The Jiu-Jitsu Club that Drinks Together has Random Adventures Together
Ok, so I'm a week behind with this one. Hopefully I'll remember enough details to make this a good story.
The day started off with me missing the Caique seminar I desperately wanted to go to due to a combination of not having enough money and my back being slightly sore from training the day before.
I think I'm forgetting some stuff in the in-between times, so I'll get to the main course.
It's Lacey's birthday. Kedar's in town. A bunch of the jiu-jitsu people meet up at Lacey's at 10 to pre-drink there and go out for the night.
Kedar's brought some other Indian people with him; friends of his family, I guess. Seib kept trying to get on the girl who I'll admit I thought was hot--until Kedar let us in that she was 16 and drinking for the first time ever. What's worse is that Seib was *still* trying to feed her shots. I would've been horrified if I didn't know that Kedar'd kill him if he tried anything. Knowing that though it was just funny.
At some point I saw Seib walk into the kitchen totally sober and five minute later walk out obviously shammered. The guy weighs 245 pounds. What the eff did he drink in that five minutes? More on that later.
Finally around midnight we decide to go out. We're going to a party at some friend of Kedar's place first so the underage Indian kids and the underage Sunderhaus have something to do. I get to drive the drunk underage kids. Yay me.
We get to these nice and obviously ludicrously expensive apartments and go up to 402 where the party is supposed to be. Kedar's friend isn't there but some idiot is who says he doesn't know the guy throwing the party and tries to talk trash to Kedar. Fortunately Kedar takes idiots in stride and we head up to the roof where the party really is. There's a ton of people up there. Lacey's less than thrilled that we can smell pot all around us, so after a few minutes we leave Joe (Sunderhaus) to watch over the kids.
Then we start walking towards the bars. Lacey wants to go to Jungle Room to dance, but Kedar wants to go to Nick's to see our friend Paul McCarthy. It's Lacey's birthday. Kedar wins. I marvel at how these two managed to date each other for a few months.
So we get to Nick's, which is notoriously one of the hardest bars to get into when you're underage, like our friend Seib who is with us, but has a fake. We get lucky and the bouncer at the back entrance is distracted by a very large woman standing on the railing on the opposite side of the bouncer with her dress hiked up to her crotch and grinding against/making out with the bouncer. So we walk up the ramp to the back door right as another little Nick's guy comes out. He tells me he's never watched a door before and isn't sure what to do, so I whip out my ID and tell him "you glance at this and say, 'okay, go in.'" He glances at my ID not even long enough to make sure it's a picture of me and says, "okay, go in." Then he does that with the other 8 of us, including Seib. I am the master.
We have to wander all the way upstairs, around, then back downstairs before we find McCarthy. We also meet up with Joe Serat. We sit in the middle of the aisle way and take up space while McCarthy calls girls dirty whores to their faces and those same girls proceed to grope him because he said it in his thick English accent. He also pours beer down Lacey's cleavage. I'm amazed how much she goes along with in spite of being probably the most hardcore Christian person I know.
A little while later and we leave Nick's. Well, at least some of us do. We wind up waiting outside for about ten minutes for the rest to come out, including some who go in to find the missing people. In that ten minutes we see another bouncer carry some other very large passed-out girl in a skirt over his shoulder and deposit her in a chair outside. Once plopped into the chair the bouncer can't get her to keep her legs shut no matter how he positions her, so he finally winds up just standing guard between her legs so the drunk pervies with no taste don't try to cop a peek.
Finally we get our whole group together for the long trip across the street. Once we get to the other side of the street we walk through what looks like is about to become a fight between two guys. Kedar, being the kind of guy he is, tries to instigate them to fight each other. I guess someone gets pissed at Kedar. Whatever happened, it lost steam before anything really happened much to the disappointment of the crowd.
Finally by about 2 we make it to the Jungle Room so Lacey can dance. I'm way too self-conscious to pretend to dance when I'm sober so I mostly just walk around and hang out with the other non-dancers. Around 2:30 this puts me out on the deck where Kloman, Seib, and Kedar are getting pizza from a little stand just outside the dance room. At some point I see Seib practically do a shoulder/back tackle into the vendor stand denting in the front of the stand and pinning the guy selling between his stand and the wall. In less than a second four bouncers appear like ninjas and drag Seib out.
Kedar seems to be of the "oh that sucks, let's go have some more fun" mentality. I realized we should probably not leave him out there to be a drunk ass by himself, so I go tell Lacey. She's a bit more sensible/concerned, so we round up everyone else and go to find Drunkie. On the way out I have this half-second eye contact with some girl. A second later we get stuck in room traffic. The girl comes up behind me and starts running her hands down my arm and chest and says, "Hi, my name's April."
