Fic: How To Disappear Completely, pre S/D, PG-13, 2/2
Title: How To Disappear Completely
Author: superbadgirl/SBG
Characters: Steve, Danny, Chin, Kono, Catherine
Pairing: Steve/Danny
Genre: pre-slash, angst, H/C
Rating: PG-13
Word-count: @16000 total
Spoilers: None, really.
Warnings:
Summary: In a bad moment, Steve wishes something bad to befall Danny. When it does, it puts him on the suspect list.
AN: see first chapter, except I should say I may epilogue yet.
(Read in entirety on on AO3)
Chapter 1 on LJ
“I suppose by the book means you can’t tell me anything,” Steve said. “They dumped me in here almost two hours ago.”
“No, I can’t. Only after you’re cleared,” Chin said. “And you will be cleared, Steve.”
Of course he would be. Steve would rather be dead himself than intentionally harm one single, ridiculous hair on Danny’s head. He couldn’t understand how there was someone left on the island, in the whole state, who genuinely didn’t know how he and Danny went at each other but didn’t mean it. He’d been thinking about it even more since being tossed in here, though, and he had to admit the whole thing was a clusterfuck of bad timing. He wished he could just speak with whomever it was who’d overheard that stupid conversation, the one he should have mentioned to Chin and Kono the minute they realized Danny was gone. He’d honestly not thought it was relevant. It hadn’t been, until it was, and the way Chin was looking at him calmly, but with an underlying tension made that very obvious.
“Chin,” he said, “it was just a bad moment.”
“I know that, Steve, and I know how both of you were on Friday. Don’t you think we’ve all reached that point with each other from time to time? There have been days I’ve wanted shake Kono till she rattles.” Chin pushed away from the wall and moved to stand in front of him. “Is it your ill-timed and coincidental comment that’s got you more upset, or is it the other thing we talked about?”
Slouching forward again, Steve scrubbed his face and then looked up, beyond Chin to the camera. He shook his head, about to answer when the door clicked loudly and startled him instead. Cage strolled in, as if he hadn’t let Steve sit down here for an unnecessarily long time. He had no idea what the tactics were about, but he couldn’t let himself give in to his irritation. The faster he could clear this up, the faster he could help find Danny. He would conduct a building by building search on all of O’ahu if he had to.
“Sorry for the delay,” Cage said. “I hope you weren’t too uncomfortable in here.”
“The room is meant to be uncomfortable, Cage. The least you could have done was let me wait out where I could do something,” Steve said. “Can we please just do this?”
“McGarrett, look, being angry isn’t going to help.” Cage looked at him closely. “I know leaving you in here for a couple of hours won’t help my credibility, but I’ve got no beef with you. I had things to attend to.”
Chin, standing behind Cage, mouthed press conference to Steve. It only reminded him this was all very real. And that he should have been at there representing Five-0; it was his man who was missing. He hoped like hell they hadn’t named him as a person of interest. Chin wouldn’t have let them and Steve was sure he’d done a fine job in his stead, but he felt twisted up about it anyway.
“We haven’t gone public and listed you as a suspect. To be honest, we’re not sure you’ve got any involvement, but this case has a non-existent pool of leads. So far, you’re it.” Cage must be able to read minds. “So, we have to get this logged. You’re an investigator, of sorts. You must see how it looks.”
Yeah. He did. It had preyed on his mind all weekend, that look on Danny’s face and the hurt retreat into unusual silence as a result of what he’d said. If Danny had reacted that way, someone who didn’t know them would think the worst when the worst then happened. Steve wasn’t sure he was going to be able to explain this all away, though, because even in the context of him-and-Danny, a threat was a threat and Danny was gone.
“Yeah,” Steve said. “I know, but he’s my partner.”
“Hmm.” Cage opened a file and flicked through it for a moment. “Wouldn’t that be the same partner who you told you wished you’d never selected for the task force in the first place?”
Steve sighed. Jesus, Cage made it sound like he and Danny were kids squabbling in the schoolyard. Which, okay. Yeah, sometimes that was an accurate description and then there was Friday. He glanced at Chin, who shook his head slightly, then shot an icy glare Cage’s way.
“Yes, that would be him. Look, whatever your whistleblower told you was taken out of context.” Steve hated that he sounded to his own ears like he was trying to convince himself of that rather than Cage. “Someone new, maybe, or someone who doesn’t know how we operate. Danny and I, we’re good. He gets under my skin sometimes, that’s all.”
Steve twitched a little at that understatement. He was beyond rationalizing away the deeper whys of Danny’s ability to get to him and his own inability to find it anything other than endearing ninety-nine percent of the time. Danny practically lived under Steve’s skin, and without him there, Steve felt naked, vulnerable in a way that wasn’t becoming of a SEAL.
“So under your skin you’d employ your extensive training against him?” Cage didn’t sound particularly antagonistic.
“No. You can’t believe that I’d honestly do it, let alone be stupid enough to announce it in public just before I did. Could I make someone disappear? Yes,” Steve said. He shrugged. Dishonesty would be of no service here. “I could. But I did not do anything to Danny.”
“I’ll need you to go over the conversation you had with Detective Williams as you remember it,” Cage said. “Then we’ll go from there.”
Steve didn’t want to tell the story, but he didn’t have a choice.
Somewhere along the diatribe, Danny’s words had taken on a senseless cast in his head. If he had to describe it, it was like the off screen adult voices in all of the Peanuts holiday specials. Wah-wah-wah-waaaah-wahwahwah.
It didn’t happen often. Usually Steve practically hung on every stupid thing Danny said, he could admit the level of his fondness spiked with every disproportionately passionate word, but under rare circumstances it was just too much. Right here and now, it was probably due to the growing tension he felt about Doris gnawing at him day and night lately, interrupting his already reduced sleeping schedule. It was probably that he hadn’t had enough to eat and had a headache because of it. It was probably that Danny was just in one obnoxious, rare form today and Steve had reached maximum levels of tolerance. He’d never hit that particular apex before, so deep down he realized this was the accumulation of too many things, but his higher brain function seemed reluctant to kick in as he boiled over.
“Stop. Danny, would you please do me the favor of shutting the hell up for once?” Steve snapped, though he hadn’t heard an actual word for several minutes.
Danny blinked at him a few times, then snapped back, “Whoa, Commander Grouchy. I don’t know what bug crawled up your ass, but kindly let me know when it finds its way back out.”
“Did you ever consider that you’re the bug, Daniel?” Steve turned on Danny, got in his tiny little space and ignored the zing of the something that charged between them. It was always there, he always felt it but for some reason it made him so angry today, fueled his mouth. “A small, annoying toy bug. I think sometimes you’ve got a pull cord and the words you spout are all pre-recorded gibberish.”
“Seriously, what’s the matter with you?” Danny looked more worried than angry all of a sudden. “You feeling all right? Is it your mom? Cath? What?”
He really couldn’t take Danny’s concern, even while inside he was screaming that he was the one who needed to shut up, not Danny. That Danny had hit two hot buttons in one breath made him so angry, for reasons he couldn’t justify. Hell, just like he couldn’t say why he was in such a pissy mood.
“I’d be better if just this one time you did what I asked and stopped talking.”
“Stop informing you of all the ways your tactics are questionable on the best of days?” The anger was back. “Never. It’s bad enough I’ve started to assimilate to your way of doing things…”
Steve clamped a hand on Danny’s shoulder, though part of him wanted to put it across his mouth. Another part of him wanted to do something else with that mouth. Punch, maybe. Or… Shit. He really didn’t know why Danny ragging on him was setting him off, and he really thought he wanted to know, except for the moment all he could think about was how it wasn’t cute or funny today. He squeezed that shoulder, hard, his hand very large and very capable of doing damage.
“You couldn’t possibly do things my way. You don’t have it in you.”
Steve had often felt that way over the last few years with Danny, and usually it wasn’t a bad thing. He knew his limitations and he’d gone quickly from enduring his eccentricities to just plain needing Danny.
Just not today.
“Sometimes I have no idea why I thought you’d be the best partner for me, Danny, or why I still put up with you.”
The irritation on Danny’s face flickered for just a moment into something more like raw hurt. Steve saw it and it bothered him, but he couldn’t pull the words back. He almost, almost meant them. There were days when his partner was simply too much for a normal human being to take. That was his reasonable explanation. It was like a release valve had let go, all of his pent up frustration for everything - not just Danny in this moment - spewed out. The shit coming out of his mouth was loaded with Doris and Cath lying to him, and, he knew deep down, the frustrated, complex, unnamable feelings Danny evoked in him just by existing. None of it was Danny’s fault.
And then he went that one step further.
“Sometimes I think I’d be better off if you just disappeared. Actually, you know, I could disappear you and leave no evidence,” Steve said. “My education, experience and skill combined would make it so easy.”
“Good luck with that, asshole. Do me a favor and don’t talk to me until you’re human again,” Danny said with a bitter laugh. He pulled from Steve’s grasp and walked to the car with clenched fists and without another word.
The interrogation room fell silent after the last of his words left his mouth. Steve felt vaguely ill. Fuck, it sounded worse out loud than he’d thought it would, and he’d thought it would be pretty bad. He pinched the bridge of his nose and stubbornly refused to look at either Cage or Chin. He came out of that looking like an adolescent and he knew it. He also knew there had been no outward sign of the good humor he and Danny usually had even at their bickeriest, and he hadn’t been able to infuse his recollection with it. The most awful thing about it was now he understood a bit better why he’d lost it with Danny, an epiphany that might have come too late. In that fit of unchecked and unfocused anger, he’d said the exact opposite of what was truth.
“Well,” Cage said after a few seconds.
Steve finally looked up and could see the unspoken oh, you jackass on Chin’s face; he couldn’t quite tell at whom it was directed, him or Cage. He took the coward’s way out and locked his eyes on a blank spot on the wall rather than look Chin in the eye.
“I’d say that aligns with the report we received.”
Cage’s tone was difficult to interpret, and it was a fair bet it was partly due to the shit floating around in Steve’s own head. He cleared his throat.
“I’m not in a position to lie about it, considering you already have an eyewitness account, and I wouldn’t anyway. I said those things. I have to live with the misunderstanding they caused. I have to live with that potentially being the last conversation I had with my partner,” Steve said with a grimace. God, his heart was doing awful things and it was only that he knew he was too young and too fit to have a heart attack that he didn’t demand a medic. “And I know saying now that I didn’t mean them won’t go very far, but I really didn’t.”
