.
I start to sob and immediately cover my mouth with my hand. I am not going to cry. I will not cry and if it’s the last thing, I’ll do. I. won’t. cry.
I mean, perhaps I got it wrong and Nando and Stevie aren’t fucking with each other, perhaps they are just... okay, well, I have no idea what else it could be but I just don’t want to believe that Fernando is such a bastard! He’s sometimes a bit annoying but definitely not a bastard who would cheat on me. How much I hope that...
I slowly reach for the doorknob. There’s one way to find it out. I doesn’t like this way but I want to know. I want to know if I’m close to tears without a reason or not. As I predicted a few minutes ago, the door isn’t lockes. I gulp and push it open and the next moment I feel like I’m dying. And I think being dead would be better than having to see this.
My Fernando shoved up against a shelf, naked, hus legs wrapped around the waist of an equally naked Steven Gerrard.
But what hurts me the most is not that my worst nightmare of Fernando cheating on me has come true, but the look of utter pleasure on Nando’s face. He’s cheating on me and enjoying it.
I have no idea for how long I’m actually standing here and stare at them. It seems so... unreal. It’s like I’m watching one of these shitty soap operas, Sophie likes so much. She forced me to watch them countless times and I’m really a bit ashamed that I always know what has happened in which soap opera. What I am seeing here really has some parallels to such a show. The loved person cheating on you with one of your friends. It’s a thing you can see regularly on the TV and I know exactly how this would end if I were in a soap opera. I would be heartbroken and then a knight in shining armour would appear and save me. Well, I am heartbroken but I doubt that a knight in shining armour will come to my rescue. After all, this is unfortunately not a soap opera. This is real life, this is my life. And in my life my boyfriend is cheating on me with my captain. I’ve definitely done something wrong in my life.
“Daniel!”, a horrified cry stops me from musing further over my pathetic life and I see Fernando staring at me with wide eyes. Wide eyes, dark with lust. Wow, they finally noticed me. Incredible.
“Hi.”, is all I can say and at the same moment I want to kick myself. ‘Hi’?? What the fuck... What is that for a thing to say when you just discovered your boyfriend cheating on you? I’ve said more intelligent things at the age of five! ‘Hi’, my god. Hardly surprising that Fernando cheated on me. ‘Hi’...
“Fuck.”, Stevie mutters and I laugh hysterical.
“Yeah, you can say that again.” Yesssssss Daniel! Give it to them! I really have no idea what’s wrong with me. I used to have a full repertoire of cheeky remarks but now I stand here like the personalised stupiditym saying things like ‘Hi’ and ‘You can say that again’. Oh really... It feels like my brain has said ‘Goodbye’ the moment I saw Fernando and Stevie. I can’t even run away to save the last bit of my dignity like every other human being would do. Every normal human being. But noooooo, it’s much more fun to make a fool out of myself so why not ‘Hi’ and ‘You can say that again’?
I suck.
“Daniel, it’s not what it looks like!”, Fernando stutters and I really have to admit that I’m a bit baffled. Does Nando really, really, really think that this could work? It’s the standard, they always say that in those soap operas. And I always laughed about it and said to Sophie that no-one would say that in real life. Well, seems like I’ve been wrong.
I look at the two men in front of me. Nando naked, pressed against Stevie and legs wrapped around him. Stevie naked, pressed against Nando and his cock buried deep inside of my Fernando. Nando can’t really expect me to buy this ‘It’s not what it looks like’ stuff from him, can he?
“I’m sure it’s not what it looks like.”, I say, “It’s obvious that you two were just... um... um...” Damn. I was so close - so close - to say something intelligent. Today is simply not my day.
“I... I should go now and leave you two alone. Yeah... yeah, I should do that.”, I stutter and I think that’s the first time I’ve said something sensible today and that’s somehow depressing.
“Have fun.”, I add before I turn around and slowly walk away. I’m sure they’ll have a lot of fun when I’m finally gone... I ignore Fernando, who’s desperately calling my name. Fernando has made his choice and that’s obviously not me.
