This is going to be long......
...and I don't know how to do the cut-thing to put it on a separate page, so this is gonna be long. If you don't want to read it, you don't have to, and that's absolutely fine too. :-D
I cried SO much tonight that I don't think it's physically possible to cry anymore. I'm glad I made it through my performances without bawling my eyes out, but for the rest of the night, I couldn't hold it at all. My last Guerrilla. My LAST GUERRILLA. I don't want to believe it. I didn't think I was going to be emotional at all, but I couldn't control it. Anyway! These past four years have been incredible in every sense of the word...good, bad, beautiful, ugly as all hell and wonderful! I've had some experiences that have truly tested me as a person, a performer, a friend, girlfriend, student, and more. It's very hard to believe, but I wouldn't change almost anything. BUT there is one that that I would love to restart and go the other way, but we go through these things and we learn from them and move on and live my life that I was meant to live. "To thine own self be true" (Shakespeare). Now is when some of you scroll to the next journal b/c it's gonna get gabby when I talk about people...in a BAD AND HORRIBLY MEAN WAY!!! OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! LIVEJOURNAL DRAMA! hehe!
Vallerie: I can't thank you enough for helping me to come out of my shell. You really were one of the first people to talk to me. After I "stole" your part, you introduced me to sooooo many people, and you were the first person that I know of who believed in me. And when my parents wouldn't talk to me because I was doing theatre, you brought me home to your house and I met your wonderful and incredible mother. Yall have the most interesting mother-daughter relationship, and I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! I'm so glad that she was my first non-legal adoptive mother! You truly are one of the smartest people I have ever met in my entire life, and you have the biggest heart, and I hate that people miss out on that because of stupid, petty shit that others may talk about. I don't know where I would be if you weren't.........you. You are uber-talented too and I want you to come to New York with me SO FRIGGIN BAD that I want to stuff you in my suitcase and carry you with me wherever I go. I'm so glad that we're sisters, and NOTHING breaks a sister's bond. I love you SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO (multiplied by infinity) MUCH!!!
KAS: You are unbelievable! I remember one of our first conversations. Actually, I think it was our first real conversation. We were in The Hypochondriac together, (the only freshmen in that show. hehe!) and we were sitting in the dressing room getting ready for the show. Aaaand we were fishing for things to talk about with each other b/c I was extremely shy and you were too, but I remember feeling like I had to talk to you. Well, we were talking about where we're from, and I told you about Mobile and such and then I asked where you were from. You said that you're from all over. And I asked you, "So, you're dad's in the army?" And you turned to me and said, "Thank you for saying that. A lot of people say army brat." Then we both smiled, and that was the beginning of our beautiful relationship. I've watched you transform into an amazing person. You have no idea. We've both gone through an extreme amount during the past few years, and we were there for each other. You are an AMAZING actor! You have a certain way to connect to something and someone that can rip everyone's heart to shreds because you are so committed and involved that you lose yourself in it. Don't ever lose that. And you care so much. You care SO MUCH! Don't ever let anyone take that from you. I love you SO incredibly much! Please stay EXACTLY as you are!
Erin: Oh my goodness. Oh my (INTERRUPTING RAISIN!) LOL!!! That is truly my favorite joke in the world, and it's not funny when anyone else does it. Just you. Just YOU. You are truly and extraordinary. When we were freshmen, I didn't think you liked me. I thought that you and Kelli thought that I was this rude person b/c I didn't talk to anyone. I was just shy as all hell! But I'm so glad that we became friends. I miss our late night Make-Up homework nights. I cherished those so much because we were so real with each other. OH MY GOSH, and do you remember that night when you went with me on a "date" with that guy (I completely forgot his name) and it turned out to be the biggest disaster EVER! LOL! He picked us up with his drunk friend in the back seat. And we stopped at this random ass house first where my date's friend climbed through the window to open the door. (We probably should've gotten out of the car and ran at that moment. HAHA! but we didn't and the night just got better. LOL!) And then, they get back in the car after about 2 other cars drive up. Anyway, so we're driving to Mellow Mushroom when the car completely shuts off on 15th St, so the guys got out and pushed while I steered and you were in the back and we were LAUGHING OUR ASSES OFF ALL THE WAY TO THE GAS STATION BECAUSE THE SITUATION WAS JUST SO FRIGGIN RIDICULOUS!!! I don't know if you remember that, but I'll never forget it. Thank you so much for being in my life. I love you, and you are so incredibly talented but you don't even know it. You tapped OFF BROADWAY and you have an audition for CATS in NY! Girrrrrrrrrrrrrl! You betta recognize! You're gonna blow it up. I love you.