“I don’t have to tell you that intent doesn’t matter that much in the face of Williams’ sudden disappearance.” Cage paced. “The fact is, you all but said you wanted him gone, and now he is. You have the means and the skill to make it happen. If you were any run-of-the-mill perp, we’d have grounds to hold you for twenty-four hours at the bare minimum.”
No. He could not be detained for that long. He shot a desperate look to Chin, who appeared alarmed and again Steve couldn’t tell if it was because of him or Cage. He shook his head, not panicking but also not the epitome of calm. He needed to be out there. For as little ground as they’d gained before this unnecessary interview, he still needed to be out there pounding on doors.
“Cage,” Chin said. “Be reasonable.”
“I am reasonable,” Cage said. “If we let the only suspect we have in Detective Williams’ case go free because of who he is, the media will be all over it. No matter how much you say you didn’t mean the threats, McGarrett, they are what they are. I’m sorry. Without any compelling information to refute the statements you admit to making, my hands are tied.”
Steve stood, amused at the way Cage flinched. He didn’t make an aggressive move toward Cage, much as he wanted to throttle the guy. Instead, he turned and walked to the back of the room, rested his forehead against the cool cement wall. This was a completely unacceptable outcome. What he’d said was nothing like admission of guilt, but it was being treated that way. He was more than a little angry at the governor not going to bat for him here; he’d thought they’d made great strides these last few months. Ironically, it was probably the governor’s missteps in trying to protect his own friend that had made him cautious here. Still, he’d have appreciated some warning at the very least.
“You’re going to hold him on this? Cage, this is paper thin and you know it. You can’t tell me partners in your past never threatened to cause you bodily harm.”
Cage barked out a laugh and said, “Lieutenant, everyone I know has. The point is, no matter how many people have wanted my head on a platter, I’m standing here. Williams isn’t. I really am sorry.”
The click of the door release echoed through the room. It was incomprehensible that this was happening. Steve couldn’t let himself be grounded based on words alone. He spun around, wildly looking at Chin first and then halting Cage when he was halfway out of the door.
“Wait, wait, wait. Words. If issuing threats in a bad moment is enough to hold me,” Steve said hurriedly, “then by that logic, issuing apologies should be enough to let me rejoin the investigation. Listen to Danny’s voicemails from this weekend. It’s all there. Would a guilty man call the person he presumably did harm to multiple times over the course of the next few days?”
At the door, Cage twisted to face him. He looked thoughtful for a moment, but shook his head.
“A guilty man who knows how to disappear someone would also know to pull off fake contrition, McGarrett.”
Oh, that was it.
“Jesus, you’re a dick.” Steve took a few steps forward, not surprised when Chin held him back. “You heard those voicemails already, didn’t you, and you’re still going to stick with this bullshit? Fuck you, Cage, just fuck you so hard. My partner is out there somewhere and you’re going to hold me in here? Really? I need to talk to Denning.”
“Hey, take it easy. Let me see what’s…” Chin murmured in his ear, trailing off when his phone chirped an incoming text. He stepped away from Steve, glanced at his phone, frowned and darted for the door before it could shut. “Cage, hold up.”
Belatedly, Steve realized he could have made it to the door before it shut. He made a dash for it anyway, reaching it just as it clicked. Goddamn it. He glared out the narrow window, saw Chin and Cage in a heated discussion, Chin pointing to his phone and waving his arms in a move so reminiscent of Danny that Steve had to close his eyes for a second. He opened them again and watched Chin dial his phone, holding it aloft, obviously on speaker. Whoever was on the other end had information that had Cage looking a little angry, then resigned. Then Chin pocketed his phone and, after a few more words with Cage, strode back toward Steve. The door release clicked.
“Come on,” Chin said simply, holding the door open. “Kamekona called Kono a few minutes ago. Apparently he’s got someone at his truck he has reason to believe is in possession of Danny’s wallet. Even Cage had to admit it’s unlikely you’d screw up that bad when committing kidnapping with a side of presumed homicide. Asshole.”
Steve bared his teeth in an unhappy, snarly smile. He slipped by Chin, all the pent up energy he’d amassed in the interrogation spurring him on as much as the possible lead. He didn’t see Cage in the corridor anymore, which was just as well. He might not have been able to rein in his anger. Both he and Chin headed for the stairs rather than wait for the elevator to come back down.
“Details,” Steve said as he took the stairs two at a time and at a good clip.
“Don’t have many.” Chin was half a flight behind Steve and huffing a bit to stay even that close. “Kono said he spotted the guy digging through the wallet like he was unfamiliar with the contents and, knowing Danny’s MIA, he figured it could be important. He sent his cousin over to ‘casually’ check it out.”
There was nothing casual or subtle about Kamekona or Flipper. Steve almost laughed.
“That was when Flipper saw Danny’s driver’s license.”
“Good enough for me.” Steve burst through the main floor door. “Kono on her way?”
“She’s probably already there, brah.”
“I hope she saves a piece for us,” Steve said.
H50H50H50
High blood pressure didn’t run in his family as far as he knew, but Steve was certain his had skyrocketed to dangerous heights during the last hour and a half. Each minute was tick-tick-ticking in the back of his mind even louder now that they had something to work with. While it was infinitely better to be on the right side of an interview, this one had been an exercise in frustration. He wanted to feel better, vindicated, at once more being in charge of Danny’s case; he didn’t feel anything but growing dread. He’d half expected to find Cage lurking in the shadows upon Five-0’s return with their actual suspect, waiting to pounce on him with some trumped up charges. One day, he was going to find out what exactly Cage’s deal was.
Tonight, he simply wanted a straight answer from the bum listing to the right in the bolted-down chair.
“I didn’t steal nothin’.”
“You seriously want us to believe that he just walked up to you and handed you his wallet? Filled with cash and credit cards,” Steve said. “Why would he do that?”
Elmore Flats sighed heavily, and again the rank odor of stale booze that emitted from his mouth reminded Steve that he’d obviously tied several drinks on in the not-too-distant past.
“I don’t care what you believe,” Flats said, slurring more from lack of teeth than drunkenness, though there lingered some of that as well. “I tole ya on the beach and I’m tellin’ ya now, he walked up to me and said something in … German. Yeah, it was German. Or something. And shoved it right into my hands. It was the darnedest thing, but my mama, she didn’t raise no fools. Free money is good money. If the guy wanted me to have it, I had to take it.”
They’d found Flats at Kamekona’s truck, with Danny’s wallet very much in his hands and Flipper looming over him like a very large statue. Credit cards, driver’s license and several pictures - one of Grace, one of an old Thunderbird and one of the team, which had surprised and touched all of them - had been spread out on the picnic table and arranged like Flats was playing a game of Memory with them. Whatever cash Danny had had was depleted to three dollars and some loose change. Flats, a down-and-outer, had been smart enough to avoid using the cards but looked like he’d been about to change his mind now that his cash windfall was almost gone.
“You’ll have to forgive us. We just want to understand,” Kono said gently. “None of what you’re telling us sounds very plausible, especially considering the person you claim gave you his money of his own free will is a police officer, okay? He’s not going to hand over his personal belongings. Maybe you want to try it again.”
“Little sister, I don’t know how many ways ya want me to tell it.” Flats raised his right arm toward his head, but it jerked to a stop as if they had him restrained and he lowered it back into his lap. “I didn’t do nothing wrong.”
“You had a missing cop’s wallet on you when we found you.” Steve blew out a long breath. If Flats was tired of answering the same questions, he was beyond tired of asking them. “That is the definition of doing something wrong.”
“Well, he sure didn’t look missing when he gave it to me,” Flats said, indignant. “You think I’m a mind-reader? I don’t judge a book by the cover.”
More than anger, a desperate feeling bubbled through Steve. He was actually starting to think the guy believed he was telling them the truth, as least as far as he knew it. His consistency was fairly impressive, given that he’d been caught with the evidence literally in his hands. By now, some deviation should have happened and he or Kono would have been able to use it to their advantage.
“Okay, he didn’t look missing.” Kono leaned closer, still using the gentle tone of voice. “Can you tell us how he did look?
Flats chewed on his lip, the scraggle of his beard and moustache seeming almost animated on his face. Steve hung back and let Kono take over the lead. Intimidation hadn’t gotten them anywhere. They’d settled into good cop/bad cop easily, banking on gender stereotypes to soften Flats’ distrust. So far, it hadn’t done much good, but he saw Flats dart his eyes to the base of Kono’s throat, then up quickly, the same jerkish movement his hand had made earlier. The man was starting to twitch, likely used to the vastness of the blue sky and beach as his ceiling and floor. Compared to that, the small box of a room had to feel extremely confining. That, if nothing else, should be working to help coax the truth out of the man.
Steve knew it was in there, somewhere, and he knew all they needed was time they didn’t have. He wanted so much to ramp up the bad cop angle again, rattle Flats until he slipped and gave them something useful. He held his tongue. Danny would be so proud. He darted a look at the camera, then back at Flats.
“I don’t know.” Flats stared at Kono for a few blinks. “Say, you got real pretty eyes.”
“Thank you,” Kono said with a smile that barely disguised her revulsion. She widened her eyes a little, looked as sweet as candy. “Come on, if you could tell he didn’t look missing, I’m certain you can tell us what he looked like instead.”
“It’s hard to say exactly,” Flats said. “He looked … different.”
“Different compared to what?” Steve asked.
“Not like his photo. I dunno. He, his hair was…” Flats nervously ran his hands through his own hair, like he could control the messy, filthy mop into a slick shell. “… not hard like a shell. His hair was fluffy, maybe? Like, all floppy.”
“You’re doing really well, Elmore,” Kono said, voice still as moderate as ever, though her expression was worried as she shot Steve a look. “Was there anything besides the hair that wasn’t like the picture on his driver’s license?”
“I really don’ remember. Like I said, he was muttering in a weird language or something.”
Flats kept repeating that, and Steve couldn’t make sense of it. Aside from a few phrases in Russian, he didn’t think Danny knew any other languages. He didn’t want to undo the progress Kono’s softer touch had made, so he took his frustration to the back of the room and out of Flats’ line of sight. He didn’t know what would make the guy think Danny wasn’t speaking English, but any explanation that came close to logical wasn’t a good one. A head injury, drugs. It sounded to him like something had happened to Danny to alter his state somehow. The thought made him even more worried, if that were possible. He paced the back wall.
