letdown
well now i don't think i'll be doing the udall scholarship thing...it seems likely that i wouldn't win anyway. it's very prestigious and can be used on applications for grad school, but at least i was nominated.
i feel like i don't have enough done with my life to have a competitive advantage anyway. i don't feel like i did anything. and i don't want to be recognized if i did...i don't need that. that's not important to me. when i do something i want recognition for, i'll let the world know. as of yet i have nothing.
i'm pissed that bensel's mad at me. i don't want a professor, especially that one, to be angry with me...especially for not having done an application for the udall scholarship. i don't want anyone to feel like i'm a let down, though, either. which is sort of my dilemma...the professors here clearly think i'm a good cause, but lately i feel like a letdown to them, and sometimes to myself. i feel like i can do more...i could easily have done that damn scholarship application...but i always end up not doing anything.
academia is becoming less and less attractive to me. i mean, i didn't even apply for the udall. that's saying something. i guess i'm not really sure, though, if it's saying that i'm a bad student, i don't care, or worse...
i feel like i don't have enough done with my life to have a competitive advantage anyway. i don't feel like i did anything. and i don't want to be recognized if i did...i don't need that. that's not important to me. when i do something i want recognition for, i'll let the world know. as of yet i have nothing.
i'm pissed that bensel's mad at me. i don't want a professor, especially that one, to be angry with me...especially for not having done an application for the udall scholarship. i don't want anyone to feel like i'm a let down, though, either. which is sort of my dilemma...the professors here clearly think i'm a good cause, but lately i feel like a letdown to them, and sometimes to myself. i feel like i can do more...i could easily have done that damn scholarship application...but i always end up not doing anything.
academia is becoming less and less attractive to me. i mean, i didn't even apply for the udall. that's saying something. i guess i'm not really sure, though, if it's saying that i'm a bad student, i don't care, or worse...