(no subject)
So I once again can't find my journal and am about to break out in tears and just need to write. I wish that writing sometimes wasn't the only way I feel better at times. This is going to be stupid since I am sitting here writing this quickly out but i need a breather before I have a mental break down, and that's actually going to come about in any second. I have never failed anything in my life and here I sit, hours before my exam about to fail badly. I had an exam tonight earlier and had another one the very next day, which isn't a big deal, minus the fact that I was doing not so great in both of the classes. I definitely am stupid and should have opted to fail the one that I just wrote since it was a first year course and worth less but i can't do that. I try to take everything on and here I sit, having probably a panic attack and barely able to read I'm getting so stressed out. Breathe...just breathe.
I hate the stress that's put on me. I'm so bad at tests, and it's not that I don't know my shit, I do, I just panic I guess. Who knows, who really cares, it's about 12 hours and counting and after sitting here for 3 already I'm about a third done and know about half of the stuff I should from that third. not to mention that's all review, I haen't even gotten to the new shit. I deserve to fail, it's got to happen at least once in my life. Maybe put things into perspective and make me realize that luck really does run out and that I'm not the shit....not that I ever thought I was...although it'd be nice if I was...FUCK i'm so frustrated right now. I want to sleep and pretend like this isn't happening, like I'm going to pass school and not have to worry about this for the rest of my life.
End of self indulged post.
I hate the stress that's put on me. I'm so bad at tests, and it's not that I don't know my shit, I do, I just panic I guess. Who knows, who really cares, it's about 12 hours and counting and after sitting here for 3 already I'm about a third done and know about half of the stuff I should from that third. not to mention that's all review, I haen't even gotten to the new shit. I deserve to fail, it's got to happen at least once in my life. Maybe put things into perspective and make me realize that luck really does run out and that I'm not the shit....not that I ever thought I was...although it'd be nice if I was...FUCK i'm so frustrated right now. I want to sleep and pretend like this isn't happening, like I'm going to pass school and not have to worry about this for the rest of my life.
End of self indulged post.