“German, you said before.” Kono divided her attention between Steve’s pacing form and Flats’ twitching one. “Have you heard a lot of German in your life, enough to recognize it?”
Flats nodded, then looked nervous, shook his head. Finally, he shrugged.
“Are you absolutely positive he was speaking a different language at all? I’m starting to think you’re not telling us the truth, Elmore. That’s all we want. What really happened, huh?”
“No,” Flats said. “It might not have been German. I’m not sure that was it. I might not have heard him talkin’ at all. Maybe … maybe he wasn’t doing that okay when I saw him.”
Steve froze, caught Kono’s eye.
“What do you mean?” Kono said. She crouched in front of Flats, her eyes narrowing at the way he shifted closer to her. “Not okay can mean a lot of things and I’d really appreciate it if you tell me what specifically wasn’t okay about him.”
“If I tell you, can I go? I have to go. I don’ like it in here, I can’t breathe good.” Flats turned a pleading gaze on Kono. “I swear, I didn’t do anything wrong. He was already like that.”
“Already like what?” Steve said, walking quickly back around to face Flats directly. His heart raced, spurred by anger and fear. “Tell us.”
“You’ll let me …”
“Tell us.”
Flats reared back, pressed himself into the chair. His gaze was still bleary, but sharper now with his own kind of fear. He held his hands up, as if to ward Steve off.
“He was already like that. I swear,” Flats said quickly. “I … he didn’t actually say nothin’ to me. He couldn’t. But I didn’t do it. I didn’t.”
“What didn’t you do?” Steve said, hands clenched at his sides. “And why couldn’t he say anything to you?”
“Because he was dead. I needed a drink and he wasn’t gonna use his money no more. Dead men don’t have to pay taxes. So, ya see, he didn’t mind that I took his stuff. I didn’t do nothin’ wrong.”
No. No, absolutely not. The word dead rang in his head, echoed there and wouldn’t fade. Steve had never experienced any kind of blackout before to know what they felt like, but he had no recall of putting his hands on Flats until someone was prying him off and manhandling him toward the exit. He started seeing in flashes, the blue light seeming even more ominous in strobe. The terrified look on Flats’ face, the way Kono tried to salvage the situation, the hard lines of Chin’s cheekbones up close in his personal space.
“Steve.” Chin was there suddenly, saying his name. “Steve.”
Just like that, whatever had possessed him evaporated. He sagged, allowed Chin to hold most of his weight. The room was filled with his own heaving breaths and Flats’ whimpering. Steve couldn’t trust himself to stay but he also couldn’t leave.
“You okay?” Kono asked, either of him or Flats.
Steve wasn’t sure he was, and it was obvious even in his highly adrenalized state that Flats was looking rougher around the edges than before. He hadn’t caused any physical harm, he was sure of that, but Flats looked about ready to pass out. Fuck, he had more control than this. He leaned against Chin and bobbed his head up and down, a lie but he had to get his shit together. He had lost people before and not gone to pieces. He thought about Chin’s well-intentioned, poorly timed advice to take a detour onto a path that hadn’t been fully formed. Danny. Dead. It couldn’t be, because he wanted to explore that path. He was sure of it, now when he’d just been told that it wasn’t possible.
If he’d had that epiphany on Friday, before he unleashed that mixed-up and misplaced shit on Danny, then maybe none of this would have happened. Realistically, Steve knew it was simplistic to put the weight of this on his own shoulders, but Danny could be dead and instead of figuring it all out and working it out, he’d done the complete opposite and given Danny a verbal shove away. He didn’t know what he’d do if the last words he’d spoken to Danny were actually the last. He took a few shaky breaths.
“You need to step out,” Chin murmured.
“No, not until, no,” Steve said, eyes pinned on Flats in the middle of the room and Kono circling him slowly.
“I’m sorry that happened, but it won’t again. See, he’s way over there. Have you ever had someone close to you, someone you considered family?” Kono asked, quiet and pained.
“Once. A long time ago,” Flats said, nodding. His eyes were locked on Steve. “Long time.”
“The man whose wallet you took, he’s a good friend of ours. Commander McGarrett was upset at hearing you say he was dead. Can you understand that?”
“Yeah, yeah, I s’pose.” Flats was whispering now, shaking and nodding his head. “Can I have a drink now?”
“No, not right now. When did you take the wallet, Elmore?” Kono was good. “I promise, you tell us where and when, and I’ll see you get an upgrade in accommodations, maybe something to drink, okay?”
Good woman. As reason righted itself in Steve’s brain, he saw that Kono wasn’t too far behind him as far as losing it went, but she was getting the job done. He finally stopped using Chin as a crutch, and turned to the wall instead. He looked at the floor. They finally had something of a lead to work with, and it only made him feel gutted.
“I didn’t touch him. He was like that,” Flats said again, so earnestly it was impossible to not believe him. “I didn’t.”
“No one here thinks you did.” Kono looked straight at Steve when she said that. “Where was he? When did you see him?”
“Friday, maybe? Real late. I dunno, time don’t matter so much to me.” Flats scratched his head, then his beard. His hands were shaky - lingering fear or the need for that drink he kept asking about. “I think maybe by Kūhiō, or maybe the Hilton? Not far, I never go far, always good grinds picked up at the big man’s truck when no one’s lookin’, ‘s why I went there with my new money. Lots of people who don’ see me but I see them…”
Steve blocked it all out, turned for the door under his own steam this time. Chin and Kono both nipped at his heels and the second they were out of the room, Flats plaintively asking to please be let go, he spun to face them.
“If Flats saw him dead on Friday night, there’s no way Danny would have gone unnoticed by someone in the morning,” Steve said, and he didn’t bother to stifle the fear out of his voice. He thought of the call out earlier, the DB that could have been Danny. “I’m not buying that.”
“He seemed convinced Danny was dead, boss,” Kono said. She chewed on her lip. “Flats is clearly an alcoholic, though. He might be on something else, too. He’s not exactly one hundred percent reliable. Maybe Danny was just passed out?”
That was true, but Steve did believe Flats had seen Danny at some point or another. He refused to believe the dead part. Just, no. It couldn’t be true. He’d spent all day dreading that very outcome, but never had been more determined to refute it. He didn’t think passed out was that much better, if Flats had seen Danny on Friday and he hadn’t turned up in a hospital.
“But where has he been since Flats saw him? Steve’s right, someone else would have spotted him,” Chin said. “HPD’s been getting a number of leads ever since the press conference, and the blurbs on the news. They’re re-airing portions of the press conference at eleven, so we might get more off of that.”
“We need to start combing Waikiki. All of it, and then branch out from there. I don’t care if we go all night.” Steve pulled at the elevator gate and they all climbed aboard. “Kono, take care of our friend in there and then we need to reconnect with all medical facilities. If Danny’s out there, we’re finding him. He’s not spending another night out there alone.”
H50H50H50
Annie Hoh hadn’t had a chance to sit once during her whole shift, or so it felt. She wearily plopped onto a break room chair, normally uncomfortable as sin, and let out a sigh of relief. Her clogs were back-savers, but even they had their limits. She loved her job and that was the only thing keeping her going on days like this. The patients suffered setback after setback, one of them not making it back from his last. She frowned and tried not to dwell. Dwelling made it sadder, and all that more difficult to keep on loving the job. Her eyes landed on the television, on but volume very low. She saw some kind of press conference. Curiosity piqued, she squinted and tipped her head to hear what was going on.
It was a rebroadcast, a snippet on the eleven o’clock news from something held earlier in the day. Annie almost looked away - her job saw enough drama without adding more real world problems. But her attention riveted to the picture that flashed on the screen, a photo of a young man.
“Oh,” Annie said. She shot to her feet and moved closer to the television. “Oh my goodness.”
There was something about his face that struck a chord, she just couldn’t quite figure out what it was. Annie listened as the police chief announced the man was an officer presumed missing since Saturday. She didn’t know who he was, except she did. She tilted her head and then it clicked.
He was the poor man in Four B, who’d been brought in this morning with a cheekbone fracture and significant dehydration. His face was so severely bruised his features were swollen and the overall effect was that of a mask. But this face on the television screen had strength, and she was positive that their John Doe was, in fact, Detective Danny Williams.
She raced to the phone.
H50H50H50
The number of off duty cops who’d shown up to begin an intensive canvass of the Kūhiō Beach Park and Duke Paoa Kahanamoku Lagoon areas of Waikiki was touching. Steve apparently wasn’t the only one willing to knock on every door on O’ahu to find his partner, and if he saw Cage on the fringes of the search party, he couldn’t find enough class to acknowledge him. He had no idea how Chin had gotten the word out, but beneath the gnawing feeling he wasn’t going to like what they found he was very grateful. He felt a soft touch to his elbow, turned and saw Cath looking up at him with sad, dark eyes.
“Hey,” she said, “we’re going to find him.”
“Yeah,” Steve said.
He knew that if the worst was true and Danny was gone, he still had to end things with Catherine. It struck Steve all of a sudden, standing there with her while looking for someone who’d become more important to him than anyone without even knowing how, and it made him feel like a horrible human being. He’d never gotten around to calling her before, the idea that Danny’s disappearance being tied to him had faded into the background as he’d been held under suspicion. Yet here she was, having heard about Danny through the news, for fuck’s sake, and if that wasn’t a sign she deserved better than he was giving her, he didn’t know what would be. Instead of her presence making him more muddled and confused, it gave him clarity. No matter how the cards fell, she was going to be hurt and he hated that.
The search hadn’t been going on for more than an hour, but to Steve it felt like he’d been looking forever. In his heart, he knew they weren’t going to find Danny out here and his vow to not leave Danny to fend for himself one more night would be broken. The longer they looked without a single sign of his partner, the more he started to believe Elmore Flats had been correct - for some mysterious reason Danny hadn’t turned up anywhere and he was dead. The grimness of that thought threatened to swallow him whole, but also kept him going. He had never wanted to be proven wrong so much in his life.
“We’ll get you through this,” Catherine said. “It’ll be okay.”
Steve couldn’t do more than shake his head at her, because no, there was no getting through it and there was no okay and he would go out of his skin if something didn’t…
“Steve!”
He turned and saw Chin running toward him, something akin to awe on his face. He held up his phone.
