This is what happens when I read David Sedaris while alone downtown...

[steptotheleft]

Downtown Greenville is not what your average city-dweller would consider dangerous.I mean, it is one of the bigger cities in South Carolina, dwarfed in population and popularity only by Columbia, Charleston, and Myrtle Beach (as far as I know). And yet, walking what is maybe two blocks from a local coffee shop to the nearby parking garage, I am

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[xanguisettex]

Yeah, I still don't have as healthy a sense of respect for the possibility of Bad Things as I should. It's more laziness now. But I can certainly recall roaming around places I shouldn't, at the least appropriate times possible, by myself. I don't have a sense of, "I should be afraid" yet, I guess. I still haven't rid myself of thinking, "well, when it's my time, it's my time, I feel like sitting in this Goddamned place till I feel like leaving."

But there are other things that clog up my mind that I wish I could say "fuck it" or "who cares" like I used to--things like, Well, I have so much to do, and a lot of driving, and I won't be able to take a nap, so I better go to bed early tonight and not fuck around being stupid.

Or, Shit, I am out of gas, and going there will reeeeaaaally make me want to pick up cigarettes again...and I can't do that...Eh, I'll angst on the porch with a beer.

There is scientific evidence documenting this fearlessness in teenagers in respect to doing absolutely insane shit, as though we thought we were invincible and nothing could hurt us. Looking back it is 100% true, I didn't get it until Death gave me a real sucker-punch when Junie died, and it kind of sunk in: What a horrible way to go. We watched him die slowly and pathetically over five years. It was ugly and sad and horrible. Seriously, for a while there I couldn't think about death without having a serious freak-out. And it stayed that way for a good year or so.

My Aunt Anne's death kinda fucked with me, but I was at peace with Papa's death (during the Great Freakout of 2007; he died the day I was released from the hospital). I still do dumbass shit, but I don't feel as compelled to wander around places at three AM by myself anymore. I view it as a pain in the ass more than anything and reserve doing so only when I'm in a realllllll bitch of a mood.

AAAAH you had to mention the Episcopal church. Hey, hey, where did you sit? I always sat in the sanctuary.

We were some spooky dangerous kids when we were younger, weren't we? Might have been some crazy stupid shit we all did, but I look back at it fondly now...and I think...

FUN TIMES!

[steptotheleft]

I know what you mean... Wtf was wrong with us? Lol.

I haunted at the Grandmother Tree. I haven't been there in years. I wonder if it's still Her, do you think?

As far as a creative nonfiction piece, do you think this ramble is going anywhere, or is it just that, a ramble?