I think I am going to become a lesbian
Just had worst night of my entire life. Next to when Nick dumped me and the time I dumped Nick. So I Guess I just had 3rd worst night of my entire life.
My Russian called 9 times today. 6 of which were AFTER I told him I was not interested in seeing him again and he texted me this LONGASS message about how much he likes me and how much he wishes I'd reconsider my decision. Im like, thats nice and all but the fact is Im not that into you so why should I settle to make you happy. Yet he kept calling. wierd.
That is awkward I guess. But this is where it gets bad. I am on the phone with the Russian explaining why I am not going over to his place for dinner tonight when my other line rings. why the fuck did i answer. Its J and he wants to go out tonight. i am like aight. So I leave to go pick him up and he gets in the car and we start driving to a park to go chill and talk. He puts his hand on my knee and I take it off. he puts it back and slids it up. I mean Im not a prude or anything but I barely know him. I dont want him getting ideas. Basically from that point on it went downhill to where I will not write the details becuase they are too embarassing and crude to repeat and I don't even want to think about it. But basically thanks to a passer by yelling "are you ok honey" to me and J being startled by that I was able to run away leaving him at the park. If that person hadnt come along I don't think that I would have gotten away as he is much stronger than I am. I feel stupid and violated and embarrased beyond all belief. As I drove to blockbuster to rent Greys Anatomy to get my mind off of thigns I texted Nick to thank him for being so good to me while we were together. Between J, the Russian, and every other guy (minus Andy!) that I have dated since Nick has either turned out to be an asshole or a guy who wants to get into my pants.
and on top of that is that when J called and I went down to tell my mom I was going to go out with him my hair was in a ponytail and she saw my hickey and screamed is that a hickey and i said yes and my dad just looks at me and shrugs as my mom goes are you a slut what random stranger gave you that and I tell her that it wasnt a stranger that it wasnt her business and walk away feeling embarrased and shamed by her. She later apologized and before I went out with J said "just be careful, guys only want to get in your pants" and i go "i know mom" and yeah. its true. and yeah. i feel stupid.
So pretty much me and men dont really get along to well right now. I have a nack for getting myself into shitty situations and Im sick of it. I want to go to bed and never wake up. And I want Nick to be there with me to protect me. I think i may have let go the best thing that ever happened to me.
My Russian called 9 times today. 6 of which were AFTER I told him I was not interested in seeing him again and he texted me this LONGASS message about how much he likes me and how much he wishes I'd reconsider my decision. Im like, thats nice and all but the fact is Im not that into you so why should I settle to make you happy. Yet he kept calling. wierd.
That is awkward I guess. But this is where it gets bad. I am on the phone with the Russian explaining why I am not going over to his place for dinner tonight when my other line rings. why the fuck did i answer. Its J and he wants to go out tonight. i am like aight. So I leave to go pick him up and he gets in the car and we start driving to a park to go chill and talk. He puts his hand on my knee and I take it off. he puts it back and slids it up. I mean Im not a prude or anything but I barely know him. I dont want him getting ideas. Basically from that point on it went downhill to where I will not write the details becuase they are too embarassing and crude to repeat and I don't even want to think about it. But basically thanks to a passer by yelling "are you ok honey" to me and J being startled by that I was able to run away leaving him at the park. If that person hadnt come along I don't think that I would have gotten away as he is much stronger than I am. I feel stupid and violated and embarrased beyond all belief. As I drove to blockbuster to rent Greys Anatomy to get my mind off of thigns I texted Nick to thank him for being so good to me while we were together. Between J, the Russian, and every other guy (minus Andy!) that I have dated since Nick has either turned out to be an asshole or a guy who wants to get into my pants.
and on top of that is that when J called and I went down to tell my mom I was going to go out with him my hair was in a ponytail and she saw my hickey and screamed is that a hickey and i said yes and my dad just looks at me and shrugs as my mom goes are you a slut what random stranger gave you that and I tell her that it wasnt a stranger that it wasnt her business and walk away feeling embarrased and shamed by her. She later apologized and before I went out with J said "just be careful, guys only want to get in your pants" and i go "i know mom" and yeah. its true. and yeah. i feel stupid.
So pretty much me and men dont really get along to well right now. I have a nack for getting myself into shitty situations and Im sick of it. I want to go to bed and never wake up. And I want Nick to be there with me to protect me. I think i may have let go the best thing that ever happened to me.