“He’s alive. Steve, he’s alive and at Queen’s,” Chin said, sounding as stunned as he looked.
The first irrational thought Steve had was that they should have called him, and then he remembered when the contact information had gone out for leads, he’d been in interrogation. It also was so not the point.
“What?” Steve said, as they both ran to their vehicles. In a daze, he noted Cath trailed after them and Kono had started notifying the searchers to call it off. “What happened?”
“Apparently Danny was brought in this morning and he’s got some injuries which prevented immediate identification. He’s in rough shape, Steve, but he’s alive.”
Alive. Hope swelled like a tidal wave and obliterated the gloom and doom that had settled over him. After existing in a state of denial, dread and guilt all day, the rapid turnaround made his head spin.
All he could think of as he sped toward Queen’s was how now maybe he had a chance to put things right with Danny, and make the other man know how important he was. With those thoughts, Steve became conscious of Cath next to him in the truck, and it only added to his motivation to change his course. He wasn’t sure how to do it or if the path he wanted to take was two-way, only that he wanted more with Danny than friendship and he was amazed by how much that was true now that he’d let himself go there mentally.
When they got to the hospital, he trailed after Chin, who had taken the call and therefore knew better where Danny was. He didn’t pay much attention, he only needed to see that Danny was truly okay. He had time now to cross bridges with Danny and maybe burn them with Cath. He almost didn’t notice when Chin stopped at the duty nurse’s desk.
“Detective Williams?” Chin asked.
“Oh,” a petite, exhausted-looking woman said. “Yes, you were on the TV. I’m Annie Hoh, I called it in. He’s right this way. I feel so bad. He came in this morning, but he had no ID and, well, we’ve been so busy … I don’t think anyone had any idea he was someone important. It was only because I had time to put my feet up at the end of shift - I’m off duty, but…”
Steve was barely listening. He wasn’t sure he cared what had happened between Friday night and this morning, as long as Danny would be all right. He definitely didn’t care about her quaint story of how she’d made the connection and identified Danny, as grateful as he would be to her for doing so. When the nurse led them to a man in a white coat and introduced him as Doctor Rampart, Steve tried to be more with it. He should be chomping at the bit to find out who had hurt Danny. He knew this. He also knew his ears were buzzing with adrenaline and relief. When the doctor led them to Danny’s room, not much more than an alcove in a bay of other similar rooms, it was the first time he realized they were in the critical care unit. The thought that Danny might have sustained too many injuries to recover from fully hadn’t occurred to him.
Neither had the specifics of why Danny wouldn’t have been recognized sooner even if someone on hospital staff had seen the press conference earlier in the day.
“Shit, Danny,” Steve said, rooted to the spot at the sight in front of him.
If he didn’t know Danny as well as he did, Steve might not have instantly recognized him. Deep, purple bruising covered the entire left half of Danny’s face, and he was so swollen his features seemed distorted. Danny had been like that for two full days? Jesus. Steve felt sick. Behind him, someone gasped and he turned to see Kono with a stricken expression which almost mirrored how he felt. He hadn’t even realized she was there. He doubted anything would be able to compare to the emotions warring through him. There was a soft touch to his arm - Cath again - and it got him moving forward.
“It looks worse than it is, now,” Doctor Rampart said. “He was quite unstable by the time he ended up here, but he’ll likely step down to a regular room tomorrow.”
Steve couldn’t understand how someone could walk around like the way Danny looked, presuming that this had happened prior to Elmore Flats happening upon him unconscious on Friday. He stared at his partner’s face.
“How is that possible?” Chin asked. “He looks so…”
“Awful,” Kono whispered.
“Given the circumstances surrounding Mr. Williams’ arrival here, I think I can let you know that he suffered a significant facial trauma, which is readily apparent. He’s lucky, though. It’s a hairline fracture rather than a full break of the cheekbone, but it appears to have gone untreated for at least twenty-four hours,” Rampart said. “When he was brought in, he was extremely dehydrated and shocky. Coupled with the cheekbone fracture, that means as of yet, he hadn’t regained consciousness with any coherence.”
“Lucky,” Steve said and jerked his arm free from Catherine’s touch again. He drew closer to the bed, took Danny’s lax right hand in his. “He doesn’t look all that lucky to me.”
“No, I suppose he doesn’t.” Rampart fiddled the bags of fluid hooked up to Danny, checked his chart. “Like I said, though, he’s really doing quite well. I anticipate he’ll start coming around shortly. You’re welcome to stay for a bit, as long as you keep it quiet. It might even do him some good to have familiar people around him.”
No more had to be said. There was one chair. Steve claimed it, pulling it to the bed and sitting in it. He released Danny’s hand only to switch his hold to Danny’s forearm. He couldn’t stand how still Danny was, and how the unbruised side of his face was so pale. The whirlwind of the day caught up with him all of a sudden, left him feeling weak in his own right. He didn’t care all that much if anyone thought him weak. He bent and placed his forehead on the edge of the mattress.
“We’re going to go collect his things, get them to CSU for processing,” Chin said eventually. “We’ll find out how this happened.”
“We’ll come back later,” Kono said. “Call us if he wakes up before we do. We’ll call Rachel, so Grace doesn’t worry anymore.”
Steve lifted his head, scrubbed his free hand down his face. Shit, no way would Danny want Grace to see him like this. And, yeah, they still had to consider this an active investigation. In the morning, he’d care about justice. For now, he was content to sit by Danny’s side until he woke up. He nodded at Chin and Kono, who both smiled at him and shot soft, worried looks at Danny.
“Maybe we should go,” Cath said. She began massaging his neck. “You look exhausted. It’s been quite a day.”
Steve ducked away, all the while wondering what it would feel like to get a neck massage from Danny. Jesus, he was so screwed in the head. How had he not realized this sooner?
“No,” Steve said. “I’m staying. You go ahead.”
“Steve.”
“Cath, please.” He twisted his torso and looked back at her. “He’s my partner and I need to be here right now. If he wakes up, he’ll need someone he recognizes. After wandering around after god knows what happened to him, at least I can give him that.”
“I get it,” she said, but slowly, like she didn’t really at all, but had started to. Her expression went from concerned to assessing to unhappy comprehension. Her eyes flicked to Danny, then back to Steve. “I’ve known you a long, long time, Steve. You … you are terrible at hiding your deepest feelings. It would have killed you to lose him, wouldn’t it?”
Unable to lie consciously now that he understood he had been doing so unconsciously for a couple of years, Steve nodded. This wasn’t how he’d planned anything in his life to be, and it was awful, amazing and terrifying.
“Let’s talk later.” Cath squeezed the back of his neck and kissed him on the jaw. “Maybe it’s just a bad time for this.”
“No time’s going to be good,” Steve said. “I think you know that.”
Cath didn’t say another word, left him there with Danny as if she hadn’t heard him. Maybe she hadn’t, or maybe she simply hadn’t wanted to. Steve felt just a hair lighter at having started that discussion, having put up figurative roadblocks as best he could under the circumstances. He circled his thumb against Danny’s forearm, enjoyed the way it rasped against the coarse hair there.
He bent forward again, rested his chin on his own arm and pinned his eyes on Danny’s misshapen but alive face, as if he could make Danny obey. Steve smiled to himself. Like that would ever happen. He wished like hell he could also make time obey him, so he could go back and tell Danny about all the ways he made his life better just by being there at his side. He’d come too damn close to losing one of the best people he’d ever known.
“Come on, Danno, I’ve got words to say to you. Why don’t you wake on up now?”
Danny didn’t. Danny didn’t move at all, for hours, and so neither did Steve. The extreme highs and lows of the day caught up with him at some point and he drifted, not quite asleep and not quite awake. He balked when hospital staff tried to make him leave as they monitored Danny, and something in his expression made them relent.
Finally, a faint muscle twitch beneath his fingertips yanked him back to full awareness. He sat, and glanced at his watch. It was almost dawn. He stretched and what had woken him registered at last. Steve stood, muscles stiff, and saw one bleary, blue eye looking right at him. He smiled.
“Hey,” Steve said. “You have no idea how good it is to see you.”
Danny mumbled something that was too garbled to present as actual language. Immediately, he hissed in pain, the right half of his face reacting dramatically. A few tears leaked from his eye.
“Don’t try to talk,” Steve said. He leaned close, cupped his left hand on Danny’s right cheek. “Just take it easy. I’ll get the doctor. You probably need something for the pain, yeah?”
Danny leaned into his hand, and it felt so natural it made Steve’s heart trip.
“‘M all right,” Danny said, barely moving his lips as he spoke. His speech was indistinct. “Fuzzy. Happened?”
All right wasn’t the term to use, and memory loss wasn’t surprising, but Steve was still disappointed.
“You don’t remember?”
Danny grunted a negative.
“The truth is, I don’t know. You were off the radar for two days, and I didn’t...” Steve’s voice gave out. He sat on the edge of the bed, his hand still on Danny’s face. He cleared his throat and pulled his hand away self-consciously. “I … we thought you were gone. Really gone, just like that, and I can’t have you leaving me, Danny.”
“Not gone,” Danny mumbled. “Don’t remember.”
He stared intently at Steve with his good eye for a few long seconds, and even with the disfiguring injury his expression changes were easy to read. Steve supposed that was a testament to how well he knew his partner. Danny went from confused to determined and then he raised his right hand off the bed and gestured him closer again. Steve bent forward without hesitation, and got a solid punch to the nose for it. He reeled back.
“What the hell?” Steve clutched at his face. “Danny?”
The next words Danny said were all too clear. “Asshole. I remembered something.”
The sting of the blow didn’t last long. It had been more surprise than anything. He kept his hands over his nose and ducked his head down, the three-day buildup of guilt resurging. Steve spared a glace up at Danny after several excruciating moments of silence, and received the second surprise of Danny smirking at him, the right side of his mouth tipped ever so slightly up.
“It wasn’t…” Steve said, then promptly lost his words to a fit of unexpected giggles.
Horrifyingly, the giggles quickly turned to half-choked sobs. Steve folded over and pressed his forehead against Danny’s shoulder. He didn’t know why he hadn’t expected the mini-meltdown, or why he couldn’t seem to stop it.
“I know, babe,” Danny murmured. “‘S okay.”
The left hand, awkward and fumbling, at the nape of his neck felt a little like absolution and a lot like understanding. The touch gave Steve everything he needed to know about detours, and where this one would take him.
