The Labor of the Day...
Well,
"Dear Diary"... a Moody Blues song that i use to have echoing into my black and white checkered wall papered room when i was 6. Mom are Dad were always hip. 1970. You could literally stare at the squares and they would start darting and twisting. Probably a reason (or one) for my psychosis... arghhhh .. wait everybody.. " i am fine ".
So. Friends. My three. The big three. The great unknowns. My secret pals. Each wonderful, facinating, lovable, and just plain caring.
I write.
I apologize for not responding to your concerns and fears and torments and tribulations as a friend should. For not calling as a friend should. For not writing or signing in to get to you as quickly as a friend should.
But then, here we are accepted and here... to share.
The wreck of a rollercoaster for the past weeks has been unlike anything i have ever ever experienced.
I would like to make a few points clear and even though it tightens my chest at times and i lie awake in the middle of the night (as in every night) wondering where the fuck i went wrong... i will say this.
My marriage is over.
The pain for me associated with that is trememdous.
FOr what A lost love? a love lost?
Can i work harder for you? The incredible spin on this... is ...
I asked for it!
I got it! I wanted to be "let out of the box" she had me kept. I should have been elated! Free! WHEW WEE!
Then reality...
I ... lost lonely... scared... real scared... confused... desparate... i want to go home...
dammit.. the spinning hasn't stopped...
the point is .. again.. is that we... were unhealthy... together.. the 2 of us.
i honestly know i need this freedom for everyones sake including my daughters.
It is still scary... she is not accepting my offers of settlement thinking i am taking advantage and have more than what i am offering to give.
It is more than generous. Honestly. It is. Of course it may not be easy for her.
I cannot concern myself with her. I can't I do .. but i can't!! I am giveing her much more than she will get if she continues to fight a battle "i need more".
The is no more.. only less available. Honest. Read this!! The equity in the house is all there is to divide in your favor honey! The more we fight. the more equity is lost.
I will take it to the end with you knowing i will have perhaps nothing but...
you need to realize this.
"Dear Diary"... a Moody Blues song that i use to have echoing into my black and white checkered wall papered room when i was 6. Mom are Dad were always hip. 1970. You could literally stare at the squares and they would start darting and twisting. Probably a reason (or one) for my psychosis... arghhhh .. wait everybody.. " i am fine ".
So. Friends. My three. The big three. The great unknowns. My secret pals. Each wonderful, facinating, lovable, and just plain caring.
I write.
I apologize for not responding to your concerns and fears and torments and tribulations as a friend should. For not calling as a friend should. For not writing or signing in to get to you as quickly as a friend should.
But then, here we are accepted and here... to share.
The wreck of a rollercoaster for the past weeks has been unlike anything i have ever ever experienced.
I would like to make a few points clear and even though it tightens my chest at times and i lie awake in the middle of the night (as in every night) wondering where the fuck i went wrong... i will say this.
My marriage is over.
The pain for me associated with that is trememdous.
FOr what A lost love? a love lost?
Can i work harder for you? The incredible spin on this... is ...
I asked for it!
I got it! I wanted to be "let out of the box" she had me kept. I should have been elated! Free! WHEW WEE!
Then reality...
I ... lost lonely... scared... real scared... confused... desparate... i want to go home...
dammit.. the spinning hasn't stopped...
the point is .. again.. is that we... were unhealthy... together.. the 2 of us.
i honestly know i need this freedom for everyones sake including my daughters.
It is still scary... she is not accepting my offers of settlement thinking i am taking advantage and have more than what i am offering to give.
It is more than generous. Honestly. It is. Of course it may not be easy for her.
I cannot concern myself with her. I can't I do .. but i can't!! I am giveing her much more than she will get if she continues to fight a battle "i need more".
The is no more.. only less available. Honest. Read this!! The equity in the house is all there is to divide in your favor honey! The more we fight. the more equity is lost.
I will take it to the end with you knowing i will have perhaps nothing but...
you need to realize this.