I don't even know anymore...
Wow, I don't even know when my last journal entry was. I think it was about a year ago. I thought this would be a great idea on letting my feelings out. I don't know what to do anymore. As the summer runs on I feel as if I'm dissapearing. But I think it's also me. I've been very irritable. Too much crap has been going on in my life. I'm so scared that I'll never get to see my grandpa again. It's so hard knowing that he's sick and I'm so far away. I want to be by his side. All I can do is think about him getting better. I try everyday to be optimistic about this summer and about other things but everyday comes and goes. And sometimes it's a good day, but then there are days where it's a challenge. I thought I was on a vacation but I don't even know what that is anymore. I don't know what a lot of things are anymore. I just want to go back to school and get out of Carmel. I need to be on my own. I need to find myself. I don't know where I stand in life. I'm just a huge dissapointment. I need some kind of guidance. What happened to the days where we didn't have to worry about bills and work and money and all this other shit that has come out of no where. It's true when your parents tell you that you need to make the best of your youth because once it's done, it never comes back. (sigh) I don't even know anymore...