After the initial confusion of being groped by a random stranger I say "hi, I'm Steve." April says she needs to find her friends. She grabs my hand and then tries to drag me off in one direction. At the same time Lacey's holding my other hand and starts trying to drag me off in the other. Lacey wins.
We make it downstairs and to the sidewalk in front of Jimmy John's where Kloman is keeping Seib company. Seib's not sure why he got thrown out since he swears he just got on one knee to pick up a slice of pizza someone dropped. Thinking someone would want a piece of pizza that they just dropped on the deck of a shoulder-to-shoulder, high-traffic bar should've been enough for him to convince himself how drunk he was.
Outside Moe and someone else see the April girl, and I guess caught the part where she was hanging on me. She's busy hanging on some other guy, but they seem to think I should go talk to her. I'm not interested (besides, I have pride--she should've followed me instead of finding some other random guy) but Moe seems to think I should be. When Moe realizes I'm not budging he tells Seib what's up, and Seib proceeds to try to pick me up by my neck to deposit me next to this girl. Cause I'm sure being dropped next to a girl by your friend is a great way to get chicks. I swear I don't know what goes through these guys' heads sometimes.
Around this time I get a call from Sunderhaus. The Indian kids went home with another friend of theirs, but he was still at the party which just got busted by the cops. I told him he should try to meet us by the car and he said he'd try. I told this to Kedar, who then explained to me "try" in Sunderhaus language meant he was probably going to try to run from the cops. So I called him back and gave the phone to Kedar.
We started walking back towards the car. Seib was saying something about how even drunk he could take "all three of them." I don't know who "them" are, although I think when we were standing around he was saying something about how we should all go beat up the bouncers that threw him out. I said, "You're not beating up anyone in your condition, Drunkie McFalldown." I mean the guy couldn't even walk straight for a whole step. Well apparently this pissed him off. I swear a drunk Seib is kinda like having a pet gorilla. So then I had to start dodging Seib. It wasn't hard; 245 pounds doesn't generally move that fast. Although it did get more tricky when I realized I needed to stay on the sidewalk. Nothing good could come of leading a guy that drunk into the road.
Finally Kedar tried to calm him down and pointed out something important that I forgot. If the cops stopped us for Captain Public Intox, Kedar and I should be bolting since we're of legal age and Seib's 19. Seib protested, swearing he wasn't drunk. Kedar told him he should cut out the stumbling around crap then. He stopped chasing me after that but I was too busy watching for cops to tell whether or not he was still stumbling as bad.
We got back to the cars and met up with Sunderhaus. I never did hear whether or not he had to run from the cops to get there. I'm not sure I want to know. Seib still wanted to hang out and beat people up/find girls to hook up with, so we told him that we were all going home and going to bed. I made Kloman take him and Sunderhaus home (since Sunderhaus and Seib live together). The rest of us went back to Lacey's and Lacey and I ordered Rockit's pizza.
Eventually Kloman showed up. Not even five minutes after he got there he got a call from Sunderhaus. I hear Ryan say, "Oh my god, are you serious?" I say, "Lemme guess, Seib's decided he's King Kong and is breaking down doors and ravaging cities?" Turns out I was spot-on. Seib got home and went on a rampage. Sunderhaus directed him towards their other roommate's room. They don't like their other roommate because he's got way-creepy stalkerish tendencies. Well, Seib went down to the basement where creepy-roommate lives, busted through the door (as in tore it off the hinges) and proceeded to destroy things and put three four-foot wide holes in the walls.
We're getting all this relayed to us by Ryan from his convo with Joe. Ryan passes the phone off to Kedar who's drunk and laughing hysterically at every new detail. Apparently at some point Seib decides he's going to "call bitches." Lacey's phone rings. Now Kedar and Lacey are sitting side-by-side on the couch talking to Joe and Seib (respectively) who are in the same house. It's kind of amusing. I guess Seib thinks Joe doesn't like him. I'm not sure about what else is said, but Kedar and Joe start talking about how it's obvious locking his door won't help so Joe should sleep lightly and keep a knife or gun or something next to him in case Drunkie takes his rage homocidal. At some point Kedar and Lacey trade phones for a few minutes. I've never seen someone as amused as Kedar was by this whole situation. I think he asked Joe if he had a video camera he could set up and tape everything for him.