Blake: You were there. You know what I'm talking about. You were there when my life changed completely, and because of that, I feel so connected to you. I'm not going to explain it because you know...even if you don't know exactly...you know. I am SO thankful that you were there then and that you're here now. You have one of the most gorgeous voices I have ever heard. I wish you could sing to me everyday of my life. I love your honesty. You're so honest and that in itself if beautiful. The truth hurts a lot. Unfortunately, I didn't get to meet the original Blake. I say "unfortunately" because I wish I could've seen how you've grown and changed and evolved into the Blake that I know and love. I'm so glad that we were in "Into the Woods" together. You will always be my Baker. I can't wait for us to be living in NY and making our own way in the real world. The Real World. That's crazy. Thank you for standing still with me in the lobby of the AB tonight and watching everyone disperse at the end of Guerrilla. I'm going to miss you so much and your fun and playful spirit that's so full of love and honesty. You are wonderful.
MOY: We did it. (::laugh/cry::) The first memory I have of you is when we met in the stairwell across from 141 talking about our pledge song that we were going to perform at Guerrilla. You had the "Wicked" songbook with you and I think we were trying to figure out meeting times when we could reconstruct the lyrics or something. hehe! It's a very short memory, but that was my first memory of you. BUT you know what my favorite Moy/Steph moment was...OUR 14 HOUR CAR RIDE TO ORLANDOOOOOO FOR SETC!!! I was a hot shitty mess that night before we left b/c I was off and on the phone with my parents telling me that my life is going down the drain and that I was going to be cut off if I went. If you hadn't told me to "get in the fucking car," I probably wouldn't have gone. I'm SO glad that I did b/c that's what gave me a shove into what I truly wanted to do. If it hadn't been for you, I don't know if I would've made it this far in theatre. You gave me a crash course in standing up for myself and what I want my life to be, and I thank you a gazillion times over. You are a true friend, and I'm going to miss you so much that my insides are gonna hurt. British Mike is so lucky, and if he doesn't tell you that he adores you every 2 seconds; you are obligated to break up with him and become and lesbian and i'll become a lesbian and we'll make a gorgeous mixed baby together. I love you so much that I can't even put it into words. You're incredible. In-FUCKING-credible! I've never seen anyone light up a stage the way that you do. I could go on for days, but I should probably finish this up since the sun is coming up and I'm about to pass out. Just know that I love you girl, and you amaze me every time I see you.
And of course:
DAWOYNE: Lord Have Mercy on My Soul! You are...sweetie, there are no words about what you mean to me. I have never had a friend like you. I remember the first words I ever said to you. It was the first day of class, and I walk into Acting I with the unbelievable Tina Fitch, and I saw you. I thought, "Damn he's cute! I HAVE to talk to him!" So, I walked up to you and said "I love your hair." And you smiled and said "Thank you." And that was it. haha! Who says "I love your hair" as an opening statement?! LOL! Apparently, I do. Anyway, we actually didn't become friends then. I found out that you had a car and you found out that I had a mealplan, so we basically just used each other and got to know each other when we were eating or riding in your car. There are so many memories that we have that it's impossible to choose one that stands out, but I guess I'll just try to choose one. The summer that we did "Once on this Island" was unbelievable for me because that's when we really started to bond. Not only did my favorite funny Dawoyne moment happen that summer (WHAT THE FUUUCK?! LMAO!!!) But all those nights when we stood outside or sat outside and looked at the stars and talked about things that made us cry or laugh or cry THEN laugh; all those nights where we laid on the couches trying to fall asleep and we talked about everything under the sun; all those times that we drank at your Omi's house and shot the breeze for a while and took a random stroll around the neighborhood at 2 o'clock in the morning...I will cherish these moments for the rest of my life. Along with every other memory of you, I will hold in every part of my being forever. I can't explain how much I love you and will miss you next year. You. Are. My. Heart. How am I going to live an entire year without you?! We can't even go a single day without each other! We will meet these amazing guys for us later on down the road, but you will always be the love of my life. You're my soulmate; my heart; my everything, and you mean the world to me. I love you SO FUCKING MUCH! You are SO much more than a gorgeous face or an unbelievable singer/performer. You are the most amazing, unbelievable, driven, emotional (haha!), androgenous, loving, responsible, DISGUSTINGLY TALENTED person I have ever met. You have so much to offer and you have so much ahead of you. I know you're not going to give up because I'm not going to let you. Don't let anyone crush your spirit because you're an angel. You're my angel. My angel.
