only for ali
so i really haven't written in forever but i'm gonna talk as though i've written all this time, because i just don't feel like updating because really whats the point?
i just don't know what to do anymore. all that i know is i am madly in love with Nate and all i want to do it be with him. things have really sucked lately, theres no doubt about that, but i am at this point where i don't care what happens we just NEED to work everything out.. he is everything i want in a guy. he is my everything, and despite all the shit thats happened lately i am still madly in love with him and i know that we can work on things. but the thing is that i'm just afraid he doesn't really want to work on things. he just seems like sometimes he doesn't care. i don't know but i guess i know he does care, cause he says he always does. but he never really shows that he cares. i jsut wish that he would put some effort into getting our relationship better. first he was saying he wanted a month off, then he was saying he didn't want to hurt me so we shouldn't see eachother at all, and then last night he's like ok i am sorry i was just freaking out i need just like a week at most to straighten everything out with work. which is fine but i mean i duno, its so hard. i just feel like he doesn't care about our relationship as much as i do. and right now as i'm sitting here i am looking at a picture of us, he looks sooo goofy but then i look at myself... i look so absolutely happy. i have like this ridiculous smile on my face, like i am just so utterly in love. and i can't fake that. i really am head over heals for this guy. ugh.. AND i was supposed to spend the weekend with him but now he doesn't want us to see each other but we had made plans for him to meet my parents on sunday, ongoing plans for like 2 weeks. and he said he still wants to come and meet them, but how weird will that be if we're in the middle of a fight or whatever it is we're in. i duno uuuggghhhhhhh
i have to go get in the shower before petitpas now because i have to go to work. ugh i hate my life. i have to drive an hour there, and then an hour back here when i get out. wonderful. LOVE MY LIFE. ugh. later kids.
i just don't know what to do anymore. all that i know is i am madly in love with Nate and all i want to do it be with him. things have really sucked lately, theres no doubt about that, but i am at this point where i don't care what happens we just NEED to work everything out.. he is everything i want in a guy. he is my everything, and despite all the shit thats happened lately i am still madly in love with him and i know that we can work on things. but the thing is that i'm just afraid he doesn't really want to work on things. he just seems like sometimes he doesn't care. i don't know but i guess i know he does care, cause he says he always does. but he never really shows that he cares. i jsut wish that he would put some effort into getting our relationship better. first he was saying he wanted a month off, then he was saying he didn't want to hurt me so we shouldn't see eachother at all, and then last night he's like ok i am sorry i was just freaking out i need just like a week at most to straighten everything out with work. which is fine but i mean i duno, its so hard. i just feel like he doesn't care about our relationship as much as i do. and right now as i'm sitting here i am looking at a picture of us, he looks sooo goofy but then i look at myself... i look so absolutely happy. i have like this ridiculous smile on my face, like i am just so utterly in love. and i can't fake that. i really am head over heals for this guy. ugh.. AND i was supposed to spend the weekend with him but now he doesn't want us to see each other but we had made plans for him to meet my parents on sunday, ongoing plans for like 2 weeks. and he said he still wants to come and meet them, but how weird will that be if we're in the middle of a fight or whatever it is we're in. i duno uuuggghhhhhhh
i have to go get in the shower before petitpas now because i have to go to work. ugh i hate my life. i have to drive an hour there, and then an hour back here when i get out. wonderful. LOVE MY LIFE. ugh. later kids.