Unsettled
Do you ever wake up with that really unsetteled feeling in the pit of your stomach? Like as though something is wrong, something in your world is not quite right, but your not sure what? Thats how I woke up this morning. I havn't really woken up with a really sever unsettled feeling since the day after the first time i saw nick since we broke up. This was different then that. With Nick it was more of a "was breaking up the right thing to do?" today it was "what the fuck is wrong?" or more precisly "what the fuck is wrong with me?".
Its not really the worst feeling, its kind of lifted. Partly becuase I have realized that I am going to change my ways AKA:stop being stupid. And partly becuase I realzed that just becuase I am single doesnt mean i have to date every guy that asks me out (which i wasnt doing already but about 1/3 of the guys). I need to be more selective, realize that most of them are going to turn out to be physcho assholes. If I meet anyone who I really like he will probably be to shy to ask me out or nervous as he does it. I like a guy with confidence but the guys that have been asking me out cross the line to cocky. But if a nice guy (although i though J was nice too) asks me out then I might just might meet him at another starbucks or other safe place to talk and leave it at that. I dont know.
After last night I really came to realize how good I had it with Nick. I mean that guy treated me like a princess (most of the time. if video games wernt involved...which he had to sell....), he ASKED me if he could kiss me the first time on our SECOND date and waited as long as I wanted before anything else happened that I initiated and he made sure was really ok with me. He has the same sense of humor as me, we get along great, why arent we still together? I'd like to say that I have had enough single time to maybe ask for him back but I don't think I have and I don't think he has either. I don't even know if he'd want me back. And Id want to make sure that Im not running back to him becuase I almost got raped last night. And if I did go back would he have changed in two months? And we would have to start all over again. And I am going away to Western in the Winter. OK MAYBE going if I get in. Would we do long distance? There are too many questions to be answered. All I know is right now I wish I was at his house. I wish I could go over to his house and spend the night, not to do anything but just to be with him. He texted me when i was asleep to doublecheck that I was ok and called last night. I serisously think that he is the one. But that maybe we can't be together right now. I don't know. All I know is that at this very moment I would die to be with him.
Today:
-Skip gym in favour of long bath and Greys Anatomy (and dont eat any pastries or drinks at work to make up for it)
-work from 3:15-10:45 THANK GOD something to take my mind off of things. SHIT what if I ever have to work with J again?
-get tips and schedule
-Sleeppppppppp perferably not at home but most likely will be since Nick isnt going to call and say "lets have a harmless sleepover"
WEDNESDAY:
-Get up at like 8 or 9 AM get ready cause
-KELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY is coming over!
-make her come to other starbucks to get tips and to pay off express card in mall
-have wildly good times where we act like retards and argue over whether a 3-legged horse could live and if commercialized Easter truely is the holiday of Sex
-she might sleepover (ohhhh i might be a lesbian afterall. just kidding)
THUR-FRI
-avoid men at all costs
Sat
work
SHIT I NEED TO CALL NICOLE. She leaves tommorrow??? or next week>??>>?>>>??>?>>?> i need to cal her!
Its not really the worst feeling, its kind of lifted. Partly becuase I have realized that I am going to change my ways AKA:stop being stupid. And partly becuase I realzed that just becuase I am single doesnt mean i have to date every guy that asks me out (which i wasnt doing already but about 1/3 of the guys). I need to be more selective, realize that most of them are going to turn out to be physcho assholes. If I meet anyone who I really like he will probably be to shy to ask me out or nervous as he does it. I like a guy with confidence but the guys that have been asking me out cross the line to cocky. But if a nice guy (although i though J was nice too) asks me out then I might just might meet him at another starbucks or other safe place to talk and leave it at that. I dont know.
After last night I really came to realize how good I had it with Nick. I mean that guy treated me like a princess (most of the time. if video games wernt involved...which he had to sell....), he ASKED me if he could kiss me the first time on our SECOND date and waited as long as I wanted before anything else happened that I initiated and he made sure was really ok with me. He has the same sense of humor as me, we get along great, why arent we still together? I'd like to say that I have had enough single time to maybe ask for him back but I don't think I have and I don't think he has either. I don't even know if he'd want me back. And Id want to make sure that Im not running back to him becuase I almost got raped last night. And if I did go back would he have changed in two months? And we would have to start all over again. And I am going away to Western in the Winter. OK MAYBE going if I get in. Would we do long distance? There are too many questions to be answered. All I know is right now I wish I was at his house. I wish I could go over to his house and spend the night, not to do anything but just to be with him. He texted me when i was asleep to doublecheck that I was ok and called last night. I serisously think that he is the one. But that maybe we can't be together right now. I don't know. All I know is that at this very moment I would die to be with him.
Today:
-Skip gym in favour of long bath and Greys Anatomy (and dont eat any pastries or drinks at work to make up for it)
-work from 3:15-10:45 THANK GOD something to take my mind off of things. SHIT what if I ever have to work with J again?
-get tips and schedule
-Sleeppppppppp perferably not at home but most likely will be since Nick isnt going to call and say "lets have a harmless sleepover"
WEDNESDAY:
-Get up at like 8 or 9 AM get ready cause
-KELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY is coming over!
-make her come to other starbucks to get tips and to pay off express card in mall
-have wildly good times where we act like retards and argue over whether a 3-legged horse could live and if commercialized Easter truely is the holiday of Sex
-she might sleepover (ohhhh i might be a lesbian afterall. just kidding)
THUR-FRI
-avoid men at all costs
Sat
work
SHIT I NEED TO CALL NICOLE. She leaves tommorrow??? or next week>??>>?>>>??>?>>?> i need to cal her!