(I'm gonna go ahead and post this now b/c the sun has just come up and I'm hella tired. I have more to write about other people, so just keep checkin back to see what's been added...)
I cried SO much tonight that I don't think it's physically possible to cry anymore. I'm glad I made it through my performances without bawling my eyes out, but for the rest of the night, I couldn't hold it at all. My last Guerrilla. My LAST GUERRILLA. I don't want to believe it. I didn't think I was going to be emotional at all, but I couldn't control it. Anyway! These past four years have been incredible in every sense of the word...good, bad, beautiful, ugly as all hell and wonderful! I've had some experiences that have truly tested me as a person, a performer, a friend, girlfriend, student, and more. It's very hard to believe, but I wouldn't change almost anything. BUT there is one that that I would love to restart and go the other way, but we go through these things and we learn from them and move on and live my life that I was meant to live. "To thine own self be true" (Shakespeare). Now is when some of you scroll to the next journal b/c it's gonna get gabby when I talk about people...in a BAD AND HORRIBLY MEAN WAY!!! OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! LIVEJOURNAL DRAMA! hehe!
Vallerie: I can't thank you enough for helping me to come out of my shell. You really were one of the first people to talk to me. After I "stole" your part, you introduced me to sooooo many people, and you were the first person that I know of who believed in me. And when my parents wouldn't talk to me because I was doing theatre, you brought me home to your house and I met your wonderful and incredible mother. Yall have the most interesting mother-daughter relationship, and I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! I'm so glad that she was my first non-legal adoptive mother! You truly are one of the smartest people I have ever met in my entire life, and you have the biggest heart, and I hate that people miss out on that because of stupid, petty shit that others may talk about. I don't know where I would be if you weren't.........you. You are uber-talented too and I want you to come to New York with me SO FRIGGIN BAD that I want to stuff you in my suitcase and carry you with me wherever I go. I'm so glad that we're sisters, and NOTHING breaks a sister's bond. I love you SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO (multiplied by infinity) MUCH!!!
KAS: You are unbelievable! I remember one of our first conversations. Actually, I think it was our first real conversation. We were in The Hypochondriac together, (the only freshmen in that show. hehe!) and we were sitting in the dressing room getting ready for the show. Aaaand we were fishing for things to talk about with each other b/c I was extremely shy and you were too, but I remember feeling like I had to talk to you. Well, we were talking about where we're from, and I told you about Mobile and such and then I asked where you were from. You said that you're from all over. And I asked you, "So, you're dad's in the army?" And you turned to me and said, "Thank you for saying that. A lot of people say army brat." Then we both smiled, and that was the beginning of our beautiful relationship. I've watched you transform into an amazing person. You have no idea. We've both gone through an extreme amount during the past few years, and we were there for each other. You are an AMAZING actor! You have a certain way to connect to something and someone that can rip everyone's heart to shreds because you are so committed and involved that you lose yourself in it. Don't ever lose that. And you care so much. You care SO MUCH! Don't ever let anyone take that from you. I love you SO incredibly much! Please stay EXACTLY as you are!
Erin: Oh my goodness. Oh my (INTERRUPTING RAISIN!) LOL!!! That is truly my favorite joke in the world, and it's not funny when anyone else does it. Just you. Just YOU. You are truly and extraordinary. When we were freshmen, I didn't think you liked me. I thought that you and Kelli thought that I was this rude person b/c I didn't talk to anyone. I was just shy as all hell! But I'm so glad that we became friends. I miss our late night Make-Up homework nights. I cherished those so much because we were so real with each other. OH MY GOSH, and do you remember that night when you went with me on a "date" with that guy (I completely forgot his name) and it turned out to be the biggest disaster EVER! LOL! He picked us up with his drunk friend in the back seat. And we stopped at this random ass house first where my date's friend climbed through the window to open the door. (We probably should've gotten out of the car and ran at that moment. HAHA! but we didn't and the night just got better. LOL!) And then, they get back in the car after about 2 other cars drive up. Anyway, so we're driving to Mellow Mushroom when the car completely shuts off on 15th St, so the guys got out and pushed while I steered and you were in the back and we were LAUGHING OUR ASSES OFF ALL THE WAY TO THE GAS STATION BECAUSE THE SITUATION WAS JUST SO FRIGGIN RIDICULOUS!!! I don't know if you remember that, but I'll never forget it. Thank you so much for being in my life. I love you, and you are so incredibly talented but you don't even know it. You tapped OFF BROADWAY and you have an audition for CATS in NY! Girrrrrrrrrrrrrl! You betta recognize! You're gonna blow it up. I love you.