I feel tears welling up my eyes and start to go a bit faster. My vision blurs and I almost stumble over my own feet. I think I’ve finally realized what exactly has just happened. A bit late but better late than never. Fernando, who I considered to be my true and only love not more than ten minutes ago, has cheated on me. He really has cheated on me. He’s fucking with someone else when he should be fucking with me. He has broken his promises of loving only me and never hurting me. He knew it was my greatest fear that he could get tired of me and leave me for someone else and he said he would never do that. But he just did it. He made my greatest fear come true and it fucking hurts. So much to ‘my true and only love’.
I just want to get away from here as quick as possible and forget about what I’ve seen. But who am I trying to kid? I don’t even believe by myself that I ever can forget what Fernando has done to me. Okay, that sounds a bit dramatic and I might have watched a soap opera too many but I think I have the right and a reason to be overly dramatic.
“Daniel?”, I hear someone calling my name and at first I think it’s Fernando. I want to turn around and throw myself into his arms and forgive him for everything he has done but then I notice that it clearly isn’t his voice. It’s Finns’. My first intention is to just ignore him and continue walking but he calls me again.
It’s not that I don’t like Steve, he’s great and a really good friend but I’m not in the mood of talking to him right now. No offence to him but I just want to get home and never come out again.
Okay, the parking lot. Good. That means I’m not far away from my car, that means I can get away from here and that means I can finally cry my eyes out in my bedroom with nobody disturbing me.
But Finns wouldn’t be Finns if he let me go this easily. He grabs my arm and turns me around. Great. Now there’s no escape anymore.
He looks worried at me and I find myself thinking that it’s somehow cute. Steve Finnan worries about me, something Fernando seemingly has never done, and I mean, he’s my boyfriend! No, wait. He was my boyfriend. Until he started fucking with my captain. I almost start crying and that right in front of Steve. As if I haven’t disgraced myself enough today... So I try to breathe slowly and ignore the sting in my eyes.
“Daniel, are you crying?”, Steve asks, sounding now not only worried but very, very worried. Shit. Seems like I wasn’t very successful with keeping myself from crying. I quickly wipe over my face and feel the wetness of my tears on the back of my hand. That’s so embarrassing! A Daniel Agger shouldn’t be crying over someone! A Daniel Agger should just go and show this someone that he’s better off without him. But it seems like when I woke up this morning, I left my Daniel Agger personality at home...
“N-no... I’m n-n-not...”, I stutter therefore and am shocked at how shaky my voice sounds. What was it again? A Daniel Agger shouldn’t be crying? Yeah, so we start denying it, even though everyone can see it. When the hell did my life decide to go so terribly wrong?
“Yeah, sure...”, Steve mutters, his hand still around my arm, “Daniel, what’s wrong?”
I’m about to tell him to fuck off but before I can do so, I suddenly throw myself into Steve’s arms, knock him almost over and cry like I’ve never cried before. I’m such a wimp. It must be the shock of seeing Fernando with Stevie. I would never ever do something like this without being completely drunk or completely shocked. I haven’t drunk anything alcoholic today so it must be the shock’s fault that I’m now clinging to Finns as if my life depended on it and do what I wanted to do in the stillness of my bedroom. Cry my eyes out.
Steve must be as surprised about my outburst as I am and he pats my back awkwardly. “Daniel? Danny?”, he asks and I know he waits for me to get a grip on myself but... I can’t. I’m still lying in Steve’s arms and cry like a Daniel Agger shouldn’t cry. And it feels good, incredibly good, to finally let go and I feel somehow comfortable in his arms. Wow, I never thought I’d actually like being so near to Finns but he’s so warm and comforting and I feel like I could stay like this forever, pressed against him with his arms wrapped around me and his hand solwly stroking over my back.
“Danny...”, he murmurs softly and pulls carefully away, much to my displeasure, “Come.”
