WEEK 9 - My attempt at a Newspaper Article
I htough i would try to write a Heckler type of article and here it is.
UNCLE NED WON'T BE PASSING BY ANYMORE
The leading question which has been surrounding the scientific community, particularly the astronomers of planet Earth, has been the re-classification of the planet Pluto. Or rather should I say the 'dwarf planet' Pluto. The re-classification of Pluto is a very controversial issue which has disturbed many people around the world as they fear for their status in their respective societies. I mean how far are people willing to take their re-classification duties; and where will this new aspect of the scientific community end. This writer has a fear that the re-classification Gestapo will never quit and that everything will be 'dwarfed' down if it does not meet a certain size criteria. This brings us to the question that has plagued men and annoyed women for centuries; does size matter?
According to the International Astronomical Union, size is very important, particularly when concerning planets in our solar system. In 2006, Pluto was axed from the list of planets in Earth's solar system as it was consider by the IAU to be far too small and was branded as an inferior 'dwarf planet'. Pluto has a diameter of 2306 kilometers and this, according to the IAU, along with the 'dwarf planet's' irregular orbit around the sun, is not what constitutes a planet. However, all is not lost for Pluto as the controversy still surrounds its planetary status and it could be pushed back up into the thick of things as the IAU again discusses whether it deserves to be called a planet.
However, this writer does not think that the International Astronomical Union is thinking about the long-term psychological effect that Pluto is forced to suffer as its masculinity is continually questioned. How would a man feel if his position in society was down-graded then restored just to be down-graded again? The said man would be in and out of therapy sessions for the rest of his life. How about some respect or sympathy for a planet's emotions. I bet the IAU were not thinking about how Pluto will explain to other planets about its predicament. Pluto will be ousted from the big boys club and relegated to some inferior dwarf planet group consisting of the two other planets Ceres and Xena. That doesn't sound like much of a party to me. This writer equates it to arriving at a dinner party only to discover that you're seated at the kids’ table using plastic cutlery and drinking cordial.
As well as this, how does the IAU expect Pluto to explain its status to a potential date? It really puts a strain on a relationship when your masculinity is being questioned in a public forum by astronomers. I mean what planet would want to be seen with a 'dwarf planet' especially one that has been placed in the same group as a female, even if she is a Warrior Princess. To be fair though, it is hard to expect astronomers to be considering Pluto's dating situation when most of them probably haven't seen a woman for years.
The classificationists obviously do not care about Pluto and the emotional problems they will undoubtedly create if they continue their course. Irreparable damage has occurred to the planet Pluto and its ego which hopefully will not happen to other planets. Mercury, the now smallest planet in our solar system, will hopefully see this as a warning that its head is now on the chopping block. But who is to say that the blood hungry astronomers won’t be waiting outside the home of Mercury with fire and pitch forks yelling ‘dwarf planet’ at the top of their lungs. I suggest that Mercury start using anabolic steroids to beef up in a very short matter of time. However, if Mercury does turn to illegal drugs it will probably have the Intergalactic Drug Agency knocking at its door instead.
This writer begs the question, where and when will the re-classifications end? As the population of planet Earth slowly grows taller will those below six feet tall be reclassified as dwarfs? Will movies that do not exceed the now standard two hours be called ‘dwarf movies’? I want to know, where will the re-classificationists stop? Because I am sure that if they had their way, “War and Peace” would be considered a short story and readers would have to commit years to finishing a novel because books would be thousands upon thousands of pages long.
According to the International Astronomical Union, in the not too distant future, there could be approximately 200 dwarf planet classifications. This is all well and good but Pluto is the only one of these 200 which has had the pleasure of being reclassified from its original position. Although I have some sympathy for the other 199 large objects in space, none have ever been in the situation that Pluto now finds itself in. I mean have you ever been in first class on an airplane only to be bumped back to economy. The passenger may have been quite content to fly in cramped conditions, sharing a television with 50 people until they had the chance to experience the high life of first class. They now know what they are missing and nothing but the best will do. This is the position which Pluto unfortunately and uniquely has. Pluto had 75 years of planetary status only to be demoted in August 2006 and now undoubtedly misses the fame and popularity that it originally enjoyed.
So spare a thought for the ‘dwarf planet’ Pluto who until very recently was one of the select few planets which held a place in all of our hearts as well as on the walls of countless schools and science departments around the world. In August 2006 it was relegated to the reserve grade of planetary status and most probably will end its career on the bench. However this does not take away from its highly accomplished career which we will all hopefully remember for years to come. I know I will always wait for the day when Uncle Ned will Pass again.