Author: superbadgirl/SBG
Characters: Steve, Danny, Chin, Kono, Catherine
Pairing: Steve/Danny
Genre: pre-slash, angst, H/C
Rating: PG-13
Word-count: @16000 total
Spoilers: None, really.
Warnings:
Summary: In a bad moment, Steve wishes something bad to befall Danny. When it does, it puts him on the suspect list.
AN: see first chapter, except I should say I may epilogue yet.
(Read in entirety on on AO3)
Chapter 1 on LJ
“I suppose by the book means you can’t tell me anything,” Steve said. “They dumped me in here almost two hours ago.”
“No, I can’t. Only after you’re cleared,” Chin said. “And you will be cleared, Steve.”
Of course he would be. Steve would rather be dead himself than intentionally harm one single, ridiculous hair on Danny’s head. He couldn’t understand how there was someone left on the island, in the whole state, who genuinely didn’t know how he and Danny went at each other but didn’t mean it. He’d been thinking about it even more since being tossed in here, though, and he had to admit the whole thing was a clusterfuck of bad timing. He wished he could just speak with whomever it was who’d overheard that stupid conversation, the one he should have mentioned to Chin and Kono the minute they realized Danny was gone. He’d honestly not thought it was relevant. It hadn’t been, until it was, and the way Chin was looking at him calmly, but with an underlying tension made that very obvious.
“Chin,” he said, “it was just a bad moment.”
“I know that, Steve, and I know how both of you were on Friday. Don’t you think we’ve all reached that point with each other from time to time? There have been days I’ve wanted shake Kono till she rattles.” Chin pushed away from the wall and moved to stand in front of him. “Is it your ill-timed and coincidental comment that’s got you more upset, or is it the other thing we talked about?”
Slouching forward again, Steve scrubbed his face and then looked up, beyond Chin to the camera. He shook his head, about to answer when the door clicked loudly and startled him instead. Cage strolled in, as if he hadn’t let Steve sit down here for an unnecessarily long time. He had no idea what the tactics were about, but he couldn’t let himself give in to his irritation. The faster he could clear this up, the faster he could help find Danny. He would conduct a building by building search on all of O’ahu if he had to.
“Sorry for the delay,” Cage said. “I hope you weren’t too uncomfortable in here.”
“The room is meant to be uncomfortable, Cage. The least you could have done was let me wait out where I could do something,” Steve said. “Can we please just do this?”
“McGarrett, look, being angry isn’t going to help.” Cage looked at him closely. “I know leaving you in here for a couple of hours won’t help my credibility, but I’ve got no beef with you. I had things to attend to.”
Chin, standing behind Cage, mouthed press conference to Steve. It only reminded him this was all very real. And that he should have been at there representing Five-0; it was his man who was missing. He hoped like hell they hadn’t named him as a person of interest. Chin wouldn’t have let them and Steve was sure he’d done a fine job in his stead, but he felt twisted up about it anyway.
“We haven’t gone public and listed you as a suspect. To be honest, we’re not sure you’ve got any involvement, but this case has a non-existent pool of leads. So far, you’re it.” Cage must be able to read minds. “So, we have to get this logged. You’re an investigator, of sorts. You must see how it looks.”
Yeah. He did. It had preyed on his mind all weekend, that look on Danny’s face and the hurt retreat into unusual silence as a result of what he’d said. If Danny had reacted that way, someone who didn’t know them would think the worst when the worst then happened. Steve wasn’t sure he was going to be able to explain this all away, though, because even in the context of him-and-Danny, a threat was a threat and Danny was gone.
“Yeah,” Steve said. “I know, but he’s my partner.”
“Hmm.” Cage opened a file and flicked through it for a moment. “Wouldn’t that be the same partner who you told you wished you’d never selected for the task force in the first place?”
Steve sighed. Jesus, Cage made it sound like he and Danny were kids squabbling in the schoolyard. Which, okay. Yeah, sometimes that was an accurate description and then there was Friday. He glanced at Chin, who shook his head slightly, then shot an icy glare Cage’s way.
“Yes, that would be him. Look, whatever your whistleblower told you was taken out of context.” Steve hated that he sounded to his own ears like he was trying to convince himself of that rather than Cage. “Someone new, maybe, or someone who doesn’t know how we operate. Danny and I, we’re good. He gets under my skin sometimes, that’s all.”
Steve twitched a little at that understatement. He was beyond rationalizing away the deeper whys of Danny’s ability to get to him and his own inability to find it anything other than endearing ninety-nine percent of the time. Danny practically lived under Steve’s skin, and without him there, Steve felt naked, vulnerable in a way that wasn’t becoming of a SEAL.
“So under your skin you’d employ your extensive training against him?” Cage didn’t sound particularly antagonistic.
“No. You can’t believe that I’d honestly do it, let alone be stupid enough to announce it in public just before I did. Could I make someone disappear? Yes,” Steve said. He shrugged. Dishonesty would be of no service here. “I could. But I did not do anything to Danny.”
“I’ll need you to go over the conversation you had with Detective Williams as you remember it,” Cage said. “Then we’ll go from there.”
Steve didn’t want to tell the story, but he didn’t have a choice.
Somewhere along the diatribe, Danny’s words had taken on a senseless cast in his head. If he had to describe it, it was like the off screen adult voices in all of the Peanuts holiday specials. Wah-wah-wah-waaaah-wahwahwah.
It didn’t happen often. Usually Steve practically hung on every stupid thing Danny said, he could admit the level of his fondness spiked with every disproportionately passionate word, but under rare circumstances it was just too much. Right here and now, it was probably due to the growing tension he felt about Doris gnawing at him day and night lately, interrupting his already reduced sleeping schedule. It was probably that he hadn’t had enough to eat and had a headache because of it. It was probably that Danny was just in one obnoxious, rare form today and Steve had reached maximum levels of tolerance. He’d never hit that particular apex before, so deep down he realized this was the accumulation of too many things, but his higher brain function seemed reluctant to kick in as he boiled over.
“Stop. Danny, would you please do me the favor of shutting the hell up for once?” Steve snapped, though he hadn’t heard an actual word for several minutes.
Danny blinked at him a few times, then snapped back, “Whoa, Commander Grouchy. I don’t know what bug crawled up your ass, but kindly let me know when it finds its way back out.”
“Did you ever consider that you’re the bug, Daniel?” Steve turned on Danny, got in his tiny little space and ignored the zing of the something that charged between them. It was always there, he always felt it but for some reason it made him so angry today, fueled his mouth. “A small, annoying toy bug. I think sometimes you’ve got a pull cord and the words you spout are all pre-recorded gibberish.”
“Seriously, what’s the matter with you?” Danny looked more worried than angry all of a sudden. “You feeling all right? Is it your mom? Cath? What?”
He really couldn’t take Danny’s concern, even while inside he was screaming that he was the one who needed to shut up, not Danny. That Danny had hit two hot buttons in one breath made him so angry, for reasons he couldn’t justify. Hell, just like he couldn’t say why he was in such a pissy mood.
“I’d be better if just this one time you did what I asked and stopped talking.”
“Stop informing you of all the ways your tactics are questionable on the best of days?” The anger was back. “Never. It’s bad enough I’ve started to assimilate to your way of doing things…”
Steve clamped a hand on Danny’s shoulder, though part of him wanted to put it across his mouth. Another part of him wanted to do something else with that mouth. Punch, maybe. Or… Shit. He really didn’t know why Danny ragging on him was setting him off, and he really thought he wanted to know, except for the moment all he could think about was how it wasn’t cute or funny today. He squeezed that shoulder, hard, his hand very large and very capable of doing damage.
“You couldn’t possibly do things my way. You don’t have it in you.”
Steve had often felt that way over the last few years with Danny, and usually it wasn’t a bad thing. He knew his limitations and he’d gone quickly from enduring his eccentricities to just plain needing Danny.
Just not today.
“Sometimes I have no idea why I thought you’d be the best partner for me, Danny, or why I still put up with you.”
The irritation on Danny’s face flickered for just a moment into something more like raw hurt. Steve saw it and it bothered him, but he couldn’t pull the words back. He almost, almost meant them. There were days when his partner was simply too much for a normal human being to take. That was his reasonable explanation. It was like a release valve had let go, all of his pent up frustration for everything - not just Danny in this moment - spewed out. The shit coming out of his mouth was loaded with Doris and Cath lying to him, and, he knew deep down, the frustrated, complex, unnamable feelings Danny evoked in him just by existing. None of it was Danny’s fault.
And then he went that one step further.
“Sometimes I think I’d be better off if you just disappeared. Actually, you know, I could disappear you and leave no evidence,” Steve said. “My education, experience and skill combined would make it so easy.”
“Good luck with that, asshole. Do me a favor and don’t talk to me until you’re human again,” Danny said with a bitter laugh. He pulled from Steve’s grasp and walked to the car with clenched fists and without another word.
The interrogation room fell silent after the last of his words left his mouth. Steve felt vaguely ill. Fuck, it sounded worse out loud than he’d thought it would, and he’d thought it would be pretty bad. He pinched the bridge of his nose and stubbornly refused to look at either Cage or Chin. He came out of that looking like an adolescent and he knew it. He also knew there had been no outward sign of the good humor he and Danny usually had even at their bickeriest, and he hadn’t been able to infuse his recollection with it. The most awful thing about it was now he understood a bit better why he’d lost it with Danny, an epiphany that might have come too late. In that fit of unchecked and unfocused anger, he’d said the exact opposite of what was truth.
“Well,” Cage said after a few seconds.
Steve finally looked up and could see the unspoken oh, you jackass on Chin’s face; he couldn’t quite tell at whom it was directed, him or Cage. He took the coward’s way out and locked his eyes on a blank spot on the wall rather than look Chin in the eye.
“I’d say that aligns with the report we received.”
Cage’s tone was difficult to interpret, and it was a fair bet it was partly due to the shit floating around in Steve’s own head. He cleared his throat.
“I’m not in a position to lie about it, considering you already have an eyewitness account, and I wouldn’t anyway. I said those things. I have to live with the misunderstanding they caused. I have to live with that potentially being the last conversation I had with my partner,” Steve said with a grimace. God, his heart was doing awful things and it was only that he knew he was too young and too fit to have a heart attack that he didn’t demand a medic. “And I know saying now that I didn’t mean them won’t go very far, but I really didn’t.”
