(no subject)
Wow..It's been a couple months since I've written in here...So much has happened, mostly good. Christmas was excellent. Did the friends Christmas gift exchange/dinner again. I love my friends so much, but it was sad that everyone couldn't be there. I spent more money then ever before, probably around 700 dollars, but I've yet to look at all of the reciepts to find out exactly how much I spent (I'm too scared to look). I got many movies and my down comforter and remote start/keyless entry for my truck. Also I recieved a beautiful necklace from someone I love very much so. Day after Christmas I went to Chicago. That was also good. I had fun and met a few of Dave's relatives, and I liked them all alot. I needed a vacation so badly...But unfortunatly it was only for a few days and I really need another one. New Years was good also. Went to a few different places...Since then, not much has been going on. Just relaxing and hanging out with people, dreading the start of next semester. I love not having school...Although I do good in it (grade wise), I hate it and I don't want to spend my time there and I still have no focus and my time is quickly running out to pick a major. I really doubt I will have something in mind for a career before I'm done with all the basics. I hate that I have no direction in life. But, honestly, I don't know what I can do about it.
These last few days have been really strange. I've felt very distant. From everyone and everything in life. I havent felt like doing anything and I havent been eating too much (partly because I was kinda sick) I've been really sad, even though nothing is going wrong besides my mistakes. I've been crying on and off for the last two days, I just pray that these feelings are not my vibes. I don't know how to describe it. I got in a fight with my mom last night, that just made everything worse. Lately I've been thinking how much I just want to pick up my life and move to a different state and get a cheap apartment and a job. Just start a different life, going to a new place without knowing anyone. Only a select few would even miss me, let alone notice I was gone. I know this whole idea is not practical for many reasons, and I would never do it, but at times, it feels like something I just need to do. I think alot stems from me not having a close friend who is a girl. (Besides my sister, who I have become much closer to in the last couple months) I mean ya, Kel is my "best friend" but I never see her. She never calls me unless she needs something and whenever I call her she doesnt answer or doesnt call me back. I've given up...She can call me when she decides she misses me or whatever. Enough complaining...I'm sorry to all.
I miss you. I need you to hug me and make all my thoughts go away...hopefully I can spend some time with you today.
These last few days have been really strange. I've felt very distant. From everyone and everything in life. I havent felt like doing anything and I havent been eating too much (partly because I was kinda sick) I've been really sad, even though nothing is going wrong besides my mistakes. I've been crying on and off for the last two days, I just pray that these feelings are not my vibes. I don't know how to describe it. I got in a fight with my mom last night, that just made everything worse. Lately I've been thinking how much I just want to pick up my life and move to a different state and get a cheap apartment and a job. Just start a different life, going to a new place without knowing anyone. Only a select few would even miss me, let alone notice I was gone. I know this whole idea is not practical for many reasons, and I would never do it, but at times, it feels like something I just need to do. I think alot stems from me not having a close friend who is a girl. (Besides my sister, who I have become much closer to in the last couple months) I mean ya, Kel is my "best friend" but I never see her. She never calls me unless she needs something and whenever I call her she doesnt answer or doesnt call me back. I've given up...She can call me when she decides she misses me or whatever. Enough complaining...I'm sorry to all.
I miss you. I need you to hug me and make all my thoughts go away...hopefully I can spend some time with you today.