“W-what?”, I sniff and hate myself for sounding still so insecure. I don’t want to know what Steve is thinking of me right now at all.
“I’ll drive you.”, Finns explains, “I can’t let you drive. Not in the state you’re in, Danny.”
I’m not sure whether I should thank him for his efforts to help me or tell him to leave me alone, because I’m a big boy and can drive on my own. But he seems to be really worried and he he called me ‘Danny’. Under this circumstances I just can’t be mean to him.
Finns is the only one who calls me ‘Danny’, well, he’s the only one I let calling me this way. I never liked to be called ‘Danny’ and I don’t have the slightest idea of why I let Finns calling me so, it just feels right to hear this shorter version of my name out of his mouth. Even Nando isn’t allowed to say ‘Danny’ to me, only Finns. I just love it, when he calls me that and when he does, I do everything he wants. It’s like a spell. The ‘Danny spell’.
So I let him guide me to his car and get into the passenger seat without complaining, a clear sign that I’m not myself anymore and I’m sure that Steve notices that as well. We drive in silence, I have no idea of what to say, I’m too busy with thinking about what I’m going to tell Steve as soon as we have arrived at my home. He won’t go until I’ve told him everything but I don’t want to tell him about me, Fernando and Stevie, not that I have much of a choice anyway.
I lean my head against the cold window and stare out of it. The sun is now shining. It’s a bit ironic, every cliché has happened so far, except of the weather that’s not matching my mood the slightest. Fernando loves the sun, it’s one of the few thing about England that he doesn’t like. The fact that the sky over Liverpool is too often too grey. I imagine how he steps out on the parking lot with Stevie by his side, being very satisfied and then he closes his eyes and turns his face towards the sun, enjoying the few sunbeams and looking so, so content. I take a deep breath and squeeze my eyes shut. I should stop thinking about Nando, it hurts too much and makes me want to cry even more.
“We’re there.”, Steve says and I raise my eyebrows. That’s not my house. I stare at Finns, who just opens his door and climbs out of the car. “What are you waiting for? Get out!”
“Where are we?”, I ask while I get out of Steve’s car.
“At my home.”, he replies as if I should’ve known that he wanted to drive me to his home and not mine.
“And why?”
Finns rolls his eyes and sighs. I hate it when he’s annoyed by me, I just can’t stand that, so I decide to just keep my mouth shut for once. That’s Steve, he knows what he’s doing, he always knows that.
“You know, when we’re in my house, you can’t chuck me out.”
I haven’t really expected an explanation but well, Finns always manages to surprise me. I don’t say anything to that and follow him inside his house.
As soon as the door closes behind us I look around curiously. Steve and I are good friends but for any reason I’ve never been here before.
We finally end up in the living-room, I sit next to him on the couch and shift nervously but surprisingly, I don’t have the urge to run away.
I wait for Steve to start talking but he doesn’t, he remains silent and looks at me. Just looks. No, I’m not going to tell him, no. He can look at me as much as he wants, I’m not saying a single word.
“It’s Fernando.”, I blurt out and groan inwardly. Steve really has perfected this ‘just-staring-but-not-talking’ thing. Annoying.
“Fernando?”, Finns finally breaks his silence and has an indefinable glint in his eyes. I nod.
“Yeah, Fernando... You know, he and I...”, I gulp. I shouldn’t tell him this, it could ruin so much. But I don’t think I can back out of this anymore, so I take a deep breath. “Nando and I... we... well, we...”
“You are together.”, Steve interrupts me and it isn’t a question but a statement. I’m confused but Finns only laughs. “Come on, Danny. I’m not daft, you know? You two weren’t as discreet as you thought you were.”
“Oh.”, I say and blush furiously and he laughs again.
“It’s okay, Daniel. I have no problems with you and Fernando being together.”
“Well...”, I reply and look down at my feet, “We were together.”
Finns looks alerted at me. “Were? What happened?”
I grit my teeth when the images of Steven and Fernando appear again in my mind. “He cheated on me.”