“I don’t have to tell you that intent doesn’t matter that much in the face of Williams’ sudden disappearance.” Cage paced. “The fact is, you all but said you wanted him gone, and now he is. You have the means and the skill to make it happen. If you were any run-of-the-mill perp, we’d have grounds to hold you for twenty-four hours at the bare minimum.”
No. He could not be detained for that long. He shot a desperate look to Chin, who appeared alarmed and again Steve couldn’t tell if it was because of him or Cage. He shook his head, not panicking but also not the epitome of calm. He needed to be out there. For as little ground as they’d gained before this unnecessary interview, he still needed to be out there pounding on doors.
“Cage,” Chin said. “Be reasonable.”
“I am reasonable,” Cage said. “If we let the only suspect we have in Detective Williams’ case go free because of who he is, the media will be all over it. No matter how much you say you didn’t mean the threats, McGarrett, they are what they are. I’m sorry. Without any compelling information to refute the statements you admit to making, my hands are tied.”
Steve stood, amused at the way Cage flinched. He didn’t make an aggressive move toward Cage, much as he wanted to throttle the guy. Instead, he turned and walked to the back of the room, rested his forehead against the cool cement wall. This was a completely unacceptable outcome. What he’d said was nothing like admission of guilt, but it was being treated that way. He was more than a little angry at the governor not going to bat for him here; he’d thought they’d made great strides these last few months. Ironically, it was probably the governor’s missteps in trying to protect his own friend that had made him cautious here. Still, he’d have appreciated some warning at the very least.
“You’re going to hold him on this? Cage, this is paper thin and you know it. You can’t tell me partners in your past never threatened to cause you bodily harm.”
Cage barked out a laugh and said, “Lieutenant, everyone I know has. The point is, no matter how many people have wanted my head on a platter, I’m standing here. Williams isn’t. I really am sorry.”
The click of the door release echoed through the room. It was incomprehensible that this was happening. Steve couldn’t let himself be grounded based on words alone. He spun around, wildly looking at Chin first and then halting Cage when he was halfway out of the door.
“Wait, wait, wait. Words. If issuing threats in a bad moment is enough to hold me,” Steve said hurriedly, “then by that logic, issuing apologies should be enough to let me rejoin the investigation. Listen to Danny’s voicemails from this weekend. It’s all there. Would a guilty man call the person he presumably did harm to multiple times over the course of the next few days?”
At the door, Cage twisted to face him. He looked thoughtful for a moment, but shook his head.
“A guilty man who knows how to disappear someone would also know to pull off fake contrition, McGarrett.”
Oh, that was it.
“Jesus, you’re a dick.” Steve took a few steps forward, not surprised when Chin held him back. “You heard those voicemails already, didn’t you, and you’re still going to stick with this bullshit? Fuck you, Cage, just fuck you so hard. My partner is out there somewhere and you’re going to hold me in here? Really? I need to talk to Denning.”
“Hey, take it easy. Let me see what’s…” Chin murmured in his ear, trailing off when his phone chirped an incoming text. He stepped away from Steve, glanced at his phone, frowned and darted for the door before it could shut. “Cage, hold up.”
Belatedly, Steve realized he could have made it to the door before it shut. He made a dash for it anyway, reaching it just as it clicked. Goddamn it. He glared out the narrow window, saw Chin and Cage in a heated discussion, Chin pointing to his phone and waving his arms in a move so reminiscent of Danny that Steve had to close his eyes for a second. He opened them again and watched Chin dial his phone, holding it aloft, obviously on speaker. Whoever was on the other end had information that had Cage looking a little angry, then resigned. Then Chin pocketed his phone and, after a few more words with Cage, strode back toward Steve. The door release clicked.
“Come on,” Chin said simply, holding the door open. “Kamekona called Kono a few minutes ago. Apparently he’s got someone at his truck he has reason to believe is in possession of Danny’s wallet. Even Cage had to admit it’s unlikely you’d screw up that bad when committing kidnapping with a side of presumed homicide. Asshole.”
Steve bared his teeth in an unhappy, snarly smile. He slipped by Chin, all the pent up energy he’d amassed in the interrogation spurring him on as much as the possible lead. He didn’t see Cage in the corridor anymore, which was just as well. He might not have been able to rein in his anger. Both he and Chin headed for the stairs rather than wait for the elevator to come back down.
“Details,” Steve said as he took the stairs two at a time and at a good clip.
“Don’t have many.” Chin was half a flight behind Steve and huffing a bit to stay even that close. “Kono said he spotted the guy digging through the wallet like he was unfamiliar with the contents and, knowing Danny’s MIA, he figured it could be important. He sent his cousin over to ‘casually’ check it out.”
There was nothing casual or subtle about Kamekona or Flipper. Steve almost laughed.
“That was when Flipper saw Danny’s driver’s license.”
“Good enough for me.” Steve burst through the main floor door. “Kono on her way?”
“She’s probably already there, brah.”
“I hope she saves a piece for us,” Steve said.
H50H50H50
High blood pressure didn’t run in his family as far as he knew, but Steve was certain his had skyrocketed to dangerous heights during the last hour and a half. Each minute was tick-tick-ticking in the back of his mind even louder now that they had something to work with. While it was infinitely better to be on the right side of an interview, this one had been an exercise in frustration. He wanted to feel better, vindicated, at once more being in charge of Danny’s case; he didn’t feel anything but growing dread. He’d half expected to find Cage lurking in the shadows upon Five-0’s return with their actual suspect, waiting to pounce on him with some trumped up charges. One day, he was going to find out what exactly Cage’s deal was.
Tonight, he simply wanted a straight answer from the bum listing to the right in the bolted-down chair.
“I didn’t steal nothin’.”
“You seriously want us to believe that he just walked up to you and handed you his wallet? Filled with cash and credit cards,” Steve said. “Why would he do that?”
Elmore Flats sighed heavily, and again the rank odor of stale booze that emitted from his mouth reminded Steve that he’d obviously tied several drinks on in the not-too-distant past.
“I don’t care what you believe,” Flats said, slurring more from lack of teeth than drunkenness, though there lingered some of that as well. “I tole ya on the beach and I’m tellin’ ya now, he walked up to me and said something in … German. Yeah, it was German. Or something. And shoved it right into my hands. It was the darnedest thing, but my mama, she didn’t raise no fools. Free money is good money. If the guy wanted me to have it, I had to take it.”
They’d found Flats at Kamekona’s truck, with Danny’s wallet very much in his hands and Flipper looming over him like a very large statue. Credit cards, driver’s license and several pictures - one of Grace, one of an old Thunderbird and one of the team, which had surprised and touched all of them - had been spread out on the picnic table and arranged like Flats was playing a game of Memory with them. Whatever cash Danny had had was depleted to three dollars and some loose change. Flats, a down-and-outer, had been smart enough to avoid using the cards but looked like he’d been about to change his mind now that his cash windfall was almost gone.
“You’ll have to forgive us. We just want to understand,” Kono said gently. “None of what you’re telling us sounds very plausible, especially considering the person you claim gave you his money of his own free will is a police officer, okay? He’s not going to hand over his personal belongings. Maybe you want to try it again.”
“Little sister, I don’t know how many ways ya want me to tell it.” Flats raised his right arm toward his head, but it jerked to a stop as if they had him restrained and he lowered it back into his lap. “I didn’t do nothing wrong.”
“You had a missing cop’s wallet on you when we found you.” Steve blew out a long breath. If Flats was tired of answering the same questions, he was beyond tired of asking them. “That is the definition of doing something wrong.”
“Well, he sure didn’t look missing when he gave it to me,” Flats said, indignant. “You think I’m a mind-reader? I don’t judge a book by the cover.”
More than anger, a desperate feeling bubbled through Steve. He was actually starting to think the guy believed he was telling them the truth, as least as far as he knew it. His consistency was fairly impressive, given that he’d been caught with the evidence literally in his hands. By now, some deviation should have happened and he or Kono would have been able to use it to their advantage.
“Okay, he didn’t look missing.” Kono leaned closer, still using the gentle tone of voice. “Can you tell us how he did look?
Flats chewed on his lip, the scraggle of his beard and moustache seeming almost animated on his face. Steve hung back and let Kono take over the lead. Intimidation hadn’t gotten them anywhere. They’d settled into good cop/bad cop easily, banking on gender stereotypes to soften Flats’ distrust. So far, it hadn’t done much good, but he saw Flats dart his eyes to the base of Kono’s throat, then up quickly, the same jerkish movement his hand had made earlier. The man was starting to twitch, likely used to the vastness of the blue sky and beach as his ceiling and floor. Compared to that, the small box of a room had to feel extremely confining. That, if nothing else, should be working to help coax the truth out of the man.
Steve knew it was in there, somewhere, and he knew all they needed was time they didn’t have. He wanted so much to ramp up the bad cop angle again, rattle Flats until he slipped and gave them something useful. He held his tongue. Danny would be so proud. He darted a look at the camera, then back at Flats.
“I don’t know.” Flats stared at Kono for a few blinks. “Say, you got real pretty eyes.”
“Thank you,” Kono said with a smile that barely disguised her revulsion. She widened her eyes a little, looked as sweet as candy. “Come on, if you could tell he didn’t look missing, I’m certain you can tell us what he looked like instead.”
“It’s hard to say exactly,” Flats said. “He looked … different.”
“Different compared to what?” Steve asked.
“Not like his photo. I dunno. He, his hair was…” Flats nervously ran his hands through his own hair, like he could control the messy, filthy mop into a slick shell. “… not hard like a shell. His hair was fluffy, maybe? Like, all floppy.”
“You’re doing really well, Elmore,” Kono said, voice still as moderate as ever, though her expression was worried as she shot Steve a look. “Was there anything besides the hair that wasn’t like the picture on his driver’s license?”
“I really don’ remember. Like I said, he was muttering in a weird language or something.”
Flats kept repeating that, and Steve couldn’t make sense of it. Aside from a few phrases in Russian, he didn’t think Danny knew any other languages. He didn’t want to undo the progress Kono’s softer touch had made, so he took his frustration to the back of the room and out of Flats’ line of sight. He didn’t know what would make the guy think Danny wasn’t speaking English, but any explanation that came close to logical wasn’t a good one. A head injury, drugs. It sounded to him like something had happened to Danny to alter his state somehow. The thought made him even more worried, if that were possible. He paced the back wall.
