DONT BOTHER RUINING YOUR DAY READING THIS, YOU HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO, THIS IS MY FUCKING JOURNAL
NOT A PLEASANT POST - I STRONGLY ADVISE YOU DO NOT READ - YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
this is really not of a concern to anyone.
i'm really at the brink of destruction here.
everyday i come home. do shit. trying finding work over and over again. FUCK. i cannot put up with this anymore.
4 fuckin hours a day i have to sit through 2 classes of fucking shit cause steve can't goto fucking college cause he's not a graduate. fuck man. i really am not looking to a future anymore. probably slaving. unbelievable. i've always imagined my life to be corporate-like. well, it doesn't look like it to me. i mean, geezus christ. i dont even have friends in this school. let alone, any in general which is of course my fault.
its always my fault, every fucking time. anyway, i've had just about enough of this. it's okay. no girl or woman would want to be with me up to this point, because i am indeed a failure. and that's okay, because everyday i wakeup...and there's just nothing out there no more. believe it or not, this is ridiculous, i know. so...i dont care...i'm on my own... as usual except THIS TIME...i'm willing to accept that
and i'm finding my own way out whatever means necessary. i mean, wow, i havent been on the computer as much as i used to, gee...you know...whatever...i always fucking say this shit over and over again...maybe this time, i actually mean it. FUCKKKKKKK......i can't stand this anymore. im too fucking old to acting like a fucking kid. im never spending anymore time with my mom anymore. how lame is that? fuck sakes...man i dunno what to do...honestly...i have no direction in life...nothing...fuck...its the truth, all i hope is for my sake, things will balance out. im always so tired. probably because i've been so depressed and isolated. i never talk, so i never change. i dunno.....i'm really fucking weak, this is my only way out. maybe actually doing what one of my friends did. pack up and leave home. expenses? who cares? destination? i dont care. i'll die if i have to get to where im going. this is going to take a whole lot of time and no bullshitting from myself. i gotta do this. you know. i dunno. i have to find someone first to do this with.
well, whatever. summer's almost here. so id probably take off till sept. who cares about money. every fucking time with that shit. i'll just panhandle. be a bum. cause thats what i am. i dont have a fucking job. no car. nothing. so what's the point. might as well...i don't belong here anymore anyway. it makes me sick. cant even meet one fucking person in this fucked up area without a piece of fucking clothing that has a name brand on it. god. everywhere i go. i see money spending whores. it makes me sick. or people partying it up..oooh ahhh....i goto shows alone...i drink alone...i smoke alone... i destroy myself for what? for the fuckin country? no...
there is no point of all this for me. only thing that matters is finding love or something close to it. i dont care what clothes u wear or how many shoes u have...i want a life of just being somewhere...together...and...i'm just sick of this
i really am...i leave my house every night tryin to leave...its so stupid and there's no one out there walking around or some girl in the park waiting to be picked up...it doesnt work that way.....not around here...man i need an adventure...i dont have the balls to yell at people i dont know...things like that...im sick of this fucking shit...i'll get shot in fraser if i have to....whatever...or fuckin stabbed...man...i just talk a whole lotta shit but hell it makes me feel better...i aint got no problem with race...in fact i feel strongly about it....and im sick of this all white power nation fucking shit...man....i let all this bullsit get to me....what the hell gotten into me
now i gotta go sleep and fucking beat off over and over....hopefully have some fantasizes cause thats all im good for anyway....and next time im fuckin paying $20 for a lapdance, i dont care
FUCK another day of school to put up with...fuck...
GODDAMMIT!
motherfuckers.
this is really not of a concern to anyone.
i'm really at the brink of destruction here.
everyday i come home. do shit. trying finding work over and over again. FUCK. i cannot put up with this anymore.
4 fuckin hours a day i have to sit through 2 classes of fucking shit cause steve can't goto fucking college cause he's not a graduate. fuck man. i really am not looking to a future anymore. probably slaving. unbelievable. i've always imagined my life to be corporate-like. well, it doesn't look like it to me. i mean, geezus christ. i dont even have friends in this school. let alone, any in general which is of course my fault.
its always my fault, every fucking time. anyway, i've had just about enough of this. it's okay. no girl or woman would want to be with me up to this point, because i am indeed a failure. and that's okay, because everyday i wakeup...and there's just nothing out there no more. believe it or not, this is ridiculous, i know. so...i dont care...i'm on my own... as usual except THIS TIME...i'm willing to accept that
and i'm finding my own way out whatever means necessary. i mean, wow, i havent been on the computer as much as i used to, gee...you know...whatever...i always fucking say this shit over and over again...maybe this time, i actually mean it. FUCKKKKKKK......i can't stand this anymore. im too fucking old to acting like a fucking kid. im never spending anymore time with my mom anymore. how lame is that? fuck sakes...man i dunno what to do...honestly...i have no direction in life...nothing...fuck...its the truth, all i hope is for my sake, things will balance out. im always so tired. probably because i've been so depressed and isolated. i never talk, so i never change. i dunno.....i'm really fucking weak, this is my only way out. maybe actually doing what one of my friends did. pack up and leave home. expenses? who cares? destination? i dont care. i'll die if i have to get to where im going. this is going to take a whole lot of time and no bullshitting from myself. i gotta do this. you know. i dunno. i have to find someone first to do this with.
well, whatever. summer's almost here. so id probably take off till sept. who cares about money. every fucking time with that shit. i'll just panhandle. be a bum. cause thats what i am. i dont have a fucking job. no car. nothing. so what's the point. might as well...i don't belong here anymore anyway. it makes me sick. cant even meet one fucking person in this fucked up area without a piece of fucking clothing that has a name brand on it. god. everywhere i go. i see money spending whores. it makes me sick. or people partying it up..oooh ahhh....i goto shows alone...i drink alone...i smoke alone... i destroy myself for what? for the fuckin country? no...
there is no point of all this for me. only thing that matters is finding love or something close to it. i dont care what clothes u wear or how many shoes u have...i want a life of just being somewhere...together...and...i'm just sick of this
i really am...i leave my house every night tryin to leave...its so stupid and there's no one out there walking around or some girl in the park waiting to be picked up...it doesnt work that way.....not around here...man i need an adventure...i dont have the balls to yell at people i dont know...things like that...im sick of this fucking shit...i'll get shot in fraser if i have to....whatever...or fuckin stabbed...man...i just talk a whole lotta shit but hell it makes me feel better...i aint got no problem with race...in fact i feel strongly about it....and im sick of this all white power nation fucking shit...man....i let all this bullsit get to me....what the hell gotten into me
now i gotta go sleep and fucking beat off over and over....hopefully have some fantasizes cause thats all im good for anyway....and next time im fuckin paying $20 for a lapdance, i dont care
FUCK another day of school to put up with...fuck...
GODDAMMIT!
motherfuckers.