"i know you mean well, but..."
i hate those words. because you know something sucky is coming after that. in my case it was, "you kinda suck at being a friend."
and this was from a person that has been an amazing friend to me from the very beginning. it took forever to convince her to get to the bar so i could go and get a little birthday cake for her, the chocolate kind that she likes from jack in the box. when she finally arrives, i get the text. "i know you mean well, but you kinda suck as a friend." and it puzzled me. i thought that perhaps it was sarcasm...i didnt meet her at the door...or something...i dont know. so i see her at the bar, getting a drink and i walk up and ask, "whats this all about?" and she looked at me and said, "i dont want to talk." flat and cold. so i stood there...then walked back to the DJ booth...blinked a couple times to hold back the tears.. and then got my stuff and left. i drove all the way and home and parked. then i was like.."fuck it. ill still give her her cake." so i drove back to jack, got the little cake, put whipped cream on top and topped it with a cherry, the best one in the jug actually because it had to be pretty. and i walked to charleys and i walked to her table and smiled and sang "happy birthday to you! happ-" she stopped me with a cold look at said. "no. its fine." so. i sat the cake on the table. i know i looked hurt. i know i probably looked pathetic..actually. i turned around and finally left for home. then she said she was sorry, she took her anger out on me. bleh bleh. fine. forgiven. but what the fuck did i do?? now i am sitting here, fighting off the tears that threatened to release themselves in that stupid bar..and i am still hurt. still confused. i dont want to talk to her about it now because i dont want to lash out at her in an angry way...because to be honest, my friends are all i have. i dont have much to give but kindness, an understanding ear, and advise. im fucking poor. i cant buy my friends flowers, or a gift basket when they are sad. and i seriously dont think thats what she is mad about. but it makes me think i havent done my part to be appreciative. i havent shown that i am grateful for everything she has done. and that makes feel like lesser of a person. and now i will have this complex going on in my head. and i am so fucking pissed she can do that. that she can have a break down and attack me for it. at least when i dive into the messed up world of despair, i can keep it pretty isolated. sigh. but of course i cant be mad at her, because thats just how she delt with it this time. so yes. she is forgiven and i love her to death. but i am going to be pretty messed up for the next few days. so yeah..thanks. and happy fucking birthday.
and this was from a person that has been an amazing friend to me from the very beginning. it took forever to convince her to get to the bar so i could go and get a little birthday cake for her, the chocolate kind that she likes from jack in the box. when she finally arrives, i get the text. "i know you mean well, but you kinda suck as a friend." and it puzzled me. i thought that perhaps it was sarcasm...i didnt meet her at the door...or something...i dont know. so i see her at the bar, getting a drink and i walk up and ask, "whats this all about?" and she looked at me and said, "i dont want to talk." flat and cold. so i stood there...then walked back to the DJ booth...blinked a couple times to hold back the tears.. and then got my stuff and left. i drove all the way and home and parked. then i was like.."fuck it. ill still give her her cake." so i drove back to jack, got the little cake, put whipped cream on top and topped it with a cherry, the best one in the jug actually because it had to be pretty. and i walked to charleys and i walked to her table and smiled and sang "happy birthday to you! happ-" she stopped me with a cold look at said. "no. its fine." so. i sat the cake on the table. i know i looked hurt. i know i probably looked pathetic..actually. i turned around and finally left for home. then she said she was sorry, she took her anger out on me. bleh bleh. fine. forgiven. but what the fuck did i do?? now i am sitting here, fighting off the tears that threatened to release themselves in that stupid bar..and i am still hurt. still confused. i dont want to talk to her about it now because i dont want to lash out at her in an angry way...because to be honest, my friends are all i have. i dont have much to give but kindness, an understanding ear, and advise. im fucking poor. i cant buy my friends flowers, or a gift basket when they are sad. and i seriously dont think thats what she is mad about. but it makes me think i havent done my part to be appreciative. i havent shown that i am grateful for everything she has done. and that makes feel like lesser of a person. and now i will have this complex going on in my head. and i am so fucking pissed she can do that. that she can have a break down and attack me for it. at least when i dive into the messed up world of despair, i can keep it pretty isolated. sigh. but of course i cant be mad at her, because thats just how she delt with it this time. so yes. she is forgiven and i love her to death. but i am going to be pretty messed up for the next few days. so yeah..thanks. and happy fucking birthday.