UNCLE NED WON'T BE PASSING BY ANYMORE
The leading question which has been surrounding the scientific community, particularly the astronomers of planet Earth, has been the re-classification of the planet Pluto. Or rather should I say the 'dwarf planet' Pluto. The re-classification of Pluto is a very controversial issue which has disturbed many people around the world as they fear for their status in their respective societies. I mean how far are people willing to take their re-classification duties; and where will this new aspect of the scientific community end. This writer has a fear that the re-classification Gestapo will never quit and that everything will be 'dwarfed' down if it does not meet a certain size criteria. This brings us to the question that has plagued men and annoyed women for centuries; does size matter?
According to the International Astronomical Union, size is very important, particularly when concerning planets in our solar system. In 2006, Pluto was axed from the list of planets in Earth's solar system as it was consider by the IAU to be far too small and was branded as an inferior 'dwarf planet'. Pluto has a diameter of 2306 kilometers and this, according to the IAU, along with the 'dwarf planet's' irregular orbit around the sun, is not what constitutes a planet. However, all is not lost for Pluto as the controversy still surrounds its planetary status and it could be pushed back up into the thick of things as the IAU again discusses whether it deserves to be called a planet.
However, this writer does not think that the International Astronomical Union is thinking about the long-term psychological effect that Pluto is forced to suffer as its masculinity is continually questioned. How would a man feel if his position in society was down-graded then restored just to be down-graded again? The said man would be in and out of therapy sessions for the rest of his life. How about some respect or sympathy for a planet's emotions. I bet the IAU were not thinking about how Pluto will explain to other planets about its predicament. Pluto will be ousted from the big boys club and relegated to some inferior dwarf planet group consisting of the two other planets Ceres and Xena. That doesn't sound like much of a party to me. This writer equates it to arriving at a dinner party only to discover that you're seated at the kids’ table using plastic cutlery and drinking cordial.
As well as this, how does the IAU expect Pluto to explain its status to a potential date? It really puts a strain on a relationship when your masculinity is being questioned in a public forum by astronomers. I mean what planet would want to be seen with a 'dwarf planet' especially one that has been placed in the same group as a female, even if she is a Warrior Princess. To be fair though, it is hard to expect astronomers to be considering Pluto's dating situation when most of them probably haven't seen a woman for years.
The classificationists obviously do not care about Pluto and the emotional problems they will undoubtedly create if they continue their course. Irreparable damage has occurred to the planet Pluto and its ego which hopefully will not happen to other planets. Mercury, the now smallest planet in our solar system, will hopefully see this as a warning that its head is now on the chopping block. But who is to say that the blood hungry astronomers won’t be waiting outside the home of Mercury with fire and pitch forks yelling ‘dwarf planet’ at the top of their lungs. I suggest that Mercury start using anabolic steroids to beef up in a very short matter of time. However, if Mercury does turn to illegal drugs it will probably have the Intergalactic Drug Agency knocking at its door instead.
This writer begs the question, where and when will the re-classifications end? As the population of planet Earth slowly grows taller will those below six feet tall be reclassified as dwarfs? Will movies that do not exceed the now standard two hours be called ‘dwarf movies’? I want to know, where will the re-classificationists stop? Because I am sure that if they had their way, “War and Peace” would be considered a short story and readers would have to commit years to finishing a novel because books would be thousands upon thousands of pages long.
According to the International Astronomical Union, in the not too distant future, there could be approximately 200 dwarf planet classifications. This is all well and good but Pluto is the only one of these 200 which has had the pleasure of being reclassified from its original position. Although I have some sympathy for the other 199 large objects in space, none have ever been in the situation that Pluto now finds itself in. I mean have you ever been in first class on an airplane only to be bumped back to economy. The passenger may have been quite content to fly in cramped conditions, sharing a television with 50 people until they had the chance to experience the high life of first class. They now know what they are missing and nothing but the best will do. This is the position which Pluto unfortunately and uniquely has. Pluto had 75 years of planetary status only to be demoted in August 2006 and now undoubtedly misses the fame and popularity that it originally enjoyed.
So spare a thought for the ‘dwarf planet’ Pluto who until very recently was one of the select few planets which held a place in all of our hearts as well as on the walls of countless schools and science departments around the world. In August 2006 it was relegated to the reserve grade of planetary status and most probably will end its career on the bench. However this does not take away from its highly accomplished career which we will all hopefully remember for years to come. I know I will always wait for the day when Uncle Ned will Pass again.