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although i dont particularly like to go to church esp some more charismatic ones, there's this sermon i read tt i think is good.
For a Woman, the essential needs are:
1) Affection
For the guy to show affections, care and concern, feel the love and bond.
2) Conversation
A very important point. When a guy is going after a girl, he tends to listen to whatever she says, her life, her day, her everything, The purpose of doing so is actually, to get to know the girl better, to find out what she likes, what she needs, what she dislikes and all. Through talks like this, a guy could realise what are the stuff the girl likes even without asking a girl directly, " what kind of movies do you like to watch?" or rather, he could just find out with a girl's conversation, " On, i watched xxxxx with my friend, and its a really nice movie, very romantic". And thats when the guy would pay attentive attention to the girl, in order to go after her.
And im many cases, when both parties start off and went into a relationship together, slowly and gradually, they tend to communicate lesser, having lesser (in-depth) conversations. But have you thought of why communication is so important in a relationship? Because with conversations, you are actually conversing your needs and wants to your other half. Such that, your girlfriend says, " My friend and her bf went on to this place and said that the food and ambience is really great!" - it shows she hopes to have a chance to visit there to taste the food and enjoy the ambience, or " today my boss scolded me in front of my colleagues.." she hopes that you will be there with her, cheering her up, be by her.
Without conversations together, how are you supposed to know and find out what he/she needs? Needs and wants are changing everyday, and when a guy is chasing a girl, he perfectly understands what she needs and wants, hence, things are so smooth and sweet. Thus, when they are together, they made lesser effort to have conversations and thats when couples drift apart, couples quarrel. And also, don't you think, by conversation, you are actually showing affections at the same time? showing concern at the same time?
It is also true that, a girl might have her girlfriends to share her problems, her life, (since u guys might say, girls talk etc) and have a guy thought of that- when a girl be with you, she is also actually choosing you to be the BEST Friend of her best friends? Cause she wants to share every part of her life with you, wanting each other to understand and share everything together, fulfilling each other's needs on the way. And as time goes by, any expression of yours, the girlfriend would be able to understand straight away, knowing what to do & how to cheer you, how you feel, understand you completely, be with you, supporting you with whatever you do. And you'll be surprised how much she can understand you, even more than your parents, your bestest friend(s).
And i guess in many cases, the guy tends to not show interest in whatever the girlfriend might be saying, such as " i went shopping with my gf today and i bought xxxx and xxxx etc" which the guy might think its nothing important, boring to hear and all, but actually, the girlfriend is conversing with you, and you never know, you might actually get to know certain needs and wants of your girlfriend through those conversations. And research actually showed that, a guy should actually have 15 hours of conversation with the girlfriend per week. (dont be shock, you will understand later again).
Also, when the guy stop showing interest or just giving a slight acknowledgment when the girlfriend is trying to converse, it is obvious showing that the guy is not interested to listen, and the girl slowly shares all these with other people instead. And thats when the worst come, couple drifts apart, and the girl found a guy friend to share her stuff, and slowly, she shares with him cuz he would listen attentively. And when a huge quarrel happened between the couple, the girl might even call up the other guy to sob to him, complain to him, and perhaps, the girl might feel greater concern and interest from the other guy, hence, it would harm the current relationship between the couple.
3) Honesty and Openness
Females want the guy to be honest and open with her. As much as how these two words sound so simple, TRUST AND SECURITY. it is something so important in the relationship, that, even if you ever spoil it a little, it causes HARM to your relationship.
Share with your girlfriend everything she wants to know. Be open with her. There is one sentence I feel that it is so true so true- " Just Tell your girlfriend the truth, A female is much stronger that you think she is when hearing the truth" Sometimes guys might just think, telling a white lie, telling partial truth or not telling the girlfriend might make it bettter, might prevent unnecessary quarrels and might prevent causing the girlfriend to feel unhappy. But yes, i do agree very much, girls are much stronger to take in the truth and hear the truth than the guys think they are.