Steve’s eyes widen in shock and he takes my hand into his, stroking gently over it. “Oh Danny, I’m so sorry.”, he whispers, “May I ask... may I...”
“Steven.”, I answer his unspoken question and he gasps.
“Oh my god... Oh Danny...”, Finns whispers again, “Are you sure?”
When I nod, Stevie squeezes my hand reassuringly. “I saw them.”
I’m surprised that I’m not crying. When I thought in the car about this conversation, I was sure that I’d be crying all the time and not be able to say something. But now there are no tears and I wonder whether it is because I’ve already cried so much or because of Steve’s soothing presence. Maybe a bit of both.
I glance at him and again see the worry in his eyes and I suddenly feel so grateful for him being there for me. I look at his fingers, entwined with mine and when I look into his face again, I realize for the first time, how good-looking he is. This thought shocks me immensely. I mean, Steve is one of my best friends, I shouldn’t think of him like this. It’s the shock. The shock.
But I find myself admiring his features again. His eyes, so full of commiseration and understanding, his incredible cheekbones, his lips... It suddenly strikes me, that he looks a lot like Matt Damon. If Steve would ever decide to do something not football-related, he could easily find work as Matt Damon’s doppelganger. I’ve always liked Matt Damon...
I still stare at his lips and can feel his eyes upon me. He must’ve noticed how I stare at him but he doesn’t move or say anything. I just can’t tear my eyes away from this inviting lips and I wonder, what they taste like. Sweet or tart, soft or rough... Oh god... I’m not thinking this... No. If I’d kiss him and do further things with him - and I’m sure a kiss would lead to other things - I wouldn’t be one bit better than Fernando. And I am better, I have more decency and more self-control.
A few seconds later, when I’m lying on top of Finns and snog the living daylights out of him, I know one thing for sure: A Daniel Agger is not the slightest bit better than a Fernando Torres.And that’s the most depressing thing I ever had to learn.
Genre: Flangst
Rating: PG
Pairings: Daniel Agger/Steve Finnan, Daniel Agger/Fernando Torres, Fernando Torres/Steven Gerrard
Summary: Daniel finds out that Fernando is cheating on him and Steve wants to comfort him.
Disclaimer: All lies.
A/N: Written in Daniel’s POV. (Oh my... The title is crap... I'm going to change it, if I can think of a better one. you can help me if you want XD)
I’m walking happily towards our dressing room, my leather jacket wrapped tightly around my body. It’s cold outside but right now I don’t really care. We have won and my Fernando has scored. I’m so proud of him, I always am, whenever my Spaniard scores and fortunately, he does that a lot. And so I have lots of reasons to be proud of him and, what is even better, to reward him for every single goal he scores. I smirk to myself and lick my lips at the thought of what I’m going to do to him... God, I can’t wait to finally see him.
Suddenly, I hear noises. Strange noises. I can’t help but grin after I have figured out that the noises come from a storeroom to my left. Someone seems to enjoy a little after-match-fun of the kind Nando and I will have too in a few minutes. I wonder who it is. I’m on my way to our dressing room, so it’s very likely that I’m listening to two of my team mates right now.
Alvaro, I’m quite sure that it’s him. If you here such noises somewhere near us boys from Liverpool, it’s either me and Fernando or Alvaro and... well, whoever has gotten his attention at this day. And since I’m quite sure that I’m not in a small storeroom with Fernando, it must be Alvaro.
I stop in front of the door and frown. I have to admit, I’m quite curious of whom our little team slut is fucking now. I think it’s already some time ago since he last fucked Fabio. And as far as I know, he never had Lucas. But I don’t even know if Lucas is here tonight, so...