Eventually I guess things got calmed down to manageable and everyone hung up. Kloman, Moe, and I got tired and went home. The end.
The day started off with me missing the Caique seminar I desperately wanted to go to due to a combination of not having enough money and my back being slightly sore from training the day before.
I think I'm forgetting some stuff in the in-between times, so I'll get to the main course.
It's Lacey's birthday. Kedar's in town. A bunch of the jiu-jitsu people meet up at Lacey's at 10 to pre-drink there and go out for the night.
Kedar's brought some other Indian people with him; friends of his family, I guess. Seib kept trying to get on the girl who I'll admit I thought was hot--until Kedar let us in that she was 16 and drinking for the first time ever. What's worse is that Seib was *still* trying to feed her shots. I would've been horrified if I didn't know that Kedar'd kill him if he tried anything. Knowing that though it was just funny.
At some point I saw Seib walk into the kitchen totally sober and five minute later walk out obviously shammered. The guy weighs 245 pounds. What the eff did he drink in that five minutes? More on that later.
Finally around midnight we decide to go out. We're going to a party at some friend of Kedar's place first so the underage Indian kids and the underage Sunderhaus have something to do. I get to drive the drunk underage kids. Yay me.
We get to these nice and obviously ludicrously expensive apartments and go up to 402 where the party is supposed to be. Kedar's friend isn't there but some idiot is who says he doesn't know the guy throwing the party and tries to talk trash to Kedar. Fortunately Kedar takes idiots in stride and we head up to the roof where the party really is. There's a ton of people up there. Lacey's less than thrilled that we can smell pot all around us, so after a few minutes we leave Joe (Sunderhaus) to watch over the kids.
Then we start walking towards the bars. Lacey wants to go to Jungle Room to dance, but Kedar wants to go to Nick's to see our friend Paul McCarthy. It's Lacey's birthday. Kedar wins. I marvel at how these two managed to date each other for a few months.
So we get to Nick's, which is notoriously one of the hardest bars to get into when you're underage, like our friend Seib who is with us, but has a fake. We get lucky and the bouncer at the back entrance is distracted by a very large woman standing on the railing on the opposite side of the bouncer with her dress hiked up to her crotch and grinding against/making out with the bouncer. So we walk up the ramp to the back door right as another little Nick's guy comes out. He tells me he's never watched a door before and isn't sure what to do, so I whip out my ID and tell him "you glance at this and say, 'okay, go in.'" He glances at my ID not even long enough to make sure it's a picture of me and says, "okay, go in." Then he does that with the other 8 of us, including Seib. I am the master.
We have to wander all the way upstairs, around, then back downstairs before we find McCarthy. We also meet up with Joe Serat. We sit in the middle of the aisle way and take up space while McCarthy calls girls dirty whores to their faces and those same girls proceed to grope him because he said it in his thick English accent. He also pours beer down Lacey's cleavage. I'm amazed how much she goes along with in spite of being probably the most hardcore Christian person I know.
A little while later and we leave Nick's. Well, at least some of us do. We wind up waiting outside for about ten minutes for the rest to come out, including some who go in to find the missing people. In that ten minutes we see another bouncer carry some other very large passed-out girl in a skirt over his shoulder and deposit her in a chair outside. Once plopped into the chair the bouncer can't get her to keep her legs shut no matter how he positions her, so he finally winds up just standing guard between her legs so the drunk pervies with no taste don't try to cop a peek.
Finally we get our whole group together for the long trip across the street. Once we get to the other side of the street we walk through what looks like is about to become a fight between two guys. Kedar, being the kind of guy he is, tries to instigate them to fight each other. I guess someone gets pissed at Kedar. Whatever happened, it lost steam before anything really happened much to the disappointment of the crowd.
Finally by about 2 we make it to the Jungle Room so Lacey can dance. I'm way too self-conscious to pretend to dance when I'm sober so I mostly just walk around and hang out with the other non-dancers. Around 2:30 this puts me out on the deck where Kloman, Seib, and Kedar are getting pizza from a little stand just outside the dance room. At some point I see Seib practically do a shoulder/back tackle into the vendor stand denting in the front of the stand and pinning the guy selling between his stand and the wall. In less than a second four bouncers appear like ninjas and drag Seib out.
Kedar seems to be of the "oh that sucks, let's go have some more fun" mentality. I realized we should probably not leave him out there to be a drunk ass by himself, so I go tell Lacey. She's a bit more sensible/concerned, so we round up everyone else and go to find Drunkie. On the way out I have this half-second eye contact with some girl. A second later we get stuck in room traffic. The girl comes up behind me and starts running her hands down my arm and chest and says, "Hi, my name's April."
