fuck off
yea i kno that no one reads this shit anymore but i really need to let out some of the shit thats constantly building inside of me.
i cant take the bullshit that is going on in my life anymore. i hate being in a room full of people and feeling like im the only person in it. i have no one to really talk to or even to relate to me. i no longer have a social life. once in a blue moon i actually get invited to a place and i actually feel welcome there. i dont fit in with my friends anymore. i havent since i got caught over the summer and it really sucks. i hate going out with my friends and coming home feeling like crap because when im out with them i feel so out of place and awkward. i cant remember the last time i was actually happy. probably the end of the school year. i really miss work. i miss the people there and just hanging out all day in the sun and getting paid. when i was there i actually felt needed and wanted and like i had a place and fit in. i dont feel like im wanted or fit in anywhere.
i hate missing school contantly because i cant handle school with my emotions and all the shit going on in my house. the effects of it make it so i cant focus on school work. i fucking cried in front of a teacher on tuesday. im tired of lying to people when they ask why i was out and i say that im sick. it kills me how i keep on lying to everyone. i know that no one would really give two shits though. thats the impression i get nowadays with everyone. i get the feeling that if i actually tell them everything that is on my mind and what is going on at home that they wont care. or they will pretend and act like they care but then ignore me again. it fucking sucks having no one actually there that understands you and will let you cry on their sholder.
i dont want to cry every single day with the littlest thing setting me off. my eyes are swollen all the time and my face is getting dry from crying so much. i hate not being able to focus on school and being able to do things ahead of time and actually succeed at them.
i really wish that i wasnt alive anymore. i dont put anything good into the world now. i dont have to lifeguard, be a mentor, or in the the spanish presentation. yea im in peer leadership but theres 2 other peer leaders with me so its not like i would be missed. i dont even have the strength anymore to break things or even cut myself. i dont have the strength and energy to attempt to overdose or do something to kill myself. i just feel like a blob. i dread going to school now. i hate being home when my brother is home and that kills me that i think that way.
i honestly dont know what to do anymore. im at my wits end. i give up. i can understand failure in my school work. i fuck up constantly with what i do. if i have something good happen to me, immediately something bad will happen to me. i really want to quit school. i want to QUIT LIFE. i dont want to live anymore. i cant take the pain anymore. theres nothing left of me anymore. i dont know what physical pain feels like anymore because ive just become so numb to everything around me. my stomach kills me everyday and i feel like im gonna throw up. my head hurts and spins constantly. i forget things all the time. im losing weight which isnt a good thing.
if theres somebody out there that actually cares im me to talk. i dont care who you are. SaJaHaSaFaJa --> AIM
i cant take the bullshit that is going on in my life anymore. i hate being in a room full of people and feeling like im the only person in it. i have no one to really talk to or even to relate to me. i no longer have a social life. once in a blue moon i actually get invited to a place and i actually feel welcome there. i dont fit in with my friends anymore. i havent since i got caught over the summer and it really sucks. i hate going out with my friends and coming home feeling like crap because when im out with them i feel so out of place and awkward. i cant remember the last time i was actually happy. probably the end of the school year. i really miss work. i miss the people there and just hanging out all day in the sun and getting paid. when i was there i actually felt needed and wanted and like i had a place and fit in. i dont feel like im wanted or fit in anywhere.
i hate missing school contantly because i cant handle school with my emotions and all the shit going on in my house. the effects of it make it so i cant focus on school work. i fucking cried in front of a teacher on tuesday. im tired of lying to people when they ask why i was out and i say that im sick. it kills me how i keep on lying to everyone. i know that no one would really give two shits though. thats the impression i get nowadays with everyone. i get the feeling that if i actually tell them everything that is on my mind and what is going on at home that they wont care. or they will pretend and act like they care but then ignore me again. it fucking sucks having no one actually there that understands you and will let you cry on their sholder.
i dont want to cry every single day with the littlest thing setting me off. my eyes are swollen all the time and my face is getting dry from crying so much. i hate not being able to focus on school and being able to do things ahead of time and actually succeed at them.
i really wish that i wasnt alive anymore. i dont put anything good into the world now. i dont have to lifeguard, be a mentor, or in the the spanish presentation. yea im in peer leadership but theres 2 other peer leaders with me so its not like i would be missed. i dont even have the strength anymore to break things or even cut myself. i dont have the strength and energy to attempt to overdose or do something to kill myself. i just feel like a blob. i dread going to school now. i hate being home when my brother is home and that kills me that i think that way.
i honestly dont know what to do anymore. im at my wits end. i give up. i can understand failure in my school work. i fuck up constantly with what i do. if i have something good happen to me, immediately something bad will happen to me. i really want to quit school. i want to QUIT LIFE. i dont want to live anymore. i cant take the pain anymore. theres nothing left of me anymore. i dont know what physical pain feels like anymore because ive just become so numb to everything around me. my stomach kills me everyday and i feel like im gonna throw up. my head hurts and spins constantly. i forget things all the time. im losing weight which isnt a good thing.
if theres somebody out there that actually cares im me to talk. i dont care who you are. SaJaHaSaFaJa --> AIM