I just could look of course, I bet the door isn’t locked, but do I really really want to see a naked Alvaro Arbeloa thrusting his cock into someone else’s arse? I shudder. No, definitely not. Eeew... Now I can’t get this image out of my head... Oh God... It’s time to think of something else. Something nice. Fernando. Yes... That’s definitely a nice thought. His freckles... His tattoos... His eyes... I need to find him. Quick. With some luck Alvaro has finished with what I don’t want to think about by the time I’ve found my hot, sexy, beautiful, adorable... by the time I’ve found Fernando and we can have the storeroom. I don’t think I can wait till we’re at home anymore. Not when I start raving over him like that. Jesus, I sound like one of these brainless, pubescent girls... Fernando really isn’t good for me. He turns me into a freaking fangirl!
I shake my head and decide to finally go to the dressing room, congratulate the boys, grab Fernando and search for a quiet place to reward him for his goal.
And then, I hear it. A moan. Not that the fact that I hear a moan when I know that someone’s making out with someone else behing the door I’m standing in front of shocks me that much but what is moaned makes my blood run cold. Stevie...
And I know this voice, I know it by heart. I’ve hear it moan my name all over again countless times. But I refuse to believe it. It can’t be. I’m sure, I’ve just imagined it. It’s far too... ridiculous to be true. Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres, my Fernando Torres... Never. Stevie hasn’t got enough freckles and tattoos for that. He isn’t Nando’s type. I am Fernando’s type but not this... this... this... Scouser!
So why the hell am I even thinking about that? I must’ve gone completely crazy. As if Nando would ever cheat on me. I just thought of him and heard his voice as a result of this. Why his voice was moaning Stevie’s name and not mine, if I was imagining it... I don’t know but who cares? I just imagined it. Stupid, stupid me.
But then there it is again. Nando’s voice behind that door moaning Stevie’s name again. There’s no reason to deny it anymore.
I suddenly can’t really breath anymore and have the feeling that I’m going to faint. I think I must be as pale as dead and my fingernails dig deep into the palms of my hands. This is just a bad dream. It can’t be anything else. Fernando would never ever in his life cheat on me. He loves me, he promised me to never hurt me, we are meant for each other!
I stare at the door like it isn’t from this world. Behind this door... I don’t want to think about what I’d find behind that door and I can still hear the moans but they sound different to me now. It’s not Alvaro, it’s my Fernando fucking with the captain.
I start to sob and immediately cover my mouth with my hand. I am not going to cry. I will not cry and if it’s the last thing, I’ll do. I. won’t. cry.
I mean, perhaps I got it wrong and Nando and Stevie aren’t fucking with each other, perhaps they are just... okay, well, I have no idea what else it could be but I just don’t want to believe that Fernando is such a bastard! He’s sometimes a bit annoying but definitely not a bastard who would cheat on me. How much I hope that...
I slowly reach for the doorknob. There’s one way to find it out. I doesn’t like this way but I want to know. I want to know if I’m close to tears without a reason or not. As I predicted a few minutes ago, the door isn’t lockes. I gulp and push it open and the next moment I feel like I’m dying. And I think being dead would be better than having to see this.
My Fernando shoved up against a shelf, naked, hus legs wrapped around the waist of an equally naked Steven Gerrard.
But what hurts me the most is not that my worst nightmare of Fernando cheating on me has come true, but the look of utter pleasure on Nando’s face. He’s cheating on me and enjoying it.
I have no idea for how long I’m actually standing here and stare at them. It seems so... unreal. It’s like I’m watching one of these shitty soap operas, Sophie likes so much. She forced me to watch them countless times and I’m really a bit ashamed that I always know what has happened in which soap opera. What I am seeing here really has some parallels to such a show. The loved person cheating on you with one of your friends. It’s a thing you can see regularly on the TV and I know exactly how this would end if I were in a soap opera. I would be heartbroken and then a knight in shining armour would appear and save me. Well, I am heartbroken but I doubt that a knight in shining armour will come to my rescue. After all, this is unfortunately not a soap opera. This is real life, this is my life. And in my life my boyfriend is cheating on me with my captain. I’ve definitely done something wrong in my life.
“Daniel!”, a horrified cry stops me from musing further over my pathetic life and I see Fernando staring at me with wide eyes. Wide eyes, dark with lust. Wow, they finally noticed me. Incredible.
