shit shit shit
The anxiety attacks behind the wheel are starting again. I had 2 attacks today. I had to ask Brian to come home a little early to get Charlie before daycare closed, and to take my Homework into my grad class (which is thankfully at a local middle school) because I totally flipped on the way and sat in a Safeway parkinglot for 45 minutes to regain my composure.
WHat the hell is wrong with me? I have stuff I have to do, I don't have time for this!
Plus, it's just too damn scary. I hate not being in control; that feeling of drowning in the air, the pressure in my skull, the deep breath just as I think I'm going to black out and I ease into a parking spot. I feel ashamed. I should be more composed. Have more control. More strength. But, this is starting to defeat me again. Just the 10 minute drive to work and back was enough to reduce me to uncontrollable shaking and tears. Why now? Why again? Why at all? Ugh...
It goes to continue to show I am so lucky to have Brian-- he puts everything aside to take care of me. Now how did THAT happen, that I could reel one so good in? Musta kissed a lot of frogs...
WHat the hell is wrong with me? I have stuff I have to do, I don't have time for this!
Plus, it's just too damn scary. I hate not being in control; that feeling of drowning in the air, the pressure in my skull, the deep breath just as I think I'm going to black out and I ease into a parking spot. I feel ashamed. I should be more composed. Have more control. More strength. But, this is starting to defeat me again. Just the 10 minute drive to work and back was enough to reduce me to uncontrollable shaking and tears. Why now? Why again? Why at all? Ugh...
It goes to continue to show I am so lucky to have Brian-- he puts everything aside to take care of me. Now how did THAT happen, that I could reel one so good in? Musta kissed a lot of frogs...