After the initial confusion of being groped by a random stranger I say "hi, I'm Steve." April says she needs to find her friends. She grabs my hand and then tries to drag me off in one direction. At the same time Lacey's holding my other hand and starts trying to drag me off in the other. Lacey wins.
We make it downstairs and to the sidewalk in front of Jimmy John's where Kloman is keeping Seib company. Seib's not sure why he got thrown out since he swears he just got on one knee to pick up a slice of pizza someone dropped. Thinking someone would want a piece of pizza that they just dropped on the deck of a shoulder-to-shoulder, high-traffic bar should've been enough for him to convince himself how drunk he was.
Outside Moe and someone else see the April girl, and I guess caught the part where she was hanging on me. She's busy hanging on some other guy, but they seem to think I should go talk to her. I'm not interested (besides, I have pride--she should've followed me instead of finding some other random guy) but Moe seems to think I should be. When Moe realizes I'm not budging he tells Seib what's up, and Seib proceeds to try to pick me up by my neck to deposit me next to this girl. Cause I'm sure being dropped next to a girl by your friend is a great way to get chicks. I swear I don't know what goes through these guys' heads sometimes.
Around this time I get a call from Sunderhaus. The Indian kids went home with another friend of theirs, but he was still at the party which just got busted by the cops. I told him he should try to meet us by the car and he said he'd try. I told this to Kedar, who then explained to me "try" in Sunderhaus language meant he was probably going to try to run from the cops. So I called him back and gave the phone to Kedar.
We started walking back towards the car. Seib was saying something about how even drunk he could take "all three of them." I don't know who "them" are, although I think when we were standing around he was saying something about how we should all go beat up the bouncers that threw him out. I said, "You're not beating up anyone in your condition, Drunkie McFalldown." I mean the guy couldn't even walk straight for a whole step. Well apparently this pissed him off. I swear a drunk Seib is kinda like having a pet gorilla. So then I had to start dodging Seib. It wasn't hard; 245 pounds doesn't generally move that fast. Although it did get more tricky when I realized I needed to stay on the sidewalk. Nothing good could come of leading a guy that drunk into the road.
Finally Kedar tried to calm him down and pointed out something important that I forgot. If the cops stopped us for Captain Public Intox, Kedar and I should be bolting since we're of legal age and Seib's 19. Seib protested, swearing he wasn't drunk. Kedar told him he should cut out the stumbling around crap then. He stopped chasing me after that but I was too busy watching for cops to tell whether or not he was still stumbling as bad.
We got back to the cars and met up with Sunderhaus. I never did hear whether or not he had to run from the cops to get there. I'm not sure I want to know. Seib still wanted to hang out and beat people up/find girls to hook up with, so we told him that we were all going home and going to bed. I made Kloman take him and Sunderhaus home (since Sunderhaus and Seib live together). The rest of us went back to Lacey's and Lacey and I ordered Rockit's pizza.
Eventually Kloman showed up. Not even five minutes after he got there he got a call from Sunderhaus. I hear Ryan say, "Oh my god, are you serious?" I say, "Lemme guess, Seib's decided he's King Kong and is breaking down doors and ravaging cities?" Turns out I was spot-on. Seib got home and went on a rampage. Sunderhaus directed him towards their other roommate's room. They don't like their other roommate because he's got way-creepy stalkerish tendencies. Well, Seib went down to the basement where creepy-roommate lives, busted through the door (as in tore it off the hinges) and proceeded to destroy things and put three four-foot wide holes in the walls.
We're getting all this relayed to us by Ryan from his convo with Joe. Ryan passes the phone off to Kedar who's drunk and laughing hysterically at every new detail. Apparently at some point Seib decides he's going to "call bitches." Lacey's phone rings. Now Kedar and Lacey are sitting side-by-side on the couch talking to Joe and Seib (respectively) who are in the same house. It's kind of amusing. I guess Seib thinks Joe doesn't like him. I'm not sure about what else is said, but Kedar and Joe start talking about how it's obvious locking his door won't help so Joe should sleep lightly and keep a knife or gun or something next to him in case Drunkie takes his rage homocidal. At some point Kedar and Lacey trade phones for a few minutes. I've never seen someone as amused as Kedar was by this whole situation. I think he asked Joe if he had a video camera he could set up and tape everything for him.
Eventually I guess things got calmed down to manageable and everyone hung up. Kloman, Moe, and I got tired and went home. The end.