“Hi.”, is all I can say and at the same moment I want to kick myself. ‘Hi’?? What the fuck... What is that for a thing to say when you just discovered your boyfriend cheating on you? I’ve said more intelligent things at the age of five! ‘Hi’, my god. Hardly surprising that Fernando cheated on me. ‘Hi’...
“Fuck.”, Stevie mutters and I laugh hysterical.
“Yeah, you can say that again.” Yesssssss Daniel! Give it to them! I really have no idea what’s wrong with me. I used to have a full repertoire of cheeky remarks but now I stand here like the personalised stupiditym saying things like ‘Hi’ and ‘You can say that again’. Oh really... It feels like my brain has said ‘Goodbye’ the moment I saw Fernando and Stevie. I can’t even run away to save the last bit of my dignity like every other human being would do. Every normal human being. But noooooo, it’s much more fun to make a fool out of myself so why not ‘Hi’ and ‘You can say that again’?
I suck.
“Daniel, it’s not what it looks like!”, Fernando stutters and I really have to admit that I’m a bit baffled. Does Nando really, really, really think that this could work? It’s the standard, they always say that in those soap operas. And I always laughed about it and said to Sophie that no-one would say that in real life. Well, seems like I’ve been wrong.
I look at the two men in front of me. Nando naked, pressed against Stevie and legs wrapped around him. Stevie naked, pressed against Nando and his cock buried deep inside of my Fernando. Nando can’t really expect me to buy this ‘It’s not what it looks like’ stuff from him, can he?
“I’m sure it’s not what it looks like.”, I say, “It’s obvious that you two were just... um... um...” Damn. I was so close - so close - to say something intelligent. Today is simply not my day.
“I... I should go now and leave you two alone. Yeah... yeah, I should do that.”, I stutter and I think that’s the first time I’ve said something sensible today and that’s somehow depressing.
“Have fun.”, I add before I turn around and slowly walk away. I’m sure they’ll have a lot of fun when I’m finally gone... I ignore Fernando, who’s desperately calling my name. Fernando has made his choice and that’s obviously not me.
I feel tears welling up my eyes and start to go a bit faster. My vision blurs and I almost stumble over my own feet. I think I’ve finally realized what exactly has just happened. A bit late but better late than never. Fernando, who I considered to be my true and only love not more than ten minutes ago, has cheated on me. He really has cheated on me. He’s fucking with someone else when he should be fucking with me. He has broken his promises of loving only me and never hurting me. He knew it was my greatest fear that he could get tired of me and leave me for someone else and he said he would never do that. But he just did it. He made my greatest fear come true and it fucking hurts. So much to ‘my true and only love’.
I just want to get away from here as quick as possible and forget about what I’ve seen. But who am I trying to kid? I don’t even believe by myself that I ever can forget what Fernando has done to me. Okay, that sounds a bit dramatic and I might have watched a soap opera too many but I think I have the right and a reason to be overly dramatic.
“Daniel?”, I hear someone calling my name and at first I think it’s Fernando. I want to turn around and throw myself into his arms and forgive him for everything he has done but then I notice that it clearly isn’t his voice. It’s Finns’. My first intention is to just ignore him and continue walking but he calls me again.
It’s not that I don’t like Steve, he’s great and a really good friend but I’m not in the mood of talking to him right now. No offence to him but I just want to get home and never come out again.
Okay, the parking lot. Good. That means I’m not far away from my car, that means I can get away from here and that means I can finally cry my eyes out in my bedroom with nobody disturbing me.
But Finns wouldn’t be Finns if he let me go this easily. He grabs my arm and turns me around. Great. Now there’s no escape anymore.
He looks worried at me and I find myself thinking that it’s somehow cute. Steve Finnan worries about me, something Fernando seemingly has never done, and I mean, he’s my boyfriend! No, wait. He was my boyfriend. Until he started fucking with my captain. I almost start crying and that right in front of Steve. As if I haven’t disgraced myself enough today... So I try to breathe slowly and ignore the sting in my eyes.