“German, you said before.” Kono divided her attention between Steve’s pacing form and Flats’ twitching one. “Have you heard a lot of German in your life, enough to recognize it?”
Flats nodded, then looked nervous, shook his head. Finally, he shrugged.
“Are you absolutely positive he was speaking a different language at all? I’m starting to think you’re not telling us the truth, Elmore. That’s all we want. What really happened, huh?”
“No,” Flats said. “It might not have been German. I’m not sure that was it. I might not have heard him talkin’ at all. Maybe … maybe he wasn’t doing that okay when I saw him.”
Steve froze, caught Kono’s eye.
“What do you mean?” Kono said. She crouched in front of Flats, her eyes narrowing at the way he shifted closer to her. “Not okay can mean a lot of things and I’d really appreciate it if you tell me what specifically wasn’t okay about him.”
“If I tell you, can I go? I have to go. I don’ like it in here, I can’t breathe good.” Flats turned a pleading gaze on Kono. “I swear, I didn’t do anything wrong. He was already like that.”
“Already like what?” Steve said, walking quickly back around to face Flats directly. His heart raced, spurred by anger and fear. “Tell us.”
“You’ll let me …”
“Tell us.”
Flats reared back, pressed himself into the chair. His gaze was still bleary, but sharper now with his own kind of fear. He held his hands up, as if to ward Steve off.
“He was already like that. I swear,” Flats said quickly. “I … he didn’t actually say nothin’ to me. He couldn’t. But I didn’t do it. I didn’t.”
“What didn’t you do?” Steve said, hands clenched at his sides. “And why couldn’t he say anything to you?”
“Because he was dead. I needed a drink and he wasn’t gonna use his money no more. Dead men don’t have to pay taxes. So, ya see, he didn’t mind that I took his stuff. I didn’t do nothin’ wrong.”
No. No, absolutely not. The word dead rang in his head, echoed there and wouldn’t fade. Steve had never experienced any kind of blackout before to know what they felt like, but he had no recall of putting his hands on Flats until someone was prying him off and manhandling him toward the exit. He started seeing in flashes, the blue light seeming even more ominous in strobe. The terrified look on Flats’ face, the way Kono tried to salvage the situation, the hard lines of Chin’s cheekbones up close in his personal space.
“Steve.” Chin was there suddenly, saying his name. “Steve.”
Just like that, whatever had possessed him evaporated. He sagged, allowed Chin to hold most of his weight. The room was filled with his own heaving breaths and Flats’ whimpering. Steve couldn’t trust himself to stay but he also couldn’t leave.
“You okay?” Kono asked, either of him or Flats.
Steve wasn’t sure he was, and it was obvious even in his highly adrenalized state that Flats was looking rougher around the edges than before. He hadn’t caused any physical harm, he was sure of that, but Flats looked about ready to pass out. Fuck, he had more control than this. He leaned against Chin and bobbed his head up and down, a lie but he had to get his shit together. He had lost people before and not gone to pieces. He thought about Chin’s well-intentioned, poorly timed advice to take a detour onto a path that hadn’t been fully formed. Danny. Dead. It couldn’t be, because he wanted to explore that path. He was sure of it, now when he’d just been told that it wasn’t possible.
If he’d had that epiphany on Friday, before he unleashed that mixed-up and misplaced shit on Danny, then maybe none of this would have happened. Realistically, Steve knew it was simplistic to put the weight of this on his own shoulders, but Danny could be dead and instead of figuring it all out and working it out, he’d done the complete opposite and given Danny a verbal shove away. He didn’t know what he’d do if the last words he’d spoken to Danny were actually the last. He took a few shaky breaths.
“You need to step out,” Chin murmured.
“No, not until, no,” Steve said, eyes pinned on Flats in the middle of the room and Kono circling him slowly.
“I’m sorry that happened, but it won’t again. See, he’s way over there. Have you ever had someone close to you, someone you considered family?” Kono asked, quiet and pained.
“Once. A long time ago,” Flats said, nodding. His eyes were locked on Steve. “Long time.”
“The man whose wallet you took, he’s a good friend of ours. Commander McGarrett was upset at hearing you say he was dead. Can you understand that?”
“Yeah, yeah, I s’pose.” Flats was whispering now, shaking and nodding his head. “Can I have a drink now?”
“No, not right now. When did you take the wallet, Elmore?” Kono was good. “I promise, you tell us where and when, and I’ll see you get an upgrade in accommodations, maybe something to drink, okay?”
Good woman. As reason righted itself in Steve’s brain, he saw that Kono wasn’t too far behind him as far as losing it went, but she was getting the job done. He finally stopped using Chin as a crutch, and turned to the wall instead. He looked at the floor. They finally had something of a lead to work with, and it only made him feel gutted.
“I didn’t touch him. He was like that,” Flats said again, so earnestly it was impossible to not believe him. “I didn’t.”
“No one here thinks you did.” Kono looked straight at Steve when she said that. “Where was he? When did you see him?”
“Friday, maybe? Real late. I dunno, time don’t matter so much to me.” Flats scratched his head, then his beard. His hands were shaky - lingering fear or the need for that drink he kept asking about. “I think maybe by Kūhiō, or maybe the Hilton? Not far, I never go far, always good grinds picked up at the big man’s truck when no one’s lookin’, ‘s why I went there with my new money. Lots of people who don’ see me but I see them…”
Steve blocked it all out, turned for the door under his own steam this time. Chin and Kono both nipped at his heels and the second they were out of the room, Flats plaintively asking to please be let go, he spun to face them.
“If Flats saw him dead on Friday night, there’s no way Danny would have gone unnoticed by someone in the morning,” Steve said, and he didn’t bother to stifle the fear out of his voice. He thought of the call out earlier, the DB that could have been Danny. “I’m not buying that.”
“He seemed convinced Danny was dead, boss,” Kono said. She chewed on her lip. “Flats is clearly an alcoholic, though. He might be on something else, too. He’s not exactly one hundred percent reliable. Maybe Danny was just passed out?”
That was true, but Steve did believe Flats had seen Danny at some point or another. He refused to believe the dead part. Just, no. It couldn’t be true. He’d spent all day dreading that very outcome, but never had been more determined to refute it. He didn’t think passed out was that much better, if Flats had seen Danny on Friday and he hadn’t turned up in a hospital.
“But where has he been since Flats saw him? Steve’s right, someone else would have spotted him,” Chin said. “HPD’s been getting a number of leads ever since the press conference, and the blurbs on the news. They’re re-airing portions of the press conference at eleven, so we might get more off of that.”
“We need to start combing Waikiki. All of it, and then branch out from there. I don’t care if we go all night.” Steve pulled at the elevator gate and they all climbed aboard. “Kono, take care of our friend in there and then we need to reconnect with all medical facilities. If Danny’s out there, we’re finding him. He’s not spending another night out there alone.”
H50H50H50
Annie Hoh hadn’t had a chance to sit once during her whole shift, or so it felt. She wearily plopped onto a break room chair, normally uncomfortable as sin, and let out a sigh of relief. Her clogs were back-savers, but even they had their limits. She loved her job and that was the only thing keeping her going on days like this. The patients suffered setback after setback, one of them not making it back from his last. She frowned and tried not to dwell. Dwelling made it sadder, and all that more difficult to keep on loving the job. Her eyes landed on the television, on but volume very low. She saw some kind of press conference. Curiosity piqued, she squinted and tipped her head to hear what was going on.
It was a rebroadcast, a snippet on the eleven o’clock news from something held earlier in the day. Annie almost looked away - her job saw enough drama without adding more real world problems. But her attention riveted to the picture that flashed on the screen, a photo of a young man.
“Oh,” Annie said. She shot to her feet and moved closer to the television. “Oh my goodness.”
There was something about his face that struck a chord, she just couldn’t quite figure out what it was. Annie listened as the police chief announced the man was an officer presumed missing since Saturday. She didn’t know who he was, except she did. She tilted her head and then it clicked.
He was the poor man in Four B, who’d been brought in this morning with a cheekbone fracture and significant dehydration. His face was so severely bruised his features were swollen and the overall effect was that of a mask. But this face on the television screen had strength, and she was positive that their John Doe was, in fact, Detective Danny Williams.
She raced to the phone.
H50H50H50
The number of off duty cops who’d shown up to begin an intensive canvass of the Kūhiō Beach Park and Duke Paoa Kahanamoku Lagoon areas of Waikiki was touching. Steve apparently wasn’t the only one willing to knock on every door on O’ahu to find his partner, and if he saw Cage on the fringes of the search party, he couldn’t find enough class to acknowledge him. He had no idea how Chin had gotten the word out, but beneath the gnawing feeling he wasn’t going to like what they found he was very grateful. He felt a soft touch to his elbow, turned and saw Cath looking up at him with sad, dark eyes.
“Hey,” she said, “we’re going to find him.”
“Yeah,” Steve said.
He knew that if the worst was true and Danny was gone, he still had to end things with Catherine. It struck Steve all of a sudden, standing there with her while looking for someone who’d become more important to him than anyone without even knowing how, and it made him feel like a horrible human being. He’d never gotten around to calling her before, the idea that Danny’s disappearance being tied to him had faded into the background as he’d been held under suspicion. Yet here she was, having heard about Danny through the news, for fuck’s sake, and if that wasn’t a sign she deserved better than he was giving her, he didn’t know what would be. Instead of her presence making him more muddled and confused, it gave him clarity. No matter how the cards fell, she was going to be hurt and he hated that.
The search hadn’t been going on for more than an hour, but to Steve it felt like he’d been looking forever. In his heart, he knew they weren’t going to find Danny out here and his vow to not leave Danny to fend for himself one more night would be broken. The longer they looked without a single sign of his partner, the more he started to believe Elmore Flats had been correct - for some mysterious reason Danny hadn’t turned up anywhere and he was dead. The grimness of that thought threatened to swallow him whole, but also kept him going. He had never wanted to be proven wrong so much in his life.
“We’ll get you through this,” Catherine said. “It’ll be okay.”
Steve couldn’t do more than shake his head at her, because no, there was no getting through it and there was no okay and he would go out of his skin if something didn’t…
“Steve!”
He turned and saw Chin running toward him, something akin to awe on his face. He held up his phone.
