Nothing But Flowers
How strange that the day that I randomly put on my “I Hate Myself and I want to Die” T-Shirt that it rains.
How strange is it that also as soon as I came back from classes out of the rain I just laid on my bed crying, like I was puking up alcohol from a heavy night of drinking.
I just tried to get out of my stomach as I could, so much that it hurt after I was finished.
I cried so hard I never took off my headphones and so I listened to “Nothing But Flowers” by The Talking Heads.
I cried because I saw the ending of Philadelphia with about 50 people in a classroom.
I cried because at the end while Tom Hanks was dying Mike Bartone was flirting with some girl, not even caring what was going on.
I cried because I looked down at my overweight, crippled teacher whom everyone felt sorry for and he was the only one besides me that crying.
I cried because I was ashamed of crying in front of all these people.
I cried because the movie was sad.
I cried because I feel so emo for even crying.
I cried because I saw Kim and she reminded me that no matter what I say or do there will always be people who think that I am strange and weird.
I cried for everyone I saw that was uglier than me because they would never know what it would be like to be beautiful.
I cried for the beautiful girls on their cell phones because they would never realize how beautiful they really were.
I cried because the day I try to be normal and not a creepy, goofy kid who expects to be a creepy, goofy kid they can laugh at.
I cried because everyone just assumed there was something wrong with me because I was trying to act this way.
I cried because there is something wrong with me.
I cried because when I wanted to go back to my room and be myself my friends from Whitaker made me go eat with them.
I cried because when I sat down at the table everyone stared at me and kept asking questions to me like I was actually going to tell them in public and try not to breakdown.
I cried because I lied about how I was feeling and just walked to my dorm.
And as I was walking back to my dorm, I realized what day it was.
Today was the day the Dad I never had died while I sat home, not crying.
And if there is any reason why I should be crying, that should be it.
I have never felt so alone in my life.
I guess this is what these journals are for.
How strange is it that also as soon as I came back from classes out of the rain I just laid on my bed crying, like I was puking up alcohol from a heavy night of drinking.
I just tried to get out of my stomach as I could, so much that it hurt after I was finished.
I cried so hard I never took off my headphones and so I listened to “Nothing But Flowers” by The Talking Heads.
I cried because I saw the ending of Philadelphia with about 50 people in a classroom.
I cried because at the end while Tom Hanks was dying Mike Bartone was flirting with some girl, not even caring what was going on.
I cried because I looked down at my overweight, crippled teacher whom everyone felt sorry for and he was the only one besides me that crying.
I cried because I was ashamed of crying in front of all these people.
I cried because the movie was sad.
I cried because I feel so emo for even crying.
I cried because I saw Kim and she reminded me that no matter what I say or do there will always be people who think that I am strange and weird.
I cried for everyone I saw that was uglier than me because they would never know what it would be like to be beautiful.
I cried for the beautiful girls on their cell phones because they would never realize how beautiful they really were.
I cried because the day I try to be normal and not a creepy, goofy kid who expects to be a creepy, goofy kid they can laugh at.
I cried because everyone just assumed there was something wrong with me because I was trying to act this way.
I cried because there is something wrong with me.
I cried because when I wanted to go back to my room and be myself my friends from Whitaker made me go eat with them.
I cried because when I sat down at the table everyone stared at me and kept asking questions to me like I was actually going to tell them in public and try not to breakdown.
I cried because I lied about how I was feeling and just walked to my dorm.
And as I was walking back to my dorm, I realized what day it was.
Today was the day the Dad I never had died while I sat home, not crying.
And if there is any reason why I should be crying, that should be it.
I have never felt so alone in my life.
I guess this is what these journals are for.