“Daniel, are you crying?”, Steve asks, sounding now not only worried but very, very worried. Shit. Seems like I wasn’t very successful with keeping myself from crying. I quickly wipe over my face and feel the wetness of my tears on the back of my hand. That’s so embarrassing! A Daniel Agger shouldn’t be crying over someone! A Daniel Agger should just go and show this someone that he’s better off without him. But it seems like when I woke up this morning, I left my Daniel Agger personality at home...
“N-no... I’m n-n-not...”, I stutter therefore and am shocked at how shaky my voice sounds. What was it again? A Daniel Agger shouldn’t be crying? Yeah, so we start denying it, even though everyone can see it. When the hell did my life decide to go so terribly wrong?
“Yeah, sure...”, Steve mutters, his hand still around my arm, “Daniel, what’s wrong?”
I’m about to tell him to fuck off but before I can do so, I suddenly throw myself into Steve’s arms, knock him almost over and cry like I’ve never cried before. I’m such a wimp. It must be the shock of seeing Fernando with Stevie. I would never ever do something like this without being completely drunk or completely shocked. I haven’t drunk anything alcoholic today so it must be the shock’s fault that I’m now clinging to Finns as if my life depended on it and do what I wanted to do in the stillness of my bedroom. Cry my eyes out.
Steve must be as surprised about my outburst as I am and he pats my back awkwardly. “Daniel? Danny?”, he asks and I know he waits for me to get a grip on myself but... I can’t. I’m still lying in Steve’s arms and cry like a Daniel Agger shouldn’t cry. And it feels good, incredibly good, to finally let go and I feel somehow comfortable in his arms. Wow, I never thought I’d actually like being so near to Finns but he’s so warm and comforting and I feel like I could stay like this forever, pressed against him with his arms wrapped around me and his hand solwly stroking over my back.
“Danny...”, he murmurs softly and pulls carefully away, much to my displeasure, “Come.”
“W-what?”, I sniff and hate myself for sounding still so insecure. I don’t want to know what Steve is thinking of me right now at all.
“I’ll drive you.”, Finns explains, “I can’t let you drive. Not in the state you’re in, Danny.”
I’m not sure whether I should thank him for his efforts to help me or tell him to leave me alone, because I’m a big boy and can drive on my own. But he seems to be really worried and he he called me ‘Danny’. Under this circumstances I just can’t be mean to him.
Finns is the only one who calls me ‘Danny’, well, he’s the only one I let calling me this way. I never liked to be called ‘Danny’ and I don’t have the slightest idea of why I let Finns calling me so, it just feels right to hear this shorter version of my name out of his mouth. Even Nando isn’t allowed to say ‘Danny’ to me, only Finns. I just love it, when he calls me that and when he does, I do everything he wants. It’s like a spell. The ‘Danny spell’.
So I let him guide me to his car and get into the passenger seat without complaining, a clear sign that I’m not myself anymore and I’m sure that Steve notices that as well. We drive in silence, I have no idea of what to say, I’m too busy with thinking about what I’m going to tell Steve as soon as we have arrived at my home. He won’t go until I’ve told him everything but I don’t want to tell him about me, Fernando and Stevie, not that I have much of a choice anyway.
I lean my head against the cold window and stare out of it. The sun is now shining. It’s a bit ironic, every cliché has happened so far, except of the weather that’s not matching my mood the slightest. Fernando loves the sun, it’s one of the few thing about England that he doesn’t like. The fact that the sky over Liverpool is too often too grey. I imagine how he steps out on the parking lot with Stevie by his side, being very satisfied and then he closes his eyes and turns his face towards the sun, enjoying the few sunbeams and looking so, so content. I take a deep breath and squeeze my eyes shut. I should stop thinking about Nando, it hurts too much and makes me want to cry even more.
