The Unexpected
Brad and I often talk about 'best friends' and their place in a persons life. We have both had disappointments and struggles with those types of relationships in the course of our lives and so it's a hot topic.
I have decided that I cannot figure out why I continue to try and search for someone to fill that role in my life. The relationship that will temporarily fill that spot always ends in heartache and pain and a loss of trust and it feels like it's not worth the hurt, good times or not.
There is a relationship in my life that I have put some time and effort into that has recently kind of blown up in my face and left me at a cross roads in my heart. Forgiveness is imperative to continue moving forward with even just myself...but there is some serious confusion and anger and hurt that is keeping me from being able to do that. I know that eventually forgiveness will come and I will count it as yet another loss in my life...but talk about learning from your mistakes.
I'm just not sure how to be less trusting, to be less open about myself, to care less. But do I really want to become any of those things? Because that would mean a hardening of self.
It would be so easy to deal with this kind of stuff if my outward wasn't so reflective of my inward. It would be so easy if I could just put up a front or a facade and pretend that everything is okay...but I'm so bad at doing that. I can't fake a smile for the life of me, and I can't say that I've wanted to be able to do that anymore than I want to right now.
The most permanant relationship I have found in my life is family, and I'm learning to become okay with that. Although, through learning that family is the one thing that I can count on...it has made me realize to stop comparing those friendship relationships to family, because I think that is how I end up so disappointed.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, when I develop new friendships I need to stop looking at where we will be one day and just live our relationship out day to day...because as much as I expect one thing, I rarely get those expectations met...and that is noone's mistake but my own.
If you think this is about you, you're probably wrong. And yes, I am aware that I am guilty of being the same type of person that I'm complaining about...but it always hurts more on the receiving end of it. People change, therefore relationships change. It just sucks when you are the one that doesn't want things to change...hard to convince the other person that your friendship is worth more than progression and growth. Sometimes you just go in different directions, and that is when the hurt begins.
I have decided that I cannot figure out why I continue to try and search for someone to fill that role in my life. The relationship that will temporarily fill that spot always ends in heartache and pain and a loss of trust and it feels like it's not worth the hurt, good times or not.
There is a relationship in my life that I have put some time and effort into that has recently kind of blown up in my face and left me at a cross roads in my heart. Forgiveness is imperative to continue moving forward with even just myself...but there is some serious confusion and anger and hurt that is keeping me from being able to do that. I know that eventually forgiveness will come and I will count it as yet another loss in my life...but talk about learning from your mistakes.
I'm just not sure how to be less trusting, to be less open about myself, to care less. But do I really want to become any of those things? Because that would mean a hardening of self.
It would be so easy to deal with this kind of stuff if my outward wasn't so reflective of my inward. It would be so easy if I could just put up a front or a facade and pretend that everything is okay...but I'm so bad at doing that. I can't fake a smile for the life of me, and I can't say that I've wanted to be able to do that anymore than I want to right now.
The most permanant relationship I have found in my life is family, and I'm learning to become okay with that. Although, through learning that family is the one thing that I can count on...it has made me realize to stop comparing those friendship relationships to family, because I think that is how I end up so disappointed.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, when I develop new friendships I need to stop looking at where we will be one day and just live our relationship out day to day...because as much as I expect one thing, I rarely get those expectations met...and that is noone's mistake but my own.
If you think this is about you, you're probably wrong. And yes, I am aware that I am guilty of being the same type of person that I'm complaining about...but it always hurts more on the receiving end of it. People change, therefore relationships change. It just sucks when you are the one that doesn't want things to change...hard to convince the other person that your friendship is worth more than progression and growth. Sometimes you just go in different directions, and that is when the hurt begins.