“He’s alive. Steve, he’s alive and at Queen’s,” Chin said, sounding as stunned as he looked.
The first irrational thought Steve had was that they should have called him, and then he remembered when the contact information had gone out for leads, he’d been in interrogation. It also was so not the point.
“What?” Steve said, as they both ran to their vehicles. In a daze, he noted Cath trailed after them and Kono had started notifying the searchers to call it off. “What happened?”
“Apparently Danny was brought in this morning and he’s got some injuries which prevented immediate identification. He’s in rough shape, Steve, but he’s alive.”
Alive. Hope swelled like a tidal wave and obliterated the gloom and doom that had settled over him. After existing in a state of denial, dread and guilt all day, the rapid turnaround made his head spin.
All he could think of as he sped toward Queen’s was how now maybe he had a chance to put things right with Danny, and make the other man know how important he was. With those thoughts, Steve became conscious of Cath next to him in the truck, and it only added to his motivation to change his course. He wasn’t sure how to do it or if the path he wanted to take was two-way, only that he wanted more with Danny than friendship and he was amazed by how much that was true now that he’d let himself go there mentally.
When they got to the hospital, he trailed after Chin, who had taken the call and therefore knew better where Danny was. He didn’t pay much attention, he only needed to see that Danny was truly okay. He had time now to cross bridges with Danny and maybe burn them with Cath. He almost didn’t notice when Chin stopped at the duty nurse’s desk.
“Detective Williams?” Chin asked.
“Oh,” a petite, exhausted-looking woman said. “Yes, you were on the TV. I’m Annie Hoh, I called it in. He’s right this way. I feel so bad. He came in this morning, but he had no ID and, well, we’ve been so busy … I don’t think anyone had any idea he was someone important. It was only because I had time to put my feet up at the end of shift - I’m off duty, but…”
Steve was barely listening. He wasn’t sure he cared what had happened between Friday night and this morning, as long as Danny would be all right. He definitely didn’t care about her quaint story of how she’d made the connection and identified Danny, as grateful as he would be to her for doing so. When the nurse led them to a man in a white coat and introduced him as Doctor Rampart, Steve tried to be more with it. He should be chomping at the bit to find out who had hurt Danny. He knew this. He also knew his ears were buzzing with adrenaline and relief. When the doctor led them to Danny’s room, not much more than an alcove in a bay of other similar rooms, it was the first time he realized they were in the critical care unit. The thought that Danny might have sustained too many injuries to recover from fully hadn’t occurred to him.
Neither had the specifics of why Danny wouldn’t have been recognized sooner even if someone on hospital staff had seen the press conference earlier in the day.
“Shit, Danny,” Steve said, rooted to the spot at the sight in front of him.
If he didn’t know Danny as well as he did, Steve might not have instantly recognized him. Deep, purple bruising covered the entire left half of Danny’s face, and he was so swollen his features seemed distorted. Danny had been like that for two full days? Jesus. Steve felt sick. Behind him, someone gasped and he turned to see Kono with a stricken expression which almost mirrored how he felt. He hadn’t even realized she was there. He doubted anything would be able to compare to the emotions warring through him. There was a soft touch to his arm - Cath again - and it got him moving forward.
“It looks worse than it is, now,” Doctor Rampart said. “He was quite unstable by the time he ended up here, but he’ll likely step down to a regular room tomorrow.”
Steve couldn’t understand how someone could walk around like the way Danny looked, presuming that this had happened prior to Elmore Flats happening upon him unconscious on Friday. He stared at his partner’s face.
“How is that possible?” Chin asked. “He looks so…”
“Awful,” Kono whispered.
“Given the circumstances surrounding Mr. Williams’ arrival here, I think I can let you know that he suffered a significant facial trauma, which is readily apparent. He’s lucky, though. It’s a hairline fracture rather than a full break of the cheekbone, but it appears to have gone untreated for at least twenty-four hours,” Rampart said. “When he was brought in, he was extremely dehydrated and shocky. Coupled with the cheekbone fracture, that means as of yet, he hadn’t regained consciousness with any coherence.”
“Lucky,” Steve said and jerked his arm free from Catherine’s touch again. He drew closer to the bed, took Danny’s lax right hand in his. “He doesn’t look all that lucky to me.”
“No, I suppose he doesn’t.” Rampart fiddled the bags of fluid hooked up to Danny, checked his chart. “Like I said, though, he’s really doing quite well. I anticipate he’ll start coming around shortly. You’re welcome to stay for a bit, as long as you keep it quiet. It might even do him some good to have familiar people around him.”
No more had to be said. There was one chair. Steve claimed it, pulling it to the bed and sitting in it. He released Danny’s hand only to switch his hold to Danny’s forearm. He couldn’t stand how still Danny was, and how the unbruised side of his face was so pale. The whirlwind of the day caught up with him all of a sudden, left him feeling weak in his own right. He didn’t care all that much if anyone thought him weak. He bent and placed his forehead on the edge of the mattress.
“We’re going to go collect his things, get them to CSU for processing,” Chin said eventually. “We’ll find out how this happened.”
“We’ll come back later,” Kono said. “Call us if he wakes up before we do. We’ll call Rachel, so Grace doesn’t worry anymore.”
Steve lifted his head, scrubbed his free hand down his face. Shit, no way would Danny want Grace to see him like this. And, yeah, they still had to consider this an active investigation. In the morning, he’d care about justice. For now, he was content to sit by Danny’s side until he woke up. He nodded at Chin and Kono, who both smiled at him and shot soft, worried looks at Danny.
“Maybe we should go,” Cath said. She began massaging his neck. “You look exhausted. It’s been quite a day.”
Steve ducked away, all the while wondering what it would feel like to get a neck massage from Danny. Jesus, he was so screwed in the head. How had he not realized this sooner?
“No,” Steve said. “I’m staying. You go ahead.”
“Steve.”
“Cath, please.” He twisted his torso and looked back at her. “He’s my partner and I need to be here right now. If he wakes up, he’ll need someone he recognizes. After wandering around after god knows what happened to him, at least I can give him that.”
“I get it,” she said, but slowly, like she didn’t really at all, but had started to. Her expression went from concerned to assessing to unhappy comprehension. Her eyes flicked to Danny, then back to Steve. “I’ve known you a long, long time, Steve. You … you are terrible at hiding your deepest feelings. It would have killed you to lose him, wouldn’t it?”
Unable to lie consciously now that he understood he had been doing so unconsciously for a couple of years, Steve nodded. This wasn’t how he’d planned anything in his life to be, and it was awful, amazing and terrifying.
“Let’s talk later.” Cath squeezed the back of his neck and kissed him on the jaw. “Maybe it’s just a bad time for this.”
“No time’s going to be good,” Steve said. “I think you know that.”
Cath didn’t say another word, left him there with Danny as if she hadn’t heard him. Maybe she hadn’t, or maybe she simply hadn’t wanted to. Steve felt just a hair lighter at having started that discussion, having put up figurative roadblocks as best he could under the circumstances. He circled his thumb against Danny’s forearm, enjoyed the way it rasped against the coarse hair there.
He bent forward again, rested his chin on his own arm and pinned his eyes on Danny’s misshapen but alive face, as if he could make Danny obey. Steve smiled to himself. Like that would ever happen. He wished like hell he could also make time obey him, so he could go back and tell Danny about all the ways he made his life better just by being there at his side. He’d come too damn close to losing one of the best people he’d ever known.
“Come on, Danno, I’ve got words to say to you. Why don’t you wake on up now?”
Danny didn’t. Danny didn’t move at all, for hours, and so neither did Steve. The extreme highs and lows of the day caught up with him at some point and he drifted, not quite asleep and not quite awake. He balked when hospital staff tried to make him leave as they monitored Danny, and something in his expression made them relent.
Finally, a faint muscle twitch beneath his fingertips yanked him back to full awareness. He sat, and glanced at his watch. It was almost dawn. He stretched and what had woken him registered at last. Steve stood, muscles stiff, and saw one bleary, blue eye looking right at him. He smiled.
“Hey,” Steve said. “You have no idea how good it is to see you.”
Danny mumbled something that was too garbled to present as actual language. Immediately, he hissed in pain, the right half of his face reacting dramatically. A few tears leaked from his eye.
“Don’t try to talk,” Steve said. He leaned close, cupped his left hand on Danny’s right cheek. “Just take it easy. I’ll get the doctor. You probably need something for the pain, yeah?”
Danny leaned into his hand, and it felt so natural it made Steve’s heart trip.
“‘M all right,” Danny said, barely moving his lips as he spoke. His speech was indistinct. “Fuzzy. Happened?”
All right wasn’t the term to use, and memory loss wasn’t surprising, but Steve was still disappointed.
“You don’t remember?”
Danny grunted a negative.
“The truth is, I don’t know. You were off the radar for two days, and I didn’t...” Steve’s voice gave out. He sat on the edge of the bed, his hand still on Danny’s face. He cleared his throat and pulled his hand away self-consciously. “I … we thought you were gone. Really gone, just like that, and I can’t have you leaving me, Danny.”
“Not gone,” Danny mumbled. “Don’t remember.”
He stared intently at Steve with his good eye for a few long seconds, and even with the disfiguring injury his expression changes were easy to read. Steve supposed that was a testament to how well he knew his partner. Danny went from confused to determined and then he raised his right hand off the bed and gestured him closer again. Steve bent forward without hesitation, and got a solid punch to the nose for it. He reeled back.
“What the hell?” Steve clutched at his face. “Danny?”
The next words Danny said were all too clear. “Asshole. I remembered something.”
The sting of the blow didn’t last long. It had been more surprise than anything. He kept his hands over his nose and ducked his head down, the three-day buildup of guilt resurging. Steve spared a glace up at Danny after several excruciating moments of silence, and received the second surprise of Danny smirking at him, the right side of his mouth tipped ever so slightly up.
“It wasn’t…” Steve said, then promptly lost his words to a fit of unexpected giggles.
Horrifyingly, the giggles quickly turned to half-choked sobs. Steve folded over and pressed his forehead against Danny’s shoulder. He didn’t know why he hadn’t expected the mini-meltdown, or why he couldn’t seem to stop it.
“I know, babe,” Danny murmured. “‘S okay.”
The left hand, awkward and fumbling, at the nape of his neck felt a little like absolution and a lot like understanding. The touch gave Steve everything he needed to know about detours, and where this one would take him.