Let the peices fall
Seems like... everything's falling apart.
School, friendships, relationships, and most importantly ME.
School... well I'm failing. As in, the highest score i've gotten is a 60. Yeah, I know it's curved, but I still feel stupid, especially with kids who get TONS better grades than I do. Maybe this isn't for me.
Friends? Well... I feel like people don't have time for me anymore. I guess Landon was right. People move on without you, but I wish it wasn't so. Sometimes people get so involved....there's no more time for u. I miss them..and wish times could just go BACK. But, they can't.
Landon.... well, he's another story. While we fight & I hate his tightness on everything, I love him. It's a hard feeling to even grasp, but there's something inside me that flutters everytime I'm with him. Him holding me and smiling at me. His stupid jokes or stories, or just the facts of his manner of anime. But in the end, he makes me happy and i'm for once.... comfortable. If only I'd let myself react upon that statement. Let my gates down, let him inside, let his flaws go & stop picking everything apart. It's this stupid flaw of mine that caused our "break."
I know he says we're still together-ish, but Im so worried that at the end of this 2-week trial, things are going to end. Yeah, we'll still be friends, but it won't be the same. You can't kiss friends the way I kiss him. You cant feel the aching in my heart that way if you're just friends. If only I still gave him that same aching feeling. But alas, only time will tell. I feel like this "break" has almost helped us. It's making us stronger, making me work, making me change. We get along more and laugh more, and most importantly, talk more about everything.
I want this to work. I want him. He's like no other. I know he's the only one for me. Hunter proved that. I know I dont' belive in G-d, but I prayed to him today. I prayed to have the strength to change and let him in. Whatever there is out there... I prayed to that person to allow me to be myself. The happy one.
Life's never perfect. It surly throws me for curveballs. But hey, it's a game of life out there.
School, friendships, relationships, and most importantly ME.
School... well I'm failing. As in, the highest score i've gotten is a 60. Yeah, I know it's curved, but I still feel stupid, especially with kids who get TONS better grades than I do. Maybe this isn't for me.
Friends? Well... I feel like people don't have time for me anymore. I guess Landon was right. People move on without you, but I wish it wasn't so. Sometimes people get so involved....there's no more time for u. I miss them..and wish times could just go BACK. But, they can't.
Landon.... well, he's another story. While we fight & I hate his tightness on everything, I love him. It's a hard feeling to even grasp, but there's something inside me that flutters everytime I'm with him. Him holding me and smiling at me. His stupid jokes or stories, or just the facts of his manner of anime. But in the end, he makes me happy and i'm for once.... comfortable. If only I'd let myself react upon that statement. Let my gates down, let him inside, let his flaws go & stop picking everything apart. It's this stupid flaw of mine that caused our "break."
I know he says we're still together-ish, but Im so worried that at the end of this 2-week trial, things are going to end. Yeah, we'll still be friends, but it won't be the same. You can't kiss friends the way I kiss him. You cant feel the aching in my heart that way if you're just friends. If only I still gave him that same aching feeling. But alas, only time will tell. I feel like this "break" has almost helped us. It's making us stronger, making me work, making me change. We get along more and laugh more, and most importantly, talk more about everything.
I want this to work. I want him. He's like no other. I know he's the only one for me. Hunter proved that. I know I dont' belive in G-d, but I prayed to him today. I prayed to have the strength to change and let him in. Whatever there is out there... I prayed to that person to allow me to be myself. The happy one.
Life's never perfect. It surly throws me for curveballs. But hey, it's a game of life out there.