Telling partial truth, telling white lies, telling information that is not false but NOT accurate, is also considered not telling the truth. Girls want accurate truth, the word is accurate.
Have you guys thought of that, Imagine you tell your girlfriend partial truth. You didnt lie, but yet, you didnt tell her the accurate information, and one day, she finds out herself another part of the story that you told her. Though it might not be something serious, just minor information, but you will lead to your girlfriend having the thought that you are somehow keeping something from her. And this will then be very unhealthy.
And slowly, with all those very minor stuff, but yet you didnt tell her the accurate information, it will lead to lesser trust, and affects the Security of the girl in you in the relationship, cuz a lil part of her heart/mind, she knows you might be keeping something from her. She will tend start to feel insecure. Hence, just tell her everything she wants to know and ask, Just be OPEN with her, dont ever let her feel that you might be keeping something from her. If you think its minor, just let her know what she asked then? Learn to respect your girlfriend, talk to her in a constructive manner, not destructive manner. Dont swear, curse at her.
When u tell accurate truth, she will learn to trust you. There are cases such that, probably the guy met with some problems at home, not related to the relationship directly (eg. Family financial crisis ) and you didn't tell your girlfriend because you think it might be temporary and you can just solve it after a while and all. After some time, you tried solving it and sometimes, you get phone calls from your mom and you will speak in a way or some topic that she never knows what u are talking about, and that's when she suspects, suspecting that you keep things from her. Gradually, she slowly doubts you, and it became unhealthy. And maybe one day, it didnt turn out as u expect, your family financial problem got worsen, then u tell her, or can't help it and showed your frustrations, and thats when she would be hurt and angry with you for keeping things from her and you would feel lost from both sides, totally harming your relationship.
There are a lot of cases whereby people broke up and divorced because one is not telling the truth, keeping a lot of things from the other. But think again, there is not a case till date, that, the couple broke up/divoiced because telling Too Much TRUTH.
As for Men, their needs are:
1) Sexual Fulfilment
i was somehow shocked to hear this, and the speaker commented that he was just being frank about it.
2) Recreational Companionship
An important aspect. Guys hope to have their girlfriends as a companionship when doing activities. Whats the use of having fun without your love one with you? It would be so much more fun having to do things together.
And thats when the 15 hours of conversation of the women comes in. For recreational companionship, probably for at least15 hours per week, a couple could do things together, and while at the same time, interact and converse/communicate with each other. And for example, a guy might like to watch soccer with his friends, and girls like to go shopping with her friends. Hence for the recreational companionship, both must find a MUTUAL interest, such as maybe, Movies/travelling etc and thus, spend time everyweek doing things that both of you guys like.
From the mutual interest, then you will develop and slowly realised, EXPAND the mutual interests of you both from there.
3) Attractive spouse
Don't get my meaning wrong. Guys would like their girlfriends to be attractive. Not saying, a guy would like a beauty pageant or whatever girl, but the girl should be attractive in her own way. It is not meant as a superficial point.
Everybody is born attractive, and its upto his or her own control in wanting to look good and attractive. Areas to take note would be like, make up, hair, clothes, weight, posture etc.
To think again, when the guy is chasing a girl, he likes the girl for who she is, likes how she looks, and think that she is the most beautiful of all (beauty is in the eyes of the beholder). For example, a girl is of average size, and got together with a guy. Both are really happy and sweet and the girl is just the way she is, so attractive to him. As time goes by, she might think, " i can just eat whatever, well, already have a boyfriend" and hence didnt care much about maintaining the weight and all. After a couple of months or years, a girl might grew in size gradually or didnt bother dressing up etc, and hence, the guy might look at her and think, " she isnt how she is like when i first dated her. And thats when, probably, the guy didnt bother much appreciate the girl. These kinda senarios happened mostly for married couples.
When a girl feels good, the guy would feel good as well. Though u might think the guy might get jealous when other guys look at you, but well, they do feel good when having an attractive partner whom is attractive in her own way.