“We’re there.”, Steve says and I raise my eyebrows. That’s not my house. I stare at Finns, who just opens his door and climbs out of the car. “What are you waiting for? Get out!”
“Where are we?”, I ask while I get out of Steve’s car.
“At my home.”, he replies as if I should’ve known that he wanted to drive me to his home and not mine.
“And why?”
Finns rolls his eyes and sighs. I hate it when he’s annoyed by me, I just can’t stand that, so I decide to just keep my mouth shut for once. That’s Steve, he knows what he’s doing, he always knows that.
“You know, when we’re in my house, you can’t chuck me out.”
I haven’t really expected an explanation but well, Finns always manages to surprise me. I don’t say anything to that and follow him inside his house.
As soon as the door closes behind us I look around curiously. Steve and I are good friends but for any reason I’ve never been here before.
We finally end up in the living-room, I sit next to him on the couch and shift nervously but surprisingly, I don’t have the urge to run away.
I wait for Steve to start talking but he doesn’t, he remains silent and looks at me. Just looks. No, I’m not going to tell him, no. He can look at me as much as he wants, I’m not saying a single word.
“It’s Fernando.”, I blurt out and groan inwardly. Steve really has perfected this ‘just-staring-but-not-talking’ thing. Annoying.
“Fernando?”, Finns finally breaks his silence and has an indefinable glint in his eyes. I nod.
“Yeah, Fernando... You know, he and I...”, I gulp. I shouldn’t tell him this, it could ruin so much. But I don’t think I can back out of this anymore, so I take a deep breath. “Nando and I... we... well, we...”
“You are together.”, Steve interrupts me and it isn’t a question but a statement. I’m confused but Finns only laughs. “Come on, Danny. I’m not daft, you know? You two weren’t as discreet as you thought you were.”
“Oh.”, I say and blush furiously and he laughs again.
“It’s okay, Daniel. I have no problems with you and Fernando being together.”
“Well...”, I reply and look down at my feet, “We were together.”
Finns looks alerted at me. “Were? What happened?”
I grit my teeth when the images of Steven and Fernando appear again in my mind. “He cheated on me.”
Steve’s eyes widen in shock and he takes my hand into his, stroking gently over it. “Oh Danny, I’m so sorry.”, he whispers, “May I ask... may I...”
“Steven.”, I answer his unspoken question and he gasps.
“Oh my god... Oh Danny...”, Finns whispers again, “Are you sure?”
When I nod, Stevie squeezes my hand reassuringly. “I saw them.”
I’m surprised that I’m not crying. When I thought in the car about this conversation, I was sure that I’d be crying all the time and not be able to say something. But now there are no tears and I wonder whether it is because I’ve already cried so much or because of Steve’s soothing presence. Maybe a bit of both.
I glance at him and again see the worry in his eyes and I suddenly feel so grateful for him being there for me. I look at his fingers, entwined with mine and when I look into his face again, I realize for the first time, how good-looking he is. This thought shocks me immensely. I mean, Steve is one of my best friends, I shouldn’t think of him like this. It’s the shock. The shock.
But I find myself admiring his features again. His eyes, so full of commiseration and understanding, his incredible cheekbones, his lips... It suddenly strikes me, that he looks a lot like Matt Damon. If Steve would ever decide to do something not football-related, he could easily find work as Matt Damon’s doppelganger. I’ve always liked Matt Damon...
I still stare at his lips and can feel his eyes upon me. He must’ve noticed how I stare at him but he doesn’t move or say anything. I just can’t tear my eyes away from this inviting lips and I wonder, what they taste like. Sweet or tart, soft or rough... Oh god... I’m not thinking this... No. If I’d kiss him and do further things with him - and I’m sure a kiss would lead to other things - I wouldn’t be one bit better than Fernando. And I am better, I have more decency and more self-control.
A few seconds later, when I’m lying on top of Finns and snog the living daylights out of him, I know one thing for sure: A Daniel Agger is not the slightest bit better than a Fernando Torres.And that’s the most depressing thing I ever had to learn.