Blake: You were there. You know what I'm talking about. You were there when my life changed completely, and because of that, I feel so connected to you. I'm not going to explain it because you know...even if you don't know exactly...you know. I am SO thankful that you were there then and that you're here now. You have one of the most gorgeous voices I have ever heard. I wish you could sing to me everyday of my life. I love your honesty. You're so honest and that in itself if beautiful. The truth hurts a lot. Unfortunately, I didn't get to meet the original Blake. I say "unfortunately" because I wish I could've seen how you've grown and changed and evolved into the Blake that I know and love. I'm so glad that we were in "Into the Woods" together. You will always be my Baker. I can't wait for us to be living in NY and making our own way in the real world. The Real World. That's crazy. Thank you for standing still with me in the lobby of the AB tonight and watching everyone disperse at the end of Guerrilla. I'm going to miss you so much and your fun and playful spirit that's so full of love and honesty. You are wonderful.
MOY: We did it. (::laugh/cry::) The first memory I have of you is when we met in the stairwell across from 141 talking about our pledge song that we were going to perform at Guerrilla. You had the "Wicked" songbook with you and I think we were trying to figure out meeting times when we could reconstruct the lyrics or something. hehe! It's a very short memory, but that was my first memory of you. BUT you know what my favorite Moy/Steph moment was...OUR 14 HOUR CAR RIDE TO ORLANDOOOOOO FOR SETC!!! I was a hot shitty mess that night before we left b/c I was off and on the phone with my parents telling me that my life is going down the drain and that I was going to be cut off if I went. If you hadn't told me to "get in the fucking car," I probably wouldn't have gone. I'm SO glad that I did b/c that's what gave me a shove into what I truly wanted to do. If it hadn't been for you, I don't know if I would've made it this far in theatre. You gave me a crash course in standing up for myself and what I want my life to be, and I thank you a gazillion times over. You are a true friend, and I'm going to miss you so much that my insides are gonna hurt. British Mike is so lucky, and if he doesn't tell you that he adores you every 2 seconds; you are obligated to break up with him and become and lesbian and i'll become a lesbian and we'll make a gorgeous mixed baby together. I love you so much that I can't even put it into words. You're incredible. In-FUCKING-credible! I've never seen anyone light up a stage the way that you do. I could go on for days, but I should probably finish this up since the sun is coming up and I'm about to pass out. Just know that I love you girl, and you amaze me every time I see you.
And of course:
DAWOYNE: Lord Have Mercy on My Soul! You are...sweetie, there are no words about what you mean to me. I have never had a friend like you. I remember the first words I ever said to you. It was the first day of class, and I walk into Acting I with the unbelievable Tina Fitch, and I saw you. I thought, "Damn he's cute! I HAVE to talk to him!" So, I walked up to you and said "I love your hair." And you smiled and said "Thank you." And that was it. haha! Who says "I love your hair" as an opening statement?! LOL! Apparently, I do. Anyway, we actually didn't become friends then. I found out that you had a car and you found out that I had a mealplan, so we basically just used each other and got to know each other when we were eating or riding in your car. There are so many memories that we have that it's impossible to choose one that stands out, but I guess I'll just try to choose one. The summer that we did "Once on this Island" was unbelievable for me because that's when we really started to bond. Not only did my favorite funny Dawoyne moment happen that summer (WHAT THE FUUUCK?! LMAO!!!) But all those nights when we stood outside or sat outside and looked at the stars and talked about things that made us cry or laugh or cry THEN laugh; all those nights where we laid on the couches trying to fall asleep and we talked about everything under the sun; all those times that we drank at your Omi's house and shot the breeze for a while and took a random stroll around the neighborhood at 2 o'clock in the morning...I will cherish these moments for the rest of my life. Along with every other memory of you, I will hold in every part of my being forever. I can't explain how much I love you and will miss you next year. You. Are. My. Heart. How am I going to live an entire year without you?! We can't even go a single day without each other! We will meet these amazing guys for us later on down the road, but you will always be the love of my life. You're my soulmate; my heart; my everything, and you mean the world to me. I love you SO FUCKING MUCH! You are SO much more than a gorgeous face or an unbelievable singer/performer. You are the most amazing, unbelievable, driven, emotional (haha!), androgenous, loving, responsible, DISGUSTINGLY TALENTED person I have ever met. You have so much to offer and you have so much ahead of you. I know you're not going to give up because I'm not going to let you. Don't let anyone crush your spirit because you're an angel. You're my angel. My angel.
(I'm gonna go ahead and post this now b/c the sun has just come up and I'm hella tired. I have more to write about other people, so just keep checkin back to see what's been added...)