LIFE IS HARD!!
me and Leah broke up on x-mas eve. :-( I finally got the guts. I cried all x-mas eve and x-mas I'm crushed! I hate admiting I can't do something. I hate that I'm not ready to have a relationship and I hate she and I are wrong for each other. I wanted her to be the one and still do. I'm so fucked up in the head. God Damn! I hate that she's pobably gunna start seeing other people. I hate that shes so beautiful and likeable and people are going to be excited that they have a chance now that weve broken up. I hate these fucked up unhealthy feelings! I hate that on x-mas I saw her and she gave me her x-mas gift (a bracelet that has "I love you merry x-mas love leah" engraved on it) I hate that we're not together but we still act like it. I would hate it if we didnt though. I hate missing her and I hate having her near. MY FEELINGS TOWARDS HER ARE A COMPLETE OXYMORONONIC MESS!!!!!! I dont know if I want to let go or hang on. She and I scares the fuck out of me!
As far as X-mas I got like 4 DVD's I dont like. Shoes that dont fit A TV from Walmart I dont want ( I already have one plus, I dont shop at WalMart because I have strong moral issues about it, my family knows about that they didnt respect.) and a bunch of cheap girly jewelry that I'll never wear. :-( I hate feeling so ungreatful! But I feel I was forgotten this x-mas by my family and that they dont know me and dont care to! Giftcards would have been nice at least. This X-mas blew!I usually love X-mas but this year I cried all damn day I was so sad mad depressed hurt I wouldve like it if someone had flushed me down the toilet!
My mom had a gullbadder attack yesterday. Shes okay now! My mentor Kate is in the hopital w/ a kidney and ear infection. i'm really worried about her she had her kemo last friday and wasnt feeling well anyway. OMG I'm so scared for her and her children Colon cancer doesnt have a high recovery rate and her being sick like this is scaring the hell out of me! She is the blood that flows through my veins, when I cant get my blood to flow on my own. She loves me when I cant love me. I love her so much! Please I'm askig for everyones good energy, prayers or whatever your spiritual forcefield is to be directed to my closest friend kate right now!:-(
I need sleep! nite nite!
As far as X-mas I got like 4 DVD's I dont like. Shoes that dont fit A TV from Walmart I dont want ( I already have one plus, I dont shop at WalMart because I have strong moral issues about it, my family knows about that they didnt respect.) and a bunch of cheap girly jewelry that I'll never wear. :-( I hate feeling so ungreatful! But I feel I was forgotten this x-mas by my family and that they dont know me and dont care to! Giftcards would have been nice at least. This X-mas blew!I usually love X-mas but this year I cried all damn day I was so sad mad depressed hurt I wouldve like it if someone had flushed me down the toilet!
My mom had a gullbadder attack yesterday. Shes okay now! My mentor Kate is in the hopital w/ a kidney and ear infection. i'm really worried about her she had her kemo last friday and wasnt feeling well anyway. OMG I'm so scared for her and her children Colon cancer doesnt have a high recovery rate and her being sick like this is scaring the hell out of me! She is the blood that flows through my veins, when I cant get my blood to flow on my own. She loves me when I cant love me. I love her so much! Please I'm askig for everyones good energy, prayers or whatever your spiritual forcefield is to be directed to my closest friend kate right now!:-(
I need sleep! nite nite!